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@thisfitisbananas-blog
moving
Dear anyone who is very kindly following me,
This blog has moved to the following location: thisfitsbananas.tumblr.com
I needed to link the account to my instagram page and since tumblr really loves to not let you switch the primary account setting I had to create a new one. So if you're interested in my ramblings and would like to keep following me on this weird weight loss journey, please feel free to join me over there. I'd really appreciate it!
all the apples
Today was: WEIGHTS all up ins. 40 minutes of the sheer terror of lifting 10 pounds over my head and then doing squats until I could do squats no more. Then I did the elliptical for 10 minutes and then I cried. Well not really but I did sit down pretty hard.
I hate when I go too long without lifting because then I go back and I'm all GOOD GOD MAN WHY WOULD ANYONE DO SUCH A THING and it takes me two days to recover. 10 pound weights you guys. They do me in.
Also, I had a baked apple with oats and cinnamon and some raisins for dessert tonight and it was the best thing since forever. This whole avoiding overloading sugar thing is really working out for me. Except for all the veggies which, let me just tell you on the DL, are making me one Gassy McGee. Good times for my stomach, bad times for my brother. Who unfortunately cannot make a comment about it since we signed a blood pact all those months ago on not making fart comments when I had bowel disease (aka the stomach flu) and I had to lay down the law. Deals were made man. Some I'm not proud of but you gotta do what you gotta do.
On the schedule tomorrow is another epic run on the lakeshore. Which I'm way more excited for then hanging out in the gym. I effing love the fall you guys. Leaves are the best to run though.
the cookie monster is kind of an understatement
Operation No Sugar starts today. Well, by No Sugar I mean super epic LOW amounts of sugar. Like no more then maybe 2 tbs a day of the natural stuff. As an example last night I had avocado pudding with 1 tsp honey and 1 tsp carob chips.
So why am I doing this? Because I literally turn into the Not So Cute version of the Cookie Monster whenever I have sugar. Cake, cookies, pie, chocolate, any of the good stuff. I don't care if it's dairy free or vegan based or Holier Than Thou, if it's got sugar in it I'm going to freak out like a drug addict on a bender and it will not end well. Case in point, the other day I made granola bars dipped in chocolate that I cut up and put in the fridge/freezer. I also had some leftover bits of the granola that broke off as I was cutting the bars so I saved them as a topping for yogurt/oatmeal, etc. And I swear to you if I hadn't put the stuff on literal lockdown in the freezer I would have shoveled it all into my mouth in about four and a half seconds.
It's basically oats and rice cereal with molasses, honey and brown sugar to bind it together and my mind is all YESSSSSSS ALL THE SUGARS NOOOOW every time I get near it. I also made a cake out of 'natural' ingredients for a friend's birthday this week and ate two pieces of it before bloating out like the world's largest most whiney balloon. So my body both loves and despises sugar/whole wheat pastry flour.
Ugh. I'm really hating the idea of an elimination diet right now but I'm so sick of being gassy and bloated all the time that this is just something that has to happen. I tried reintroducing yogurt into my life to a not so great ending so I had to take that out again and just accept that yogurt and ice cream isn't going to be happening in my life. Apparently neither are certain kinds of flour which is unfortunate.
So this is my life right now. Applying for jobs, trying to pick up my running speed/distance, and eliminating things from my diet until my stomach de-pouf's itself. Seriously, I could probably float off this couch, UP movie style.
Any tips on reducing bloat?
the cow says "mooooove this shiz out of your diet"
"Common signs and symptoms of milk protein or lactose intolerance include digestive problems, such as bloating, gas or diarrhea, after consuming milk or products containing milk."
Son of a B. I'm going to have to give up dairy products for awhile, perhaps indefinitely. I just have to accept the symptoms and realize that being bloaty and in pain whenever I eat/drink them is just something that's going to happen and just move the eff on about it.
So here's my sad but brief goodbye to all things dairy including the delicious local whole milk from the natural foods store that I love, all the greek god's greek yogurt that is so so very delicious, cheeeeeese (I live in Wisconsin you guys, I can't even right now with this), BASICALLY MOST THINGS THAT I LOVE.
There's a pretty big part of me crying on the inside right now. But my digestive system, I'm sure, is all VICTOOOOORRYYYYYYY because it's probably totes sick of having to punch me in the gut anytime I eat ice cream/yogurt. UGH I FORGOT ABOUT ICE CREAM. DAMN THE UNIVERSE AND LACTOSE INTOLERANCE. DAMN IT ALL.
