Without You (Fin.) - Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // ao3
After Tommy leaves, you take over running Shelby Co. LTD. But what happens when you husband decides to reappear after a month?
All the While (Fin.) - Prologue // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // ao3
Being childhood friends with Ada means you’ve been around the Shelbys for a long time. You fell for her brother a long time ago, knowing nothing would happen. So why does it hurt so bad to see him with the new barmaid?
I know I don't have much yet, but it's easy enough to edit posts so hopefully I'll keep writing and have more to add to this! Formatting might change eventually (if anyones got some tips, send them my way lol)
Tommy Shelby x Reader
Being childhood friends with Ada means you’ve been around the Shelbys for a long time. You fell for her brother a long time ago, knowing nothing would happen. So why does it hurt so bad to see him with the new barmaid?
Word Count- 2,899
Content Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, violence, death
Prologue // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // ao3
Today was the day.
The day the Shelby’s truly became legitimate— even if my illegitimate means. Tommy’s plan to take over Kimber’s tracks was being set into motion. You, Ada, and Polly we’re waiting, the men off doing all the work while you were forced to sit around. Boredom and anxiety clashing was never fun.
It was only maybe a couple hours before Tommy came crashing back into the room.
“Y/N, Ada, take the baby and get into the Bull Ring where there’s lots of people,” he says.
“What’s going on, Tommy?” you ask, Polly coming into the room.
“We’ve been fucking betrayed,” Tommy says, running a hand through his hair. “Someone let slip, Kimber’s men are on their way here.” He was pacing back and forth in front of the window.
“Yeah, but you can handle them, Tommy.” Polly said.
“It’s just us. All the Lees are on their way to Worcester. We’re outnumbered.” He walks over to the mantle, slamming his hands down with a curse.
“How? Who else knew today was the day you’re moving on Kimber?” you ask. Tommy had made it clear he hadn’t told anyone, or supposedly didn’t.
“You said you kept it a secret, who else did you tell?” Polly asks. Tommy stands by the mantle, realization and anger dawning on his face. Polly catches on a moment later. Grace. He told Grace. You felt vindicated and heartbroken at the same time.
“There’s only one thing that can blind a man as smart as you, Tommy.” Polly said. Her voice was soft, unusual for Polly. “It was that barmaid.” You heard what she didn’t say out loud. Love. Tommy was too smart to tell someone he was just attracted to what his plans were. But if his emotions were clouding his judgment? That was a different story. He told her. Not you.
Did he really love Grace?
You didn’t know, didn’t want to think about it, but he certainly felt enough of something to have told her. Hanging your head, you tried your best to quell the emotions coursing through you. You could be upset, sad, whatever, later. Right now there were more pressing matters.
Tommy stared off.
“I’ll deal with Grace,” Polly said. “If you set eyes on her again, you might kill her.”
Polly started to move, and you capitalized on the change of focus. You had to get out of this room with Tommy in it, it hurt too much to look at him right now. Instead, you focused on getting somewhere new, somewhere safe.
It didn’t take Tommy long to leave. The change of plans means last minute preparations and rallying the men together. When you suddenly couldn’t find Ada or Karl, you got concerned. Ada wouldn’t have left without telling you unless she was planning something she knew you wouldn’t approve of.
Something that, which in cases like today, might be extremely dangerous.
Oh god.
You grabbed what you needed, your switchblade Tommy had given you safely tucked away in your boot. Throwing on your coat, you swiftly ran out the door. Ada was likely heading towards all the action. You were hoping you could stop her before she does something ridiculously stupid and gets herself injured. Or worse.
You peek your head around the corner, cursing when you see Ada walking through Kimber’s men. You can’t make out what she’s saying, she’s too far away and the blood pounding in your ears only muffles the sound more.
Kimber starts to speak, gesturing around. You can’t make out what he’s saying either, but you nearly let out a scream as he pulls out a gun, and a shot rings out. Realizing Tommy is the one who got shot.
Knowing better than to make yourself known, you muffle your sob, relieved Tommy is still standing, but watching Danny collapse. The yelling is cut off by another gun shot going off, and you watch as Kimber’s body falls to the ground.
“Enough!” Tommy yells. Watching as Tommy says something else you can’t hear, you try and regulate your breathing. Terror claws at you, the fear that Tommy was shot, the blood slowly blooming on his shirt. The fear that even with Kimber dead on the ground, his men might still decide to fight.
Whatever Tommy says, though, seems to work. The fight dies out of the men gathered, and they start to leave, dragging Kimber’s body behind them. Ignoring the looks of confusion on Kimber’s men, you rush towards Ada and pull her into a hug.
“Ada, that was the stupidest and bravest thing you’ve ever done,” you say with a sob. Tommy says something behind you that you don’t make out, but you pull away from Ada when he calls your name.
