Drink Tea, Paint Nails

[thismanyotters]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think

[lindsayvanekart]

My latest piece: Our Blessed Rebel Queen, Carrie Fisher

done in watercolour and ink. 

Carrie Fisher has always been a great inspiration to me. As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, I wanted to create a piece to bring me and comfort and strength. To look upon Space Mom and say “yes, I can face today.”

prints available: https://society6.com/product/our-blessed-rebel-queen-carrie-fisher_print

facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lindsayvanekart/

[jacksmannequin]

[aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20]

Batman v Superman looks amazing

[onceiwashere]

i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers

[onceiwashere]

i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

[90stvqueen]

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

[antidarkmattermaker]

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

[katjohnadams]

Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

[multi-purpose-tool-guy]

today at work a customer’s card didn’t go through so I asked them to try again and it worked that time and I mixed up saying “there we go” and “there it goes” and I ended up saying “there we goes" and I just

[paganprincesss]

why is this so funny

[really-funny-posts]

he’s a natural fit at walmart

[bogleech]

Cashier the other day: “have a nice night!”

Me failing to load one correct response from multiple possibilities: …….“YOUP!”

[knightofleo]

Andrey Surnov | facebook | instagram | behance | deviantart evening traffic 1 subway shipyard crane cranes evening traffic 2 evening traffic 3 night shop 1  6:00 AM shooting gallery dark street pizzeria night shop 2 red café

Bonus:

closed café

more art by Andrey Surnov

[debbie-sketch]

Hogwarts Houses common rooms in Halloween season 

[vickisigh]

Week 1 of Inktober! My theme this year is plant witches~ ^o^

Twitter | Instagram | Patreon | Store

[annmarcellino]

[sosuperawesome]

Camille Chew, aka Lord of Masks on Tumblr and Society6

Browse more curated artists on Tumblr

So Super Awesome is also on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

[icpe]

Witcher 3, doodles #170

[sparkitors]

snapchat, insta, and quidditch=games that gryffindor JUST CAN’T LOSE. 

amazing illos & hilarz captions created exclusively for SparkNotes by the awesome @sasmilledge

[kateordie]

This is so pure

[agoodcartoon]

great

[sneetsnirt]

Good.

[misspixnmix]

I wholeheartedly approve.

[rosalarian]

OK but Girl Scouts allowed trans and NB scouts in long ago and they’re a secular organization as opposed to the explicitly Christian Boy Scouts. This is literally just a way of attracting girls away from the feminism of Girl Scouts to the Christian patriarchy because we still think Boy Scouts are better because they’re for boys. I went camping in Girl Scouts. I built fires. I also learned that it’s okay to be proud of being a girl and doing “girly” things like sewing and cooking (really important skills that are downplayed because they’re seen as “women’s work.”) The Girl Scouts are so officially pro-choice that they scare evangelicals.

Girls joining Boy Scouts is false progressivism. While I think perhaps the days of gendered scouting might be numbered, it shouldn’t be because everyone is now joining the conservative organization of the Boy Scouts.

[moosekleenex]

Sea ghosts in progress. #illustration #inktober2017

[dwergas-deactivated20180817]

“if labyrinth was in modern day everyone would be so tumblr horny and fandom weird for david bowie” is such a weird thing to say… like… did you see labyrinth… that’s like the whole point of david bowie in the movie. did you see his crotch.

[liarmonster]

Children today are wild with their, ‘Can you believe we would’ve sexualized the Goblin King, a character made to be sexualized or else they wouldn’t have stuffed that goddamn grapefruit down the front of Bowie’s trousers?’ and their ‘Because it was mostly on LiveJournal, we’re going to pretend nobody was writing obscene amounts of Depp Wonka fic.’ 

Next it’ll be, ‘Holy shit, people would’ve wanted to fuck Dr. Frank-N-Furter!!!’ and ‘Good thing we invented shipping, because now we can all finally consider if Kirk and Spock would’ve been a good couple.’

[robinade]