The acrimony fades, resentment dissipates. True memory returns.
Her scent. Her cunt. Her sweet smile. Her tender voice in the dark.
We would laugh and laugh, and cum. The happy times aren’t hard to summon.
From a combustible start, to the explosive end, the fire was always burning.
And yes, it ended. It’s gone, smoldering in ashes. But, that’s okay. It needed to.
We weren’t going to be able to love each other the way we needed. Whatever the many reasons it died, we are still the people we loved. I will not slander the past, I will not diminish my girl.
She is still that tender slut that let me inhale her hello. That adventurous kind soul. She will always be that classy woman, full of life, forever free and beautiful.
We didn’t intend for the pain. We didn’t plan for the hurt. But we found it, for a time. I said horrible things. She did horrible things. The damage of our hearts strewn open for all to see.
Even so, for a time, we also found love. Great, wonderful love. We found life in each other. In the paddles and chains, the whips and wands. In her glorious consent, and my primal hunger. Fucking all the time. Holding hands.
Beyond the deep darkness in our parting, I also learned about friendship, connection, self awareness and strength. What we did to each other. What we didn’t. We learned about ourselves, and what we need. What we want. What we don’t.
I regret my mistakes, significantly. But the irreparable harm of my stinging unwarranted words seemed impossible for her to overcome. She put me in my place with fierce determination, and ghosted me good. In time we spoke again. We tried again, but fear now permeated our lives. Eggshells. She started another relationship, much to my chagrin. Then, her love died. She only needed a small reason now. There’s always a small reason. The ghost.
I’m not broken. I’m a better man for knowing her. I’m also a better man for losing her. The self-reflection from loss drives significant change.
Love didn’t beat me down. Love didn’t steal my time. Love didn’t kill me. It lifted me up. Love was my salvation, for a time. My everything. And, one day, the time may come again. But, it also may not.
I’m fortunate I got another chance to deeply peer into the soul of a woman, and see her try to do the same with me. I know myself better from her seeing me, for a time. However deeply she despises me now, I will accept how she needs to remember me.
I still hope, beyond reason. I love her, more than anyone I’ve ever known. I want to try again. All the layers of pain and truth are bare before us. If only.
I’ll have to try and build up the fortitude to make that effort again. Just not right now. Right now I want to keep her in my heart just a little longer - and miss her.
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