“Y/N! What the hell are you doing here?” He asks, fury written across his face.
“I was trying to find Ada before she did something stupid,” you say, turning to him. Immediately, you attention is drawn to the bullet wound in his shoulder, blood slowly spreading. “Tommy, oh my god.” You walk over to him, checking him over for other wounds, your hand hovering over his shoulder. Knowing better than to touch it, you still hate the fact that you can’t do anything about it. You had seen him get shot, but actually seeing the bullet wound up close was killing you.
“I’m fine, Y/N,” he says, putting his gun back in his holster. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Well, neither should Ada, and yet,” you say, crossing your arms with a huff. He looks up to the heavens with a sigh, clearly exhausted if he’s not fighting you more.
“C’mon,” he says, his good arm coming to the small of your back and directing you towards the Garrison, if only slightly more forcefully than needed.
You sit helplessly by as Tommy and his men set up to get the bullet out of his shoulder, liquor at the ready to both ease the pain and clean the wound. A few men bring Danny’s body into the snug, gently resting him on the table, before walking out to join the rest of the group. Tommy comes by and ushers you into the storage room behind the bar.
“Wait in here until I come get you, understand?” He says, voice low. You move and perch on the edge of a barrel, and softly nod. There was no energy left in you to argue with him. Tommy, of course, notices your demeanor, and crouches down slightly so your eyes meet.
“The boys are gonna to get this bullet out of my shoulder, and then I’m gonna come get you, yeah?” He says, his hand coming up to gently brush along your cheekbone. You can’t help but lean into his touch. “It’s over.” He leans his forehead against yours, both of you seeking comfort in the others touch, before he rises with a sigh. He goes to pull away, but hesitates, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to the top of your head, lingering for just a bit longer than necessary. With another sigh, he rights himself once again and walks out the door.
It feels like an eternity before you hear anything, and when you do your heart breaks. Despite the walls and closed door between you, you can still hear Tommy’s pained screaming as they pull the bullet out of his shoulder. Tears start to prick at your eyes but you quickly blink them away, trying to remain collected. You hear him a few more times, before blessed silence stretches out. Letting out a shaky breath, you scrub your hands over your face.
You repeat the words over and over to yourself, trying to regulate your body. Trying to ease the panic that has been lingering over the day. It’s only interrupted when the door slowly creaks back open, and Tommy steps back into the storage room. The sight of him breaks you, the bandage crossing over his shoulder, his bloody shirt, the pure exhaustion on his face. Only then do the tears you were trying so hard to suppress finally break free. The door shuts softly behind him, and he slowly walks towards you, and you rise to meet him. When he nears you, you can’t help but reach out for him, careful of his shoulder. His good arm comes and wraps around your waist, pulling you to him. He buries his face in your hair, and you can feel a shaky breath against your skull. Tears are gently falling from your eyes and soaking his shirt, but neither of you care. You just exist in this moment, together. Happy to have a moment of peace.
You were so close— so close— to losing him. It shouldn’t be a new feeling, and yet. And yet, it was like you couldn’t breathe, the fear that he could've been taken from you gripping at your heart with a vice grip. So you let yourself hold him, to feel his beating heart against you.
“Please, Tommy,” you whisper against his chest. Not even sure what you were asking— please stay, please tell me it’s all over, please hold me, please, please, please, please. But he knows. He always does.
“I’m here, Y/N. I’m not leaving you,” he says, breath fanning across your hair with each word. Pulling back, he brings his hand up to your cheek, gently brushing the tears away. The two of you stay like that, just simply studying the other, memorizing the planes of each others faces. You watch as his eyes drift down to your lips, his hand moves so his thumb can gently brush against your bottom lip. His head dips down a fraction, his eyes dart back up to yours, asking, and when you give the barest nod, he brings his head down the rest of the way.
The kiss starts as barely a brush of your lips against each other, your breath mingling. And then he’s there, overwhelming all of your senses. There’s a hitch in your breath as he deepens the kiss ever so slightly. It’s as if he’s laying claim, in a gentle way, like the whole world should already know you’re his. And you are, always have been. Ever since you were fifteen, probably even before then.
When he finally pulls away, you can’t help the quiet whine of protest that leaves you. He just has the smallest of smiles on his face, thumb still gently brushing against your cheek. After pressing a gentle kiss between your brows, he leads you back out to the rest of the Garrison. Leaving the little bubble of peace the two of you had created.
All through the night, you’re there by his side, rarely does he not have a hand on you— around your waist, arm across your shoulder, brushing against your arm, hand at the back of your neck, something. Like he’s grounding himself to you. And you need it just as badly. Need to know that he’s here. He’s only gone momentarily to talk with the Lee men, and then comes right back to your side.
