Any tips on how not to smell bad/look dirty when you cannot face showering because of dysphoria?
Hmm. I can understand that it’s too much to handle. Do you have any cloth or anything that could serve as a blindfold? Bring it into the bathroom with you, hide it under a towel if you need to, and then you can put it on before you take anything off. You should remember where all your shower stuff - shampoo, etc - is, and it might take being a little more careful than usual, but if you’re focusing on not falling over your own feet, it’ll be easier to ignore the dysphoria.
Here are the parts of you that likely smell/feel the ickiest:
Grab a washcloth, get it damp and put a little soap on it, make it foamy, scrub-a-dub! I wrote them in the order I think is most sanitary, but you do you, love. It’s easy-peasy. You can do it sitting on the toilet!
Personally, I like to imagine I’m scrubbing the bad stuff away. I’ll do that in the shower, too - the water washing away my negative energy.
Alternatively, something that got me to wash my hair as a kid (because having clean hair pretty much makes me feel awesome) was the Sink Method, because it’s silly and kinda fun. You get your shampoo and conditioner and clean your hair like you normally would, only you have to do it in the sink, not the shower! You just stick your head under the faucet, yanno.
It’s messy and weird but it’s new and interesting enough to your brain that sometimes you can handle it, and for me? I always end up laughing when I’m done, for some reason! (Make sure you have a towel around your neck, a towel for when you’re done, and if you’re super messy, a towel for the floor. :D)
I also like to sit in the shower and just let the water hit me, especially if I’m feeling sad enough to cry. Just turn on some music and you have yourself an emotional catharsis party. :)
If you can’t handle any of this, a gentle makeup remover wipe or face wipe can do wonders if you have access to one.
If you have oily skin and hair, your biggest problem will be pretending you totally don’t have leftover blech-oil on your face. The above can help, but face wipes and witch hazel on some cotton balls can get the oil off your face - same with blotting wipes. For hair, use dry shampoo, or cornstarch (sounds weird but soaks up the oils).
If you have dry skin, oil-free moisturizer.
Deo for your B.O.! Deodorant is the best and you can put it in other places that sweat, too, not just your pits.
Lil tiny baby mist of perfume or cologne.
Change your clothes - socks too. Better yet if they’ve just come out of the washer + dryer!!
Also check out our showering tag!
The gist of it is distract yourself- I always shower listening to music too!
You can also look away when you’re changing, and turn off some of the lights. Don’t turn off all lights in the shower at night though or you could slip.
I also find showering while wearing a packer helpful because it improves my lower dysphoria so I feel better overall even if it isn’t about my chest.
You can also occasionally shower with a bra on- it isn’t ideal because then you can’t clean your chest, but if you wouldn’t otherwise shower at all then wearing a bra in the shower is better than not showering.
I know three posts that are relevant here, one from scarresources and one from postdysphoria, and one from shatteredplaces:
This post on hygiene from scarresources may be helpful, I’ll copy it below:
This is a hard topic to talk about, an even harder one to ask for advice on. No one wants to be that person who says ‘I haven’t been able to take a shower in a week’.
So let’s get down to business.
If you know you are a person with a problem with these things, make reminders to do them. In your phone, on a sticky note, write it in your agenda, make a sticker chart if you need to. Do whatever it takes.
Self soothe before and after. Self care before and after.
Make it as stress free as possible-as soothing as possible. Do it in the dark with candles or pleasant smells if that helps you. Music or white noise might help. Don’t feel weird for having to go all out if it helps makes things easier. Put a robe/your new clothes/towel in the dryer for a few minutes either right before you get in the shower or while you’re in there. That way it’s warm and self-soothing for afterwards.
Routine. Routine. Routine. Routine is your friend. Repeat the same actions in the same order at around the same time. Routine is your friend.
Divide and Conquer. Can’t handle doing everything at once? Break it into smaller parts. Allow yourself breaks. Don’t beat yourself up. Plenty of survivors struggle with this stuff for one reason or another. You aren’t broken or defective.
Potential Problem: Getting naked/Seeing own body
Bathing suits are an option. Just make sure you’re still washing under them.
Bathing in the dark. Night lights are your friend.
Giant shirt for before and after. With a large enough shirt- it is 100% possible to change in and out of clothes, while still wearing the shirt. Have it be a thing just for shower time- that way you aren’t worrying about getting the shirt you’re about to wear wet.
Potential Problem: nope, can’t do it you can’t make me.
If showering is legitimately not an option- you can still get clean.
Baby wipes are your friend.
Wash cloths are you friend.
Alcohol is your friend. (the rubbing kind.) This is actually something I learned from a buddy who hikes. One of the things he was taught was to take cotton balls and clean areas with them dipped in alcohol.
