I feel like the shittiest person in the world. I have always been so careful and always done my best but tonight I fucked up and broke a promise I made to myself and Her so many years ago. Every part of my being is dying. I am working out get rid of my own corpse. I am making money just to spend it. I am creating art again so my hands don't do anything stupid. And even though it was easy for her to cheat on me for over 9 months, I still can not stop feeling guilty for talking to another woman. Not always though, I had sex with a stranger who needed the company just as much as I did. Never thought I could make love to some one whom i had only none for a few hours, but we did and it was awesome. But it was just a person going in another direction. I miss Her a lot even after a month of being separated. I know I will be seeing her in May 20th and it fucking terrifies me. Cause even though I will see Her, it will not be Her for me but rather Her for Him....