Well. Good thing So Delicious has coconut milk ice cream so I guess I'll survive. They seem to be the only company that makes decent non milk alternatives because everything else I've considered IE soy or rice milk is disgusting ingredients wise and calorie wise. So I'll be passing on that. Yay coconut, nature's adorable answer to people who can't digest dairy. I heart you coconut. You were there for me when cow's milk couldn't be.
Alright. Enough moping. In other news, I'm also cutting way back on meat which is going to be interesting. So my transition to 90% vegan is starting now and going pretty strong now that I've decided dairy is no longer an option for me. I say 90% because some times I know I'm going to want to eat eggs with toast or have a little bit of chicken somewhere so there's no possible way I can go fully vegan without driving myself insane. But it will literally be meat/eggs maaaybe once a month since now I have delicious alternatives like oatmeal and tofu. That really made me sound like an old man hippie but whatevs, I accept my inner old man. We hang out and play boggle in our Charles Xavier sweaters.
Less wheat will also be happening. I'm working through an elimination thing right now since my digestive system has been on the fritz for the past few weeks (I mostly blame the Amtrak vacation debacle of 2012) and now that I've singled out dairy as a digestive douchebag I'm onto wheat next. I hate to be That Gluten Guy but I'm just going to test the theory out and see if there's any weight behind it. I do notice when I eat a lot of bread/grains I tend to bloat out and feel uncomfortable, much like the dairy incidents, so we'll see what happens when I lower my carb intake a bit. It might not even be gluten as much as just carbs in general. I ain't nothin' but a carb hound. And I'm not going to finish that sentence just on principle.
TOAST THOUGH YOU GUYS. SORT OF ALREADY MISS IT. I know there are gluten free bread options but are they any good or are they the mushy old-people home type bread? Because nobody likes that. Except maybe dentures.
why you eat so much??
I actually had to create a word document the other day as a way to cope with/verbally scold myself every time I want to over eat. And there is LITERALLY no reason for it. I look at my food diary and I've met my quota, I've got a good range of everything happening with my food and it's all clean but then at like 6:00 at night I'm binging on episodes of Revenge on Hulu+ and BOOM suddenly I'm binging on food at the same time.
I know what it is--the sneaky Bastard of Boredom has struck again. I'm bored and craving something random and then I eat. And to be fair, I'm not binging on like ho-ho's and donuts and cookie dough (let's not talk about cookie dough), I just start overeating bananas or oatmeal or raisins or an apple with peanut butter and then I eat ALL of that one right after the other. But just because it's healthy food doesn't mean I should just keep eating it, especially when I know I'm not hungry and I know I haven't deprived myself of food so WTF STOMACH. WHY YOU SO HUNGRY.
I honestly hate boredom. Boredom + cravings is an evil, evil mistress of evil things. Like the Malificent of diet sabotaging.
So I created a list. Of things to do when a craving hits that don't involve throwing everything out in my kitchen. Because that would make me a crazy person. And also unable to eat ever again.
When you feel like overeating do the following:
1. Have a cup of tea 2. Have another cup of tea 3. Have a glass of water with lemon 4. Have 10 frozen grapes 5. Have another glass of water 6. If you STILL feel like eating, 7. Have half a banana and a glass of water 8. GET OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM 9. Do lunges 10. Walk on the treadmill while watching something on Netflix 10. Go the fuck to sleep
Honestly. It's real sad that it has to come down to this but I swear to god I haven't felt legit full in, I can't even remember. It takes my brain a FULL HOUR to register that I don't need to eat any more. I love all those fucking diet tips about 'wait twenty minutes and your stomach will signal you that it's full!' Really? Cause mine takes an hour. Because obviously my stomach has to also be just as big of a procrastinator as the rest of me.
I also sort of hate that most of the time I'm thinking about food. And not in an obsessive DID I EAT TOO MUCH?? way, just in a OOH BREAKFAST. When's lunch? OOH DINNER. When's breakfast? Ugh. I think I just like food too much. Damn you years of genetic programing to survive now non-existent famine periods! That should really be on a t-shirt somewhere.
What do you do to stave off cravings? Sometimes I also chew a piece of Big Red gum. No idea why but my brain interprets that as enough sugar whenever I'm craving something. Probably because it's made almost entirely of it but whatever I need to do to play mind games with my own mind. #meta
Basically the True Story about my motivation to weight lift right now. Faaails. Are happening.
