Time-for-tea-and-flattery

Writeblr/studyblr 24 - Uppsala University 💕Hi there! I’m an aspiring author and 💕current university student with ADHD and a love of literacy📚💕✨ This is were I post some of my own writing, writing advice and the occational glance into my life as a swedish university student. Ask me anything about books/writing/ADHD-related writing advice/university stuff For questions on ADHD in general you can check out my sideblog @ADHD-attention-deficit-dumbass

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

”Daisy is both a dream embodied and a woman evaporated into sound, existing primarily in the imagination—Gatsby’s, Nick’s, Myrtle Wilson’s, her own.”

-Eric Rawson ”The telephonic logic of the Great Gatsby”

[iridescentknees-deactivated2021]

Heard that from a lecturer in my university, and I think it’s such a good advice, and I’ve never seen anybody talk about it so:

It is called a reverse outline.

Basically, you write your entire 1st draft, take a good moment reading all of it, and then start summarizing each chapter one by one in single paragraphs.

It helps you to identify which scenes are not actually necessary, analyze if a scene is well placed in that moment of the story - and if not, it can help placing the chapter earlier or later in the story -, helps identifying plot holes etc.

I thought of that as really helpful, specially if you, like me, is a gardener writer but still needs organization!

[vanrambling]

I was just about to try something like this!

That's a great idea.

[bauliya]

i'm never getting over the fact that romance as a genre, as the HIGHEST selling genre, exists largely because straight women fantasise about being loved and treated kindly by men and men constantly make fun of this because they think it's just that unrealistic that they could cherish women and that women are stupid in the first place for wanting such an impossible thing

[sunnydwrites]

How to Make Your Book Look Like a Book

I’ve just discovered something wonderful. When I self-published Chrysanthemum, there was a lot of formatting work that I had to do before I submitted it. And seeing my document take on the formatting and page structure of a book was… awesome. Out of curiosity, I tried the same thing for my current WIP, and seeing it in proper book formatting gave me butterflies.

So I’m here so share some tips! (Using Google Docs.)

Note: I’m writing this specifically for people who want their document to look like their book as it’s being written or for self-publishers. If you’re planning to publish traditionally, find your publisher or agent’s submission standards and follow those.

Keep reading

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

Hi T, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to tell someone about your ADHD. For context, I have my ADHD assessment at the end of the month, I need to tell my Mum because I need someone who has known me since childhood, and she is my best option. My only problem is that she's made comments about how I can't have ADHD when she found a self-assessment checklist on the printer. Other comments she's made make me think that she doesn't understand what ADHD actually is.

Hi! Oh boy this is a tough one. I’m literally struggling with the same thing even with a diagnosis. My mom is constantly telling me that it’s ”just depression” and I think its because She feels comfortable with depression because that can happen to anyone but ADHD is always inherited so it may point to her having issues too. I think its often this way with parents and as you say part is also not understanding how ADHD works.

The best way to go about it is honest communication, but its also the hardest. Sit her down and tell her.

”I’m going to be assesed for ADHD and I need your help for the assessment”

If She objects or starts telling you why you don’t have it, try not to argue with her or explain yourself, instead be very firm and state:

”You saying I can’t have ADHD right now is making me sad/upset/stressed. I would appreciate it if you could help me by partaking in the assessment (assuming thats what you need) If you do not want to, then simply say no.”

The important thing here is to stand your ground. Don’t answer her if she starts listing reasons why not. Repeat your statement if you have to. If she agrees, great, if not, confirm this with her.

”Okay, I understand you do not want to. That’s okay. Thank you for listening.”

This form of communication is tricky, it requires the self awareness to not immedietly respond and defend ourselves but its very effective because the other person will feel validated and heard and greater conflict is avoided. But I understand how hard it is.

Another trick could be to bring up things you struggle with from time to time and finish with ”It’s actually really common amoungst those with ADHD” or something like it.

In the end, We can never be sure we’ll be accepted, even by those We trust the most, the best thing We can do is be open with our feelings and show others our vulnerability and trust that in the end We did what We could and its not our fault if they choose not to accept us.

[exeggcute]

forever haunted by some one-off writing advice post I read YEARS ago that was like “a helpful way to make sure your creative works pass the bechdel test is to go out of your way to include a scene where two female characters discuss something random, like their jobs or the weather!” which is… truly something. to know what the bechdel test is and yet completely failing to grasp both its reason for existence and the way you are part of the problem if you have to deliberately make an effort to meet an incredibly low bar. the part that actually haunts me though is how literally nothing has changed in terms of Bechdel Test Discussions since then

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

hi, this is gonna sound stupid, but I'm terrified of professional help. I know it's not good to think the way I do, and I'd be lying if I was saying I hadn't had attempts or my mental breakdowns hadn't been affecting my grades and life, but have you ever heard of someone being traumatized from bad therapists that it becomes like an honest phobia?

