[sandmandaddy69]

[tatzelwurming]

in the dungeon you will have to face a monster with the nose of a tiger, the teeth of a tiger, the ears of a tiger the eyes of a tiger , the cheeks of a tiger , the neck of a tiger, the torso of a tiger, the arms of a tiger, the paws of a tiger, the belly of a tiger the back of a tiger, the the legs of a tiger, the claws of a tiger, the ankles of a tiger, the tail of the tiger, the mind of a tiger, and the power of a tiger

[sea--burn]

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter

[avalonjoan]

Love that you’re making it clear exactly what physical demands this job has, but could you possibly, potentially, phrase it differently?

[sternfleck]

My resume

[notahorseindisguise]

ALSO..some more masturbation facts about me. theres a nonsexual scene in a book where a kid gets spanked for some reason. it was set in like the 40s and he was in a boarding school i forget. but i think i either misread the scene . or maybr the author actually did write this and theyre just fucking weird. and i thought the protag got hit (with like a ruler or something). on the penis instead of on the arse. and i remember my 11 year old brain being like. i wonder why i think that would feel good.

and so my first ever "experiment" with masturbation was. slapping my dick with a ruler. and when that felt good. my first ever way of masturbating was. stacking heavy books on my penis. and then hitting the top book. so that the force was distributed down the series of books. into my penis. and of COURSE it didnt work i was punching books into my dick but it laid a strong foundation for a great gooning career . hey everyone PLEASE pretend you didnt read this post

[notahorseindisguise]

[swagdinner]

[sirobvious]

Some days I feel like I’m 29 feet away from a Japanese radish

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

(closing the menu and handing it back to the waiter) whatever's most sumptuous

[jewfrogs]

falling asleep during the day: slipping away on a clouds so easy

falling asleep at night: I heard an ant gasp downstairs

[lgbtwingsofficial]

[sea--burn]

Friend: dude could I have some of your fries

Me: ( assenting hand gesture, managmaniously): until you are satisfied

[yellbug]

modesty

[choppedgardens]

i love

[hypotheticalpeople]

guy who plays albums on mute, it was never really about sound for him as much as feeling a sense of progression through a series of named durations

[headspace-hotel]

[pukicho]

I find it hilarious they gave me hay despite having it just yesterday

[parakeet]

who's doing this

[gogurtgirlsucker]

rubs my *suddenly gets really shy and scared* coin on your scratch off lotto ticket!… heh.. 😅

[kaylmao]

work like a red onion

play like a white onion

fuck like a green onion