I don’t really diet or anything. I’m miserable when I’m dieting and I like the way I look. I’m really sick of all these actresses looking like birds… I’d rather look a little chubby on camera and look like a person in real life, than look great on screen and look like a scarecrow in real life.
Totally missed yoga today in favor of a hair appointment. Feel sooort of bad about it since I also missed last week due to Nerdist at the Majestic. As a result my body is in full old-man mode due to running and not enough stretching. I think I creak when I get up. True story.
it probably doesn't help that my run route looks like the walking dead farm
Sooo I was going to post random pictures of what I was eating today because I'm the kind of nutrition nerd that loves that shiz on other blogs and apparently lives vicariously through other people's food choices. Which is probably not weird at all. Really. Except that I KEPT FORGETTING and then would only remember AFTER I inhaled all my delicious food and was all 'aaww man, you forgot again, dude. That's balls!' Because my inner voice is Jake the dog from Adventure Time. Just so you know.
I'm going to try to rectify that tomorrow so here's to hoping. But just to put it out there, here's what I had today (as far as I can remember. anyway):
Breakfast: 1 Ezekiel english muffin with pat of butter, spinach, 2 eggs and bit of cheese Snack: Whole milk organic yogurt with blueberries and 1/3 cup puffins cereal Lunch: Leftover eggplant lasagna with spinach and tomatoes Snack: 10 grapes, 3 strawberries and 1 banana (this banana was sad looking guys--it had to be eaten) Dinner: 3 turkey meatballs, organic pasta sauce with zucchini 'pasta', 5 asparagus stalks with lemon juice, olive oil, and panko breadcrumbs, kale Dessert: 1 organic graham cracker mashed into a ramkin with pumpkin puree on top and a smidge of low fat coconut oil (which, ps, stick to the full-fat. It's just tastier. Fact Of Life)
I also had a slice of watermelon somewhere in there. Today was a heavy eating day because I ran for 40 minutes (back into the grooooove! and by groove I mean nearly dying) and did some weights. So totally an excuse to eat more fruits. I might have a fruit addiction you guys. I might need an Intervention. FRUITERVENTION?
Sidenote, the app Zombies Run! is really addicting and just like playing a zombie video game but while running. It's also mildly terrifying in a totally intentional way. It gives you a bit of story in between songs on your playlist and then randomly throws in zombie herd attacks where a voiceover will tell you to RUN THAT SHIT OUT YO (only in a more child-friendly way) and you get this crazy zombie mumbling in surround sound which literally sounds like a pack of flesh eating zombies behind you and you have to run it out for a full minute to escape and pick up some shwag. It's pretty much the best nerd thing ever and totally worth my $8.
It's great with tracking using your phone's GPS and will pinpoint locations as you run to pick up shit (the game does it automatically) like food and supplies. There's also a story line that kicks in between songs (if you're running a playlist) so that's entertaining. Basically the zombie nerd in me is deeply in love with this app in a probably irrational way. But sometimes you just need a pack of rabid zombies on your ass to get you through those HIIT's, amirite? Because nothing says motivation like getting your face eaten off. I SAY.
Anyway, here's a link to the site which has an adorable video about it and a link to get it on itunes. I totes recommend it.
Another thing I recommend is not becoming a total lazy douche who doesn't run for weeks and then tries to right away get back into her old speed. It's uh, it's not going to happen. And I felt like I was going to die. Actually I did die, in the game apparently, as I found out when I checked my log that I got caught by zombie herds twice. So there's your lesson for physical fitness, kids. Some day you are going to have to outrun zombies. And McDonald's isn't going to be there for you then.
and then i was like 'oh my glob this blog, you guys, it's so looonely'
I literally can't talk about how long it's been since I posted last. Don't even get me started on my other blogs. It's...depressing. For everyone involved. And by everyone I mean me and my fingers. That sounds dirty. It mostly isn't. Mostly.