Hi! I can’t say I have experienced anything like that with therapists and the like however i posted on my side blog @adhd-attention-deficit-dumbass a while ago about going in and out of the emergency room due to severe abdominal pain and noone being able to figure it out. It took 5 months and 5 different doctors for them to finally find out I had ovarian cysts.

Having doctors constantly ask me ”are you sure it’s not just period cramps?” (I was unable to walk or sleep due to the pain while on painkillers) was really demoralizing. I felt like a fraud, like I was wasting their time. It made me scared of seeking help when I needed it. I had huge fights with my family over it because they saw that I was in pain and I refused to see another doctor, it hurt my relationship with them. Eventually my bf convinced me to try one more time and finally, that darn ultrasound came through. Our health is more important than what some doctor thinks of us. The moral here is that bad doctors/therapists should not stop you from seeking help, but as someone who’s been there, I know it’s hard.

We have a saying where I’m from: ”In order to be sick, you have to be healthy.”

This means that often there is much labour associated with illness, because of how complicated medical systems and processes can be. With that said. I really encourage you to at least try. You owe it to yourself. If you still struggle, imagine if it was someone you loved. What really helped me was, sadly, my partner not wanting to see a therapist. He felt that his life was ”too good” and that others had it worse so he didn’t need the help.

I watched him suffer with what I saw as classical symptoms of depression for months. It was awful. It hurts so much to see a person you love in pain. Finally I gave him an ultimatum: ”if you don’t see that therapist I won’t see the gyno.” Funny enough he reversed it on me later on. Because that’s what you do with people you love. You’re hard on them, you see to their needs as opposed to their wants.

While ignoring my own needs felt easy, having my partner mirror my own behavior made me realize how wrong I’d been. I felt horrible seeing him suffer everyday and I realized that’s how my family and partner had felt when I was in pain. If you cannot have compassion for yourself right now, imagine if it was someone you cared about or even imagine yourself as a child and imagine that child in pain. You would probably tell them that they had to seek help right?

I talked about facing your fears in a previous ask so I’ll repeat myself a little. One way I’ve dealt with fear and anxiety is to practice acceptance. You can do this by taking deep breaths, think about what causes you fear or anxiety and tell yourself either outloud or in your head ”i’m afraid of X, and that’s okay” or ”and that’s just how it is”.

It’s not a quick fix and it takes some work but it’s really helped me over the years. I encourage you to seek out some articles or youtube videos about acceptance and fears. Sometimes people can talk about the same thing but their message only reaches certain people. So maybe someone else can explain what I’m trying to say in a way that’s more helpful for you personally.

I hope that was a helpful answer, sorry it took so long to reply. I hope you’ll feel better soon❤️🥺 good luck friend!

[pens-swords-stuff]

Not everything needs to be a full story, you know?

If you have just one or two scenes that you’re really excited about, you can just write those. You don’t have to create a full WIP to contain them if you don’t want.

You can create characters without putting them into a project, they can just exist.

You can worldbuild for a universe that you never write about.

If there’s a trope you really want to write, but you don’t have a project to put them in… You can just write the best parts of that trope on its own.

Even if you do have a story and there’s parts you don’t want to write, it’s okay to just write the parts that you’re excited about. You don’t need to write the other parts and make it a full story.

I feel like in writing, there’s a lot of emphasis put on completion and writing a full story.

Completion or a full story doesn’t always have to be the purpose or goal. It’s okay and wonderful to just let something exist on its own without anything else.

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

January 12- 2021

Writing has been hard lately...

I took last semester off from university to focus on my mental health. I had planned to spend all my time writing. Finally I had the opportunity to do nothing but sit and write for months, I had no excuses not to.

But whenever I sat down to write...I couldn’t.

No matter how much I wanted to.

Because after an entire year of academic stress, of failure upon failure, of putting my mental health, friends, family, partner and even myself, aside in order to pass my exams, of living in a constant state of anxiety-the idea of simply sitting down and write, of putting effort into something that might not, probably never would be good enough-terrified me.

I tried to ignore it.

I sat down and forced myself to write

and I hated it.

I hated my writing

I hated my story

I hated my undeveloped skills

I hated how writing made me feel

I hated

and hated

and hated.

Until one day, I finally began to hate writing itself.

I hated how this thing I had loved had become tainted for me

I hated myself. For letting it go this far.

I let that feeling of hate and bitter and failure consume me, until one day I couldn’t figure out a reason to write anymore.

