future - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 463 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3
He was already mid-dial when Ilya's name popped up on his phone. Shaking finger halfway to 'Lily's contact, heart hammering in his throat.
It was just...the bed felt so fucking empty. After nearly two months of sleeping next to each other, of sharing space, of blissfully waking up and dozing off in each others' arms...it felt like a piece of his heart was missing.
He was back in his place in Montreal. Ilya, he knew, was in Boston. He'd gotten the confirmation text, had responded with a few replies. But it wasn't just the feeling of being away from the cottage that had him out of sorts. It was the feeling of being alone. The feeling of wanting something he’d finally been given a taste of after years of thinking he could never have it.
Not that he was able to put any of that into words.
"Hello?" he asked eagerly, trying to hide the way his voice trembled.
Fuck, Ilya sounded wrecked. The same way he sounded after sleeping in on a Saturday or after a particularly lazy fuck on a sunny afternoon. Shane swallowed, trying to stifle all of the emotion that threatened to bubble over. "Yeah?"
"Are we still being honest?"
That was a good question. Away from the safety of the cottage, away from the oasis of secrecy in their perfect utopia, would they still be brave enough to share their emotions? To strip themselves bare emotionally as well as physically?
Shane's whole body felt heavy, throbbing with anguish and need. He'd never wanted Ilya closer, never missed someone more. Tears prickled at his eyes. "Yeah," he croaked, because he needed something.
"You are not next to me, and I cannot sleep."
A mangled laugh-sob wrenched from his throat, relief and distress filling him in equal measure...because at least now, he knew they were in this together. "Fuck," he muttered, scrubbing at his face with one hand.
"I think...I think we are fucked, yes?" Ilya murmured softly, his voice full of amusement and sorrow, like he'd never been more thankful to be in a shit situation.
"Yeah," Shane nodded, a watery smile on his face, his response echoing in the empty room.
But before he could think of something else to do or say, his phone vibrated against his ear and he accepted Ilya's facetime request.
Stomach jolting, Shane took in his boyfriend's face. Even in the unflattering light, he looked stunning; his eyes red and his lips curling a little.
"Plug in your phone, sweetheart," Ilya murmured, laying back in his bed. "We fall asleep like this."
Shane nodded and sighed, doing what Ilya said.
They fell asleep staring at their phones on their pillows, thinking about a future where this wasn't necessary.
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