In childcare, we talk a lot about making the punishment appropriate for the crime and this weekend, I was able to put that into action in my personal life.
My 13 year old niece had spent about 3 days with me and when she left, I was cleaning up when I found chip crumbs, pony tails, beads and legos between the couch and ottomans. It was a mess and I had to break out the vacuum and get it cleaned up.
During this frustrating moment, I was thinking of how to prevent it in the future, which is why we use punishments in childcare to begin with.
My first thought, no more eating on the couch. The problem with being that because of some renovations, I don’t have a dining room table to eat at so the couch really is the best option.
Then I began thinking about the real issue here- there was a mess that I had to clean up now. I was going to punish her (and her siblings!) because I didn’t want to clean it up for them- bingo!
Because I don’t want to punish them for something neither of us have control over (not having a place to eat), the “punishment” could be used as a lesson instead; one to teach them to better clean up after themselves.
Before they leave, they’ll need to run the vacuum around the couch and ottomans if they’ve been eating on the couch.
I was pretty pleased I was able to think about it less of a “you made a mess and now you have to be punished!” and more of a, “We’re adapting to new situation and now you’ve got a chance to practice a new skill!”
When kids do something that requires a punishment, it’s important for educators to do their best to frame it as less of a negative punishment and more of a way to teach a better skill. I had a CDA teacher tell me, “Never complain [to me] about a behavior that you can help them change.” And I think about that a lot.
I thought it would be fun to spice things up around here a bit with a “day in the life of” post so let’s jump right in!
I wake up around 7:30am so I can be at work at 8am.
Upon getting to work, I clock in and head straight back to my room and begin getting ready for the day. I turn on the lights, straighten my books and put out some table tops for the kids to play with.
After the morning table tops and books time, it’s time for the morning circle time. We sing good morning, do a wish you well, check the calendar, days of the week and weather. Following that, we do our classroom rules, morning mantra and assign our helping hands for the day.
After, we follow the schedule for the day including nap time, lunch time, etc.
I use nap time to work on trainings, clean the room (they’re 3 so it’s almost always a mess!) or lesson plan for the month.
They get up, and it’s into our afternoon routine. I get off work around 5pm but before I leave, I often do some more prep for the next morning including plugging in/unplugging everything, turning off lights, getting laundry gathered and finishing general prep for the next day. I don’t often leave before 5:30pm.
Once I make it home, I find some dinner and get into the other part of my job. Trainings, typing lesson plans for the month, working on general items (such as decor and parent resources).
That of course takes some time so I’m usually done around 8 or 9. Gather materials for the next day, pack up my backpack again, take a shower and by then it’s around 10:30pm. I head to bed soon after and start again tomorrow.
I LOVE loose parts! (And if you’re not sure what I’m talking about, here is an excellent resource and quick read on it!)
Since I’ve started in a new center, I’ve been invited to try my hand at creating my own loose parts tray and since I’m a budget, I knew dollar tree would be my best friend.
Walking into dollar tree, I knew wanted
As many items (including a tray) under $10
Multiple colors
Multiple textures
It took a few trips and some colorful thinking to find everything, but the end result is colorful, sensory friendly and very exciting!
I got flowers, shower rings, rollers, sea glass rocks and checkers and some beautiful mirrors to add some depth to their play. But let’s review each item individually.
1. Shower Rings
12 for $1 and ridges, the shower rings are cute round items with a small bumpy texture that let kids indulge however they see fit including some enclosing schema play.*
2. Checker Pieces (Black and Red)
These checkers pieces (in black and red accordingly) are textured around the edges and the plastic is tough enough to handle a few drops.
3. Flowers & Leaves
I took the leaves off these flowers for two reasons; they fit better into the small containers and they provide one more color choice to play with! The soft texture also provides some variation! I added the flowers in a different compartment.
4. Curlers!
My. Favorite. Loose. Part. Ever! The kids love stacking them, rolling them, feeling them in their hands, everything! Plus, they’re also just adorable and ones that have a Velcro type material stick to themselves!
