Is I bad that I just want someone to see it and ask if Iām okay or how Iām doing, even though I know Iāll just lie..?
Monterey Bay Aquarium
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

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Kiana Khansmith

if i look back, i am lost
I'd rather be in outer space šø
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

#extradirty
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
Three Goblin Art
almost home

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
styofa doing anything
Sweet Seals For You, Always
YOU ARE THE REASON
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap

tannertan36

romaā
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@to-be-man-made
Is I bad that I just want someone to see it and ask if Iām okay or how Iām doing, even though I know Iāll just lie..?
I MISS OLD TUMBLR
When people say shit About getting headaches too. Or how they donāt understand how someone could call out of work for a āheadacheā or some other shit just showing they donāt understand...
It just proves how much they really donāt understand. Not saying the headaches you get donāt hurt or poor me...
I just woke up from a nap that finally gave me some relief from the headache that was so strong I donāt really remember all day prior to waking up from that nap..and itās currently 5:30pn..
Yayšš
Yeah sex is cool but have you ever been on tumblr before December 17 2018?
Iāve been seeing a lot of threat posts lately and honestly? Fuck that shit. People could have made nice posts but no - yāall gotta go and give people anxiety. No-one needs to reblog bupkis.
I just want to be normal again.
Iām tired of being tired.
Iām tired of going to bed thinking about every second of the day that just happened and the days to come.
Iām tired of how my brain never shuts off..but also never really runs right.
I donāt want this to be my ānormalā
I miss going out. I miss feeling like a human. I fucking miss the fuck outta drag shows and gay bars. I guess shockingly enough (even tho I donāt want to admit it..) that kinda also says I miss college.š¤¦š¼āāļøš±
Like I miss all these things but Iām definitely not strong enough to fight the demons that hold me back..
I just have such a hard time understanding how I can feel everything and nothing at once.. like empty but also overwhelmed
Hereās one I never thought Iād say..
Iām getting kinda tired of my whole feed being porn š
Iām actually terrified of who Iāve become.
And I donāt know how to fix it.
There are some days I literally donāt know who I am. Itās like some days I dig deeper into mussels vs the majority of the days where I line just exist.
Do you ever think about being normal..?
I know I know.. no oneās normal..
But like 90% of people in my life I would consider to be normal.. even the people who think they have the craziest lives.. normal..
I wonder what itās like to be normal all the time.. maybe itās just like Iām throwing my own little pity party with myself over here..but like.. just to have a day, even a few hours, of normal Iād do anything to just get a taste of it..
Maybe I should get back to seeing a counselor..š¤·š¼āāļø
Iām sure it was before 12..but yeah šš
Damn Yāall
Yooo..so I just realized Iāve been so MIA from here that my bio hasnāt been updated in like 2.5 years š
So, I fucked myself over..
So last night I made the discovery that I was so dreadfully āwaiting?ā for. I say waiting like that cause itās not like I was eager for it, more so, I realistically knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Even though I was really hoping for later. Iāve fucked my self. Iāve left mental illness go untreated for so long it continues to progress. Which makes it harder to conquer.
You see, on Sept. 11th, 2019 I injected my IM testosterone shot..probably late as usual. I was so eager to start the Xyosted subQ autoinjector..it was supposed to make my life easier. Shots easier. Levels more consistent. Faster. More convenient...everything..buuut..thereās always a but. Usually quite literally with ftm guys doing IM shotsš
Today is January 5th, 2020. Late in the day almost the next, but still the 5th. That shot in September was my last. Preferably and most likely NOT forever..but who knows for how long. And last night, it finally caught up with me.
Last night, I started bleeding. I guess I really thought it just wasnāt going to happen. I thought I was invincible and I wasnāt like everyone else. I know it sounds like some crazy stupid teenager talking about getting pregnant, doing drugs, or drinking and driving..but letās be real, 3 years on T, Iām not actually 23..Iām closer to the stupid teenager in itās own sense.
I really donāt even know how I feel about it. And I sure as hell donāt know how to express it.
