The Quiet RM

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."

[theworthofsouls]

From Full-time to Member

Adjustments in Missionary Roles - The Quiet RM Part 21

I was no longer a full-time missionary, and I couldn’t be happier knowing I wouldn’t have to knock on stranger’s doors all day. I did teach lessons with the sisters in my home stake, but I realized just how much of the mantle of missionary work had left me. 

I have a testimony that being set apart is so important for callings. While I was a missionary, I recognized that although I was still recognizably quiet and still had a few panic attacks, overall I was able to handle a lot more than I could have on my own. There were days that would have devastated me completely (and there were definitely a few that almost sent me home), but overall I had a strength when it came to talking about the gospel.

The very first time I taught, however, I was terrified. I came into a home and was expected to help teach the first lesson, and my hands were sweaty and I couldn’t wait until I was out. I had such a hard time connecting to others, and I felt like a failure as a fresh RM who wanted nothing to do with teaching lessons. 

Since coming to BYU I don’t have many experiences with the missionaries, but I realized that there is a different kind of missionary work that I could do. Especially here in Provo, it is very likely that everyone you meet is LDS (which still blows my mind sometimes). However, I have plenty of non-member friends back home, plenty of converts I could contact again, less-active members I can reach out to. We have “Re-connect nights” which encourages the use of social media to reach out to those we already know - not even with the expectation to teach a priniciple, but just to simply connect to those we haven’t talked to in a while, which often leads to missionary experiences.

If you are struggling to feel motivated when it comes to teaching formal lessons, you are not alone. Thankfully, we have been blessed with multiple resources so that we can stay in contact with others across the world to continue in the missionary spirit. 

[theworthofsouls]

The Great Balancing Act

What Is My Purpose? - The Quiet RM Part 20

One of the most challenging things right when you get home is the loss of direction. Stuck without a job and waiting for five months for the next semester to start is a tricky place to be.

Trying to keep the missionary spirit while also not being an obnoxious RM, I tried to find good ways to spend my time, like going to institute and YSA activities. I was probably way too focused on dating, and by that I mean I was so terrified of the thought of it that I over analyzed my every encounter with a guy. (I eventually got over this, thankfully.)

Most of the time, however, I just felt empty. I tried editing some videos before returning to school so I wasn’t totally out of practice, and I was kind of obsessed with TED talks, convinced I was going to be a great, outgoing leader one day (that has yet to happen).

The one thing that I would advise RM’s to do is to find something that gives you purpose outside of going on splits with the local elders/sisters. try to find a job if you have enough time,  try studying something, start a new hobby, something so that you aren’t left idle when all of your family is gone during the day. This not only guards from dangerous environments that could lead to addiction, but it is a sure way from feeling as empty. Filling the mission-shaped hole in your heart may take a while, but if you have a purpose, it makes the transition so much easier. 

[theworthofsouls]

Reconnecting

Catching up with EVERYONE - The Quiet RM Part 19

For me, one of the most challenging things about coming home was feeling like I needed to talk to everyone at once. Old friends, extended family, people from my mission, and on top of all that meeting new people in my single’s ward. It was almost crippling when I first got home, and is still something that stresses me out a ton.

I went in stages, responding to messages and comments on Facebook, skyping my high school friends, calling the members back in Arkansas. But because I was so burnt out by the end of my mission, the last thing I wanted to do was talk. I would have been fine if I was just alone for a month. (For those unfamiliar with my story, here’s the rest of the series.) 

I was always told that coming home would be weird because you wouldn’t have someone with you at all times, but it was on of the things I really enjoyed. I didn’t have a room, though, so those moments were few. I suppose it was kinda weird when I was alone in the living room with my sister’s boyfriend, but I got over that pretty quick as well.

After what seemed like eons, I finally caught up with everyone. But that was the only point I felt relief, because my goal of contacting an individual every month was overwhelming, and then I kept putting it off. I have gone many months at a time without talking to my converts, and I feel so guilty, and when I finally reach out it always starts with “Sorry I’m so bad at keeping in contact.” 

At this point, over 2 years since I’ve been home, I’ve pretty much accepted that I am bad at long-distance relationships. It’s been over a year that I have talked to most of the people from Arkansas, and some days it really gets me down. 