Bird baths for your body. Focus on problem areas like genitals/ feet/armpits. You can clean your feet in a bin. You can take once a day to wash your armpits anywhere basically, and your genital area after you’ve been to the toilet.
If it’s a water/sensory issue- do ‘navy’ showers. (only have the water running when you’re actively rinsing)
Potential Problem: But my hair?
If showering is a problem for you, minimizing the amount of time you spend in the shower can help. Doing your hair outside of the shower can help.
Keep a cup next to your sink, or if doing it kneeling by the tub isn’t anxiety inducing- you can do this there. But go ahead and wet your hair while you’re still clothed.
Shampoo+conditioner blends exist and are good for those who can manage to do it once- but can’t make themselves do it twice.
Leave in conditioners are also pretty cool things that you don’t have to rinse out.
Dry Shampoos are pretty cool. Baking soda is also an option. Make sure you brush it out though.
If you’re doing the ‘out of shower washing’ you can also rinse hair out with a wash cloth instead of running your head in water. That may be helpful for some of you.
Also you really don’t need to be washing your hair every day anyway. (Washing your hair every day can apparently dry it out.)
No Rinse Shower Caps are a bit expensive but could be good especially if you only struggle on traumaversaries, or to keep in a ‘in case of emergency kit’.
This is a surround tooth brush. They’re meant for caretakers of people who can’t brush their own teeth. But basically they’re tooth brushes that basically have three heads. meaning they really cut down on brush time.
Waterpiks are pretty expensive but apparently pretty good at doing the job.
You may find that a children’s toothbrush or a cutesy one- will help you keep up the habit more. There’s no need to be ashamed of having a kids toothbrush if that’s what works for you.
If the toothpaste is the problem- dentists say that dry brushing is still encouraged. Also Sea Salt is apparently an option, you just like.. dissolve it in water and then dip your brush in that. Coconut oil too? maybe?
That being said- if the tooth brush is the problem, and you can handle your own hand in your mouth. Finger tooth brushes are a thing.
If nothing else, mouth wash.
Or even better, mouth wash + flossing.
You can also clean your teeth with water + paper towel/rag. Do one tooth at a time like you would with a tooth brush.
Oil Pulling. Swishing (gently) with about a tablespoon of pure oil (olive, coconut, and sesame oil seem to be pretty popular.) for 20 minutes. Though when you start out you can start with 5-10 minutes as you get used to it. (don’t spit it out in your sink though. trashcans work.)
Chewing Sticks can be used as an alternative to teeth brushing.
Swishing with baking soda dissolved in warm water can help.
This post on showers from https://postdysphoria.wordpress.com/managing-or-resolving-dysphoria/showers/ might also help, I’ll copy it below:
“As far back as my childhood memories go, I hated baths and showers. I tried getting away with as few as possible. The one redeeming part was the bittersweet validation it provided.
Shorter showers amidst a busy schedule
A smaller mirror in the washroom
Washing what I could while keeping underwear on
Shorter showers amidst a busy schedule
I moved around a lot growing up. The times I lived farther away from whichever school I was attending that had me commuting consequently longer, the better I did. In my desperate attempt to maximise sleep time, I’d wake up as close to the time I had to leave as possible, so I had to do as much in as little time as possible. If I kept my showers to a few minutes, book ended with rushing between everything else to do in the morning, showers were way less problematic than when I tried taking one on a lazy weekend day, when my mind could rip into my naked body for as long as it wanted.
A smaller mirror in the washroom
Making it less easy to see more of body while I was getting ready and after showering prevented my reflection from adding fuel to the trying situation. For a while all I had was a small mirror placed high enough up that I could scarcely see anything beneath my neck. I could shave my face and the rest wasn’t glaring back at me as I did so. Brilliant.
Washing what I could while keeping underwear on
On really bad days, I washed what I could while keeping underwear on. With my small head and short hair, sinks were often an option. Sometimes I was bent over a tub with a handheld shower and a towel draped over my shoulders. Then I’d wash my limbs either also over the tub with the handheld shower and/or with a cloth & soap over the sink. Depending on your skin, hair, whether or not you’re prone to yeast infections, etc your mileage with how long you can get by with this will vary.
Closing my eyes (and feeling the water in and around my fur)
Context: I’m furry/hairy from T.If my mind was really tearing me a new one but I was already fully soaked, I’d close my eyes, take a few mindful breathes and focus on feeling the water going through my fur. Sometimes I’d keep my eyes shut while scrubbing and rinsing, just opening my eyes to do a quick glance over at the end to make sure I’d gotten all the soap off.”
This post by shatteredplaces might also help, I’ll copy it below:
Okay, this is about to be a long list but I hope it helps someone. Being genderfluid myself, I just showered for the first time in several days because of my disabling dysphoria. I always see tons of tips about clothing, hair, behavior, and even makeup, but I don’t see a lot of tips on here about dealing with shower dysphoria. Some of this is going to be aimed at trans*, genderfluid, and genderqueer individuals specifically, and some of these tips are for agender and other nonbinary individuals, but most can be applied to all of the above. Let’s get started!
