going insane

TW

[thetremblingofaleaf]

New Years Day

So many tears have been shed in a year that has barely begun

This year was meant to be fresh and new, an absolution from the mistakes and scars from the year that has passed

But I am breaking under the weight of perfectly clean slate

I cannot escape being unwanted in the spaces that are meant to be safe

I cannot escape the punishment I have endured for trying to be loved

A fickle heart is my always my weakness, I love the incompleteness

Because who would want me wholly when they could choose a piece instead

This year will not be dissimilar to the last

I will lick love off knives and cut into my thighs because who am I to think I deserve more than a lie when everyone knows my face is a disguise

I'm terrified

Because I know this year will be no different to the last, I cannot escape my past and nothing good will ever last.

[evemialone]

[thetremblingofaleaf]

how the fuck do I start a career when I don't know what I want to do

[thetremblingofaleaf]

Don't think I've felt more alone in my life

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I have lost everything and everyone that made life worth living

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I was holding out for some good news to just get more bad. I don't know why I keep kidding myself that life gets better.

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I don't think anyone would care whether I lived or died so why am I even trying anymore

[houseofache]

— i’d sooner bite the hand that feeds than lap at the crumbs it gives

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to let go.

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I am definitively drowning

[thetremblingofaleaf]

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I've cried in the shower every day for the last 2 months. I'm tired of being upset over the same things but I can't move on.

[hel7l7]

I'm always chasing something that doesn't exist.

[hel7l7]

I never wanted it to be like this

[thetremblingofaleaf]

Life is strange and shit and I'm sick of it

[hel7l7]

As if I haven’t spent nights crying your name

[thetremblingofaleaf]

I don't know how to get out of this hole anymore. Everything keeps getting worse. They say life gets better but that's not true, the problems just keep changing, snowballing. I'm tired of giving my all to people and getting nothing back. I'm tired of trying so hard to be positive when everything around me is constantly crumbling. I'm just tired.