However, last summer I visited Tennessee to see a member get married and sealed, during which time I realized my first convert from Arkansas had moved to that area. It was such a blessing to see her. I was worried because she was living with her boyfriend and smoking, and I thought for sure that it was my fault for not keeping in contact.

She caught me off guard when she said that one day she felt like she needed to prepare to go to the temple, and realized a couple of days later that one of her friends was engaged. “I am convinced that God gave me that prompting so that I could go to her wedding!” She talked about doing her grandmother’s work, and there was a light in her eyes. 

She told me she was really trying to quit smoking again, as evidenced by her e-cigarette (in which she was able to reduce the nicotine in stages), and she was aware that she couldn’t be living with her boyfriend. she knew all of the right things and was making her way to the temple. She was the one to reach out to the sisters when she moved, something that I had rarely seen in that mission.

Basically, I learned that it is okay that I can’t catch up with everyone, even my converts. I know I should still try to reach out where possible, but I have a new faith that God is watching over them - I am not the only one concerned about them.

[theworthofsouls]

Hiya, long time no see. Hope you’ve been well!

I’ve been feeling like I am in a spiritual slump, and to be honest I feel like I have been for years. I recognize that for some reason, writing in my journal is what helps me to feel the spirit more consistently, but as someone who isn’t super excited to write everyday, it’s a struggle. I’ll be working on that, but I also recognize that the spiritual high that I felt in high school came from surrounding myself with wholesome media and writing posts, and so I think I’m going to start coming here regularly. 

I have a lot of things to share, so maybe The Quiet RM will get a second wind. But until then, I need your suggestions of new LDS blogs that I’ve been missing out on!

[theworthofsouls]

My heart is so full right now. A few things and an explanation:

First, I will always be a firm believer that Saturday sessions of General Conference are the best.

Second, my mission president, Taniela Wakolo, was called to be a Seventy, and I can’t wait for the rest of the world to get to know him.

Third, never in the history of ever have I cried during general conference, but I was a leaky mess today.

Fourth, my identity as a child of God has never been so clear to me as it has today.

Fifth, I know and can feel my Savior’s love for me stronger than I have in years.

Now for some context.

The reason I haven’t been on here very often is because since January I have been actively addressing the fact that I have social anxiety which leads to bouts of depression. Labeling this as such was in and of itself a feat for me, as it seems the leading goal I constantly have is to not be a burden to others, and that label always seemed to me a sign of defeat that I could not conquer my issues on my own.

I have since learned that asking others for help is not a bad thing. I have been attending a social anxiety group, seeing an individual therapist, and working through an online program. I decided to take this initiative to be mentally healthy after a 2 & ½ week slump back in January. Since then I’ve been invited to do a lot of things that are outside of my comfort zone, and learning different principles has been helpful.

About two or three weeks ago I hit another slump. This came after I had tried to apply a technique for noticing anxiety and it backfired into a full out panic attack over something really small. After that, I noticed I was getting more and more discouraged that I was doing this all wrong. Seeking this help was supposed to be the last resort I had after my own personal efforts. I thought that I had gotten really far the past few years, and these past few months seemed to have been unraveling all the work I had done.

Lately my thoughts have been centered around the fact that I am lonely. I have a lot of friends, but it seems like my relationships are pretty superficial many times. I had hit my year mark of being back home in January, and was discouraged that not only had I been unsuccessful at finding a significant other, but the fact that I didn’t even have anyone in mind to call my “best friend” was even more discouraging.

This is still the case, and it still bothers me a lot. I’m still in this slump. But I have good moments, like this one.

Lately I’ve had many opportunities to put my trust in the Lord. the most recent happened yesterday when a friend invited me to the temple, and expecting to have plenty of time before a meeting at work, I agreed to go. A half hour delay in her schedule, an influx of people at the temple, and my ability to always manage to use a locker in the one stall that has a line of people waiting, ended in me being a little on edge the whole time. I felt bad for being impatient, but I tried to remind myself that I just needed to trust in the Lord and things would work out.

When we eventually made it out, it was an hour after this meeting was supposed to start. I didn’t blame God, but I did feel sheepish for not having planned better on my end. I walked into work without even changing out of my skirt, and upon my arrival had the news that the meeting was rescheduled for the following week.

