Penis Mightier than the Sword

30s, he/him

[accarasshrekobsession-deactivat]

Treating the head of your cock like a lollipop and swirling around it with my tongue would make me feel better

[corvidgirldick]

treating the head of your cock like a lollipop and cracking it into shards betwixt my molars in the first 3 seconds

[sergle]

this is the thing I was talking about where people are playing with their cats the way that cats play with eachother lmao

[drtanner]

HE KILLED HIM

[beardedmrbean]

perfection

[florianflux]

sniles so sneetly at you

[segamascott]

[rude-avocado]

I got bored and made a web-based version of @txttletale's 200-word RPG I'M NOT LEARNING TO PLAY MAGICAL GATHERING, where players are given random Magic: The Gathering cards and have to decide which one would win in a fight while ignoring all rules of MtG.

You can play it here. This current version is built to work in fullscreen on a desktop display. Mobile can technically work, but runs into some issues.

I tried to keep it mostly faithful to the original rules, but I did make a few changes, particularly when it came to fine-tuning the Scryfall searches.

Changes to all Scryfall queries:

Limits all requests to cards with flavor text

Excludes dual-faced cards

Excludes Legendary Universes Beyond cards, i.e. external named characters like Cloud and Spider-Man

Excludes playtest cards

Changes to specific Scryfall queries:

STUFF now has the option to include certain Aura enchantments, specifically those that grant stat bonuses or keywords. The default behavior is still equipments only.

TECHNIQUE now excludes Adventures, Omens, and other instances of instants/sorceries attached to a creature.

SCENARIO now excludes all Aura enchantments.

New features:

At the beginning of the game, picks a random set of planeswalkers to represent the players. I mostly did this because I didn’t want to ask for people’s names.

If a player is the JUDGE, they are given the card for a random creature with the word "Judge" in its name. This does nothing.

Scoring: Can use the winner-take-all model of the original or assign points at the judge's discretion (ex. number of 1v1 matchups a GUY would win).

Judge: Can use the original system to have players take turns, or can have a dedicated non-player judge for more of a game show setup.

[txttletale]

fuck yeah this rules i'm so honoured!!!

[mndvx]

THE MUPPET SHOW (2026)

[ithinkhobiknows]

[konfettiklown]

i bet count von count has killer fuckin music taste

[konfettiklown]

look what he drives. i have got to get this little purple fucks spotify

[thominyourside]

[harbinger-of-silly]

All gays will go to hellsite

[king-of-oreo]

What if in hellsite but not gay

[punky-beaver-offical]

[king-of-oreo]

NO!

[avhira]

[hellsitegenetics]

String identified: A ga g t t at t t t ga T tag g a Ag agag Acctac ! T tag g a Ag agag Acctac

Closest match: Psylliodes chrysocephala genome assembly, chromosome: 4 Common name: Cabbage Stem Flea Beetle

(image source)

[graveexcitement]

[dogpuppy]

[wyrmicelli]

whats everybody bringing to the tumblr potluck?!?

🍗

🥕

🍒

🧃

🍰

🍻

🍽️

🎉

Voting ended onJul 9, 2025

[wyrmicelli]

great work everyone!!!!

[noxshade]

[dogpuppy]

[thatpunkfairy]

MTG alters

[wiki-but-made-them-up]

[dragongirlbunny]

wrong

[penandinkprincess]

listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different

i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts

[penandinkprincess]

this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it

[penandinkprincess]

cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah

[justasmidgx]

I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.

Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.

But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)

Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".

Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.

[penandinkprincess]

congrats, i award you funniest take on this post

[niuttuc]

Did Tumblr know magic: the Gathering has a buff ogre woman who does time magic through brute force? And has some of the most unique effects in the game? I feel like that's something Tumblr would appreciate.

[lakevida]

porn blog that followed me 2 years ago sent me a post at 5am this morning of a man getting his feet huffed

[i-hate-you3000]