ANYWAY. I've kind of fallen off the nutrition bandwagon lately. Since I decided to no longer be the Ultimate Food Nazi of my parent's nightmares, I've been a bit lax on things in the weight loss department. I gained about four pounds which, while basically negligible is still a bit of a downer so I'm unfortunately going to have to kick this shiz back into semi-high gear. And by semi-high gear I mean start paying a bit more attention to calories and actually working out. Mostly I have to get back to the actually working out bit. I've been doing a lot of yoga and general walking but I sort of miss weight lifting and running and THANK ALL THINGS GOOD IN THE UNIVERSE YOU GUYS it's actually starting to warm up out here again. I refuse to run on treadmills unless mother nature is holding her usual bitch fest gun to my head with snow and icy conditions. Good weather=awesome runs outside with actual fresh air and like, nature. NATURE. YOU GUYS. I MISS ITS QUANT ADORABLENESS.
Also, I missed yoga twice this week due to 1. a sudden laziness bout, and then 2. a comedy engagement in Madison that could not be missed (NERDIST LIVE! I'm STILL excited about it and it's been over for two days) and my body is apparently real annoyed about it. I feel like a 90 year old man. I did a few stretches before bed but honest to god I'm mostly lost without some sort of outside instruction. I just can't get into the zone without the soothing tones of my yoga instructor telling me to empty my mind and lean into the stretch.
New things I've realized:
1. I kind of miss routine? A more routine workout schedule would be nice to lockdown again and a new eating routine with just a bit less eating. I've become The Office Grazer. Granted, I'm usually grazing on sugar snap peas and carrots but still. Too. Much. Food.
2. I clearly need to do some form of yoga every day. My body just demands it. And who am I to argue with these obviously outstanding glutes you guys. I mean. (this is where I'm actually rolling my eyes. at myself)
3. My digestive system hates ice cream. Like, HATES it. Mostly it hates excessive amounts of dairy but it has a real visceral hatred for my biggest love of all time, ice cream cones. Or sundaes. Or just ice cream, anywhere, basically, near my stomach. So. I'll be giving that up in favor of frozen yogurt. Bit of a downer but I'd rather be that then Gassy McGee. Seriously. Nobody likes Gassy McGee. She sits alone at the lunch table.
4. I'm starting to seriously look into grad school. I just can't take this temp shit anymore. I will lose my mind at some point and start eating a hat. In front of people. With no expression on my face because I no longer can feel emotions. I can sort of feel it coming. That's about what I look like every day at this job anyway.
So anyway. I'm going to start posting more often, hopefully, if only to keep my own shit on track here. More pictures of what I'm eating, more pictures of what I'm doing for workouts, more logs of my life. Sounds like the new Days Of Our Lives. Next on, Logs Of My Life. Lamest soap opera ever.
So here goes. BACK TO IT.
WORD.
So seriously, the hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is after months of being in the habit of weighing myself every single damn day, knowing not to do it anymore and actually NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. I stare at the scale every morning and think:
Alright. Fuck you weird metal/plastic device of doom and tears and puppy sadness I will NOT bow to you today so that you can make my inner fabulous unicorn cry about a number that is not relevant to real life situations just because I might have eaten too much faux cookie dough last night. I mean, fuck you, it was deliciously worth it. Who cares if I might have added a bit more brown sugar then was necessary. I mean, it's mostly chickpeas anyway. WHO CARES I SAY.
Why don't I ever worry about helping to cure cancer or like, how my family is doing or in what ways I can improve my life? Instead I worry about dimples on my thighs and why my body doesn't look like Zoe Saldana. I mean, she is fairly smokin' but she does basically need to eat a sandwich. So maybe my body is the sandwich version of Zoe Saldana? Yeaaah. That's it. Also Columbiana was a really shit movie. Just saying.
I'm going to put a sticky note on that bitch that says that exact thing. Especially the bit about my inner fabulous unicorn because for reals, she's pretty amazeballs you guys. Yeah. I just said amazeballs. Sometimes you just have to add the word balls to the ends of all your sentences to make you feel good inside. Please insert 'that's what she said' joke of your choice here.
Why sometimes a banana is just a banana and not the sum of all its stupid calories
Things I've decided not to do anymore starting today:
1. Weigh myself daily. This honestly drives me partially psychotic. It's like WHAT HOW DID I GAIN A POUND AND A HALF IN 24 HOURS?! And then self loathing, beating up self, restricting calories from self begins. Fuck that shiz man, I'm over it. That scale is going into the back of my closet to be busted out once every two weeks ONLY as a gauge of how far in either direction I'm fluctuating. If I stay under 130, awesome sauce. If I go up, then I'll start making a few tweaks to diet/exercise routine etc. Right now though? That scale can seriously go to hell.