Even when we are 120% sure things have failed after we put our trust in God, we need to remember that when we put our trust in God we never fail. This had temporal blessings which I was able to readily see, but many times we will have to wait until heaven to see what went right.

The morning session of talks seemed to be in a bunch that all seemed to address my concerns. What I walked away from that meeting was the importance of my divine nature as a child of God, and that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always there with us.

In the moments when I had felt most forsaken by the ones I loved and even by God, I was able to be humbled enough to recognize His hand in the following days, with little signs of His love and awareness of me.

The second session started, and I was excited to hear the name of my mission president. One of the things I love most about him was something my last companion pointed out--he didn’t give up easily on the missionaries. There were so many missionaries that were hurting or disobedient or some other circumstances where other missionaries suggested they be sent home, but as long as the missionary was willing to stay, President Wakolo was working hard to help. He could have sent home dozens of missionaries so that he wouldn’t have to deal with them, but he wanted to deal with them. This made all the difference to these individuals. Of course there were some he sent home, but not after many heartfelt and sincere efforts to help the missionary to change.

I mention this because he shows love in the way I imagine the Savior does. The Savior doesn’t want to get rid of us so He doesn’t have to deal with us anymore, He cares so deeply that He has put everything on the line to help us, if only we will return to Him. I cannot wait for you to hear Elder Wakolo speak, because his love is sincere, both for us and for his Savior.

When I heard the announcement of the choir singing a medley containing I Am a Child of God, I started to tear up. I have never felt strongly about this song because it is so often used, but today I felt it, and I cried as the children started to sing. I composed myself, and continued to receive inspired revelation from the talks. Then Elder Holland spoke. I know it’s so cliche to say that he is the best speaker, but the moment he said the line “Jesus listening can hear the songs I cannot sing”, the waterworks really started, and continued throughout. I had read his talk “Like a Broken Vessel” earlier this morning as I found it difficult to get out of bed, and cried again at the quote from President Monson (again, one I’ve heard a million times but not really felt until today):

“That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”

The past few weeks I did not feel like I deserved it, but I received it anyway.

The scripture John 14:27 came to mind: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

I am still in a lot of emotional and mental anguish. I still feel considerably awful and lonely. But I can testify that in these past weeks I have developed a stronger trust in my Savior through consistent temple attendance and sincere (though not very long) prayers. I have felt like my offering at times was so meager, but I was giving everything I could within my means of energy. And a peace has come to me. I understand that scripture more than ever, and I cannot explain it. The peace I expected was not given to me, the lifting of this weight that leaves me useless for days on end was not given. The terror that comes from small social encounters was not erased. My term papers have not been magically written for me. But I have peace.

The next few weeks are going to be difficult in terms of the end of the semester, and I can’t say when I’ll get out of this slump I’m in. But I have a confidence that the Lord is nearer than I sometimes think, I am doing better than I sometimes believe, and everything will, eventually, work out.

Are you ready for part 2 of General Conference? I know I am.

[theworthofsouls]

I know it’s been a while

BUT 

are you guys as excited as I am for General Conference?

I feel like it is always so timely. Like a bi-annual dentist checkup, but spiritual. (And you know they’ll ask if you’ve been flossing/keeping a certain commandment, and hopefully that little reminder helps us to be better rather than opting to ridicule the dentist for trying to encourage healthy habits.)

Women’s conference is like a season premiere, where it gets me in GenCon mode but I still have to wait a week for the next session. Then It’s binge watching from there.

A+ metaphors today guys. (I have 1:30 church and I am exhausted and kinda loopy afterwards. I miss my morning church haha.)

[theworthofsouls]

Hey there. Sorry it's been a while. Like, months. Life happened, but I'm doing alright. I'm debating posting about the past couple months, but in what fashion to do it in (talking about social anxiety, woohoo!) and also whether or not to continue the installments of The Quiet RM. I intended on writing mostly about my experiences immediately following my mission, but it's not as fresh as I'd have hoped. (But then again, neither was my mission recollection.) I have been in kind of a slump recently, and I realize that something that was keeping me happy was writing these posts, if nothing but just to type them out for myself (but I'm always happy to hear from the people that read them!) So yeah, I'm sorry again for just kind of disappearing for a while. I want to come back, but some weeks are harder than others. I'll work on it. I love you guys!

