Thoughts

for the lovers, leaders, and doers. Vibe Read

[tingjunglee]

You Are Who You Hangout With.

No I'm not! I'm an individual!!

Alright, before you go attacking the title and claiming your individualism and special personality - let's take a step back and take a moment to identify the five people you associate with most. Ok, got names?

Now evaluate them. Who are they, what do they do, what are they passionate about? Do they have any negative traits, what about positive ones? How do they make you feel, how do they make others feel? And most importantly, how do they treat people who are not close to them compared to those who are?

Now just by describing your friends, you actually just described an image of yourself. Surely it's hazy and slightly blurry, but Jim Rohn, one of the most influential author and motivational speaker sums it up pretty well:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

In an era where self development is key and we're always focusing on ourselves, it's just as important to recognize those in our intimate surroundings. And I say this because I, like many, had or have friends who are toxic. They're usually the critics, the jealous one, the drama queens, and the negative Nancys. When you hang around them you feel drained, as if they leeched you of your mental capability to stay sane and happy. You are affected by them because they're in your life. The same way a friend who's royal, upbeat, ambitious, and compatible will affect you and how you live out your days.

Just think about high school and the stereotypical groups. The cheerleaders hung out with the cheerleaders, the artsy people hung out with the artsy people, the druggies with the druggies, and so on. In adult life, there's no longer a "stereotypical" group that you hangout with unless you belong to the Housewives of Some Fancy Dramatic Place. But you can categorize people by personality, by thoughts, and by what they do (not in career, but in action).

The arrogant and judgmental person will probably have a few friends who are equally cocky and critical of others. The quirky, always optimistic person will probably be around those who are of equal energy and positivity. And sure there are more dimensions to people and their friends than that, but you get the gist of this.

That's why people always say befriend those who you aspire to be, and you'll become them. It's the same as seeking out a mentor and having them teach you their ways so that you can apply it in your own life. That's why people always say that to be happy, you have to surround yourself with those who inspires you, supports you, and makes you feel important. Surround yourself with good company, and you'll find goodness.

You are who are you hangout with, so here's a reminder to choose wisely, and always for the better.

[tingjunglee]

What Traveling Light Really Means

I'm currently in London. Yes. The dreamy city with its incredible architecture, sexy locals, and ridiculous exchange rates. An absolute blessing! Lucky to have this adventure! Cheers! But wait - why do I find myself not so happy?

At first I thought it was my period doing its monthly Wreck-It-Ralph routine of destroying my emotions. I also slightly blamed it on the incredible amount of potatoes I'm consuming here because it's making me feel fat. Every meal I've purchased here comes with a side of chips, or fries in the British language. Needless to say, a high carb diet was definitely not a part of my travel agenda.

It had occurred to me after a few days in London that I had been doing this whole traveling thing wrong. I've committed a sin. A huge traveling no-no. And what's that?

I overpacked.

No, not with clothes. No, not with food. No, not with personal hygiene items. No, not with anything physical. I overpacked myself with undesirable and unresolved memories from the past, and it's the heaviest piece of luggage I brought abroad.

You see, something had occurred a few weeks ago that made me incredibly upset and drove me crazy. I was frustrated, confused, and in a total angry "wtf" mode. I did not understand why it had happened and it hurt me greatly. But there was nothing I could do to change it or make it all better. I felt hopeless. Well, I feel hopeless.

And my mind continues to flashback to this incident. Every time it does, the same frustrating emotions emerges. I've packed this memory and it's taking up all the room.

Here's the funny thing about happiness. It does not matter where you are. You can be in some exotic city, in your favorite place on Earth, or just bumming in your own bedroom. If your internal state is cluttered and sad, you leave no room to store any kind of happiness from your external environment. If you go anywhere with a heavy heart, you leave no room to love where you are.

And so I learned that it's important to travel light. Not of the physical things but of your emotional baggages, of your regrets, and of unfavorable things from the past. Respect yourself enough to leave behind anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

Traveling doesn't mean you have to go far or abroad. We travel across each day, across time. Be selective about what you bring with you from this moment in time to the next.

Here's a both reminder to myself and to anyone who may need it: travel light wherever you go so that you may float on new experiences and love all that is present.

