ok so a few years ago one of my friends told me that “people who suicide are weak and selfish” (to the only person who reads this blog, no it wasn’t you though i’m sure you’ve said that at some point). and they proceeded to explain to me that life is hard for everyone and that death is the ‘easy way out’, hence the people who killed themselves were too weak to deal with the hard thing. i mean, i saw that person’s point back then and i can still see it now, but well there’s multiple sides to every polygon (was gonna say two sides to every coin but let’s be real, there’s always more than two sides) and i’ve been thinking about it lately.
MatPat (The Game Theorists) recently posted a video called “Losing the Battle” (not sure if you’ve watched it but hey im gonna talk bout it now so uh feel free to if you haven’t already...not that you need my consent to watch the video ugh what am i talking about) about the suicide of one of his friends, Ronnie (rest in peace). and honestly, that video broke my heart. i cried like 3 times damn it was powerful. but there was this one line that stood out to me:
“I also recognise that this is a battle that you have to fight every single day. And it’s a battle that you have to win every single day. Ronnie fought that battle for a lot of days, and he won for a lot of days. But it only takes one loss.”
This line made me realise that the people who suicide, or who go through these thoughts aren’t necessarily weak, and that mental illness/struggles aren’t really about how strong a person is. Such tragedies happen not necessarily because a person was too weak to handle it, but rather because they’d been fighting for such a long time.
It’s like trying to carry a cup of water for as long as you possibly can. It doesn’t matter if you’re a bodybuilder or a weightlifter.. at some point the strain on your arm is going to be too much and you’re going to put down that cup of water. And that’s not really due to your lack of strength, but more because you’ve carried that weight for as long as you possibly can.
Because suicide isn’t a choice. It is a tragedy that occurs when the struggles that you have to go through outweigh your coping mechanisms.
Because similar to how people with terminal illnesses don’t want to die, the people who take their own lives, too, don’t want to die. And I realise that physical and mental illnesses aren’t exactly the same thing... because those with physical illnesses can see a future outside of their death whereas those with mental illnesses... can’t.
So please, if you are contemplating the thought of suicide or really if you’re struggling through life in general, I urge you to contact someone. Anyone. There are so many suicide hotlines and online websites and people who are willing to help you out, if you’ll let them.