[theworthofsouls]

Quick random question: So in a religion class a while back my professor said that we always take the sacrament unless the bishop has specifically advised us not to (when working with him through a major sin). Someone said that a general authority said something similar when visiting their mission. However, there are a lot of stories (in the New Era included) that talk about individuals deciding not to take it because they got in a minor fight with their spouse that morning or something, usually small things that you don't need to talk to the bishop about. Does anyone know of either a place in a handbook or quotes from prophets and apostles about this topic? I realized that if someone were to ask me about this I couldn't give them a straight answer, and I'd like to know what the official church stance is.

[theworthofsouls]

Home At Last

My Last Day as a Full-Timer - The Quiet RM Part 18

Packing to go home wasn’t as weird as I thought it’d be. I felt like it was just another transfer. When the day finally came for me to get up early and go to the Memphis temple, I felt relief. I had made it, I had actually finished something hard.

I know that it might have seemed wrong for me to feel that way, and believe me, I felt guilty that I wasn’t begging for six more months. But I now am glad that it was a way that I could prove to myself that I could do hard things.

My last night in the mission home was perhaps a good recap of my mission and foreshadowing of the future. I had one sister as my companion, and the rest going home were elders. I can’t really remember why, but I don’t think we were expected to be in the same room as our companions anymore. And so, I got dressed in my pajamas and sat on my bed and wrote in my journal. My companion and the elders were downstairs, and as each had their exit interview they changed into their pajamas and rejoined the group. I was content to stay upstairs by myself, which was something I had missed doing.

Here’s a little bit from my journal entry:

Right now I am in the mission home, and this time tomorrow I’ll be in my bed in Colorado. A lot of my mission has really seemed like it took 18 months, but sometimes it feels like forever ago...

I was planning on printing out my letters to my mission president because they are a better journal than I have been keeping. Thankfully, they already took care of that in a binder they gave us tonight. 

I emailed him my last Saturday which was my day to pack, and thanked him for his response to me that I served well. I expressed my concern the past few weeks and months was that I didn’t know if I’d served well or not. In his response and in my interview he said that I need to be satisfied with my service because it was good. So that is what I will do, I will be happy with the things I was able to accomplish and continue on my path to discipleship...

At that point my companion came upstairs to grab something, and asked why I wasn’t joining them. I decided to go downstairs and join, and assumed my usual role of standing by a wall and observing. I was glad I did, because in doing that I don’t feel left out, even when people think I’m not saying enough.

The next morning we left for the Little Rock airport. The majority of us would fly to Atlanta first, and then to our home states. One elder was flying to Denver first and then up to Idaho. Why I had to go through Georgia before flying to Denver was a mystery to me.

We said goodbye to that elder, flew an hour to Atlanta, and from there went our separate ways. I was officially alone at that point, and it wasn’t as weird as people told me it would be. 

I got to DIA and realized I had no idea where I was going to meet my family. (The last time I had been in DIA was when I was a toddler). But miraculously I was able to find them fairly easily. I don’t remember there being tears or anything, but I do remember the distinct feeling of it not seeming that long since I had seen them. 

We went to lunch, and I got to know my sister’s boyfriend a little bit better. This was another thing I noticed, is that despite the fact I had only met him an hour before, I felt like I’d personally known him for months.

I had my interview with my stake president, and when I got home I greeted my two youngest siblings as they got home from school. Both had grown significantly taller, but I could say I came home and was still taller than my brother. (That’s not the case anymore, as I discovered the last time I went home, but that’s okay, as long as I was taller when I got home from my mission.)

The first day I can remember being really overwhelmed with media. My family is a very YouTube-y family. So the first video they tried to show me was the Studio C Avengers song one, (why they decided that one first I’m not sure) but I couldn’t make it through the whole video. I paused it, hoping instead I could just talk to my family. It worked some of the time, but they all had their own laptops open, which was a little disheartening. But I was able to start family scripture study with them again, and I was happy whenever we could pray together.

Over the next few weeks I’d get more accustomed, though I noticed that the one thing I had difficulty most with was the radio. Normally I’d just turn it off when I was driving alone, but when other people were driving it was really weird. (Now it’s not a problem, though I do tend to prefer the classical station above all else.) Other than that I’d say I adjusted pretty normally. 

Next time, tackling social media.

[ldsnet]

Colorado has another temple!