[tingjunglee]

The Art of Love

Some people are good at being in love. Some people are good at love. Two very different things, I think. Being in love is the romantic part - sex all the time, midday naps in the sheets, the laughs, the fun, long conversations with no pauses, overwhelming seperation anxiety… just the best sides of both people, you know? But love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade: the stress of life sets in, the butterflies disappear, the sex becomes a chore, the tears, the sadness, the arguments, the cattiness… the worst parts of both people. But if you still want that person by your side through all of those things… that’s when you know - that’s when you know you’re good at love.” — Matty Healy

Love. What a sometimes childish word to throw around in our 20s. Most of us believe we understand what it means, and life has its way of testing us to see if we really do.

Love is an art. It's not always the perfect picture painted with glee, colors, and laughter. Oftentimes it's dark, muffled, and splattered with tears and disdain. But you'll still vouch for it and stay by its side because it's your art - it's your creation. We accept the love we think we deserve. And we certainly must accept our own creation.

I don't know how many times I've heard my friends complain about the acts of their significant other and when asked, "why don't you just breakup?" They answer with silence and a pout. But I know the real response. Because they love them. And the art of love is easy to create but hard to destroy. Even when you've broken up and you believe that's the end of love, bits and pieces of your art will continue to decorate your surroundings. You never fall quite out of love with someone.

You see love is not the honeymoon, the late nights, the gifts, and the romance at the start of a relationship. It's the strength you find to endure the hard times that will eventually come, the pride you sidestep to let him or her win, the tears you shed to pave way for a smile, the relinquishing of anger to welcome forgiveness, and the lessons you gain along the way. Every form of art requires practice and every practice comes with strength, pride, tears, anger, forgiveness, and lessons. But that's what makes you love. The ride of it all.

What we think is the downside of love is really the most beautiful part. There's not one relationship you've stepped out of where you didn't learn something. But how wonderful these lessons will aid us in the future. If you're in love right now and it's not picture perfect, don't sweat it. Art comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Hang it up on a wall and admire its scratches and downfalls, its flaws and mishaps. Admire everything, from the moment you began creating it to the moment you start letting it rust.

Enjoy the ride of creating art, of creating love. The art of love is ever-changing and confusing. But still beautiful in its practice.

[tingjunglee]

The Importance of Being Kind

In the midst of emotions, of trying to be cool, of societal conventions, of life in general working its strange illusions - we can get very lost and forget the simple act of being kind.

Kurt Vonnegut in God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater uttered a line that defined an important habit to have in life.

There's only one rule that I know of...God damn it, you've got to be kind."

And why is that? Well, let's dive into the importance of being kind with a little science, a little examination on the way people work, and a little inspiration.

1. We are attracted to those who are kind.

Researcher Kristin Layous and her colleagues conducted a study examining popularity in kids. Studying over 400 students, they gave each of them the task to perform three acts of kindness or to visit three new places in the span of a few weeks. The results returned saying that all the kids participating in this study reported to be happier than they were before. But the kids who chose to perform acts of kindness, were twice as well-liked by their peers than others.

These kind kids that are well-liked were then studied to shown to be less likely to bully and more likely to do nice things for others. They've developed pro-social behaviors and became more well-liked unintentionally through kindness. Kindness brings people closer to you. And it makes them like you.

Forget cologne or perfume, spray some kindness onto yourself.

2. People will never forget how you made them feel.

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." - Mary Angelou

Ever had an encounter with someone that was just awful? Either you were rude to them because you were just not feeling it that day or they were to you? You may only faintly remember what words were being exchanged, what actions sparked that awful encounter, but what you do remember fully well was that you felt irritated. Or mad. Or upset. You remembered how that person made you feel, as opposed to what he or she did.

And that's why it's crucial that in any given moment, at any place, and with anyone - that you are kind. That person you were rude to may be your next boss, who knows? It's not worth the everlasting impression of you being unkind. Even to those who express negativity towards you. Because anyone who tries to bring you down, is beneath you already.

You get what you give, so choose to be kind in an unkind world.

3. Happiness is a product of kindness.

Michael Norton, Professor at Harvard Business School (with a Ph.D. from Princeton...gees), conducted a social experiment where he gave people an envelope with money. Some had $5 in it, and some had $20. There were two different directions being given. Some people were told to spend the money on themselves, while others were told to spend it on somebody else. Here are his findings:

1. People who spent money on other people got happier.

2. People who spent money on themselves had no effect on their mood.

3. The amount of money didn't matter.

You think $20 would be better than $5, but what really mattered is that they spent it on somebody else rather than on themselves. Norton went on to conducting the same experiment in Canada, Uganda, Belgium, and more. And everywhere he looked, it became very apparent that giving money away makes you happier than keeping it for yourself.