- If possible, listen to music. Whether it’s on a phone, laptop, or portable radio, listen to music you enjoy, and listen to it as loudly as you’re able. It helps me to have something else to focus on while I go through the motions of showering, even if it’s my own horrible singing.
- Use shower products marketed towards the gender you identify with. Since I’m genderfluid, I keep both “male” and “female” bodywashes, shampoos, and face washes in my shower so that however I’m feeling, I’ve got the products available to reduce dysphoria as much as I’m able.
- Have your clothes ready inside the bathroom with you. I always make sure that my clothes are completely prepared for me to throw them on as quickly as possible after my shower. My dysphoria is increased significantly when I’m undressed, so not wasting time turning my clothes right-side out, or searching for clothes helps.
- Keep a mental list of the steps you need to complete during your shower. 1. Prepare clothes 2. Turn on water 3. Get in shower 4. Shampoo hair; ect. Having a mental list of specific steps you need to complete helps break the process down so it isn’t so overwhelming, and you’ll be able to keep track of how close you are to being done.
- Use genderless shower products. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to find shampoos and body wash that aren’t marketed a specific way. The best brand that I’ve found is Lush products. Almost all of their products aren’t targeted to any gender at all. Unfortunately, if you don’t live close to a store (the closest one to me is over two hours away) it can get pricey buying online once shipping and taxes are applied. One that has been suggested a couple times is Trader Joe’s brand, but I’ve been told it mainly pertains to the west coast. Also, a more widespread brand is Head and Shoulders! If anyone knows of any more common, genderless brands, feel free to add on or message me and I’ll edit it in!
Unfortunately, for those of us with dysphoria, showering is probably always going to suck at least a little bit. If anyone else has helpful tips, feel free to reblog with your additions. If you’re not comfortable with that, message me on here and I can edit it in.
Above all, just remember that:
Your dysphoria does not define who you are.
Anon said: Shower time is hard, but something that’s helped me, is that I use it as like, designated time to close my eyes and meditate on having the body that I want. Visualizing my flat chest, etc.
Anon said: Okay, so the first binder I bought was kinda big, and so it doesn’t really compress, but it does make my chest feel flatter. So, what I do is shower with it on and take it off briefly to wash the area under it, and then put it back on. This helps me so much, so if anyone has a binder that isn’t too tight on them, then you should try this (but please, don’t wear a tight binder in any water). I also wear boxers in the shower for when I have really bad bottom dysphoria.
Lee adds on: Do note that it’s a bit harder to take a wet binder off, so if you have a hard time with removing your binder because of disability that’s something to be aware of before you wear it in the shower.
codingtheuniverse said: I don’t know if this would help but I knew a kid that would cover his bathroom mirror
bewarecombustinggiraffes said: Some other things that help me are taking really hot showers so I steam up the mirror, having something planned to do afterwards so my dysphoria doesn’t have time to seize the day. It’s usually something calming and solitary like snuggling up in a big hoodie and reading fantasy books, and writing affirmations on the soon-to-be-obscured by steam mirror before I get undressed so I have reminders of my intrinsic awesomeness when I’m done in the shower
shatteredplaces said: I had someone contact me and point out that Tresemme is a brand of hair care products that is fairly gender-neutral as far as packaging and scents! And AXE sells loofahs “for men” that are slightly different than “female” loofahs, so I’ve got each! Someone suggested the brand Toms for gender-neutral products (I can verify that their deodorant is awesome). They also pointed out that you can make your own soaps and add your own scents!
legalist217 said: Blue or green colors of Suave products are cheap and genderless.
minimarimbist98 said: I dunno if this works for anybody else, but I use a shampoo+conditioner+body wash 3-in-1 product. it has a ninja turtle shaped bottle and I’ve never smelt better and also it makes my hair super duper soft. because it’s a 3 in 1, I spend less time in the shower.
legitgayjesus said: Dr Bronner’s soaps and Burts Bees are both wonderful genderless products! And they are relatively cheaper than Lush products
aveliix said: an addition, something I like to do is go in the bathroom, and turn the water on really really hot and fog up the mirror before taking my clothes off, so I don’t have to look at my naked body in the mirror. it really helps
mettlelark said: Shave where you need to shave for whatever fits your self image, even if hair doesn’t grow enough that it’s necessary. (I worry less about not being able to grow a beard if I stay clean-shaven anyway.) Appreciate whatever parts of your body you do like and feel connected with, be it hair, muscles, whatever. Using a washcloth or something else between your fingers and your body.
