i love you :*

I'm tory :-)

[bitchvirgo]

this…this is what i get angry and rant about when im super drunk

[antiandrogen]

The red lighting really makes this

[openbookbells]

AU where Bella doesn’t TELL Edward that she knows, she just strolls into lunch one day and goes “hey guys, I’ve got a question for the table. Just for funsies, you know, just totally off the top of my head. Would you fuck a vampire, yes or no? I vote Yes.” And then stares across the cafeteria without blinking while Edward chokes.

[dovalbun]

RIGHT so when I started my sociology course in college, my teacher stated us off with 

‘well I guess we have to do icebreakers. i’m Jon, and I fear bears. why do I fear bears? because bears can run at 30 miles per hour and Chester Zoo is 30 miles away. that means a bear can be outside this door in an hour. why would a bear be here? because they can smell fear and I fear them.’

[imthelesbian-archive-deactivate]

me 5 years ago: the internet isn’t your diary lmao

me now: what’s up, today i cried whilst eating a biscuit

[straightpeoplereceipts]

when your spouse catches your child in a ridiculous lie such as claiming they didnt eat the entirety of a bag of sugar despite the evidence, it is YOUR job, as co-parent and a bringer of chaos, to say: i believe her. she didn’t do it. that sugar could’ve came from anywhere. let’s go baby, let’s go find the criminal who framed you. what a dastardly crime to commit against a child.

[straightpeoplereceipts]

now…as someone who raised their younger sister: 9 out of 10 times, this will end in a tearful confession. your faith in her will be it. and you have to act HEARTBROKEN. you have to look at the dog and ask, mournfully, “did you know? did you know?”

[i-am-a-fish]

the r in tumblr stands for gay

[ominouslygay]

explain?

[i-am-a-fish]

no?

[lilsugarbush]

[plasticblisss]

[children-of-bast]

Peanut Butter wants to explore but also wants to stay inside his warm blanket.

[purrfectsquad]

Volume up to hear him purring

[bodecats]

HIS NAME IS PEANUT BUTTER

[methhomework]

me as a laywer

me: so you took a shower and then you heard the gun shot

witness: yes

me as a lawyer: isn’t the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you’re forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate

witness: i’m bald

[adventure-heart]

a cute little baby

[chillwerewolf]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

[ravenclawravings]

Ravenclaw Stats

30% of Ravenclaws have all their holiday gifts planned out.

70% of Ravenclaws are still trying to buy all the gifts on their list

100% of Ravenclaws are screaming into the void

[heyyyyadora]

[themakeupbrush]

Ralph Lauren S/S 2019

[medusagirlfriend-blog]

[worst-witch-ever]

My first thought was MEDUSA and then I saw op’s url and I was like woooo

[writeitonapieceofstone]

Sign of the times - H.S