It became very apparent that everywhere, kindness is a better and happier option.

4. Kindness is a cure.

Our longings and our worries have really to some degree been overblown. We stress over the smallest things and drown ourselves in unnecessary anxieties. But take this advice from Lauren E. Miller, a woman who's experienced 16 chemos, 12 surgeries, 1 year of herceptin infusions, 6 weeks of daily radiation and a divorce all under 2 years. She said that with the practice of kindness, "you end up feeling safe and connected to that which is good and true in the world and the result is inner calm, clarity of thinking and a heart full of love."

Can you imagine all the kinds of stress that Lauren had gone through? But what she chose instead was to give back to the world when the world was seemingly taking away from her.

I admit that creating a habit of being kind is a difficult thing to do because there are so many internal and external factors working against us all the time. But everything begins with a little practice. Being kind doesn't always mean giving away something, or sacrificing tons. Being kind can be achieved through understanding and forgiveness, or the willingness to listen. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Kindness is a cure. Just be sure to select it as your form of treatment.

[tingjunglee]

Let Me Tell You About Valentine's Day

When the clock turned 12AM today I thought, "Great, how am I going to live through this treacherous day filled with cheesy couples and unnecessary commentaries from bitter singles?"

A few hours before this, I went through an emotional roller coaster where an hour I was missing being in a relationship, where another hour I was on a "screw it, single life forever" rampage, and then another hour where I starred at my Facebook feed with literally zero thoughts in my mind. I pretty much blanked out.

You know why? Because Valentine's Day is confusing and it sucks. Because people expect things that they don't get on a daily basis. Because people are now obligated to provide things that they don't give on a daily basis. Because, well, because, because, because, because...

Because to be honest, there's really nothing wrong with Valentine's Day.

Boom. Mind f*ck. Wait. Where are you going with this?

Alright, let me explain. At the end of the day, Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love. There's nothing wrong with that. It's actually really kind of a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Remember in elementary school when we were handed brown paper bags on Valentine's Day? You and your classmates would go around passing out Valentines cards to each other. Boop, goes one in your bag. Boop, goes another in someone else's bag. Boop. Boop. Boop. It was awesome. Everyone got something that day and the room was filled with love and tiny fulfilled hearts.

And then we grew up. And then things started changing. Our estrogen level blew up and we started letting our dicks talk. All of a sudden we started celebrating Valentine's Day with the idea that it's only for people with a significant other. That it's only for people in a relationship. That it's only for people who are dating. So much that some people even call today Single Awareness Day.

Wait, what happened?

What happened to when Valentine's Day was about everyone getting loved? What happened to ensuring that everyone was getting a little piece of heartwarming encouragement? What happened to the kind of excitement you had for Valentine's Day as a little kid clenching onto your brown paper bag? I guess we grew up. And I guess we forgot.

So here's a reminder. To all the singles and all the couples, to all the moody Valentine's downers and all the avid Valentine's supporters:

Celebrate this Valentine's Day with everyone you love.

Your friends, the ones who are probably sitting next to you right now. Your parents, who would die to receive a call from you expressing how much you love them. Yourself, who honestly, should be the one you love the most.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope your brown paper bag gets filled.

[tingjunglee]

Not Everyone is Going to Like You....So What?

You know what sucks? People pleasing.

The idea that we have to cater to people in our lives who give zero f*cks about you and your wellbeing. The idea that we have to spend time and emotional energy stressing over the question of, "does he/she like me? If not, I should probably do something to get him/her to!"

No. Stop it. You do not need to get everyone to like you. You know why?

1. There is not ONE thing that EVERYONE likes. When I was Class President back in high school, the Cabinet and I had to design a class t-shirt for a body of 800 students. To spark collaboration, we opened up design submissions and entries came pouring in. To vote on a t-shirt design, you simply had to like it on our Facebook page. You know what happened?

People complained about every single design. There was not a single design that everyone was happy about. Surprise! I mean come on, what are you going to get when you open up something to a bunch of teenagers who think they're right all the time? You're not going to get much. We ended up just having to choose the one that we thought was best.

