That weird secondary-dysphoria is a real pain.
Like, I'm relatively happy with my body to the point of not getting a lot of primary "I hate looking like this/this is not what I should look like" dysphoria. There's some issues, sure, but they're being worked on. That mostly makes my brain shut up about it.
But then I get this strange thing where it's like, not even discomfort at my own body, but instead it's more like looking at a different body and getting dysphoric around the idea of "I will never look like that". There's limits to hormones and surgery, you know?
And even with all of those, there's simply different body types. There's a couple body types in my family, and those are the reasonable outcomes for me to end up as, no matter how much I change. And like I said, I'm not actually all that uncomfortable with my body! The fact I have the body I do doesn't really bother me, other than the minor issues I'm working on.
But something about seeing a body type that's completely different to mine, in a way that there's no reasonable way to possibly transition to, somehow can still sometimes give me dysphoria? It's strange.
And the silliest part is that this most recent time, it was from a character in a book I was reading. They didn't even have their appearance described! I completely made up an imaginary body for this fictional person, then got dysphoria because I can't look like THAT COMPLETELY NON-EXISTENT PERSON.
How the fuck does that make any sense, brain? This character could just as easily look like me! I might ALREADY look like them, but no, you had to go and chose violence by imagining someone and then getting sad you couldn't be them. Whatta hell?