Everyone notices the change between you two— it would be hard not to— but no one says anything. Polly gives you a soft smile, a kiss on the cheek. Ada gives you a knowing look. And you go about your night, the tension that had been building up lately slowly being eased by the booze and Tommy’s touch grounding you.
By the end of the night, most of the men had either gone home or were passed out in the Garrison. You and Tommy were sitting side by side, and you were slowly starting to doze off with your head on his shoulder. His fingers gently ran through your hair, encouraging the sleep that was threatening to take hold.
“Y/N,” he whispers softly, gently nudging you back awake. “C’mon, I’ll walk you home.”
Humming softly in agreement, you slowly shift, trying to wake back up enough to walk home. He let’s you take your time, watching you with a soft expression on his face, one you weren’t sure you’ve ever seen on him before. When you’re finally sitting upright, he stands and offers his good arm for you to take.
After giving Polly a quick hug and a small wave to Arthur and John, you walk out the Garrison with your arm looped through Tommy’s. The exhaustion and the booze work in tandem to weigh you down, slowly leaning more and more into Tommy’s side. When you reach your door, you fumble trying to find the key and fit it the lock, which causes Tommy to let out a chuckle.
“Don’t,” you say with a light hearted glare at him, before giggling, still tipsy. Finally getting the door unlocked, you swing it open and step across the threshold. Turning to where Tommy is still standing behind you, you raise an eyebrow.
“Coming in, Mr. Shelby?” You offer your hand to him, and he takes it with a small smile, allowing you to pull him into the building.
You drag Tommy with you towards the kitchen, busying yourself with making tea for the two of you. Or, really, just for you, knowing Tommy would much prefer the bottle of whiskey you have tucked away. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Tommy take off his cap and jacket, gently placing them on the coat rack by the door. Turning back to the tea, you move to grab two cups and dig out the bottle of whiskey. Your back is turned to Tommy now, but you’re hyper-aware of him still, and you can feel as he gets closer. He leans against the counter next to you, arms crossed
“Tea?” You ask, turning to face him fully, offering the glass of whiskey to him. You hadn’t realized just how close he got to you until now, his presence surrounding you. He takes it with a soft chuckle, and takes a sip.
“Now, what is a lady like you doing with such a nice bottle of whiskey?” He asks, an eyebrow raised as he inspects the glass.
“I’m hardly a lady,” you say, taking a sip from your own cup— only yours is actually tea. “But one never knows when a Peaky Blinder will be joining them. Always good to be prepared.”
Tommy gives you a soft smile before taking another deep sip, then setting the glass on the counter. Turning back to the counter, you top off your cup of tea, despite the fact that you only took a few sips. Knowing, though, that you had to turn away from Tommy, to not let his gaze distract you. Before anything else, you had to know why.
Not fully sure you wanted to hear his answer, you knew you needed to ask anyway. Bracing your hands on the counter, you take a deep breath before turning back to him.
“Why did you tell Grace?” The unspoken part lingers between you— why her— and you try your best to not let the hurt show. You’re not sure how well you succeed, but Tommy manages to keep his expression fairly neutral. He breaks your gaze to fish out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it.
He takes a long draw before finally speaking, cigarette dangling from between his fingers. “I’m a man who does not like having any weaknesses, Y/N. Weaknesses are a dangerous thing in this life." He turns slightly to tap the ash from his cigarette. Reading him comes easy for you most times, and you can tell he's contemplating his next words, even as he tries and keeps his face passive. You know his mannerisms probably better than he does.
"I thought maybe, just maybe, she could help me get rid of this weakness." Another long drag from his cigarette, refusing to meet your gaze again.
"What weakness, Tommy?" Your voice was soft. Knowing— or more hoping you knew— what he was going to say. Still, you needed him to say it out loud, to hear it come from his mouth.
Another drag, another turn to tap the ash, another drink of whiskey, the moment stretching on and on, before he finally levels his gaze with yours.
"You, Y/N. My weakness was you," he says, blue eyes piercing into your soul. Unsure of who moves first, you just know that the second his lips meet yours it's like the world has finally settled. It feels right. Reveling in the taste of whiskey and cigarettes, and something that is just Tommy, you can't help the groan that comes out of you. Tommy's hands are in your hair, and you can't explain it but it's so much more than the kiss you shared earlier.
Before, there was the uncertainty of what was going on between you, the hope that maybe you weren't imagining things. But now, now that you know it's not just you, it's like a weight has been lifted. Finally, you allow yourself to fully enjoy the moment.
Pulling back to catch your breath, your foreheads rest against each other.
"I love you too, Tommy," you say, a grin splitting your face, and he pulls you back in for another kiss.
writers, you can and should be proud of your fic even if you personally are not satisfied with it. because even if you think it's "not good", you can be proud of the fact that you wrote it and it's something you created. you can be proud of the fact it's not ai.
repeat after me, it's something you put your soul and dedication in — and that's something ai could never achieve.
