Salt Queen

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

hey I think I missed this part of the bible, can anyone fill me in?

[brbjellyfishing]

[meetmeintheflowers]

BREAKING: Ticketmaster announces it will put remaining Taylor Swift tickets in Wonka bars for five lucky children

[brittany-murphy]

Aly & AJ have officially released an explicit version of Potential Breakup Song after revived interested via social media. You can stream it here! As well as their newest song here and previous music from the past 3 years here!

[justsomeantifas]

them: i know how to make it so poor people can vote! make a national holiday for it

poor people: when do we ever get those off please im begging you i need to know when this has happened

[asylphintheclouds-deactivated20]

The local oldies station just played "All Star" by Smashmouth. Which was made in 1999 and popularized again in "Shrek" in 2001.

"All Star" is an oldie.

[hardnope]

[agentsofpercabeth]

Jason: Wow the moon is so big and pretty tonight homies!!

Chidi: It sure is!

Chidi: *turns to Eleanor* should we tell him it’s just a tortilla you threw at the window earlier?

Eleanor: n o

[charlesoberonn]

The myth of Achilles, but instead of holding him by the heel, Thetis sumberges him fully so that Achilles is completely invulnerable and Thetis has one invulnerable hand.

[charlesoberonn]

She only needs one oven mitt when taking cookies out of the oven.

[aphony-cree]

But there would still be two small parts of him that are vulnerable because they were covered by her fingertips at the time, stopping the water from touching them. Which means those fingertips are also vulnerable on her hand 

Achilles *putting those little round band-aids on two parts of his ankle before battle*

Thetis *knitting fingertip oven mitts for her thumb and forefinger*

This is a Greek comedy I could get behind 

[obaewankenope]

What if she put him in a sack and dunked him in? The water would saturate the sack and soak him and so long as she pulled him out quick, he wouldn't drown. Then they'd have a sack that's invulnerable too and can be used as the most unexpected shield ever.

Imagine Achilles storming Troy with one (1) invulnerable sack for a shield

[adspexi]

thetis just sticks him in one of these bad boys

and swirls him around like a batch of chicken nuggets until he’s invulnerable all over. 

[sunnyandpositive]

3 years it took this girl to turn this piece of truck garbage into her home and it was beautiful. 😍😮

[iamlittleamz]

Truck?? Its a fucking bus dumbass

[super-metroid]

“population growth” is just a formal mathematical way of saying “how fast can people fuck?”

[kokkuri3]

You’re missing an important part of this, here.

“Population growth” is just a formal mathematical way of saying “How fast can people fuck and also die?”

[super-metroid]

actually its more like “how much faster are people fucking than they are dying?”

[maxburgiv-deactivated20181216]

fuck to death ratio

[super-metroid]

exactly

[gamecubewizard]

rate of smash and pass

[lesbian-toddhoward]

me @ all my mutuals

[abercrombee]

how i’m tryna be

[2spleenz]

I love you, Winston

[canisbeta]

[accessiblecoldtimes]

[video: a seal emerges from a hole in the ice to breathe. It yells “Ah! Woo!” then sinks back down]

[redpaperowl]

The ahh was so much deeper and the woo so much softer than i could have expected i love it

[lesbianralzarek]

you told me and i was still surprised

[mikedawwwson]

Why Did They Come?

[wobblyjimbles]

TOO FUCKIN’ phenomenal to NOT reblog!!!!

[taviacw]

My upstairs neighbor is having really loud sex at 10:25am. And, while this feels like retaliation, I can only hope it mellows her out and she stops stomping around all the goddamn time

[taviacw]

Wow in the time it took me to type up and tag this post, the sex started and ended…… she’ll prolly be vacuuming soon. 🙁

[taviacw]

It’s 10:29 and the sex has ended. I am v sad for her

[taviacw]

I feel like I jinxed her. Like her nigga follows me on here and saw this post, mid thrust, and got performance anxiety. I’m sorry, Upstairs Stomping Bitch.

[taviacw]

There’s stomping. She’s up and moving around. And you know what….. I can’t even be mad anymore. If I was only getting fucked for seven minutes at a time, I’d stomp around too.

[taviacw]

Y’all she’s showing tf out. She’s really up there like

[taviacw]

Damn I just heard her door close and then footsteps coming down the stairs. He left 😭😭😭 he’s not even gonna try again.

[taviacw]

I’m gonna need ear plugs for the level of stomping this is bound to cause. When her feet inevitably crash through my ceiling ima just look through the hole and be like “hi…. sorry you didn’t get fucked down this morning. Even tho you filed a noise complaint on me that one time, I was rooting for you.”

[taviacw]

Update y’all: it’s 3:10pm and she is vacuuming THE FUCK out of the hardwood flooring

[taviacw]

But then like, that really does sound like something ppl that are in need of orgasm do. Just extremely unnecessary cleaning, to take their mind off the lack of sexual release.

[taviacw]

I can see the text conversation now.

“I heard Aaron came over last nightttt. Whatd you guys get up to???👀👀👀😏”

“Not much. Oh! But, I did finally get a chance to mop my bathtub tho!!🤗 It was a mess in there, so thank god.”

“😬😔”

[taviacw]

It’s 12:26am and she is getting her back blown tf outttt. Cannot be the same nigga from earlier.

[taviacw]

I have the strong urge to knock the broom against the ceiling and holler out “yaaas bitch get some bomb ass dick” but I don’t wanna fuck up the vibe

[taviacw]

Nvm. It lasted from 12:20-12:28. It’s the same nigga.

[taviacw]

She better not start stomping or cleaning. I’ll file a noise complaint so fucking fast. Imagine getting a noise complaint for shitty sex. Don’t do it, Stomping Upstairs Bitch

[adorn88]

what a ride

[taviacw]

Not for her, apparently.

[youmissedthememo]

I LOVE HER

[squeakitties]

[yugirimistwalker]

[nyanchann]

DELETE THIS

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

I hate y’all cause I know when you post another pic that looks identical it means you edited some meme in the background but I can almost never find that shit so it’s like those find the difference games

[tia-mimi]

how fucked up is it that this guy is such a prominent figure that we recognize him solely from his elbow