2. Calorie counting. Ok, I know I just said that this is a great way to track what you're eating and the top way to lose weight and I wasn't lying, it totally is. Especially in the beginning and I still highly recommend it when you're starting out to actually see just how much you're putting in your mouth. The thing is, with me, I get really obsessive about it and I keep seeing the numbers add up and want the number to be smaller and smaller every time. Which you know, nobody should be eating under 1,000 calories a day. Seriously. It's ridiculous and your body hates you for it and it is the primary reason I've recently gained back about 3 pounds because my body is now readjusting to not restricting itself. Just don't do it people. I stayed under 1100 most weeks which just isn't heathy for my body and now I'm knocking it the hell off. As of now I'm no longer going to count exactly how many calories I'm eating. Because sometimes I just want to eat a whole fucking banana and not half and I want to stop constantly telling myself that a whole banana is 101 whopping calories. WHO CARES. IT'S A BANANA. YOUR BODY LOVES THEM. It's not 101 calories of chocolate cake so just accept it and move on.
I think this is going to help me relax a lot more around food. As previously stated, I'm still watching what I eat and not like you know, suddenly eating 10 hamburgers in one go but I'm no longer making sure I know the exact number of everything I put near my mouth because I know that it's all healthy unprocessed foods and I'm eating well and in moderation. So I know this is a normal healthy diet. Emphasis on normal.
And now I can breeeeathe again.
It's sad that what motivates me so early is getting to watch the today show on the treadmill
Monday: Weights @ home 2 mile run
Tuesday: Run 7:50-8:25 AM Total Body Fit Class @ 8:30-9:20 AM
Wednesday: Yoga Class @ 8:30-9:30 AM Strength Yoga Class @ 9:30-10:25 AM Weights 30 Min
Thursday: Core N' More Class @7:30-8:00 AM Bike Basics Class @ 8:30-9:15 AM Walk 35 Minutes with incline
Friday: Yoga Strength Class @ 10:45-11:35 AM Weights
Saturday: Run outside 3 miles if good weather OR Weights @ gym w/3 mile treadmill run
Sunday: REST
Gratuitous 'this is what I'm eating this week' post. Because I'm self-involved.
Guys. I was in a total lunch/food rut until I realized how awesome kids lunches are and why aren't I having the same delicious quantities of food in equally adorable packaging and I'm an adult?! This is happening. Right now.
Tuesday: Breakfast: Oatmeal w/water, 1 tbsp. peanut butter and 1 tbsp. jelly; green tea Lunch: Wrap with turkey, cheese and spinach w/avocado and broccoli and carrots and hard boiled egg Snack: Berry Smoothie OR raspberries w/white chocolate chips Dinner: Tacos made from jicama and ground turkey with rice and salad Snack: Chocolate dipped banana, frozen rolled in nuts
Wednesday: Breakfast: Egg white wrap with half turkey sausage, cheese and spinach and glass chocolate milk Snack: Green power smoothie Lunch: Half ham sammy on oat bread w/cheese and dijon mustard chopped into bite size, melon and blueberries and sticks of celery Dinner: Half piece of chicken with baked beans and kale Snack: Brawny Brownie
Thursday: Breakfast: 1 piece oat bread toasted with 1 tbsp peanut butter (use a little water for spread) and pomegranate seeds w/1 cup coconut milk and half banana Lunch: Tangy Curry Chicken Salad w/bread and lettuce w/tomato Snack: Brawny Brownie w/raspberries Dinner: Homemade marg. pizza w/pesto sauce Snack: 2 chocolate dipped kiwi slices on a stick OR 1/2 cup healthy cookie dough
Friday: Breakfast: Oatmeal w/coconut milk, apple slices and honey; coffee Lunch: Leftover marg. pizza w/pesto sauce, salad w/tomato, strawberries and blueberries Snack: Handful mixed nuts w/dark chocolate chips Dinner: ? (mom's birthday which means I'll probably be eating something totes awesome like fish and chips. In moderation, obvs, but enjoyed with relish) Snack: 1/2 cup Ice Cream w/raspberries
Shit son. That's a lot of food but I love it. I just realized I've been eating between 900-1000 calories for the past 3 weeks so uh, my body is pretty happy about all this sudden eating biz. I love it. My 5k time is slowly improving and I can run the first 2 miles without any problem so clearly my body was just like PLEASE. WE NEED FOOD. THANKS.