Replied to a recent comment on a fic that I wrote years ago and then took the time to revisit previous comments and I say this with complete sincerity:
Leaving a comment on a fic provides compounding delight. Authors will love initially receiving a comment, will love later recalling this and that particular aspect of a comment, and they will love rereading comments and being reminded how readers enjoyed the work.
Comments are not a one-time act of kindness and consideration. They keep giving.
Thank you to those who take the time to give a nice word, describe an excited reaction, point out favorite parts, and generally let it be known that not only has the work been read but it had some effect. :)
Thinking about Emma in the Pitt, how her first day "wasn't that bad," despite being assaulted and grabbed, dealing with harrowing cases. How I think she's going to be a wonderful nurse.
But also the fact that she's basically what Dana used to be. Her first day "wasn't that bad" because she hasn't been dealing with these things day after day for years, if not decades, like the other nurses. How she has the capacity right now to be able to have these things not affect her as much, because, well, it's one time, it wasn't that bad, it could have been worse. Until it happens tomorrow. And the next day. And the next, for years, and suddenly 'wasn't that bad' turns into being burnt-out and jaded.
And Maybe Emma will be able to push it aside for a while, and I think she'll always be kind and gentle. But eventually, she'll reach the point, like Dana, that she's maybe not sure why she keeps coming back.
Holding a human heart in your hands while looking your mom dead in the eye. Filming ICE & running off to post on your tiktok with thousands of followers so people see them arresting a fucking ER nurse. Comforting a family through the death of a loved one. fuck yeah javadi belongs in the ER
Waiting for the day when AI "art" is recognized for what it is (universally cringe), and all our weird fics become premium reading because people are hungry for human authenticity after years of slop-fuelled feeds…
(That day is now btw)
Guys I swear I fill finish my Peaky Blinders fic at some point, i swear, I just got obsessed with the Pitt and Animal Kingdom and got other ideas 😭 I do keep going back to it though! It will be done at some point
Tommy Shelby x Reader
Being childhood friends with Ada means you’ve been around the Shelbys for a long time. You fell for her brother a long time ago, knowing nothing would happen. So why does it hurt so bad to see him with the new barmaid?
Word Count- 2,927
Content Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, mentions of childbirth
A/N: This part mentions some stuff from the prologue, so I would recommend reading it if you haven't, but it's not necessary!
Prologue // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // ao3
“Tommy!” You called, pulling yourself away from the revelry. “Come dance with me!”
Tommy was sat down at one of the tables set up, smoking a cigarette while taking in the events of John’s wedding. As you got closer, you gestured for him to join you.
“I already danced with John and Arthur. It’s your turn now, Tommy.” You were swaying ever so slightly on your feet, having had one too many drinks. After the events that have transpired lately, you were just happy to be celebrating something for once. “Come on, Tommy.”
He raised an eyebrow at you, before he let out a light laugh. He stubbed out his cigarette and stood to take your hand, turning you back to join in the festivities once again. You were sure that the dancing was far more energetic than Tommy would have liked, but you didn’t care.
“Am I going to have to carry you home again, Y/N?” Tommy asked, referencing the night you got drunk at fifteen. You’d be quite impressed if he could manage it now. His smile grew when your laugh filled the air. You two had barley even acknowledged each other since your moment at the betting shop, pretending like nothing happened. It was nice to act like normal people around each other again. You hadn’t realized how much you missed talking to Tommy.
“Don’t tempt me, Tommy,” you said, crossing under his arm. “I’ve been dancing so much I feel like my feet are going to fall off.” The dancing wasn’t quite conducive to talking, but you managed. He let out a laugh at your answer, his smile actually staying in place. You could live in this moment forever. Tommy truly smiling was a rare occurrence lately.
The two of you danced for far longer than you thought Tommy would agree too, getting through a whole other song. This time when the song ended, you both stood there, catching your breath. His hands were gently rubbing circles on your back, your hands resting on his chest, both of you smiling more than you remember smiling in a long time.
Maybe it was the booze making you so free, but this time, you brought your fingers up to gently trace along his smile.
“I miss your smile, Tommy,” you said softly, as he brought one of his hands up to yours, holding it in place against his cheek.
“You see it more than most,” he said, his other hand coming to gently tuck you hair back behind your ear.
“Then I’m lucky,” you said, breath hitching as he brought the hand he was holding over, gently pressing a kiss to the pads of your fingers, before holding it against his chest.
You smiled up at him, before taking his hand and pulling him back towards the tables.
“Come on,” you said, Tommy dutifully following you. “Let’s go sit down. I’m exhausted.”
