this damn url

random hilarious shit

[tiktokarchive]

[ithelpstodream]

[cookievampiress]

Finally, honest reporting 

[1esbrarian]

[strongorcbutch-deactivated20220]

I failed my driver’s test twice on parallel parking but I and a lot of butches I know of CAN teach how to drive a stick.

[thebodybioelectric]

Butch eye: The gardening one, the woodworking one, the stick shift one, the cooking one, the finding your own personal style unencumbered by the desires of the male gaze

[fromkenari]

Butch Pal for the Straight Gal is a thing and they’re still raising money to finish post-production.

[brutus-red-xiii-deactivated2021]

Irish Tesco worker nails church acoustics in work stairwell

[dementedgnomicwizard]

oh good

[askaniritual]

[furblee]

[erohoney-deactivated20191218]

[suncrayon]

[narwhalsarefalling]

[houston-i-have-problems]

[michaelburnnham]

[angry-beibers]

[niftyanswersorryiasked]

[izzzzzzieeeeeeeee]

[holesmovingcastle]

[wigpisser]

[c0ffeekitten]

[lahiah]

[wizardnuke]

[fake-bnha]

wow i love cards against humanity

[mudpuddling-moved]

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

[everythingfox]

“My cat is afraid of tangerines, so i created a force field to protect the Christmas tree…”

(Source)

[thespectacularspider-girl]

You can feel the anger radiating off this image

[atuans]

everybody has seen vanessa stockard's black cat paintings im sure but im still so obsessed with how she paints the cat like

literally JUST eyes

[notkatniss]

remember when hozier did the victorias secret fashion show. scream

[notkatniss]

he looks like he just accidentally teleported there 

[mysticalalleycat]

Y'all Elle interviewed him about this beforehand and it’s the best thing I’ve read.

What a legend

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

[mcsqu1bb]

My autistic brother created a new family Christmas tradition

Okay, so last year, my mom bought this Christmas moose that she lovingly named Barry

This is him

Cute, right?

Well, for whatever reason only known to my brother, he decided that he wanted to put Barry in different rooms of our house and it usually scares the shit out of whomever happens upon Barry; usually the person who finds him is the person that my brother wanted to scare.

So far, Barry has been found

On our dining room table

On my dad's side of my parents' bed

In my parents' closet

Outside their bedroom door (at 5 in the morning and scared my mother shitless)

Near the kitchen door

Near my fucking bed

At the bottom of my sister's stairwell

In our bathroom

And down the hallway

This has gone on for 9 days and it doesn't seem to show signs of stopping. Most of the time we know who gets Barry because it's always followed with a very loud "FUCKING BARRY!!!!!"

My brother is the funniest fucking person I know.

[mcsqu1bb]

Update:

He found his way into my sister's room.

And my brother is cackling maniacally downstairs.

[mcsqu1bb]

Holy fuck this doll is creepy

[mcsqu1bb]

Another update:

The soft glow of the Christmas tree seems to quell his bloodlust

[thesaltofcarthage]

vote to replace the evil surveillance Elf on the Shelf with Barry the Chrismoose

[campmiasmas]

Jimmy couldn’t be here tonight, he is recovering at home, and Jimmy, if you’re watching, we’re thinking of you and we wish you the best with your new butt implants.

[agentromanoffsir]

some carrie fisher tweets to brighten your day

[notkatniss]

remember when hozier did the victorias secret fashion show. scream

[notkatniss]

he looks like he just accidentally teleported there 

[mysticalalleycat]

Y'all Elle interviewed him about this beforehand and it’s the best thing I’ve read.

What a legend

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

[rionsuke]

After everything that happened in Ragnarok, imagine Thor hearing about Steve and Tony’s fight and being like “Really?! Thats why you all stopped working together?! Just get over it! I did! I’m still friends with Loki and he’s betrayed me three times since breakfast! This petty mortal shit is nothing!”

[wombatking]

Loki: “Can confirm, poisoning his mead right now.”

Thor: “Ha! I’ve built up an immunity.”

[thorinobsessed]

Now I feel I was cheated on Civil War

[emysabath]

Steve: “Well, we disagreed about this big political thing, and I mean big - almost every country in the world was involved.” Thor: *nodding* “Right.” Steve: “So we started to fight, I mean really fight.  We each had about half a dozen friends backing us up.” Thor: *nodding* “Always best to bring your friends along” Steve: “And by the end, it was just me and Tony, and we… we really pounded each other…. no holding back.” Thor: *nodding* “The most honorable way to fight” Steve:  “So now we’re not friends anymore.” Thor: “… you lost me.”

[edg3ydaddies]

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Shawty got them problematic jeans

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

[bard-o-lator]

I walk an old town road

Upon the only horse I’ve ever known

[shitmygaywifesays]

Shit my wife has said to our cat:

-You are the cause of all entropy.

-I don’t know how, but I’m going to blame you for all my problems.

-Life on this earth is brief.

-What do you think about the plight of the Jewish people, Miss Kitty?

-You have to ask yourself, Miss Kitty, would your rather be comforted by a lie or strengthened by the truth?

-You occupy a very small space in a very large world, but your conscience is ever the umbrella. You also have a cute kitty butt.

- (after the cat ate a ribbon and threw it up) You wanted to be beautiful on the inside, didn’t you?

-You understand that life is meaningless and we must take pleasure where we can. And for you that is on this blue blanket.

-I will fight you in hell upon a mound of bones, Miss Kitty.

-You are a single bead in the string of lives that I hold together.

-You can get used to a certain kind of poison, Miss Kitty

-Sometimes that little light escapes the darkness of your heart, and then you cage it again.

- I… am SO PROUD to have a cat that would murder her children.

       -(justifying it) Come on! She’d be a terrible mother!

- We can’t be equals until you get a job, you goddamn freeloader.

- You and your eight nipples are shit.

- You have just enough common sense to not piss on your tail, Miss Kitty.

[edromyheart]