I was joking around and texting @ignis-sassentia fake lyrics to the Shia LeBeouf song, and they said I should finish it and post it on Tumblr. So I did.
Ignis Scientia (to the tune of Shia Lebeouf)
You’re riding your chocobo all day. The roads are deserted and monsters are prowling. In the distance, you see a pair of headlights.
He follows you slowly in the Regalia. He revs the engine and picks up speed. He’s gaining on you!
You’re looking for the haven, but you’re all turned around. He’s almost upon you now and you can see there’s blood on his face. By the astrals, there’s blood everywhere!
Riding for your life (from Ignis Scientia)
He’s brandishing a carrot! (It’s Ignis Scientia)
Lurking in the kitcheeen
Tactical advisor Ignis Scientia!
Living in Lucis (Ignis Scientia)
Killing for sport! (Ignis Scientia)
People in his recipeeehs
Royal chef cannibal Ignis Scientia!
Night has fallen, and you seem to have lost him, but daemons are beginning to emerge and it isn’t safe.
That’s it!
In the distance, a caravan!
Hope!
But what’s that?! Ah! You’ve stepped on a cactuar!
Thousand needles to the face!
(Potion! Potion!)
Point warping to a cliff!
(Potion! Potion!)
Sneaking to the caravaaan
Sitting inside, Ignis Scientia
Writing down a recipeh
(Ignis Scientia)
But he doesn’t here you enter
(Ignis Scientia)
Sneaking up behind hiiim
Strangling royal chef Ignis Scientia
Fighting for your life with Ignis Scientia.
Wrestling a knife from Ignis Scientia.
Stab it in his Ebonyyy.
Safe at last from Ignis Scientia.
You stumble into Hammerhead, blood oozing from your wounds. But you have won. You have beaten Ignis Scientia.
Wait! He isn’t dead! Scientia surprise!
There’s veggies on a fork and purple fire in his eyes
But you can use magic
Warp attacking strategist Ignis Scientia
Legendary boss battle with Ignis Scientia
Normal Tuesday night for Ignis Scientia
You try to swing the engine blade at Ignis Scientia
But blood is draining fast from your cactuar holes
He’s dodging every blow, he backflips to the left
You warp to the right and catch him in the face
You’re knocking off his glasses
You have just despectacled Ignis Scientia
A black chocobo runs off with his glasses and he follows in pursuit. You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Ignis Scientia.
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