As soon as you both collapsed into chairs, Tommy fished out his cigarettes, offering one to you. You leaned in for him to light it, then collapsed back with a sigh. Your head rolled to the side, and you watched Tommy as he lit his own cigarette and waved out the match. A million questions ran through your head, you and Tommy tip-toeing around whatever this was that you were barely acknowledging. It was terrifying, whatever it was. Not sure your heart could take it, though, you just sat and watched him.
“I thought you looked like an angel that night,” you said after a while, turning back to face the crowd of dancers with a drag of you cigarette. “My very own angel come to save me.”
“I’m hardly an angel, Y/N.” You took a glance back at him, regretting it when you got sucked into his gaze, unable to look away. You let out a noncommittal hum in response.
“You were my savior. Fifteen year old me, drunk off whisky. I felt so lucky.”
“And now?” He asked. The barest hint of a smile graced his face.
Before you could answer, Polly came up to the two of you. “You should tell Ada to slow down.”
“You think she’ll listen to me?” Tommy said with a huff.
“I tried stopping her but she’s been drinking. She’s been stuck in that little basement for weeks. What do you expect?” The three of you watched Ada as Polly spoke. “She’s going off like a firecracker. Oh, Christ, Tommy, Please.”
You sighed, watching as Tommy stood and approached Ada. You knew there was a very slim chance of this going well. Quickly realizing Ada was only getting more irritated as Tommy got closer, you moved to go help.
“He hunts his own sister down like a rat!” Ada yelled, you and Polly going to her side.
“Ada, please,” you tried to placate her. She ignored you, and continued to yell.
“And he tries to kill his own brother-in-law!” She yelled, punching Tommy in the chest.
“Ada, look at me, Ada, please,” you keep trying to draw her attention back away from Tommy, to no avail.
“And now, he wont even let me have a fucking dance! Not even at a fucking wedding!” At that, Ada finally stops yelling, hunching over with heaving breaths. You and Tommy share a look, before turning to Polly as she speaks.
“Holy shit. Water. Right,” Polly says, and you let out a curse as she starts to guide Ada away, Arthur complaining as he walks with them. You turn to join them, Tommy at your side, his hand going to rest on your lower back as you walk to the car.
Staying with Ada all night, you were there when her son was born, when Freddie showed up, and when the police came to arrest him. You had heard Tommy give his word on the truce, that Freddie was welcome till sunrise.
Heartbroken felt too light of a word. Heartbroken for Ada, who just welcomed a child, just to have his father arrested. Heartbroken for yourself, because the man you loved did something unimaginable.
Going to work the next day, you were determined to ignore Tommy. Knowing Polly had already confronted him, you didn’t want to spend the energy, and your own anger towards him would likely just have the two of you ending in a fight anyway.
As always, Tommy had other ideas. It didn’t take him long to pick up on your behavior. You only spoke to him if absolutely necessary, and even then kept your dialogue as curt as possible. Only about an hour in was he visibly annoyed, but it wasn’t until almost the end of the day he finally confronted you about it.
“Y/N.” He came up to you, most of the men already having left for the day.
“Thomas.” You didn’t look up from your work, and he let out a huff.
“We need to talk.”
“If there is something unsatisfactory with my work, bring it up to Polly.” You still didn’t look up.
“Y/N.” His hand came down on your papers, pulling them away from you. When you finally looked up, he nodded his head over to the side, gesturing to the kitchen.
“Fine.” You practically spat at him, getting up and stalking over. He followed closely behind you, closing the doors as the two of you as you entered. The energy was in stark contrast to the last time the two of you were alone in here.
It was an interesting feeling, to be so in love and so angry with someone at the same time.
“I take it you attitude today is about Ada and Freddie,” he said, crossing his arms.
“How very astute of you,” sarcasm dripping from your voice, anger rising. “You’re a bloody liar, Tommy.”
“I didn’t give him up, Y/N.”
“Jesus, Tommy, then who did?”
“I don’t know, Y/N, but I swear. It wasn’t me.” You could hear the conviction in his voice, but it wasn’t enough for you.
“Tommy, it couldn’t have been anyone else! No one else knew!”
“Maybe the police just got lucky,” he said, and you let out a huff.
“Yes, the police just happened to show up the one and only night Freddie was there. I’m not bloody stupid, Tommy!” He caught your wrist as you tried to jab into his chest. His other had came up to the side of your face, and you tried to swat him away.
“Y/N, look at me, Y/N.” He let go of your wrist to bring both hands up to cup your face. “Please, just listen to me.” You were seething, but you stopped trying to fight him. He angled your head so you were looking straight at him.
“I didn’t give up Freddie, I swear to you.” He looked you straight in the eyes. “Please, Y/N. Everyone else can think I gave him up. I just need you to believe me. Please.”
You studied Tommy, anger still simmering.
“I want to believe you, Tommy, I really do,” you said, pained. “I just… I just don’t know who else could’ve gave him up, Tommy. No one else knew.”