[theworthofsouls]

This is such a pretty temple in person by the way. The inside is gorgeous, with amazing paintings of mountains and Colorado scenery (and Christ, of course). 

[theworthofsouls]

Failure is an event, never a person.

William D. Brown

[theworthofsouls]

I haven’t had my laptop for a couple weeks, and haven’t been on here for a while. I still don’t have it, I’m using my iPad, so I probably won’t write anything too long until I get my computer back. But I realized that I just liked a whole bunch of stuff from different people, so if you’re wondering why I liked something from forever ago, I was just catching up on all the goodness I’ve been missing.

I have a post in mind about failure. But for now I’ll just make a separate post with the quote that got me through this week.

So yeah. Love you guys! I’m gonna go take a nap now.

Edit: just so it's not vague and weird, I failed a lot this week but I'm feeling so good, and I will elaborate why this is at a later point in time. (Hint, the answer is always Jesus)

[theworthofsouls]

Have I Done Any Good?

My Thoughts in My Final Weeks - The Quiet RM Part 17

For me the final weeks of my mission were not filled with thoughts of home as often as I anticipated, but I also wasn't super attached to the point where I didn't think I could go home. I found some sort of good middle ground. But the one thing that really was hard for me was wondering if I had really fulfilled all that the Lord had wanted me to do.

I had struggled for the last half of my mission to see what good I was doing. The majority of my success had come in my first six months, and after my low point I struggled to come back up. I continually wondered if it would have just been more beneficial for me to just go home. That is not to say I didn't try my best to work. I worked hard to push past my desire to stay in and I tried to be exactly obedient regardless of how exhausted I felt. 

 Looking back now, I realize that it was probably the exhaustion that had me questioning if I was doing okay. I had received a quote from my aunt that said something along the lines of "if you aren't happy serving the Lord, when will you be?" That quote haunted me the rest of my mission. I strived to be happy, scared that if I couldn't force myself to be happy while on my mission then I would never know how to be happy. And so I pushed myself with extreme and unreasonable expectations, which only resulted in unachieved goals and disappointment. 

 In a paper I had read about introverts and missions, it said that oftentimes the first 8 months go by fairly easily, and then at that point you hit a wall because you have used so much of your energy in the first part of the mission. It then gave tips on how to pace yourself, such as making sure you take alone time each day, get permission to do personal study in another room, make reasonable goals, etc. I did not find this until I had reached that point, and it was so hard to try and bounce back from it. 

 As an introvert, if you are looking to serve a mission, please do. It is wonderful. But also find ways that you can pace yourself. You can still improve without aiming for perfection right away. Take it in small steps, talk to your companion openly about how you feel. I struggled so much to recognize if I was making any difference, and often I just felt like a burden to the ward and my companion, despite arguments against that idea. 

Now that I have been back for a while and recharged, I can see that I still did good things and was still a successful missionary. I wasn't perfect, but for me, I did so many things that I thought were hard and I proved to myself that I could do them. I was never an STL or a particularly popular missionary, but I made deep connections with my companions and the people I taught. My contribution may not have been as great as Dan Jones, but for Hannah Holst, it was enough. 

 My next post will be about my final day in the mission and what my mission president told me. One thing I will share now is that he advised me to "be satisfied with my mission." Weeks after I came home I still had a feeling I could have done better, and when people asked how I liked my mission I faked a smile and said it was great. But these past few months of coming back to memories of my mission and the lessons I learned have helped me to realized that I really did love my mission, and that I did the very best I could. 

 I am satisfied with my mission.

[theworthofsouls]

I am an investigator and I saw the videos of what goes on in the Temple. I am sort of at a loss.

When someone goes to the temple for the first time, one of the most important things that needs to be there is the Spirit. Those videos do not have the Spirit with them, it is found in the temple. Out of context anything can seem odd. There is a video that the church put out about temple clothing and rituals that I hope will help to put it more in context.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-01-1460-sacred-temple-clothing?lang=eng

I really like this video because it puts it in the context of holy worship. So many other faiths wear certain clothing and have sacred rituals, just like we do, with which they honor God in their own way. The temple is similar in that the clothing we wear is symbolic as well as actions. The only difference between the temple and other faiths’ worship is that we would like it to be kept sacred and not degraded, and again, to ideally be experienced with the Spirit guiding. Obviously, it’s not a secret what goes on, but if someone watches a little phone recording they are missing out on a whole lot more. Just because our worship in the temples isn’t public doesn’t mean we are trying to hide things, but know that in order to truly understand it requires the Spirit. 

