The Silent Shelf

somewhere between healing and overthinking

[thesilentshelf]

I think im overcoming my emotional roller coaster towards this having laid off and having troubles in last minute job huntings, which is why I wrote this article, I wanted to publish on linkedin but before that I need to be settled. so today im keeping this here so someday I can post this proudly.

"

You Don’t Need Revenge. You Need Leverage.

I’ve been there.

Being let go, unfairly, from a job you poured your heart into… it stings. It feels personal. It feels like the world is against you. I know because I’ve lived it.

For a moment, I wanted revenge. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to show that they were mistaken. But then I realized something crucial: revenge never builds a career. Leverage does.

Leverage is different. It’s about using your experiences, your skills, your mindset, not to hurt anyone, but to grow stronger, smarter, and unstoppable. It’s about positioning yourself where opportunities find you, not where you chase them.

Instead of dwelling on what felt unfair, I chose to focus on what I could control:

Sharpening my skills

Learning from every challenge

Taking ownership of my growth

Positioning myself where I can make real impact

And the result? A path that’s mine, one where I’m not defined by a company’s judgment, but by my own progress.

If you’re reading this and have felt wronged, overlooked, or unfairly treated, I want to leave you with this: don’t let anger drive your career. Let leverage drive your success.

Because the best “revenge” isn’t in proving them wrong. It’s in becoming so strong and capable that it no longer matters. "

I can't wait to earn my spot, so that I can post this someday.

16/02/2025 (exactly one month after being officially unemployed)

p.s: I have a new job interview tomorrow, hope it works.

[thesilentshelf]

Once your heart told me, “You are the strongest woman I know,” So I held to that line Like something warm in my hands.

But today, your mind said that, “I’m a man, I’m not fragile like you.”

You didn't shout, I didn’t cry, But the words stayed, heavy in my mind echoing.

Am I fragile? are you right? When words come from someone I love? it should be right

I stayed silent, Not because I was weak, (maybe I am) But my ego doesn't like that sentence. And she was already deeply hurt.

Maybe you are wrong, Maybe I am feeling hurt And still trying to choose calm because that's why I am.

So if I feel, If I ache, If I question myself, That doesn’t make me fragile.

It makes me what I am. Just an oversensitive emotional little bitch.

[thesilentshelf]

To Nobody,

I'm writing this because I know no ones gonna read this except me.

I got fired from my current job, which is my first job and also my first job. And it hurts.

I had a 3 week notice beforehand but since tomorrow is gonna be the last day, I feel so helpless.

My ego is killing my subconscious. I feels like a total failure, not because I got fired, but because I couldnt find a new job.

This wasn't the way I was expecting to start 2026. And it's still half a month in January, and this feeling............. it's really frustrated.

its like whoever up there who people call GOD (me? no, not me anymore. that dude died along time ago in my faith) he is fucking playing with me.

And I dont care who the fuck you are..... You better STOP this fucking drama.

[thesilentshelf]

Dear Overthinking Me,

I know you mean well. You just want to protect me from getting hurt again. But sometimes, you make me see pain where there’s just silence. You replay moments that are already gone, and turn small words into heavy storms.

They say I’m “just overthinking.” Maybe they’ll never understand that it’s not that simple. it’s me trying to make sense of the things that didn’t feel right. When someone hurts me and calls it a joke, when they say I’m wrong for feeling it, you show up to remind me I’m not crazy.

Well thank you for caring, but please rest sometimes. Not everyone means harm. And not every feeling needs to become a battle.

I’ll listen to you , but not let you lead. We’ll find peace together.

Love, Me.

(09/11/2015)

[thesilentshelf]

I met my younger self for coffee this morning.

she walked in wearing a casual outfit (comfy over fashion), her eyes filled with curiosity, still figuring out where she truly belongs. She had a notebook (which I assumed is a diary), full of ideas, letters and feelings.

She sat NEXT to me (not in-front tho), eagerly yet unsure, sipping her coffee the way she always does (NO SUGAR, just bold flavours), just like her ambitions.

I smiled, watching her ramble about balancing life, debating her real life choices and the overwhelming excitement of her future. She told me about her love for the sea, sunsets, her dream of having her own animal rescue center, and how she was trying to build something of her own (believe me she had about 10 business ideas which is impractical for her present).

And she asked me: "Am I doing enough? Will I ever figure it out?"

I wanted to tell her that she is already on her way. That she will find her own path, evolve her dreams and find happiness and peace in life throughout the process.

And that the love she has for capturing every little moment, whether through rain or simply from a street cat's gaze, will shape her in ways she doesn't realise yet.

And that one day, she'll understand how all these seemingly scattered pieces will come together to build the life she meant to live.

But, Instead,

I just took a sip of my coffee (TWO CREAM, NO SUGAR), met her eyes and said: "Just keep going".

(02/12/2025 @11.37pm)

[thesilentshelf]

A letter I'll never send.

Dear you,

you know, we had the best relationship I know,

the kind that people write about; real, soft, fun and somehow magical. I was proud of us, proud of how we understood each other, how it felt like home.

Till......

Till I started overthinking everything.

Small moments turn into storms inside my head, and i keep replaying things that probably didn’t even matter. it’s not you. it’s me.

You kept building the strong walls while I keep breaking the bricks one by one just because................ im stupid? (maybe unlucky in love, I don't know at this point what has happened to me)

But.......

But i don’t want to lose what we have. i just don’t know how to stop the overthinking before it ruins something magical.

You always said that im your magic in life remember? , but now am I turning into your curse???

you’ve been nothing but good to me, and i’m scared i’ll mess it all up trying too hard not to.

Bubs, what should I do? are you better without me? clearly I'm not.

(11/05/2025 @1.30am )

[thesilentshelf]

Started this today to calm my chaotic mind. Let’s see where it takes me — daily updates, maybe..... (latest update: it's 15th January 2026 and I still haven't read this)