People really underestimate how much damage Ian breaking up with Mickey in season 5 and leading him on in season 7 just to dump him again did to his sense of self worth.
In season 2, Mickey begins to actually value the friendship he has with Ian, as it’s likely something he’s never experienced, even in that platonic way that they were at that point.
In season 3 he’s finally starting to actually be willing to treat it like a real relationship cause it’s likely been, dunno, almost a year ish in universe? Roughly? But then 3x6 happens and he shuts himself back off again. But it’s pretty clear by what happens the rest of the season that Mickey is clearly in love with Ian. Ian loved Mickey first, and Mickey don’t reciprocate because of Terry, until finally his brain made the choice for him, and once he finally accepted it not only was he just shoved back into the closet, Ian basically turned on him.
Then obviously Mickey is given no choice but to come out for Ian, because he loves him, and it’s one of the only times Ian threatens to leave but stays. And so Mickey starts to think “well, he most love me as much as I love him.”
And then Ian has his episodes, and Mickey struggles to take care of him. But he loves him, and somewhere deep inside of him, he thinks Ian still loves him too.
And then Ian takes off twice and leaves him again. Despite everything Mickey does. And then when they finally come back together, Ian leaves him for real. No matter what Mickey says or does. No matter that he loves him, because Ian brushes him off, and clearly, Mickey loves him more than Ian loves him.
And Ian won’t try to see him again.
And Mickey is so in love with him he claws his way out of a concrete cell.
And then Ian changes his mind. Because again, he doesn’t love Mickey like Mickey loves him.
And then Mickey throws himself back into prison, because he loves Ian that much. He wants him that badly.
And then Ian asks him to merry him. And it seems perfect.
So when Ian won’t sign the marriage papers because of the same baggage hes been dragging out for literally years, mickeys reminded again again, that Ian leaves. Ian leaves for the army, Ian leaves with the baby, Ian leaves with his mom, Ian leaves…period, Ian leaves for good, Ian leaves him at the boarder, Ian leaves his name unsigned.
*ian leaves because he doesn’t love Mickey like Mickey loves him.*
And it’s in that moment at the courthouse when he realizes it, and that ians always gonna have one foot out the door, and mickeys gonna grab and hold onto his leg for dear life.
And after all mickeys been through, he still doesn’t blame Ian for his own faults. It has to be mickeys fault. He has to be unworthy of love, he has to be not good enough for Ian to stay, he is the reason Ian doesn’t love him, not cause of Ian’s own feelings.
I had a point and I lost it but all in all, Ian figuratively, and literally, leaving him at the alter consistently, and he’s still so in love with him that be physically can’t imagine it being Ian’s fault. It’s because Mickey isn’t worthy of love, and that’s the part that really breaking him up to most.
jbbartram-illu
2087
baratheonpilled
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