hello! this is an account inspired by @this-is-ableism , @this-is-accessibility , @this-is-transandrophobia, and similar blogs!
THIS BLOG IS NOT SAFE FOR TMA/TME USERS
You can call me Low Res, or just Low!
Simply, I will point out example of blatant or not-as-blatant polyphobia both in my personal life and from others. This includes all labels under the umbrella of polyamory!
this is not my main account!
important announcement about anons!
What is polyphobia?
(PT: What is polyphobia? /End PT)
polyphobia describes the prejudice, discrimination, or fear directed toward polyamorous people and polyamory (non-monogamous relationships).
the person behind this account is polyamorous and in a polucule. keep in mind every kind of polyamorous relationship / open relationship is welcomed here. There will be no discrimination.
I use poly and polyam interchangeably. That's not going to change. Asks telling me that are going to be deleted.
My username is poly-phobia because this-is-polyphobia was already taken. Stop asking me to change it.
(PT: My username is poly-phobia because this-is-polyphobia was already taken. Stop asking me to change it. /End PT)
pfp is by me!
tags!
(PT: tags! /End PT)
#this is polyphobia -> for posts talking with submissions/asks or my own experiences talking about discrimination against nonmonogamous people (accidental or not)
#this is not polyphobia! -> for posts that are not about discrimination at all. Could be jokes, experiences, or resources.
#polyphibia unrelated!!! -> for announcements or disclaimers, usually paired with the previous tag
who can submit an ask? and what is allowed in them?
(PT: who can submit an ask? and what is allowed in them? /End PT)
Any experiences about being nonmonogamous are welcome, whether or not it's your experience with being discriminated against or not.
Asks asking my opinion on certain situations/stances are going to be ignored, as that's not the point of this blog and i believe my stances to be irrelevant, as I wish to support all people who want to find a community here. I want everyone to have a safe space.
Some of my stances should be obvious anyway. The important ones are.
asks about my preferences on things are accepted, and generally replied to publically. If it's about a non general matter, I would prefer to be DM-ed!
(example: asking me if I'm okay being called certain terms will be answered publically. asks inviting me to events are better for DMs)
radexclus is a polyphobia term look it up omg I'm giggling the term is so immature
So this is the definition I could find, not sure if this is the one anon meant, but I assume so!
Radexclus: The only letters are LGBT and other groups that overlap with our experiences and community shouldn’t be welcomed because of the explicit fact that they aren’t SGA or trans; the general idea that LGBT is about SGA/transness and that the goal across the board is assimilation and not sexual liberation and bodily autonomy. Refusal to acknowledge or attempt to strike a balance between the subject of “limited resources” and “power in numbers”.
I'm not deleting it! Ill simply make another blog, update my pinned, and make sure I'm not getting harassed anymore there.
This account will stay up, but it won't be active anymore. I will make another one, and I will put it up, tagged in my pinned post, but for now, feel free to keep sending in stuff.
Internalized Polyphobia is that we're a system and have a budding in-system poly relationship, but our friend who is also poly was deeply uncomfortable with this fact finding it weird and kinda gross
this is polyphobia
one of my partners is a system and they told me they, also have internal poly relationships, and I honestly thought it was pretty cool! I don't know much about systems so I obviously don't think I'd get to have an opinion anyway, but it's weird that someone may be disgusted from something like this
"transmasculine nonbinary people" and "transfeminine nonbinary people" with no mention of transneutral nonbinary people is creating a binary, actually.
and no, these categories don't include intersex people.
i’m poly, but my partners not and that’s fine with me. they dont want me to date other people, which i can live with but i do feel a little held back. ive established that im completely okay with them doing romantic or sexual acts with others as long as they tell me, and they say the same back to me.
they pretty frequently make out with their friends and has even slept with a few of my friends and ive had no issue as i said i wouldnt, but if i even kiss a friend on the cheek they get all quiet and weird with me?
i really dont know what this is. polyphobia? repressed polyamory?? some sense of control over me???