pizzapizzadickz said: I usually turn off the lights and use my phone flashlight to move around and turn that off when I’m inside the tub so I can really relax
dylan-pickles said: I shower with the lights off (single tea light) sometimes for sensory reasons, but it also helps with dysphoria because I generally don’t look at myself as I wash with no/low light and I don’t look at the mirror since it’s dark as well. It’s pretty quick to get dressed if you prepare your clothes.
nyanryan said: Head and shoulders is generally gender neutral! plus its rly good for ur hair + scalp! and baby soaps r mostly gender neutral and smell rly nice
a–ce said: Ivory original body wash is pretty gender neutral and also very inexpensive :)
randomfandompanda7 said: The Garnier Fructis brand of shampoo/conditioner isn’t (as far as I know) gendered. The label just tell you about how your hair will be fuller of healthier. I don’t think they make body wash though. Hope this helps!
spaghettipunsandanime said: If you live in Australia (I’m so sorry IDK about America, I’ve never been there) there’s a few non-gendered products at K-mart, but I’m lucky to see those every once in a while, they either go quick or don’t stock that many :/ hope I could help a little at least
swiftlybae said: the best gender neutral soap is called everyone soap and it’s body wash, shampoo and bubble bath!!! its 11 dollars but it comes in a pretty big bottle and has a few different scents to choose from!!
avantikass said: Head & Shoulders, also Trader Joe’s brand shampoo (their tea tree line is great)
puppystorm said: I’ve found, I guess, having a pet in the bathroom to keep you company and a little focused towards finishing so they can go out and do their things.
rabbitindisguise said: Dial spring water is a good genderless one, but there are some gendered versions. I like that the deep moisture ones aren’t specifically feminine- though they tend to have a lot of unnecessary floral descriptions.
meeresbande said: I often cut down on the time I have to be in the shower/naked by washing my hair and face at the sink, and when it’s so bad I can’t shower, I wash as much of myself as I can at the sink. When it’s bad, I avoid looking in the mirror or any reflective surface (like the shower-head). Sometimes I shower using only cold water, because warm/hot water makes me more prone to dissociate. I find that lots of organic brands are (more) gender-neutral (at least here in germany idk about other places). They often have neutral scents, when it comes to gender-associations, like citrus etc. They also often have neutral/parfume-free products for sensitive skin.
fiercepowers said: the “say yes to ____” brand at target is gender neutral, made mostly with natural ingredients, and doesn’t test on animals. they make a variety of skincare products for different types of skin (for US ppl)
let-zygons-be-bygones said: Dandruff shampoo is usually genderless, especially generic brands.
the-blue-butterfly-effect said: one of my favorite body washes is called “Gender Bender” their motto is “body wash for everyone” and i have been told it smells good too
unashamed-shipper said: I’ve seen that most Paul Mitchell products (bought at a salon, and if you ever come to mine you are always welcome) are good for the hair and quite gender neutral. Their tea tree line is one of my favorites, and I’ve had people of all genders (or none at all) love the products. They are a little expensive (12.99 for about a 10 oz bottle) but we usually have coupons on us at my store if you ask nicely :) and Joico products are somewhat gender neutral as well. They have a great moisture shampoo :)
glutenfree–sweetie said: I try to buy based on the merits and scent, so it’s less using a gendered product and more using a product I love the smell-feel of. Everyone is different and this list will definitely help you figure out how to navigate an overwhelmingly binary world.
nothing-is-ever–still–on-earth said: I can confirm it’s actually honestly really anticlimactically easy to shower in the dark. It’s kinda fun too, I don’t know why but it’s a lot easier to dance if you shower with music on and I feel a lot more confident
fallenanywherebuthome said: For people with course textured hair like mine, I use Shea Moisture African Black soap shampoo and conditioner. It’‘so black with orange letters and doesn’t scream “gender” a lot of different African black soap products tend to have more gender neutral colored packaging now, so there’s an option if it works for you.Also, if you live in a college dorm with small shower stalls, it helped to bring a loose T-shirt and shorts so I could get back to my room and get dressed
angsty-grackle said: When I feel dysphoric, I take a bath with a ton of bubbles! I’m ftm, and stereotypically masculine scents on me make me feel better. Shower gel does the same thing as bubble bath, so I use male shower gel, and I get surrounded in “masculine” smelling bubbles that cover my body. It also helps me to have my favourite bands playing, and I’ve even watched a movie on my laptop while in the tub. Distractions and scents are a huge part of what helps me feel less dysphoric.😅
onbestaand said: I mostly use baby shampoo and body was, that tends to be ungendered! Also, turning the lights off helps me a ton.
buffalo–bill said: Suave and Head and Shoulders are both pretty genderless usually. Also mane and tail works really well for thick hair and is completely genderless because it’s actually horse shampoo and conditioner??? Lol.
a-cakess said: Hey the cheap brands of soap are usually neutral, like softsoap body wash and generic shampoo brands