In a world where people come from diverse backgrounds, intake different information and output their own unique perspective, we cannot expect commonality. Even Beyoncé has haters. No matter what you do, there is always going to be a tiny devil in the corner muttering nonsense trying to distract you from doing you. You have to accept the fact that people just do not love the same things, do not agree on the same things, and do not understand the same things. Accepting this fact will allow you to give yourself the permission to do what you want without having to constantly ask, "are people going to like me if I do this?"

The real question is if you like yourself enough to do what you want.

2. People do not need to like you, but they need to respect you.

If you're annoying, socially awkward, or do really stupid things in public, I seriously would not mind if you're also very intelligent, incredibly hardworking, or extremely kind.

People do not have to like what you're doing or what you're saying, but they have to respect you as a person. Amilya Antonetti, Entrepreneur of the Year, and current host of her own show is a prime example. She works with men everyday as an investor and business leader. But she has no problem complaining about men in public, calling them stubborn, stingy, or smelly. But men love listening to her. Why? Because she knows her sh*t. Because her resume demands respect. No matter what she says or do, everyone knows she's done a great deal of work in her lifetime and that her advice and opinion matters.

Demand respect, not likeability.

3. There are more lovers in your life than haters. They're called your friends.

Your friends are your key to success. They will support you, encourage you, get others to do the same, and provide constant positivity in your life. So worry about them. Worry about catering to them, about ensuring that they too, are receiving the same kind of positive support back.

From now on, keep this in mind:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

[tingjunglee]

Three Things Every College Student Need To Do

When I hazily entered college, I wanted to become a lawyer. I wanted to be an intelligent and sexy woman winning case after case in a well-fitted suit. I wanted to be the modern day Harvey Specter. Except I'm much shorter, much less attractive, and not a fictional character on a popular television show.

Right. So, that dream did not come true.

So what did I end up doing in college? I honestly just screwed up a lot. Yeah, pretty much. I tried changing my major three times. Three whole times. And ended up keeping the major I came in with anyways. I've taken a bunch of classes I never actually needed and joined a ton of clubs that I never actually stayed active in. I dated douche bags, got crazy drunk, and woke up every weekend wondering why hangovers actually exist.

But amongst all this screwup, all this crazy living of a girl in her 20s, I learned so much. I learned so much because I literally threw myself in front of a bus so many times that I eventually taught myself how to survive. And as a senior in college now, I want to offer advice to those who are still in college. To those who are just entering college. And to anyone who maybe just need a little guidance in their life. There's three things that you absolutely need to do when you're in college.

1. You need to fail, and fail again.

My work history is wild. Since I've entered college I've worked at a restaurant, with large tech companies, with growing startups, with the university, and with entrepreneurs and top business experts. But the journey to these opportunities was treacherous. Most of the time I had no idea what I was doing.

There was a point in my Junior year when I was offered an opportunity to work with an influential marketer in New York. He gave me a project, and I completely bombed it. I just could not bring myself to completing it because I felt like I didn't want to do it. To cut the story short, I lost the opportunity that would've drastically propelled my career. And that was just one of the many failures I had to live with through college. Don't even get me started on how I've failed with friends, with relationships, and with exercising.

But you get the point. I gave up, I failed, and I made a ton of mistakes. But if I did not do all of that, I would never be as close to this dream work life that I am at now. You have to fail more times than you succeed. Because when you fail, you hit rock bottom and there's no way out but up. You learn the best lessons when you're beaten down and ashamed. You grow the most when you feel vulnerable and surrounded by disappointment. Because it's then that you feel an absolute need to prove to yourself that you can do better. That you can learn more. That you can become the opposite of a failure.

2. Anything you do, you need to do it with the intention of helping others. To become successful, you must make others around you successful. It's the absolute truth. Don't waste time doing something if it won't make an impact on another person's life in the long run. And sure we say, "Well, I'm doing my own thing." Guess what? Selfish intentions don't change the world. When you broaden your perspective, open yourself up to others, you are taking the first step in making an impact on the lives of those around you. And when you make an impact, you take another step in changing the world.

The gratitude that you receive from others who you've helped out is one of the most amazing feeling in the world. A simple "thank you" can energize you and inspire you to continue doing what you do. I love seeing people grow and seeing them become something they've never thought they could be. It's a beautiful thing watching people overcome their fears, amplify their strengths, and shine. So help them through that. And trust me, you'll shine alongside with them.

