Young people who want to be leaders in witchcraft and pagan spaces, I support you. I want to tell you some things that I think are pretty important.
Here is what I really think is true.
If you want to create digital spaces for discussion in witch and pagan spaces, that is never accomplished by just creating the Discord server or the anonymous submissions blog.
The "space" does not refer to the URL or the invite link.
Of course it doesn't! Everyone who can possibly interact with your group by necessity already has their own URL, or profiles, or can make a server as easily as you, to say whatever the heck they want. Being able to program the Discord bots is not what it takes to make "space."
When people talk about making space for discussion, what they actually mean is probably something like:
"I want to create a hub where people feel protected enough to be vulnerable with their real opinions and feelings, energizing enough that people want to share those ideas, intellectual and creative enough that new ideas are generated, and kind enough that when people interact with it they feel expanded and uplifted."
Therefore if you want to create space, your goal is actually to create culture.
And when you take the responsibility of creating space in larger witch and pagan communities, you are picking up a mantle of leadership.
Yes, you are. You're saying, "I am the right person to lead this group."
Why are you the leader? It's because you're in control of the mechanics of the space (admin functions), so:
You're in control of the content that is allowed to appear in the space
You're in control of what behaviors are allowed in the space
If your group grows in size this also ends up meaning:
You're in control of who is allowed to moderate the group on your behalf
Together, all of this means:
You're in control of the culture in that space.
There is no way to accept the responsibility of creating 'community space' and not also be the leader of that space.
Social groups with a shared goal require leadership. They require leadership. They just do. It doesn't matter how chill you want the vibes to be, it doesn't matter that everyone in your discussion space is your very good bestie of 5+ years. If there is a culture you want to maintain in that group, IT REQUIRES LEADERSHIP.
And because everyone knows that you are the group leader, they know that the ways you behave are condoned behavior within the group.
Please let me emphasize this for you:
It doesn't matter that the group 'isn't about you' and you're not in it for the attention. I believe you. I believe you're not in it for the attention.
Everyone will be paying attention to your behaviors, and they will find guidance in those behaviors whether you want them to or not.
When you're the server/page owner and you make disrespectful jokes, people who observe your space will remember what kind of behavior is encouraged there. Is your goal for the group respectful discussion, or not?
When your first response to any criticism is to tell people to "just block me," which is a great response for a personal page but not that great a response when you're trying to run a community page, you're setting a group example for how to respond to criticism of ideas. Is your goal for the group a back and forth exchange of ideas, or not?
You can't create a social space for respectful debate which requires members to be vulnerable, but lead by refusing to share your own opinions.
You can't create a space that requires thoughtful contributions from members in order to stay active, but lead by refusing to contribute your own thoughts.
You can't create a space that requires a reasonable level-headed approach to topics in order to attract thoughtful members, but lead by trying to provoke or taunt people into discussions.
When it's under your control, your behaviors within that group (or on that blog) are always meaningful.
And one of the most meaningful leadership decisions you make is what content you allow to be present in that space.
Even if you didn't start the harmful discussion, even if you didn't write the offensive post, even if you don't agree with the edgy meme:
If you allow it to be in your space, you are condoning it.
We know you are condoning it because we know you are in control of what goes there.
"But according to the rules, people can't be kicked unless-"
So we know you condone this behavior because you wrote rules that allow it, and although you are the admin, you choose to abide by those rules even as you watch this behavior run rampant in your community. You are okay with this: you are accepting it and allowing it to continue.
"I didn't write that, it was submitted to my blog-"
We know you support that content, because you had the choice whether or not to share it, and you wanted to share it. You gave it your stamp of approval to be shared on your page.
"But it's not my page, it's a community-"
It's your page. Take responsibility.
You are not the faceless CEO of a global organization, humbly working behind the scenes, beholden to the board and labyrinthine labor laws. You are a person inside of a community. Take a stand. Take a stand.
In my opinion, a major problem occurs when leaders try to remove themselves from the equation as much as possible. As if they've been convinced that if they take a stand, assert their goals for the group, share their real opinions, and lead by example, then they're being selfish or attention-seeking!
For these people, who have been duped about what it means to be a leader, their idea of leadership is to never share their own opinions, never take sides, let in bigots and trolls who make everyone miserable as long as those members don't explicitly break rules, condone offensive behavior by allowing it under the premise that it's their job as a "faceless non-leading non-moderating page-owner" to give all sides an equal voice, and so on.
The way some groups operate, you'd think it was #rules leading the server, instead of the person who wrote the rules!
If someone calls you attention-seeking for wanting to lead a group, so what.
So what. Groups need leaders. The leaders have extra attention.
Do not stop leading. When people in control of groups stop leading, Nazis arrive like two seconds later.
Do you see a need for your group? Do you want a kind of space, but you can't find it anywhere? Do you want a certain kind of space and you’re pretty sure you can do it better than the next leading brand?
Make the group, accept responsibility for it, and lead it.
Lead it by example. Lead it by taking a stand. Lead it by asserting what is okay in that space, and what is not okay.
It's not easy. Leadership is a skill, it's a complex skill, and it's a skill that requires a lot of personal growth to advance in.
You have to learn to take a lot of criticism. You have to learn how to have difficult discussions with people. You have to be able to say to your friend, "I'm sorry, but this isn't working out, and for the good of this community space you have to go."
You have to put aside a lot of your own discomfort, not because you're dedicated to allowing harm in your space in the name of "neutrality," but because you recognize that things which are good for your community might be bad for you.
Stand up for what you believe in. Put some skin in the game. Show people who you are, and let them decide if they want to be in your group or not.
But I'm telling you. Eyes will be on you. They always will be. So please let me encourage you:
You are the captain of that ship. You are not neutral, you are not faceless. Where the ship goes is not an accident. Who is allowed on the ship is not an accident. The rules do not make the decisions, you make the decisions.
Get people around you that you trust. Find mentors who you trust. Take responsibility for what you're trying to build.
Grow with intention and lead with direction. The direction is always a community culture, and your actions lead towards it or away from it.