5. Sea Glass Rocks
I’ve always been curious about rocks within loose parts. They’ve got such different textures, sizes and interesting colors! These were just a dollar for quite a few and I can’t wait to see how the kids use these!
*You can read about different types of schema play here!
Have you tried any loose parts within your room? Have you made a tray? Let me know!
Let’s talk that special place in our classrooms for kids to have those big emotions. Call it whatever you’d like, cozy corner, peace corner, calm down corner, safe space, etc. We call ours the cozy corner and I don’t know how I lived (or taught) without it! Ok, that might be a tiny bit dramatic, but my kids and I love this cozy corner and it’s become a staple in our room.
Our cozy corner is a physical corner of our room with some pillows, a small blanket, and a small stuffed toy. (I am working on making it better, but the space doesn’t matter as much as the practices used with it.) The kids are invited, but never required, to go sit for up to five minutes to catch their breath, take some deep breaths and come back when they feel ready.
This is not a “bad” place in our room, the kids are never punished for it and they are never required to visit it.
If it helps, I can walk you through how we use it.
A four-year-old friend, M, is having a difficult time with their emotions because I am unable to give them a hug in the bathroom. (Yes, this happened! M is extremely sensitive!) Upon returning to our classroom, I ask M if they’d like to sit in the cozy corner and they respond with a sad yes and sulk over before plopping down like a wet rag. I get the other children situated in their centers and come over to M, still in the cozy corner.
Me: Hey M, can I sit with you for a few minutes and we can talk? (Depending on the kid’s answer, I will follow through accordingly. Sometimes I do need to stay and if I do, the choice is not given. Once they’re ready to talk, we move right into “Can you show me how you’re feeling?”)
M: Y…yeah. (They wipe their nose on the sleeve, so I offer a tissue instead. (Side note: Ew.) I then sit down next to them in order to show them I’m invested in them.)
Me: Can you show me how you’re feeling on our emotions paper? (I motion broadly to a printed paper displaying different emotions for the children. I’m careful not to accidently guide her by showing a specific emotion- yet.)
M: I feel this. Frustrated. (A big word for a four-year-old, I know. Bear with me.)
Me: You feel frustrated? Can I show you what emotion I see on your face and with your body?
M: (They nod)
Me: I see you might be feeling sad. I see you have a frown on your face and some tears in your eyes. Can you tell me about why you’re feeling this way? (I’m careful not to direct her to feel a certain way by correcting her or saying “you’re feeling this instead.” Pointing out what I see is enough.)
M: (They’re having a tough time speaking clearly and after a few minutes of asking to hear their big voice, I’m finally able to understand.) … Hug in the bathroom.
Me: You’re feeling sad because I wasn’t able to give you a hug in the bathroom? (I’m only trying to understand right now- it’s a long process on paper but once I’m physically doing it, it moves faster. I’m still scanning the room every few minutes to check everyone is safe.)
M: (More sad nods)
Me: Do you understand why I wasn’t able to give you a hug in the bathroom? (Depending on their answer, I might ask them to explain to me to ensure they understand or I might explain. This time, I explained to her why I wasn’t able to drop everything and give her a hug.) I wasn’t able to give you a hug in the bathroom because we had a lot of friends moving their bodies around and I didn’t you want you to accidently get stepped on. The bathroom isn’t a very safe place for a hug, is it?
M: (They shake their head and they seem to understand a bit more now. Enough time has passed they understand why it happened and I offer them a hug now we’re in a safer place. They eagerly accept.)
Me: Can you show me how you’re feeling now? (I ask this closer to the end of the session of the cozy corner and let them make the conscious connection between their emotion now and before.)
M: (They point to a happy face.) I feel happy.
Me: I’m glad to hear that! Would you like to stay here for another minute or are you ready to go play?
M: I want to stay.