“I know, I know. I’m trying to figure it out.”
“I hope I’m wrong, Tommy. I really do.” With that, you pulled away, and walked back out to the betting shop.
“Ada, it’s me, it’s Y/N,” you called, knocking on her door. Polly had no luck getting her to answer, but she gave you her address. Hoping you might have a better chance.
“I’m here on my own, Ada. I’m not here for Tommy, but I’m not going to leave till you let me in. I’ll tell them I couldn’t talk to you if you want.” You waited for a moment, listening. Raising your hand, you knocked again. “You’re my best friend, Ada! I want to make sure you’re okay.”
Finally, you heard shuffling behind the door, and watched as it opened just a crack, Ada peering through at you.
“Promise you’re not hear ‘cause of Tommy?” She asked, suspicious.
“I promise.” She looked you over once again, deciding, before stepping back and opening the door wider for you. As soon as you entered, you pulled her into a hug, careful of the baby. “I missed you, Ada.”
When you pulled apart, you offered her the basket you brought, Polly’s still sitting outside the door.
“From me. Bought it myself, no strings attached.”
“Y/N, I can’t take from you,” she said, shaking her head.
“Yes, you can. Ada, you’ve got a baby. You’re not accepting help from your family, you’re accepting help from me. Please, Ada. For my sake.” You held the basket out for her to take, and with a sigh she grabbed it, bringing it off to the side before setting it down.
“How are you feeling?” You asked. She sighed, looking back at you, still rocking the baby.
“Like shit,” she replied, and you let out a laugh. It made her smile, if only for a second.
“Physically, I feel fine. Sore, but okay. Emotionally, well, I’m ready to scream,” she continued, walking over to you and offering for you to hold the baby. Gently, you picked him up and rearranged him in your arms.
“Hi, darling,” you cooed at him. He staring at you sleepily in response, and you smiled down at him. “Aren’t you just precious.” Looking at him made you think of what life would be like with children of your own. What would they look like? You couldn’t help but imagine familiar blue eyes looking up at you… That ache of wanting welled back up in you again, wanting Tommy, but you weren’t sure how you could move on from this.
“What’s wrong?” Ada asked, perceptive as always.
“You always could read me too well,” you said with a sad laugh. “It’s really annoying, you know.”
“That’s what best friends are for. Now, come on. Spill.” She stared you down, crossing her arms. With a sigh, you responded.
“Tommy say’s he didn’t give up Freddie.” You say simply.
“You believe him?” Ada asked. She wasn’t accusatory, like you might expect, but seemed genuinely curious as to your answer.
“I don’t know, Ada. I want to. God, I want to believe him.” The weight of the past few days- hell, the past few years- seemed to rest heavily on you right now. “I just, I don’t know who else could have tipped the police off. It doesn’t make sense.” The baby started to fuss, and you passed him back to Ada.
“What else is it?” Ada asked, and you looked up at her, confused. “Don’t give me that look. I know you, remember? There’s more to it you’re not telling me.”
You sighed, annoyed and amused at the same time. You really did miss talking with Ada, even if she could read you like an open book. Not particularly wanting to tell her you were in love with her brother, you also weren’t sure how you could avoid it now. She’d get it out of you one way or another- the Shelby’s were nothing if not tenacious.
“I’m in love with him, Ada.” You sighed, rubbing your temples. “Christ, I’ve loved Tommy since I was a kid. I thought I was fine, I could just ignore it. It was just a stupid childhood crush. It would go away.”
“But it didn’t go away?” Ada asked, and you laughed.
“No, it didn’t go away. Fuck, I never expected anything to happen.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to formulate words to somehow make sense of what was happening lately between you and Tommy. “While the boys were gone, I thought maybe- maybe I could move on. Not seeing him every day would give it time to fizzle out. And I thought it did.
“And then they came back, and it hit me like a train, all at once,” you sighed, remembering that first time you saw Tommy after he got back. He had looked so broken- maybe not to anyone else, he always had a good mask in place, but you could tell. Your heart had broken then, seeing him so defeated. He was still your protector, he always would be, but you had wished so desperately someone could have protected him from the horrors he endured- that all of them did. Your dynamic had shifted when he got back- of course it did, you weren’t a teenager anymore. Thinking it might have helped, that how the two of you interacted now would make you see sense. You were sorely mistaken, as it seemed the love you had for Tommy just got stronger and stronger these past two years.
“I pushed it down as much as I could, thinking he’d never see me as anything other than his little sister’s friend. But lately…” you shook your head, thinking about the betting shop, dancing at John’s wedding. “Lately it feels like we’ve been tip-toeing around it. Like maybe, just maybe, he might like me back.”
“What does Polly say?” Ada asked, setting the baby down to sleep, before coming over to you, holding your hand and resting her head on your shoulder.
