If You’re Not Wearing Pants You Can’t Lose Them @thesamefish - Tumblr Blog

cephalophor

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

nakedinasnowsuit

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

thewitchway

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God: Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper?

careful-crow

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

ohwait-shesinspace

@spiritspodcast

advanced-procrastination

One of my students wrote a very eloquent and well-researched paper for her english class about the unfair advantages and lack of accountability given to student athletes, and she specifically called out how much worse it is with football and basketball, and bruh. People are getting heated over this shit. She spoke nothing but the truth, and the football and basketball teams are PISSED — coaching staff included. Like she legit created a little controversy at our school by calling out the fact that athletics are prioritized over academics. WITH SOURCES.

And what’s funny is she played it smart — not only by giving herself some plausible deniability by writing it about high schools and colleges in general rather than just about our school, but also by calling out the worst sports specifically. She could have left it at ALL student athletes, but by explicitly stating that football and basketball are the worst perpetrators, she won all the other athletes to her side — golf, tennis, swimming, track. Instead of having all student athletes at her throat, she turned everyone against the basketball and football teams.

I’m so proud of her. Nobody listens to teachers when we bring up that half the football team is failing all their classes, but let a fellow student bring it up and everyone’s ready to riot.

psychicnightmarepeach

Everyone that reblogs this by May 20th, 2019 will get a partner Pokemon assigned to them based on their blog [ all gens ]

MUST HAVE ASK OPEN

mxnrique

everything i have ever known about james charles i’ve had to learn against my own will.

paper-mario-wiki

Are you the guy who accidentally wrote tf porn when trying to make a relatable post

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

paper-mario-wiki

OH WAIT yeah that was me

paper-mario-wiki

i cant find it but if you know what im talking about and have a link to it plz reply w/ a screenshot so i can reblog it from u

call-me-poncho

FOUND IT

paper-mario-wiki

thanks! i really hate reading this over again now

arguingtumbleruser

Things the lgbt community is doing that make me wish I wasn’t lgbt:

It/its pronouns

He/him lesbians

“Spacesexual genderflux non dysphoric gnc trans boy! (He/she/they/fae)”

“”“"Preferred”“”“ pronouns (they aren’t preferred. I am a guy. You call me he.)

Neopronouns/genders in general……

"I don’t try to pass as a boy but if you misgender me or refuse to date me like a cute yaoi boy you’re transphobic”

Every trans guy is a “smol flower soft boi”

Every trans woman is a “big strong muscle lady wife”

Forcing the queer label on everyone in an act of “reclaiming” it

fugoh

how y'all think petitions work

biden: sir……..the Teens want to change the national economy to communism obama: oh no…..how many signatures are there biden: sir there’s…there’s 100,000 obama: *sheds a tear* then it seems we have no choice…..comrade

bradamantethebrave

Petition to convert the shoplifting fandom into the coupon-ing fandom

Both get hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise for free (or nearly) but one is legal.

montygreen

c86

Morris: A Cat For Our Times, 1986

methylbenzene

jasper-rolls

enough time has passed on these photos that they feel roughly similar in energy to that photoset of all those dads at some very surreal christmas party

bogleech

horror stories I think mermaids would make up to scare other mermaids:

There’s a pelican so huge you can’t possibly dive down far enough to evade its beak

If you get bitten by a deep-sea shark when it comes up to the surface to die, you’ll transform into one and have to live in the abyss

Hagfish can fill up a dead mermaid, make it look alive and use it to trick you

A mysterious mermaid wanders at night waiting to startle you with the horrible crustacean in her mouth. If you flinch, she steals your tongue and leaves the creature in its place.

You might think you’ve made a nice new friend who just doesn’t talk much until she grabs you with her metal hook hands and drags you away on an invisible line to get eaten by land people

If you eat too many jellyfish, one might turn out to be a vengeful jellyfish ghost that will only choke you to death from the inside*

*this one is real because it’s a plastic bag

cyangansey

John Mulaney’s horse in the hospital political analogy is this generation’s Animal Farm. In this essay I will

valtsv

you think being gay is hard??? try telling people youre only attracted to clowns

valtsv

theres literally no possible response i can make to this where i come out a winner. ive actually never been owned this hard before. i think i legally owe you money now.