Me: That’s fine too. Would you like me to stay with you or walk away? (Giving them the choice of what I do shows them I respect their boundaries and want to help them feel safe. Sometimes for both of us that means walking away.)
M: Stay.
Me: Alright. You just let me know when you’re ready to go play.
M sits for about 90 seconds before they announce their ready to play and wonder off.
M is my most frequent visitor to the cozy corner and they really appreciate having a safe place to have those big feelings like sadness, or anger. The kids have even started directing each other to it!
The cozy corner helps them and me calm down and reach a solution to what could be upsetting them. I can’t help them with emotional regulation if I’m not practicing it myself. Sitting with them helps me calm down and a dedication to making it work means I have to work it. I have to calm down and talk to them on their level. The cozy corner isn’t going to magically make my kids behave or help them have their big emotions if I don’t work it. Success only happens if I make it.
F.A.Q
How do I make my own cozy corner?
I found a physical place in our room and added a couple of pillows. Earlier I said the physical space is important but not as important as the use of it. I’ve seen some incredible cozy corners online with rugs, pillows, a few simple toys like sensory bottles or stuffed animals. I prefer a more minimalistic approach to it to be inviting while not inviting enough to stay and play in it.
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You know these kids won’t have that in the next group/real world! Why spoil them?
This is a real concern from parents and my answer is always, they are never required to go sit in the cozy corner and because we talk about that the cozy corner is not a “play space” and they aren’t invited to use as such, after the new wears off and they see their friends don’t use it as much as they do, they find new ways to learn emotional regulation that doesn’t involve screaming and hitting. We’re very emotionally aware in our group and we use the cozy corner as a tool to help the next group with better emotional regulation.
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Isn’t the “cozy corner” just a fancy time out?
Yes and no. “Time out” wasn’t always a negative thing for development, believe it or not. It was ‘time out from activities until they’re ready to join again’ which put the child in control over when they left and when they returned. So while the cozy corner does give the child a time away from stimulation, it doesn’t have the negative connotations of a more traditional “time out”. The child is never required to visit the cozy corner and some children never step foot in it. They’re free to come and go at their own pace but they are still required to follow the same class rules once they return.
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“Cozy corner” is just letting them get out of doing work!
Ah, a wonderful argument that I used when I first learned about it. While this is more of a kindergarten and up level argument, I’ve seen it come up a few times. The cozy corner actually introduces children to time management! The longer they sit, the less time they have to play and/or work. They end result is still expected (be that cleaning up when it’s time or their classwork) but they’re eating up their own time when they play in the cozy corner. I’ve told many a friend, “You chose to spend a lot of time in the cozy corner which means you didn’t leave much time to play. The clock says it’s time to clean up. Maybe next time, we need to make a better choice.”
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How do you keep kids from abusing this?!
I make an effort to always talk to my kids before I introduce something new in the classroom and have a group talk when/if I see them starting to slip. We discuss before anyone goes into the cozy corner that it’s not a play space. They have a five minute limit that we use a small sand timer to show and if they show me they’re playing, we’ll have to remove the cozy corner from our classroom. Before I take it out, I reflect on why they might be “abusing” the corner. Maybe I’ve added too many toys. Maybe what I think of “abusing” is just one child’s repeated visits. Perhaps I’ve been too lax and let them blur the line between playing in the space and using it. I’ll only remove it or take items out as an absolute last resort.
I hope you look into making a cozy corner in your room if you haven’t already. If you have, what do you think? If you haven’t, would you be willing to try it? Let me know!
I’m fortunate enough to have some pretty understanding coworkers but I tend to be slightly more liberal than most caregivers in Texas. A few of my classroom behaviors however continue to turn a few heads- don’t worry, none of them are harmful to the kids or their development. They’re just part of my teaching style.
Attention Getters
“Pre-K Pause” is something I picked up on TikTok from “Mr. William’s Classroom” and my kids LOVE it. As a teacher of three, four, and five-year-olds, I do a lot of methods to regain the attention of the kids. “Pre-K Pause” and “1, 2, 3, eyes on me” are our personal favorites.