You recalled your conversation with Polly after she had told you he was taking Grace to the races.
“She said to give him time. That he doesn’t know what he wants yet.” You squeezed Ada’s hand. “I trust Polly’s judgement, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. And now I’ve gone and done just that, only for this to happen. He says he didn’t give Freddie up, and part of me believes him, but I don’t know if I can trust it.”
Ada moved, letting go of your hand to instead pull you into a hug.
“Well, I think your choice in men is a bit shit,” she said, and you laughed. She pulled back, smiling at you.
“Rich, coming from you, hiding out from your best friend.” She rolled her eyes playfully at your response.
“And, of all people, it had to be my brother? If anything does happen between the two of you, I never want to hear the details,” she said with a fake gag, before turning serious. “I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N. Obviously, I’m furious with him myself right now, but love is weird. I don’t think you can really do much except see what happens.”
“You’re probably right,” you say with a sigh.
“Of course I’m right,” Ada says, poking you in the ribs, and you both laugh.
“I know you don’t want to come back, understandably, but I really miss having you around,” you say, pulling Ada back into a hug. The two of you sit like that for a while, before the baby starts fussing.
Thankfully, the two of you spend the rest of your time there talking about lighter subjects, and you leave, feeling lighter than you have in a while.
Tommy Shelby x Reader
Being childhood friends with Ada means you’ve been around the Shelbys for a long time. You fell for her brother a long time ago, knowing nothing would happen. So why does it hurt so bad to see him with the new barmaid?
Word Count- 2,335
Content Warnings: Angst, mentions of violence, explosives
Prologue // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // ao3
“‘Brave’ is going where no man has gone before. And with Lizzie Stark, John, that’s really not what you’ll be doing,” Polly said with a laugh. The one and only John Shelby had called a family meeting, and so you were sat in the Garrison with the Shelbys, currently questioning John’s sanity. Lizzie Stark was a nice woman, but made a questionable choice for a bride for John.
“Listen, Tommy. Welcome her to the family. As someone who’s had a hard life, all right?” John pleaded. “Because I need someone. The kids need someone.”
“Why don’t you just marry Y/N?” Arthur asked, and you nearly choked on your drink. Your look of disgust was mirrored on John’s face, and you could see Polly shaking her head next to you.
“No, he will not marry Y/N,” Tommy said, rather vehemently. You looked up to see him looking just as shocked as you felt by the forcefulness of his answer, but before he could explain, Finn burst into the snug.
“Tommy! We’ve been done over!”
Arriving back at the betting shop, you were greeted by the sight of a building ransacked. You carefully made your way towards the betting tables, looking over the damage. Tommy, having walked into the kitchen, walked slowly back into the room, looking at whatever he had in his hands. He stopped, then held the item up.
“They left these.”
“Wire cutters?” Polly asked. “Why would they leave wire cutters?”
“I think our friends are playing the game.” Tommy said, your confusion rising.
“What game?” You asked, starting to walk toward the others.
“Y/N, don’t move.” Tommy’s voice rang out, every ounce of authority he had came out in his words. “Don’t touch anything.” He looked around for a moment, studying.
“Erasmus Lee was in France.” Tommy continued, his voice calm, but you could see his mind racing as his gaze swept the room. “Whenever we gave up ground to the Germans… We’d leave behind booby traps, set up with wires. We’d leave wire cutters as part of the joke.”
“Somewhere in here, there’s a hand grenade,” John said, and you felt a chill rush down your body.
“Oh, god,” you cried as every pair of eyes in the room started looking around. Arthur and John started slowly moving, and your heart rate spiked.
“No,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “Boys, no. It’s not in here. If it was in here, it would have blown by now. It was my name on that bullet that Erasmus Lee sent. He’s set up a trap all right. But he set it up just for me.”
Your heart sank into your stomach at his words. You knew of the threat against him, of course. But it was one thing to have the threat as an intangible thing. It was quite another to be standing in the midst of that threat being carried out. Tommy thought for a moment, and then walked outside. You followed him out the door.
“Stay here, Y/N,” He called as he walked briskly down the street. Knowing he was right didn’t help the anxiety. It’s not like you would be able to do anything anyway, but the thought of letting him walk into danger was nauseating. Watching Tommy, hand clutched to your chest, you saw him turn into the garage where the car was, and your anxiety shot up as you lost sight of him. It felt like an eternity passed before you heard a shout of “CLEAR!” and saw an object being thrown and then exploding.
As soon as it dissipated, you didn’t even think, just ran down the street towards the garage. You vaguely heard someone shouting after you, but you kept running. Tommy came into view as you reached the entrance, and you barely held back a sob, relief crashing through you. Once you spotted Finn, you changed course and pulled him into a hug. Poor Finn is so young, too young to be dealing with things like this.