3. You need to learn outside the classroom, and use that knowledge to create something.

Use college to explore without risk, to understand what it is to develop mastery, to know when something is done and hand it off to the world." - Seth Godin

You pay thousandths of dollars to be in college. And sure, it's for the education, but you have to agree when we say it's mainly for the experience. Well then, if it's for the experience, then you better be doing something outside of the classroom that challenges you and excites you. Pick up a new skill, go travel, write a book, take a ton of photos, start coding, join a pottery class...

Just do something.

Do something outside of the classroom. Take advantage of your young curiosity and use it to absorb knowledge. Absorb so much knowledge that you start creating things with all these new exciting information and skill. That you start building websites, producing paintings, and publishing blog posts. Whatever it is, be sure to share your words, share your talents, and share your creativity with the world. And in case you haven't noticed, the world is outside the classroom.

[tingjunglee]

Tell Your Woman That She's Beautiful.

My days have been quite hectic, and so I needed to blog as a little breather. This post will be sort of personal, so bear with me. But I believe in being open. The world is already too big, there's no need to hide.

Since I've been single, I've been feeling beautiful. Beautiful. What an empowering and romantic word. But one not often said to describe a woman. At least, not to a woman walking down the street. Not to a woman sitting on the bus. Not to a woman you pass by in the coffee shop. But to a woman on a magazine. A woman on television. To a photoshopped fantasy that is almost incomparable to the reality that we live with everyday. But beautiful is such a powerful word. If you've ever said it to a woman before, watch how the word lightens up her face. Both the word and what it creates when said, is beautiful.

Because I've been feeling beautiful, I've been productive, lively, inspired, and loved. I recognize the beauty of the people in my life, the beauty of the world I live in, and the beauty of serendipity. Everything is beautiful, because the beauty from within shines outwards. And everything that light touches glows with beauty.

A feeling like this was foreign to me at first, because I didn't feel beautiful in a relationship. I felt ugly, annoying, stressed, and torn down. While I was telling him he was beautiful, I did not receive the same thing back. And because I did not, I started feeling insecure. I started rotting, like an abandoned flower dried out from the lack of sunlight and water.

Here's the thing about being a woman. No matter how independent, no matter how strong, no matter how hardheaded she may be, she will always cater to her man. Not because she can't do her own thing, not because she's clingy, not because she's doing the job of a woman, but simply because a woman loves. A woman loves with her body, her mind, and her heart. She loves with a tenderness that only a woman can love with.

And because a woman loves this way, you must tell her she's beautiful. Watch how she blossoms and grow with the fluidity of the word. Watch how she embodies being beautiful as you remind her that that is what she is. Watch how she becomes the beauty that you want so much in your life.

Tell your woman that she's beautiful.

[tingjunglee]

What It Means to Live in the Moment

For the past week I've been feeling overwhelmingly happy.

Ever since I started noting three things each day that I'm grateful for in my journal, I started becoming more aware of all the beautiful things in my life. Cheesy, I know. But absolutely true. The people in my life. The beauty of the city I live in. The small things.

Yesterday I had a bonding moment with my housemates over our dining table. We chatted, laughed, and bickered. It was a wonderful fifteen minutes. This morning, I woke up to write in my gratitude journal. And I wrote down, "my dining table". Because that's what brought us together.

Who would've thought to be grateful for a dining table? But why shouldn't we? It's where we eat, where we bond, where we get together with our loved ones to share a moment. Something so simple, making such a big impact.

I also watched the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" yesterday night. Originally I thought the movie was going to inspire me to travel. But instead, it made me recognize the importance of living in the moment. Of enveloping your surrounding, of living simply, and of valuing serendipity.

I'm mentioning this because I realized being grateful, allows you to live in the moment. When you're content with where you are in life and when you recognize the good and the beautiful over the distractions, that's when you are living in the moment. That's when you're the happiest.

Thank you movie. Thank you gratitude. Thank you, life.

[tingjunglee]

Preppy Day in Davis.

[tingjunglee]

The Key to Happiness

As 2013 was coming to an end, I was struggling to define my New Year's Resolutions. Should I be specific? Should I be general? Should I have a lot? Should I keep it simple? I jotted down a ton of things I wanted to do and a ton of values I wanted to further pursue but nothing seemed right. All I knew was that one word was bound to make its way into my resolutions. And that word was "happy".