I'm just throwing this out here but check this website out Right The Hell Now for totally awesome kid's lunch ideas that make me want to have a child (ill-advised, I know) just so I can make these amazingly adorable lunches for them to take to school. And then we can learn about the solar system together and they can teach me math. IT'LL BE SO FUN GUYS. That's why people have kids right? To make adorable dinosaur cut-out sandwiches, right? I KNEW IT.
I love it so much. It's giving me the best lunch inspirations ever. And yes I totally have dinosaur sandwich cutouts. Who doesn't?
Does anyone have equally amazing websites for food preparation that I can stalk enjoy? I'm interested in filling out the rest of my day with food porn involving breakfast and dinner ideas. Preferably with orgasmic pictures. It's how I do.
oh my god the carbs. THE CARBS
So my mom Thinterventioned me yesterday. And normally I'd be all LOL LADY I KNOWS MY NUTRITION OK, BACK UP but this lady is my mom and thus the ultimate lady and the all knowing authority of all knowing things that are All Known. You know. As moms do. Plus she was right. Which never fucking fails in the mom department but after 26 years I'm sadly pretty used to it.
Basically I got crabby about something food-wise and she told me I wasn't fun anymore. Which at first was basically The Most Insulting Thing Of All Time because SHWA? ME? I'M FABULOUS. But then I realized. She's sorta right. I mean, when you obsess about every single minute ingredient of every single thing you might be eating, considering eating, or putting within a 25 mile radius of your mouth then you've got a problem. I really don't need to be so goddamn uptight. I was the Queen Of Uptight Food Choices. I mean. It took me 25 minutes and about 56 imposing questions on the waitress to decide what I could possibly eat when I went to dinner with her on friday. Needless to say, she'd had just about enough. And reasonably so because I've been a total nutrition nazi diva bitch from hell. It's true story.
So I'm over it. I'm still super health aware, obvs (hence the blog) and I still insist on reading labels and checking the shit out of serving sizes and always watching my portions but in a normal human being trying to eat healthy way and not in a I Should Probably Travel With My Measuring Cups and I CAN'T POSSIBLY EAT THAT WITHOUT KNOWING THAT ITS MOTHER LIVED A HAPPY LIFE BEFORE IT WAS KILLED AND PUT ON MY PLATE I NEED TO KNOW ITS GENETIC HISTORY way. Seriously. It's killin' me.
Literally, when she said that to me I was considering storming out of the house, sans all my shiz, and heading back home without a delicious homemade breakfast in my belly and then I put down The Issues and decided she was right. Nobody likes the nutrition nazi because nobody likes fucking nazis. I mean, how long have I been saying this? Ugh.
Instead we bonded over a giant breakfast fry-up (with whole grain bread, tomato, one egg, bacon, and a bunch of egg whites) and I decided to let it go. I've gained weight but honestly who gives a shit? I'd rather have french toast at my parent's house and not feel like I have to turn it down because I didn't hand make the bread myself. Or not be able to go out to dinner with my mom without driving her up the wall because I can't eat anything on any menu ever without inspecting the kitchen first to make sure I know JUST how much butter is coming near my broccoli. GET OVER IT. Sometimes food is just food and it's ok to relax about it.
So basically, this is me, chilling the hell out about my diet. I'm still going to eat well and be vigilant about my choices and I'm still going to work out as often as I can because I honestly enjoy both of those things. Just not to the extreme where I have to measure everything all the time and constantly give all other food the stank eye because it might not be nutritionally godlike. Plus I really sounded like a fucking snob which is the exact opposite of my normal personality. I don't want to be the Food Mean Girl. Nobody wants to be that girl. It's really not worth the time.
I'm probably going to gain a bit of weight back. Or I'm going to gain more muscle from my added weight lifting who the hell knows. All I know is I feel...lighter. A little bloated from the ice cream (I will never refuse locally made ice cream, people especially if coffee flavor is involved) but I feel more at ease. I've lost almost 20 pounds and if I gain back 5 whatevs. Maybe my body just really needed the extra padding that month. And I respect that.
This is me, officially stopping myself from being an asshole to myself. And my body and restricting things from myself. This shouldn't be about weight and a number on a scale. This should be about definition and strength and shaving time off my 5k pace. Because I want to be happy in all aspects of my life and sometimes you just have to let yourself have a whole banana without counting the calories. Because bananas are awesome and should be respected. LET'S EAT.
