Slow Shifts In The Pitt

We’re just here to have fun :)

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: Computer, stop showing me beautiful women in my area. I want pathetic men in my radius.

Santos: Perhaps the answer is within yourself.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Santos: I don't care what you say about this next shift, Robby, but I need Whitaker there.

Robby: Just because the two of you have some weird emotional attachment to each other doesn't mean you have priority on shift scheduling.

Santos: It's illegal to take my emotional support queer away from me.

[thepitt-incorrect]

McKay: When you meet someone for the first time and it's new and exciting. You know that rush?

Javadi: No. No, see, when I first meet somebody it's mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Javadi: What are you drinking?

Santos: Vodka.

Javadi: Straight?

Santos: No, lesbian.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: Actually, the hottest thing a man can do is ask how you're feeling and care about the answer.

Princess: The hottest thing a man can do is send me five figures on Paypal and fuck off forever.

Santos: The hottest thing a man can do is transition into a woman.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Robby: Stop being an ass.

Jack: You are what you eat, Robby.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker, in the break room: This doesn't look like a good fruit salad. There's barely any fruit in there.

Santos: Bitch you are the fruit.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Santos: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Whitaker: But are you shuffling?

Santos: Everyday.

Robby: What language are you two speaking?

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: Stop saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea." I got my eye on one specific emotionally distant salmon with commitment issues.

Abbot: I'm personally after the white whale that took my leg.

Santos: I also want the whale that took Abbot's leg.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: What kind of coffee do you want?

Santos: Blonde flat white.

Whitaker: That would be my stripper name.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Robby: Unfortunately, my birthday has always been the lousiest day of the year. It all began on the actual day of my birth. Both of my parents failed to show up.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Robby: Money aside, what do you need right now?

Whitaker: The money you just put aside.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: Why are you like this?

Santos: I used too much No More Tears shampoo in 2016 and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Whitaker: Good morning, Trin -

Santos: Don't start, Huckleberry, okay?

Whitaker: I'm sorry, that good morning stuff was way out of line.

[thepitt-incorrect]

Mel: Favorite horror movie?

Santos: It

Joy: Saw

Javadi: Annabelle

Whitaker: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

[thepitt-incorrect]

Dana: jellyfish have survived thousands of years without a brain.

Dana: a ray of hope for some of my coworkers here in the Pitt

[thepitt-incorrect]

Santos: guys get so offended when you call them boy, "i'm not a boy, i'm a man" like you're actually a BITCH but I was trying to be nice.