t h e p i s t l e

words and whispered dreams

[thepistle]

wrap me in gauze to fix my sight

Still locked in and choking

Surrounded by silent cotton white 

As the water flows airless

Silky stagnation surrendering

To the badges

Skin pale and pink but so

Fragile and cracked purple

Capillaries and yellow tissue

An aging line deeper between your eyes

Cracking only in my mind

As I crack out further

A false sense of a heart beating

A distracted pulse bored and waiting

Faint heat of over haldol holdover hidden behind sick sweat

A slab of meat spoiled on its own

Weeping in sandbagged bed

[thepistle]

Like frost twinkling on the sidewalk hardening icy steps, Chronos collapses against the street light

We share worlds once again, in circumstances aligned miserably, on winter's darkest night.

Removed from my others with this migraine brain floating with heavy clouded bootstraps between each crack

Resonating my sanity from my memory back

Sleigh bells snow confusion buffoon orange balloons

It all makes sense this is the consumer version of what happened to you.

Numb from the news not the weather this year

Do we ever survive a pandemic of fear?

[thepistle]

[thepistle]

This is what democracy looks like

Slams an electric wall dead

Silence drowns muffled tones in my ear

Communication lines cut

What do you want to hear?

Adoration? Congratulation?

Long distance mutual masturation?

Could never be dictated by me.

Could never be acknowledged by thee.

The rage still bleeds don't argue I'm free.

[thepistle]

Something creeps like curdled milk

Breath so dead I shrivel silent away

Instead of hearing angry demands

Through false teeth

In faked language

With a bad accent

Again with an overflattened A

Voices scream from iron waves

Only ashes collapsing in a muted heap

Slump while shrieking memories screech

From beyond and away dry

To this fleshly present

Of hot blood and mucous

Salty cold shocked skin.

[thepistle]

Swimming viscous slime

Sinking a nauseous rock

Stopping time.

Winding back bitter tears

Reminding thoughts once shocked

Blinding by electric fire

Secreting sickly syurp you return

Weakening walls peaking down halls

Of secret sins snuffed in manufactured bluffs.

[thepistle]

Quarantine Dream

Explode, hurt me; explode, hurt me

Whip Whip Whip

Blood

Scream rip, scream rip

Shame Her Shame Her Shame Hwr

Good

Knife fight spit

Knife fight spit

Choking choke choking

Flood

And rush and shatter

And rush and shatter

Scream! Scream! Scream!

Misunderstood.

[thepistle]

Glamourous Desks

Outside soul ripped open and upward away dissipating.

Watching you lie there facing down and still in body,

No more than a heavy skull specimen on your desk

Except for a willful choking motion sounding alarms in your throat

The hot mess from my own eyes and mouth could have filled all the world's oceans

But just as I was washing back out with the tide

The heater clicked clanging me out of my own ambiguity over

Whether or not death is worth so much pain

[thepistle]

In the sunrise mist

You got me feeling miscellaneous

All over the place

Confused and lost in space

Your memory leaves an x-ray shadow

Of toxic darkness and endless sorrow

Once optimistic i shudder at tomorrow

Wishing to be whipped sensless by the undertow.

Though your gone the seas still crash on time.

You choking your last breath didn't start a new paradigm.

The moon bloats and heaves and ever shines.

The only difference is you are no longer mine.

[thepistle]

Brunch with a ghost

You wore me like a glove and

I can't even touch you

Evermore you pass on my skin lighter

Than your breath

Asleep in the morning between

Bed and blankets

The warmth is gone

The blood is bleached away

Sane

Only because I don't speak your name

No longer flesh heavy on my chest

Just spirit ever lingering long

On every thought

Locked down and trapped

On your words hissed in my waking mind

[thepistle]

Fog in blue light red

When you shine on me

You electrify the damp

Shiver pulsing

I see the air glisten on the edge

Waiting for your wisper

I hang on your light

Hot curving smoke

Dancing

[thepistle]

Fog

Your image is past tense now

Impossible to capture again

Like fog on a page

I see whisps of shades and tones

So silently pale

My nose crinkles to make out

If maybe my memory lept

Out of my head again

[thepistle]

Paranoia

I need to get off these pills

For my love to come back

He just wilts and he lilts

Somewhere out of view

Like a breeze on my cheek

Producing a jagged tear

Cutting me ugly

Laughing at me in the distance

Because I'm puffier and slower

Not what he wants anymore

Meds taken in anger for anger

Won't work.

[thepistle]

Loving memories of hate

I am seduced by violent flashbacks

Addicted to the smash of an iron curtain

And the kiss of my words repressed.

You hold negative space like fog, dancing with dampened charm

You are silent on the outside and deafining within.

I will all my wishes to see you again

And when I do I write visions of your now quiet mouth snarling

You fade into my mind so vivid and clear I can still smell your skin

Much more than a haunting ghost,

You are still real in my world.

[thepistle]

Ghosts in smoke

I am not you're lonely sweetheart

Waiting for your plane to land.

I have my own dreams to chase down

Not just your tired plans.

Where were you when I layed there

In a bed with beeps and tubes.

Too sad and sick to breathe alone

Too depressed to know my use.

Empty shadows come to visit

Doesn't seem much different now.

An empty man acts just the same

That cruel indifference broke our vow.

[thepistle]

I do not ask for the geodon.

I do not want the geodon.

[thepistle]

M5 sounds more like an intelligence agency than a psych ward, but maybe thats how they stay under the radar

My baseline is being too focused keeping a low profile away from the cia, the fbi, and the state police fascists.

My eyes sorely watched vladimir putin become the newest american president in pure disbelief no one else seemed as outraged.

Other americans act like we are going to have some sort of normal democratic election next year, just like the friend we all have who thinks this time her man really is sorry and really wont beat the shit out of her again.

But they say im the one with a psychotic disorder and i should focus on less stressful activities "as tolerated."

I am not tolerating shit in this racist, financially inequitable, sexist, climate catatrophic hellhole no more and its going to take more than a few geodons and lithiums everyday to shut me the fuck up.