What was the point if I wasn’t even enjoying it?

So I stopped...

I stopped writing. For months.

During this time I questioned everything I though I was and wanted in life.

Who were I, if not a writer?

What was my goal in life if not to publish my first novel?

What was the point of doing anything, if I didn’t even have things in life I wanted to do?

What was the point of living, when I couldn’t find joy in the things I used to love?

It was a very dark place to be in.

It has taken me months to realize just how bad it was, and I still don’t think I truly understand the entirely of it...

But today, after months of avoiding my writing file on my laptop, after months of anxiety at the mere thought of writing a single word

I had the desire to write again.

The thought of it excited me

I haven’t gotten down to writing anything just yet, well except for this post I assume (which doesn’t feel like it counts but I guess it does??).

I wanted to share this with anyone out there who might be suffering like I did.

So if you are reading this and writing used to be your passion in life and now the mere thought of it makes you scared or anxious, or if every joy in your life has faded, this is for you.

Sometimes life takes the joy out of living...

And someday, you’ll wake up and feel like living again...

And maybe you’ll even write.

-

Thank you kindly for reading.

-by @time-for-tea-and-flattery

[oopskashish]

Outlining

Oh damn. Don't even get me started.

Dude, outlining is basically making an outline of the novel, tracing the storyline lightly before writing it. A lot of authors follow it, some don't. Totally your choice. It's just that it gives a good flow to your story and it seems more cohesive. But, by all means, do what you find comfortable.

1. Two line.

Okay, I really don't mean sum it up in literally two lines, but give it a lil start and give it a lil end, let everything in the middle be blurred out.

Eg; Vanessa went to a bar with her friends to celebrate her bestie's bday. In middle of drinking shots, a murder came in and threatened everyone and took her. Along the plot, Vanessa discovers that murderer is her brother and she is a siren (drama, trauma, maybe a death here and there), and then she ruled the kingdom of sea.

Basically, it's the roughest structure of plot. Also, it's not from my WIP, I just made it up in two seconds.

2. Events

You know the plot roughly. Now, you gotta develop events. Maybe there is a ball that Vanessa attends, maybe there is an attack by some sea monsters, maybe she is in a deep conversation with her brother and she is told that her whole life was a lie and she is destined to be the Queen, a fight between the siblings. And all that jazz. Write them down in bullet points in a separate document or notebook, whatever you prefer.

3. Arrangement

Now, you have got these events, arrange them in a manner which would result in the most effective and cohesive plot possible. You would have to add or delete scenes to make it cohesive. It's just the part of the process.

4. Chapter-wise

Optional, but effective. You can basically outline chapter wise. Thanks to Lee (leewritess), I learnt this process from her. Go one chapter by chapter and draft out what you wanna do (I have tried this, it's pretty good). You can always do like this, plan a few (2-3) chapters ahead as you write.

[fjdksljlkjljklkjljk-archive-dea]

i know this is just a website and we’re all basically shouting into the void but when someone

uses my name

sends me a message

says something nice in the tags when reblogging something i made

tags me in something

includes me in a follow forever, mutual appreciation, etc

it literally makes me smile irl and makes me actually happy so i just wanna say thank you to the very sweet people all around me :)

[mebeinganemobitch-blog]

I was talking to my therapist and I realized that I've always written about trauma and the trauma response. When I was younger I would take my characters and break them down, piece by piece, taking away everything they had, that they could rely on, until they were broken shells that wanted to scream and cry and begged for an end and then I'd leave them there. Maybe it's why I could never finish anything, I couldn't even imagine a resolution, I didn't know how someone was supposed to climb out of that deep a hole.

My stories still center on trauma. My characters still break and cry and think they won't ever make it, that nothing can ever get better. But when I write stories now, it does. Now I can finally write about healing.

And I think that says a lot.

[letswritesomenovels]

On Writing Flawed Books

If you’re a writer and you’ve thrown yourself into learning the craft–following writing blogs, reading craft books, attending workshops–there’s this thing that is very likely to happen. 

Armed with newfound knowledge of what makes a piece of writing fantastic, you’ll realize that your writing.. isn’t. 

It may even start to feel like your writing is the worst writing that has ever existed. It may make you scared to put a single new word on the page in front of you. You’ll see exactly what you’ve been doing wrong, and you may very well not know what to do fix it. 

I’m here to let you know that it’s natural to feel that way when you’ve reached a point where your knowledge surpasses your ability. A secret for you? Your knowledge of craft–any craft–will always surpass your ability if you do what you should and continually study said craft. It’s a good thing. 

It’s okay for your writing to be flawed. 

You can write a book, know it has flaws, and still be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. 