“To those outside a particular faith, the rituals and clothing may seem unfamiliar, but for the participants, they can stir the deepest feelings of the soul, motivate them to do good, even shape the course of a whole life of service.”

I go to the temple often, and I can testify to you that the endowment is so much more beautiful than what the video probably portrayed. I have come to feel of my Savior’s love for me as an individual, and every time I go I have renewed charity for God and my fellow man. 

If you are currently meeting with the missionaries, I encourage you to talk to them about it, because I’m sure they can help you a lot more personally than I can. But I hope this started you on your way a bit! If you ever want to come off anon and talk, I am always here :)

[theworthofsouls]

“Updating” Your Testimony

Continuous Spiritual Experiences - The Quiet RM Part 16

I had decided that every time I finished the Book of Mormon, I would start a fresh copy and mark only scriptures associated to a specific topic or question. This was one of my favorite habits.

Towards the end of my mission, I started a fresh copy with a new question. Shortly thereafter, our mission president challenged us to read it with the guidelines outlined in the back of Chapter 5 of PMG by a certain date. Instead of stopping my first one, I attempted to read both at the same time. After frantically trying to keep up on reading, I realized my studies were utterly useless, for I was not focusing on the people we taught or learning more about gospel topics, I was merely concerned about page numbers and marking. That’s when I realized I was missing the entire point, and that my testimony of the Book of Mormon was nowhere near where it should have been.

I recognized fairly early in reading these copies that it was ineffective, and that when I testified of the Book of Mormon daily it was empty. So, I decided to pause both of them and take on another challenge. I had read an Ensign article about a missionary who realized a similar thing, that he was studying and testifying every day, but it held no power. So he read the Book of Mormon and only allowed himself to ask the question “Is it true?” when marking. 

My goal was to finish the Book of Mormon in two weeks (so that I could get back to the others and finish those on time). In order to read it in two weeks, it required that I spent lunch hours and what little “extra” time we had reading. (I also made a goal to not spend all of my studies just reading, as it was affecting how prepared I was for the day.) I only asked the question “Is it true?” and asked it at the end of every chapter.

It went alright for a while, I wasn’t having any massive experiences, but I did realize that even with the short timeline, I was more interested in the content rather than pages. 

When I got to the last chapter of 2 Nephi, I had my experience.

10 And now, my beloved brethren, and also Jew, and all ye ends of the earth, hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, and he hath given them unto me; and they teach all men that they should do good.

11 And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye—for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day; and you and I shall stand face to face before his bar; and ye shall know that I have been commanded of him to write these things, notwithstanding my weakness.

The Spirit testified to me strongly that these were, in fact, the words of Christ, written by the hand of Nephi. At that moment I knew Nephi had been commanded of the Lord, and that I will eventually stand face to face with this man. When I meet Nephi, what will I say if he asks how I used the Book of Mormon?

It was amazing to recognize the Spirit that distinctly. I took a note of how it felt exactly, so I could learn to better recognize it in the future. As I read into Jacob, that same feeling came to me as Jacob’s words testified of prophets.

Because of this, I was able to go out that day and testify with power and conviction that I knew the Book of Mormon was a true record, for I had received a witness of it that very morning.

Since then I have tried to remember this, that “updating” my testimony had so many benefits. Being able to share your most recent witness of a gospel truth is so much more powerful than trying to revive a testimony you had five weeks, months, or years ago. 

I did pretty well at updating my testimony often through the rest of my mission. However, I realized that I’ve gotten stuck again in the same rut, where someone asks me about my testimony of the Book of Mormon and I refer to the experience I just shared. 

This morning I aimed to change that. In my study journal there is a section to write what subject you are studying. Today I wrote “Testimony Update”. I picked up where I left off in my Book of Mormon reading, said a sincere prayer about my desire to find truths and to have a spiritual experience, and started my study. I read it slower, aiming to end my studies after filling a page rather than finishing a chapter. This helped me to slow down so much, and I found precious bits of inspiration that I’ve been waiting for a while to come across. The thing that surprised me was that the truths were always there, but in my haste to just find answers and be done with studies, I missed them.