Process or Product Art
I won’t bore you with process versus product art but if you’re curious, I encourage you to do some research as it’s a very interesting topic. As a result, I almost never do product art (except for special occasions) and instead do almost exclusively process art. Why? Because it’s easier for me to step back and allows me the freedom to move about the room instead of having to “help” them through their art. I also don’t require the children to work on their art for a certain period or cut them off after a certain period.
As Much Free Time As Possible
Kids need structure, obviously, but they also need unstructured time to play, work out scenarios, and practice skills. Not to mention, they’ll practice skills you’re teaching (and retain them better!) when they’re in control of when they practice.
New Outside Activities
Playing outside is fun, yes, but taking small new activities like coloring or books to read outside makes being outside even more fun and more exciting. These activities are optional among children but can add a sparkle of excitement.
Discipline That Puts Them In Control
When I can see that one of my kids needs a small break from our circle time, story time, or just to simply walk away from a situation, I put the child back in control. “You can come back when you’re ready to listen.” Giving them the power to come back to a situation puts them in control, and gives them a moment to identify how they’re feeling and start to connect the feeling and action.
Careful Language and LOTS Of Questions
As you can imagine, if a child doesn’t understand why they’re in trouble, they can’t fix it. The fix is (thankfully) very simple; ask them. I talk to the kids one-on-one after an incident and have them explain to me what they did to see if they understand why it wasn’t acceptable. We also make a plan for better behavior next time.
We use terms like “kind listening” and “good choices” to help them later transition into kindergarten classes. We regularly review the meanings of these terms so they have a clear understanding of expected behaviors.
Threes, fours and five year olds tend to have a lot of disagreements. Instead of jumping in with the solution, I aim to guide them along to a natural solution that they come up with. It often goes as this,
I aim to be extremely mindful of language and word choices in my class, partly because our school is highly LGBTQ+ friendly, but because it creates an inclusive environment for the children and families. We use “grown-ups” in place of “parents'', and gender neutral pronouns as much as possible. In fact, we were wearing crowns one day and a young girl said, “I’m not a queen, I’m a king!”
Free Social Experimentation
I don’t hold my students to stereotypical gender roles. Boys are invited to play in home center, girls are invited to play with trucks. This is occasionally met by confusion among parents but once I explain that boys playing with dolls means they’re learning to be dads, uncles, grandpas, cousins and future caregivers, and discover a general understanding of infant care, parents become more accepting.
I don’t have any restrictions on dress up clothes and encourage all children to experiment accordingly. Sometimes, disagreements over whose turn it is to be “mommy” or “daddy” come into play and I help them find a solution which often involves them taking turns playing the role of “mommy” or “daddy” (meaning even the boys can play “mommy”!)
Full Transparency
I tell the children in my class just about everything that is scheduled to happen including if I’ll be out, where I’m going if I have to step out of the room or if an event was canceled or moved to another day. Being transparent with the children helps them feel like they know everything that’s going on, gives them an idea of what’s going to happen, and helps them feel less in the dark on a day-to-day basis.
Emotions
In a world of adults that struggle to control their emotions, it’s never been more important to encourage and teach children emotional regulation. We use a “calm down corner” to give them a soft space to work through big emotions like anger, frustration and a general need for calm. I take a corner of the classroom, add a soft rug, some pillows and a few sensory bottles for the perfect “calm down corner”. It takes a bit of time for children to understand it’s not a center to play in but a place to go for a few minutes when they need it. They naturally begin to phase out the corner as they mature.
There’s no such thing as an emotion that’s not okay in our room. I tell students that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, happy, excited, scared, or anything they’re feeling. Emotions aren’t bad, just the negative actions that accompany them. Kids often tell me if they’re angry at me for holding a boundary and I remind them it’s perfectly fine to feel that. I’m here if they need help with it.
Do you have any practices that give you weird looks? Let me know!
