I always wanted 2-3 children.
Now I'm unsure. When you have one the reality of having children sets in. It is a lot of time, space and expense.
Time is an issue because of timing gaps and taking age into account, fitting in what other things you want to do in life, not all of which can be done around children easily. Since having Poppy, a baby with a condition that society typically associates with older mothers - Down Syndrome - at the age of just 23, I worry that the older I get the higher my risk will be of experiencing another loss of a baby in that way again.
BUT factor in money. That makes it impossible to just pop out babies one after another. If I had more money then I probably would have children pretty close together, but childcare, at least Ruby's childcare, is £202 a week. You get a 10% discount usually for a second child in nursery (whoopdifuckingdo!). That hardly saves anything. So I need to space out my children... but then comes in the ageing factor of time again... I'm 25, nearly 26 now. I don't plan on having another baby until after I'm married in 2016 (August), by which point I will be 27. If I leave a similar gap for another baby after that I would be almost 30. Factoring in time taking to actually get pregnant (we all know it doesn't happen immediately) then I could well be comfortably 30+. I'm going to be a nervous wreck with the creeping odds of a baby with an age-related genetic condition given my history.
Then there is space. We have a mortgage on a 2 bedroom house. Yes, it possibly could be extended (if we had more of the money factor!) to create an additional bedroom. But someone is still going to have to share a bedroom. I've never had to do that (huge age gaps with my brother and sister) so I kind of feel bedroom sharing is mean. It probably isn't anywhere near as bad as I think though.
So I don't know. I'll still definitely have 1 more if I can. But if I have another one in addition to that will definitely come down to (in this order):
3. Time (age 32-33 is probably my limit)
But I'm thinking I can fit family in reasonably well with all my ambitions. I want to work, whether that be full or part-time. I don't think this will be too much of an issue as I've put Ruby in full time nursery whilst I completed my studies (which you also have to do at home as well as during normal working hours). I would like to do a bit of travelling but I don't feel pressured to do this any time in the immediate future. I have no money anyway (money dictates a lot about life, doesn't it?!) so that can wait until I'm in my 40's when I have hopefully had a steady career for a good number of years and a better income to show for it. If I go travelling now it isn't like I'll be staying in the best places or eating the best food. I can just wait.
Meanwhile, I'm also trying to save up (without a job, I'm sure you can imagine this isn't going very well) for my wedding! And we need a new bathroom as ours is from the 70s and it is pretty gross looking. I want a comfortable house for my children to enjoy, not one that is embarrassing. So for now the wedding, the bathroom... oh and learning to drive. They are my priorities. Maybe I'm going to have to stick to 2 children (living, 3 including Poppy, and any other angels I may have may take that higher). I'm never going to afford any sort of extension to my house! Who am I kidding?!