I think it's polyphobia by proxy, but it's mainly an unhealthy dynamic you have with your partner, anon.
I am definitely not the best person to talk about this, you should tell your partner how their actions make you feel and they have to respect it, and I hope you can work out a compromise, but please, remember that you are completely allowed to set boundaries with your partner and if they can respect them, it's best for both of you to break up.
Sometimes we don't know how we'll feel or react until we're actually in the situation.
Theoretically, I thought I'd be comfortable meeting my partner's girlfriend. In reality, actually sitting face to face with her at brunch suddenly made me insecure - about myself, about my relationship with my partner, about the future! Omg, what if, what if, what if!? My nervous system screamed "THREAT! Danger! You're losing HIM!"
Mind you, I'd been friends with many of my husband's partners over the years. Jealousy, envy, insecurity are usually all just fear wrapped in different paper. They're normal, they happen even with people who have been Polyamorous and in multiple relationships for years! They can happen with one partner but not another.
How it's addressed is what matters most.
Communication is always the key. A simple, "hey, I felt weird in this situation can you help me explore it?" Or, "hey I noticed when ___ happened, you reacted by ___, I'd like to know what you were experiencing?"
Most of the time those uncomfortable feelings just need a light shined on them and discussed. Sometimes I just need a little reassurance, or to feel more connected with my partner. Sometimes, I need to sit down with my therapist and identify if it's something deeper I need to heal.
For me, "conflict" is an opportunity for Connection. It allows us to learn about each other more, clarify healthy boundaries, and evaluate what our relationship may need.
Your partner isn't Poly. They may be non-monogamous but that often comes with a level of emotional monogamy that still makes it hard to see intimate partner engaging with others. It takes a lot of people a long time to "unlearn monogamous thinking". So I'd recommend some patience and a lot of conversations about how to make this dynamic work for both of you.
i’m poly, but my partners not and that’s fine with me. they dont want me to date other people, which i can live with but i do feel a little held back. ive established that im completely okay with them doing romantic or sexual acts with others as long as they tell me, and they say the same back to me.
they pretty frequently make out with their friends and has even slept with a few of my friends and ive had no issue as i said i wouldnt, but if i even kiss a friend on the cheek they get all quiet and weird with me?
i really dont know what this is. polyphobia? repressed polyamory?? some sense of control over me???
I think it's polyphobia by proxy, but it's mainly an unhealthy dynamic you have with your partner, anon.
I am definitely not the best person to talk about this, you should tell your partner how their actions make you feel and they have to respect it, and I hope you can work out a compromise, but please, remember that you are completely allowed to set boundaries with your partner and if they can respect them, it's best for both of you to break up.
you know i dont think it counts as actual discourse when one side is going "all trans people are oppressed in sometimes unique sometimes overlapping ways and we all can have complicated relationships to gender and privilege and lack thereof" and the other side is making up a bunch of bullshit that was never said in the first place because theyre obsessed with finding the next marginalized group they can prop themselves up on to deal with the crushing reality we live in
"trans men are both men and targets of misogyny."
"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab."
"no, trans men are most often treated like broken women and are percieved and enforced by society as such."
"see? transandrobros love talking about how much trans women are male socialized with male privilege, so they can be innocent little babies with glass bones and paper skin"
"no, trans women at any stage of transition are also othered and treated as broken, no trans person has access to-"
"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab against the big scary trans women"
like this is not discourse. this is a carousel. it is a self-sustaining feedback loop for people who wish desperately to feed their own persecution complexes. no matter how many disclaimers or written out essays or olive branches offered. this crowd does not care about transgender liberation, only to use their own oppression as an excuse to take everyone else down with them.