So that is my updated testimony, that the gospel requires a slower, deeper, and consistent study in order to hear the voice of the Lord.

Here’s a quote from the conference talk “Always Remember Him” by Gerrit W. Gong, April 2016:

We learn by asking and searching. But please do not cease exploration until you arrive—in the words of T. S. Eliot—“where [you] started and know the place for the first time.” When you are ready, please open your heart to the Book of Mormon, again, for the first time. Please pray with real intent, again, for the first time.

His invitation is mine. If you haven’t had a personal testimony update in the last 24-72 hours, I encourage you to take this Sabbath Day and spend time with the scriptures. Ask that question that has been on your heart. Ask the question you need to ask but have been afraid to. Ask the question you should be asking but have been putting off. Find the one topic you really need a testimony update of, and study it until you are exhausted. Then write it down, and share your testimony with someone so that it solidifies itself and becomes something to which you can lean on. Just be aware of spiritual “expiration dates” and renew it when possible.

A good suggestion is to update your testimony more often than your Facebook status (depending how much you go on Facebook). Will you do it?

[theworthofsouls]

Is it terrible that I find missions to be a selfish pursuit? In my experience as in investigator, it's all about missionaries collecting numbers and stories that they can use in the future and about having the returned missionary status. It has nothing to do with the people they teach.

For some missionaries it is like that, but for many it’s a life changing experience. For example, my dad grew up in and out of inactivity, and didn’t plan to serve a mission. His buddy wasn’t either, but one day he came to my dad and told him he had ultimately decided to go. My dad, not wanting to be left behind, decided to go as well. But what started out as wrong intentions led him to really test his faith. He read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover for the first time. He learned how to pray and develop a testimony that was his own. Sure he wasn’t a perfect missionary, but those two years started my father on a course that would lead him to not only return to activity but stay because of his newly developed testimony. Because he served a mission, I was blessed growing up with parents who instilled in me a love for the gospel.

When missionaries are currently serving or even freshly returned it can seem pretty superficial. In a YSA class when you hear the words “On my mission...” there is sometimes a collective eye roll. But many missionaries learned tough lessons on their missions, ones that they don’t often share because often they are quite personal. These are the lessons that help them later in life. 

There are always gonna be a few bad eggs in whatever group of people you talk about. Some missionaries and RM’s can take it too far where their mission is not a calling from the Lord but a vacation experience. But I promise you not all missionaries are like that. My mission taught me things I could have never learned anywhere else, and I am grateful for it. I had the opportunity to love people in a way I never had before. My love for the people I taught is so deep because of the personal experiences we shared as we laughed, cried, and learned together.

Again, no one is perfect, there may be wrong intentions or moments when missionaries focus too much on the funny or crazy stories. But I promise you there is more required of missionaries than to just have fun, oftentimes missionaries are going through greater struggles than what they might let on because they are expected to happy and spiritual all the time.

So no, it’s not an uncommon thing to think that (there were many points on my mission where I couldn’t stand the elders I served with because they didn’t take it seriously, so I’ve definitely had the same feelings) but try not to lump them all together. People are imperfect, and so are missionaries. But most are just trying to do the best they can because they want to serve God, and while their intentions of initially serving may not be on track, there come many opportunities as a missionary to really test where your priorities lie.

I hope that helped somewhat, I may have been talking about something completely different haha. But I am sorry for any negative experiences you had as an investigator, and I hope that you meet a missionary or two that are more genuine, because I know they exist.

[ldsnet]

Don’t ask where, but how did you serve.

Mormon Missions: It’s not Where, It’s How

My eyes scanned the page at a rate that was probably fast enough to rival the speed of light before I finally found it: I would be serving in Denver, Colorado. I received my mission call …

[theworthofsouls]

The Denver North mission is where I grew up; it’s a pretty great place if I do say so myself.

But yes, I agree with everything in this article, how amazingly frustrating it is when someone finds out you served stateside English. But stateside really is the best thing ever. Just this morning I got the “Oh” response from someone who forced a semi-smile when I said Arkansas. But though it’s kind of hard to receive that response, I just remember why I loved Arkansas, and it doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t understand how amazing it was. And to say again, it’s not where you serve, it’s how.