ThinisinDUH

26 years old. 5'5" Eating Disorders are a bitch, but I won't stop untill I'm thin. {I do NOT promote E.D.'s}

[aegrii-somnia]

Have you ever cried just because you are.. you?

[the-rainy-day-woman]

[thinisinduh]

when does it ever end?

I've been away from this blog forever. mainly because I forgot my PW.

Nothing has changed really. I'm still fat, irritated, and wishing I wasn't so unhappy all the time.

Things have really taken a tole this week. I have been crying, mad, and angry for whatever reason at EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Don't get me wrong, some of the people and thing I am mad at have a reason, but others I don't know why I am so angry. Perhaps all the stress from the Holiday season, winter depression is kicking in, wishing i had a job I liked, and could tolerate, or even trying to stick with a diet plan that works for me could be triggering all these things.

and lately for me, I don't wanna eat. But I go to eat, and then realized was I even hungry? Why did I even eat that? I thought I was hungry, but maybe I wasn't? I don't even want to eat anymore, like NOTHING. and I think I won't. I plan to be eat 200-300 calories a day, except for Christmas coming, ERRRRR,  it might be a little more calories then I plan. NOT eating in front of the family would just cause suspicion, and they're are annoying enough. Don't need anyone on my fucking back.

Out of all this did I mention I have a beautiful 5 year old daughter? God, she's so beautiful. She's talented, has a great spirit, super smart, and so kind. But lately, she's even irritating to me. She's changing. She's more whiny, a very picky eater, doesn't listen well. I try so hard to be the best mom I can be, but having an E.D. plus being a mother is SO hard. When I do eat I make sure it's in front of her and we eat together. It's hard because I know deep down that she deserves a happy mother, and I feel like I am failing, yet I don't know to change any of this. I want to be so thin, and pretty, and I'm going to do whatever it takes.

11 years is too long to be battling this shit.

[reminding-me-of-myself]

why is everyone prettier than me?

[thinisinduh]

the start to my thinspiration door 👍

[thinisinduh]

September 19, Friday

B- Omelette (2 eggs, pepper, little onions, mushrooms, and shredded cheese)

Snack- Strawberries & Blueberries

L- leftover chicken breast w/ some potatoes and red pepper

D- Turkey Burger on multigrain bun w/ little mayo, ketchup, pickles, lettuce, and onion w/ broccoli and cauliflower

I still have two workouts to do tonight for Focus T 25 (Ab Intervals & Cardio)

I can honestly say I'm NOT in the mood, I just want to sleep. But It'll feel good when it's all said and done! Right?

[thinisinduh]

September 18, Thursday

DAY FROM HELL, btw.

B- Banana Chocolate Shakeology Shake (1 cup unsweetened almond milk 1 tbsp peanut butter, one banana, and one packet shakeology)

L- Spinach Salad (spinach, goat cheese, onions, shredded almonds, chickpeas, and one tbsp ranch)

Snack- 3 dark chocolate fudge cookies

D- Greek Salad from Panera Bread, half roll, w/ Lrg. green iced tea

**2 cups water

NO WORKOUT.

Today sucked. my body image is fucking horrible, and can ruin my day in an instant. I missed my workout tonight for my focus t25, and now have 3 workouts to catch up on tomorrow and Saturday. DEAD!

I've been in a bad mood all week, and it's starting to show. Fake smiling is starting to be hard....

My mom and I got into it today right before going into my interview for a new job, and left me in tears. The interview could of gone alot better. I felt flustered, nervous, and no sense of confidence, but I made it through the best I could. I find out if I get a 2nd interview next week. -crossing fingers-

long story short, after interview my mom and I kinda got into it again, I basically laid it out on the line that I'm tired of making everyone and everything perfect in my life and it's driving me nuts. I'm tired of her not being the mom I need her to be, and I never feel good enough for my own parent's. My mom did come out and ask me if I'm struggling with my E.D. and I told  her "well, it doesn't just go away..." I admitted to her somedays I wanna eat, while other days I don't eat, and there is nothing she can do about it.

I'm in between deciding if I should go see a therapist. Just someone to talk to about my depression. But I know I don't want any help with my E.D. I can't let that go.....it's gonna make me thin again! I do respect that my parent's don't know what to do or say with having a daughter with an eating disorder, especially one like me who's been struggling for about 11 years. But it gets old feeling like I have no one......I just feel too fat to even have an eating disorder. I can't wait to be thin again, and I'll do whatever the fuck it takes.

[thinisinduh]

why?

when does all this sadness end?

someone just hit me with there car today, please. And hit me HARD.

thanks.

[thinisinduh]

September 17--Wed

B- Green Berry Shakeology Shake (1 cup water, 1/2 cup plain non fat yogurt, scoop of shake mix, and 1/2 cup mixed frozen berries....this was disgusting- I drank a little over half)

L- Chicken Wraps (2 small whole wheat tortillas w/ some grilled chicken, tomato, onion, goat cheese w/ a serving of watermelon & canteloupe

D- Chicken Foil Meal (strips of chicken w/ pepper, potato, red pepper, and onions)

Snack- like 8 dark chocolate fudge cookies (ugh) && cut up strawberries and blueberries with some fat free Reddi Whip

***9 glasses of water

WORKOUT- 45 min and Focus T 25 Total body circuit ( I had to stop a bunch of times tonight--so fucking hard)

I'm hoping after this week the workouts for T25 will start to get easier!

[lovelylowcarb-deactivated201802]

[thinspirateusall]

[thinisinduh]

September 16-- Day 2

This was my second day of Focus T 25. and I'm feeling it! Especially in my thighs and legs. I've had to stop a couple of times, but get right back into it.

It fucking sucks--hard stuff!

With having an E.D. I'm so torn between just eating healthy, or hardly eating anything at all. My mind tells me even though you're eating healthy, you still need to watch your calories. When in reality this workout program allows you to eat CLEAN calories, but sometimes I still get discouraged. The past 3 days I have been eating super clean, but still feel I'm eating too much.

Daily I'm going to start writing down what I eat on here to keep track.

Goal- 800 calories and under

B- Strawberry Shakeology shake (1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk) 1/2 cup water, scoop shakeology mix, and 1 tbsp natural peanut butter)

L- Turkey Avocado sandwich (2 slices whole wheat bread, 1/2 cup smashed avocado, 4 slices roasted turkey breast sandwich meat) w/ mixed melons

D- Spinach Salad  (bit of onions, tomato, Tyson sirloin pieces, mushrooms, and 1 tbsp italian dressing) one sweet potato w/ 1 tbsp brown sugar

Snack- 1/2 cup cottage cheese, and two caramel corn rice cakes

***8 cups water

[thinisinduh]

new start, new day.

Tomorrow I'm starting something brand new. I'm gonna lose all this body fat, and I'm going to be as happy as I can be.

500-800 calories a day

-starting T 25 focus 50 day challenge. You workout 5-6 days a week and eat clean ONLY! I'm not only going to eat clean, but cut out alot of calories as well.

I HAVE to stick with this. Especially since I spent $80 on it.

Monday here I come!

[danielasanchezflores]

[thinisinduh]

fat.

[itslatingirl]

[thinisinduh]

And I'm one of those obese people.

[herheartbeatsfaster]

I wish… - https://weheartit.com/entry/131890369