I agree mod, there is an unfortunate problem with policing identities in the queer community, without offering substitutional language. I hope you find the answer from someone who is willing to discuss with nuance, because I unfortunately do not know the answer.
this post on pinterest (not sharing a link or username cuz i dont want them to get harassed but yk)
(ID: an image with the text "People who think cheating or having more than one lover is cool desperately needs a reality check because what the fuck" over it. /End ID)
This is polyphobia
I don't really have a comment besides "ew", but I think those whispers people on Pinterest are some of the most obnoxious people I've ever seen
I'm polyamorous and my family grew up mormon. I feel like I'll never be able to tell them i'm poly because they only know about polyamory through the really unhealthy polygamous dynamics of a cult leader.
this is polyphobia
I'm very sorry, anon, I hope you're in a better situation and find some others that will support you
How some people treat Tengen in the demon slayer fandom really irks me.. He's in a poly relationship and is genuinely some of the best representation I've seen as it's simply potrayed as a relationship between 4 consenting adults (please correct me if I'm wrong about this part, their relationship is very dear to me but if there's a development I'm unaware of I'm fine with correctiom on that)
Anyway my point is how specifically some ofthe fandom treats him, like he doesn't care, like he's just 'collecting women' , like he's a 'manwhore' (God I hate that word). It's especially upsetting because he seems to be potrayed right, but that doesn't stop polyphobes from reducing him to the polyamorous aspect of him and being weird as fuck about it.
This is mainly a rant I think fits here. I'm poly myself and the representation I get from Tengen is something I hold very dear and it's so sad for me to see people making a mockery of it
I know he's a fictional character, but people's reactions to him aren't fictional yk? Their hatred for the idea of poly people existing is real
Again it's only some of the fandom, but it hurts to see a poly character finally be potrayed with dignity only for it then to be mocked anyway. :( It makes me worry about if I'll ever get taken seriously
this is polyphobia
I don't know the character myself so I have no corrections to make, but if anyone does please comment so! I also don't really have a comment to offer given I don't know the character
i liked um a ship i dont remember what it was but i thought of it as poly and it made me very happy and i wanted to share some poly joys because polys deserve joys
I think polyphobia is how people react when you ship a poly ship.
YES I ship the main six from my little pony. "B-b-b-but they're friends!!!" SO??? THAT'S HOW 90% OF RELATIONSHIPS BEGIN??? 😭 "But they're girls!!! It's a kids show!" 👀 I don't 👀 👀 👀 give a 👀 👀👀👀👀👀 👀 👀👀👀 a 👀 👀 👀👀👀👀👀👀 👀 shit 👀 👀 👀👀
(PT start/ I think polyphobia is how people react when you ship a poly ship.
YES I ship the main six from my little pony.
quote start: "but they're friends!" /quote end
SO? THAT'S HOW 90% OF RELATIONSHIPS BEGIN? [crying emoji]
I don't give a shit [written with a bunch of eye emojis between the words] /end PT)
I agree! I think poly ships are very lovely, and I from my last ask who asked if I personally know any poly ships, I have thought about Noelle x Susie x Kris as a possible ship. I don't really think Kris is that much into romantic relationships (I headcanon them as being aroace) but I think of the ship mainly as a QPR.
One of the comments that unsettled me the most was someone saying "I feel bad for the women who were forced into thinking this is a good idea"
Because one: there was nothing that implied anyone in the relationship was forced. There were few valid criticisms, about assigning numbers to children (though I think it's hard not to, when you have forty-four, and want to state when a child was born in the order), and the lack of connection a parent would have with that many children.
And two: it's sexist infantilism. Women are not pure victims to male aggressors. My own nephew was conceived because his mother wanted easy money. Obviously not his fault. But his mother was deeply coercive throughout the entire pregnancy, and there's a reason he is now in our custody.
Polyphobes tend to come with other bigotries to them, so it is unsurprising, as usual.
agreed. The main reason I didn't post that video myself was because I didn't feel like going through the comments, going what they were going to look like, and because it was about polygamy rather than polyamory. I definitely think there's biases from either side. I am so sorry that your cousin was in that situation though, and I'm glad to hear he's in a safer place