Published books are flawed. Best selling, critically acclaimed books are flawed. Readers love books with flaws, because those flaws tend not to matter as long as the story connects with them. 

There are people who complain about all the adverbs Rowling uses for dialog tags in Harry Potter. Features in Harry Potter can be used as examples of “bad craft.” Does it mean the books are poorly crafted? Does it lessen their value to the literary world? To the world at large? OF COURSE NOT. 

No book is perfectly crafted. Not a single one. The book you’re writing will never be perfectly crafted. So what do you do about it? 

Tell your story. 

Do your best. 

Keep Improving. 

But don’t let the fact that your work has flaws stop you from writing–or worse, stop you from being proud of everything you’ve already written. 

[kedreeva]

I don’t want to WRITE I want to HAVE WRITTEN why is that so difficult

[that-sarcastic-queer]

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

Sure would be cool if someone wrote a ”enemies to lovers” story where the regent children of two enemy kingdoms have to get married to each other and they both hate each other and that they can’t choose who to marry

but then they start to bond over how much they hate their parents for forcing them to get married and they make a deal to sabotage the peace their parents are trying to create between their kingdoms which works really well

but then ooops would you look at that they became best friends and fell in love and now they have to undo their work and make lasting peace between their kingdoms so they can stay married and live happily ever after

Would be really cool if someone did that...

Guess I have to do it myself *sigh*

[conspiracy-mlm]

happy celebrate bisexuality day! i hope every bisexual person that sees this knows they are perfect as they are and has had a good bisexual awareness week leading up to this. your love is perfect.

you don’t need to pick a side, you don’t need to have an equal split of attraction, you don’t have to exclusively like cis binary people (or be a cis binary person), you don’t need to have a preference to be bisexual. you aren’t half gay, half straight; you aren’t more likely to cheat; you aren’t dirty. your bisexuality is a perfect, whole sexuality, that you should be proud of. 

you are not alone, and you are beautiful.

bi is beautiful

[time-for-tea-and-flattery]

(3) to bring up my suicide attempt but i’m not sure how much better i am. the only difference is now i think i’ve realized how much it would crush my parents n family if i told them bc of how badly they reacted when i first told them i wanted therapy. i don’t know what to do. part of me thinks im overreacting and i just need to organize some things but part of me is so tired and i wanna scream. i don’t know how to ask for a prescription bc i don’t want anyone to worry. sorry for long read

TW: Suicide mention

Part 3: Answer @makeyoublush (@ing you because tumblr doesn’t notify all the time)

I’m a little confused because there’s a lot to this but just to make sure I understand:

You have been suffering with bad mental health to the point where you attempted suicide. when you saw a therapist you did not feel comfortable telling them about this because your mother was in the room and you hadn’t told her. You’re not recieving the help you need because both your family and therapist have told you ”It’s not that bad” and you are contemplating telling your family of your suicide attempt in order to make them understand.

I want to start of by saying that I’m so sorry this happened to you. Mental health issues are so hard to go through and I’m glad you decided to share this, you shouldn’t have to be alone in this. You’re very strong❤️

There are several issues here and I’m sensing that maybe you’re a little confused yourself and don’t know where to start. I think we need to start with the most important.

You are not well.

That’s the only thing that really matters. No one but you can determine this. No one is allowed to tell you that your pain doesn’t matter or that it’s not big enough of a deal. That’s not for them to decide.

You don’t have to be ”sick enough” to recieve help

You don’t have to be or have been suicidal because that’s ”worse” and thus more deserving of help.

The fact that you’re not well is enough.

You deserve to get help. No matter what.

I’m going to be a little blunt here but just be aware I’m not trying to be agressive or blame you because this is not your fault, but when you don’t have a good support system it’s crucial that you take things into your own hands. I’m sorry. Not everyone has friends and family to help them. It’s hard, but you have to fight for your mental health. You have to fight for you.

You need to stand up for yourself and tell your family like it is. As long as you think it is safe to do so. Don’t be too concerned about their feelings because you are not responsible for their actions. Be brutally honest about how you feel. Don’t leave anything out. Tell your family. Explain that you felt like you couldn’t tell them before.

It’s hard to tell people about these things. It really fucking sucks. But not telling anyone is even worse. I promise, you will regret not telling anyone more than you will regret telling them. If they are not supportive after that it’s their problem.

After telling them, depending on their response, you should try to see a therapist again, preferably a different one, without your family in the room and see if maybe re-evaluation is neccesary.

I hope you found this answer helpful. I hope you can tell your family and recieve the help you need. I’m rooting for you. You will get through this, I promise. It doesnt’t last forever. You will get better. You will be happy.❤️