So alright, how's "be happy" for a resolution? No, that's too simple. How about, "do anything you can to be happy"? No, that's too forceful. And then I thought, what generates happiness? Gratitude. Gratitude is the key to happiness.

And so for 2014, my New Year Resolution is to be grateful. Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful; the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. To me, gratitude is also an acknowledgement of how far you've gotten in life, and of how much more the world has to offer. It is the one thing that turns our daily loathings, our useless complaints, our tears cried for the wrong reasons, and our dampened hearts into prayers, compliments, laughters, and golden souls.

Gratitude encompasses humbleness, positivity, kindness, love, and an undying will to see the world for its beauty. And along with gratitude is the desire to return to the world what it has given you. That's what I plan to do.

Here's to 2014, a year of gratitude.

[tingjunglee]

Hi, I'm a Graduating Senior in College and I'm Scared

Just yesterday I was dragging a large luggage into my dorm room. I had awkwardly shaped bangs and was adorably chubby. My mom's there helping me choose which bunk bed to rot in for the entirety of my freshman year. Inside I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my roommate (who, by the way, turned out to be amazing).

Fast forward, four years later and I'm sitting in front of my laptop blogging. I'm wearing bright blue sweatpants and a grandpa sweater. The holidays made me gain a couple pounds, but at least my bangs are not awkwardly shaped anymore. Apparently I'm a senior in college now, and I'm graduating this upcoming June. The only question I have is, "where did all the time go?"

I'm supposed to have it all figured out by now. What career to pursue. Where to live after college. Making travel plans for that last summer before full-time imprisonment. Catching up with old friends. Yeah, all that "finishing up" business. That "tying loose ends" fairytale.

To be honest, my head is swarming. I feel stressed. About what? This. That. You. Me. Everything! You know that annoying heaviness in your head that you just can't get rid of? That heaviness is finding itself quite comfortable in my brain. "Go away!" But it doesn't listen. It's the scariest thing dealing with something that doesn't listen.

But I'm writing this post because as much as I feel scared, I don't feel alone. I think all us graduating seniors are scared. We're all scared of graduating, of leaving behind something we've built for four years, and of the future that lies ahead of us.

I can't offer much advice now, because I too, am I on the journey to making sense of the last few months of my college career. But I just want any graduating seniors out there to know that you're not alone.

I'm scared too.

[tingjunglee]

The Importance of Learning From Your Mistakes

I made a lot of mistakes. And they were big mistakes. Mistakes that if I told you, you might not want to talk to me. Or you might want to pity me. Whatever the case, I committed these mistakes. But I know you did too. Because it's a known fact that everyone we meet in life is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. And between each of these things are mistakes that led us to fear, love, and lost.

If we didn't make mistakes, we're not human. But here's the thing about a mistake. If we don't learn from it, it transforms itself into something we call regret.

And regret is heavy. So heavy that it pulls you down, and demands that you remain stagnant. As you remain still, your future rides on ahead, and here you are with regret sitting on your shoulders forcing you to stay in the past.

That missed opportunity. That time you failed. That person you lost. Whatever your mistake is, learn from it so that you may live without regret. A mistake learned becomes a lesson and a lesson learned becomes progress.

Live your life cycling forward, with mistakes paving your path as lessons.

[tingjunglee]

Adventure in Sun Moon Lake, Taiwan.

[tingjunglee]

3 Steps to Turn Jealousy Into Motivation

I admit it. I’m quite the jealous person. When someone has something that I don’t have, whether it be a perk, a personality trait, a better wardrobe, a new job, or a boyfriend, I cringe! And quite honestly, that’s how we all are. We infuriate ourselves over the idea of someone else being better than we are because they have all the latest gadgets, a better network of professionals, or bigger boobs. Whatever it is, it creates an uncomfortable feeling within us that makes us roll our eyes, grind our teeth, and fume.

It’s all part of human nature, really. It's ok to be jealous. Jealousy is a catalyst for one of the greatest psychological feature in the world: motivation. Motivation, in its simplest definition, is the desire to do things. Jealousy, believe it or not, makes you want to do things. It's up to you to decide what kind of things they are.