But why did it happen? Why was September the last? Why donāt we know when the next will be? Is it money..Drs..health..by choice..or by accident maybe? Nope. I suck. Thatās the way I like to put it. Mental illness sucks.
See, I donāt know the exact diagnosis because honestly itās basically self-diagnosed..but also dr mentioned. Itās just not diagnosed on paper. Iāve got some serious health/medication phobia going on. And itās definitely ruining me. Iāve gained new (real) health diagnoses over the last year. Theyāre new, ever changing, and always kinda scary. I canāt bring myself to take meds for them. My anxiety? LITERALLY RUINING MY LIFE. Iām constantly letting my girl down because I canāt stand to leave the house..canāt take meds for that. Itās the shittiest cycle. Have anxiety about meds? Take meds for anxiety...doesnāt work out too well.
Because of the med phobia I couldnāt bring myself to start the Xyosted that was supposed to be a game changer. Saw the doc, he prescribed Lexapro for the med phobia..havenāt taken it..almost 3 months later. He mentioned how he was surprised I hadnāt had break through bleeding considering itād already been almost a month since my last shot. That, I thought, was going to be enough to get me back to doing shots..whether it be an incentive or scare me enough either way Iād take it. Another few weeks go by, I contact the office asking for my vial and needle script back cause I really want to avoid the bleeding. I hoped that maybe once getting my shot in and starting that lexapro I could bring myself to switch to the Xyosted.
Long story short..2 months shy of hitting my 3 yr..was the last time I did a shot..which now makes me almost 4 months off T. And I canāt figure out how I feel about it. My uterus has probably never hated me as much as it does right now. I feel de-masculinized..but also not at the same time. I feel fake. But I feel strong. I feel like Iāve got this crazy secret while also feeling like everyone around knows at the same time. I just donāt know..
End rant..I think...for nowš Literally wearing a diaper cause uteri can be dramatic š
A local chef, who had his food handler's license was raided by a dozen cops and health department officials who stole all of his equipment because he fed the homeless without a proper permit.
Decatur, IL ā A kind and loving local chef woke up Tuesday morning to a dozen cops and health department officials raiding his home. Khemuel āChefā Sanders had his business shut down, all of his equipment stolen by the state, and his life ruined because he made food in his home to give to the homeless.
Unfortunately, in the land of the free, it is against the law to help others or try to make a dollar without first paying the government for the privilege of doing so. While the state will claim this is for the safety of others who may consume the food, the reality is that it is a revenue generation scheme.
To be clear, Sanders is a licensed food handler. He paid the government for the privilege to handle food, however, he was doing it in a manner which they disapproved.
If not for the state who will feed the homelessā¦
I think the response was excessive too, but consider for a second outside your āOmagod the STATE is EVIL and wants OUR MONEYā echo box that there are cases of people feeding homeless poisoned food and assholes purposely trying to kill them off is a real thing.
If you want to feed a larger group of them, invite them to a buffet or something and if you are a licensed chef with a business you can hold a dinner event and get the same effect.
Can you show me all these so called cases of people poisoning the homeless?
Just curious?Ā Ā Ā Because there is this.Ā
āMany communities will cite a desire to ensure that food that is shared is prepared according to certain food preparation standards, but there is no documented cases of food poisoning coming from food that is shared with hungry people in public places,ā National Coalition for the Homeless Interim Director Megan Hustings told Newsweek.
This is the money Patrick. Reblog so money will come your way
āIām getting back in line.ā
OKAY but i just reblogged this last night and guess what i got today from my workplaceās self-audit!
THANK YOU PATRICK FOR FREE MONEY
BLESS ME PATRICK
PATRICK I HAVE NEVER STRAYED YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU
@billshitposts
*rolls sleeves* aight dude lets get me some money
Can i just *Gets in line*ā¦there
Please
HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE
MAKE A WISH
the first post ever on tumblr
I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK
WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK
reblog this because it shows up every blue moon
I FOUND IT ā
I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULDNT BE THE ORIGINAL
Who first posted this?
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO END WITH A MEME OR SOME SHIT NO ITāS THE REAL ONE OH MY GOD
Wishing Iāll do well on my finals āØ