You can start a hate blog on the person, or spend your day in your room stabbing away at a makeshift voodoo doll. You can let the feeling take over you, and spend a few hours brooding. Or you can turn it into a source of fuel. A fuel for motivation. Take these three steps the next time jealousy comes creeping up on you, and turn that little monster into motivation:

1. Ask yourself, "Why am I jealous?" Confront jealousy because it's not something we should fear. Jealousy can tell you a lot about yourself. A lot of times our reason for being jealous stems from the fact that we know we have just the same amount of resources and time as the other person has to get what they got and do what they do, but we didn't do it. It pains us to see what we could have been, be someone else. And sometimes, our reason for being jealous stems from the fact that we really just don't like that person. And maybe then it's time for you to reevaluate your relationship with that person, and figure out a way to better it. Otherwise, you'd continue on a path of loathing, instead of being genuinely happy for someone else's success.

2. Count your blessings. "My work at my current job made a direct impact in acquiring over 5,000 new users, but Bob just got a new job at Google." Cool, what you did sounds way better. There's a lot of things in your life that is going great, so please do not dwell on someone else's lives so much that you forget you're living in your own.

3. Do it better. Now convert your jealousy into motivation. If what you see is what you like, but not what you have, then go get it. Work towards a goal that will lead you to obtaining the things that you're often jealous about. Why spend so much time criticizing someone else? If you think you can do it better, then lift your butt off from that chair and go do it! Your friend just got a promotion, because your friend worked hard. So now it's time for you to work even harder.

As a final note, don't forget to congratulate the person who had something good happen to them. Even if jealousy is pounding away at you, remember that jealousy is not the other person's fault. Be happy for people, and you're sure to find happiness in yourself.

[tingjunglee]

How to start 2014 the right way.

The start of every new year brings such exciting vibes. We feel absolutely invincible and capable of handling anything that comes our way. With our resolutions, goals, and dreams in mind, we'll face the new year with the mentality that we can accomplish anything.

But wait, what happens as the year progresses? We lose progress. We forget what 2014 was suppose to be, and it becomes another year that just wasn't "good to us." To avoid throwing another year into the spiral of doom, here's how to start 2014 the right away:

Be honest with yourself. Be completely, 100%, entirely honest with yourself. This means as you're drafting your new year resolutions, ask yourself, "Am I really going to do this?" But don't stop there, ask yourself, "How am I going to do this?" We too often just jot down an idea and forget to expand on it.

If you want to lose ten pounds in 2014, acknowledge your eating habits and what motivates you to workout. If you're not honest with yourself, you're going to start believing that you can completely cut out junk food, that you can go to the gym everyday, and that you can do all this right as the year starts. WRONG! Be honest with yourself! If you know you're going to touch a greasy burger once in a while, limit your intake, don't completely cut yourself off! If you know you hate going to the gym to workout, have you considered dancing? Your past behavior is the best predictor of your future behavior. So look at how you behaved in 2013, while being completely honest, to better plan 2014.

Honesty is the best policy, and this applies all year round.

[tingjunglee]

To those who have hurt you.

When you feel wronged by others, the first emotion you often resort to is sadness. Then, this sadness evolves into anger. You're hurt, you're feeling attacked, and you're wishing the other person feels the same way. At a moment like this, the only thing you want to do is to hurt them back.

I say all this from personal experience. I've done things I shouldn't have done. And said things I shouldn't have said. And looking back from it all, I take responsibility for the people I've wronged and the harsh words I've vomited. But at the age where everyone is exposed to vulnerability, I hope that we're also exposed to the power of this phrase.

"I'm sorry, I understand, and I thank you."

To those who have hurt you, I hope that you say these words to them. Why? Because here, you admit that you were also wrong. You're acknowledging the wrong that the other person believes you've committed to them. Even if it stings your pride to do so.

Because here, you admit that you see where they're coming from. Understanding is defined as the way people accept things for the way they are. It's not necessarily the fact that you agree with it, but that you see it. And for most people, they just want others to see what they see.

Because here, you thank them for all they have done during the times they did not hurt you. You thank them for the growth they've allowed you to achieve during the good, and the bad times.

This is the phrase to say to those who have wronged you. Because each word separately, on its own, does not have the same meaning. We throw out these words on a daily basis, but when have we ever put them together? When put together, this phrase acknowledges your differences, acknowledges your appreciation, and acknowledges your desire to move forward. It is the formula to resolve a conflict between two people. But please, do not say it if you do not mean it. Give yourself time to heal, and when you're ready, give it all you got.