“Oh my god, Finn,” you cried, looking over him. He was clearly shaken, but okay. You pulled him into another hug before standing and looking Tommy over, your hands still clutching to Finn’s shoulders.
“Finn, go find Aunt Pol,” Tommy said, and then turned to face you. Finn pulled away, and you crashed into Tommy, arms going around his neck to pull him in for a hug, a sob suddenly passing your lips. You could do nothing but hold onto him, feel his arms wrapped around you, his breath against the side of your head, his hand coming up to brush through your hair as he spoke softly, reassuring you. He just lets you hold onto him, comforting you.
Eventually, you pull back, your hands coming to rest on his chest, one hand splayed over his heart, hoping to feel the steady pulse through the fabric.
“Oh, god, I’m shaking,” you realize, and Tommy looks down at your hands while bringing his own up to give your arms comforting squeezes before taking your hands in his.
”Hey, it’s alright. Everyone’s alright,” he says, now running a hand down your shoulder before pulling you back into a hug. “I’m alright. It’s alright.”
“Look at me, you’re the one who nearly got blown up and I’m the one who can’t keep it together,” you try and joke, face buried against Tommy’s chest. You felt the rumbles of his chuckle against your cheek.
“It’s alright, Y/N. I’ve got you.” He pulls you impossibly close, hands rubbing circles into your back. Going from nearly losing Tommy, realizing how close Finn was to danger, to the relief that they were alright in such a short amount of time wrecked you, and your whole body felt exhausted. Slowly, Tommy pulled away and looked down at you.
“Let’s go get you a proper drink, eh?” He said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. With a watery laugh, you nodded, and took the arm he offered as you started the walk back to the betting shop.
Tommy followed behind Kimber and his accountant, watching as they took in the betting shop. You watched from the desk you were sat at with Polly, Arthur standing nearby. Tommy had told you to stay out of sight, not wanting you to draw Kimber’s eye, and you saw the displeasure on his face when he noticed you hadn’t listened, and at the fact he couldn’t do anything about it. Simply giving Tommy a smile, you turned back to your work with Polly. Tommy led them to the office, before soon calling out for the boys.
Anticipation was high, though an outsider wouldn’t be able to tell. The boys continued on with their work, much in the same manner you did. Working, with one eye trained towards Tommy and Kimber. This was the moment. When the Peaky Blinders took their first step towards becoming legitimate. They talked for a few more moments, then Kimber started walking back out into the betting shop. You kept your head down, but out of the corner of your eye you could see him approach you. Hoping he would walk past, you continued to work in the ledger, but Kimber came to a stop across from you.
“You his sister?” Kimber asked when you looked up, a pleasant, if fake, smile plastered on your face.
“No, Mr. Kimber,” You replied, voice softer than you would have liked. You didn’t want to upset him, but most definitely didn’t want to give any indication that you wanted to be a part of this conversation.
“Then he won’t mind if I take you out for a ride,” Kimber said, his smile repulsive. Before you could respond, Polly beat you to it.
“On the contrary, Mr. Kimber. She’s a longtime family friend. He would very much mind,” Polly said, her voice much icier than you had managed.
“My aunt is right, Mr. Kimber. I’m afraid she’s off limits,” Tommy said, coming up and clapping Kimber on the shoulder. Kimber looked you over once more.
“Shame that,” he said, before walking out the door, his accountant close behind. After they left, Tommy turned to the rest of the shop, looking at the paper in his hand.
“Gentlemen,” he said, and Polly cleared her throat beside you. “And ladies,” Tommy said, nodding to you and Polly.
“I have in my hand a legal betting license,” he continued, holding up the paper. “Issued by the board of control. The Shelby family has it’s first legal racetrack pitch.” The shop erupted into cheers, and you and Polly moved up to congratulate him. You let the rest of the family congratulate each other before you approached Tommy. He let you hug him, but when you pulled away he gently held on to your arms.
“I thought I told you to stay clear of the betting shop while Kimber was here,” he said, voice low.
“Celebrate, then scold, Tommy,” you replied, and he huffed out a laugh, letting you go. Turning to John, you congratulated him. After a few minutes, Tommy caught your eye, and he nodded his head back toward the doors to the kitchen. With a sigh, you started following him that way.
When you entered, he was already leaning against the table, and he nodded for you to close the doors behind you. With them closed, you had no buffer against Tommy’s suffocating presence.
“So much for celebrating,” you said, not moving from your spot by the door. It felt like if you got too close to him you’d be struck down by some unknown force. Better to maintain some distance.
“Y/N,” he warned, voice dangerously low.
“Tommy,” you mocked, playing with fire. How long until you got burned? He stubbed out his cigarette with far more force than needed, before turning back to you.
“I told you to stay clear of Kimber,” he said, his voice calm but you could hear the edge in it. Tommy was not one to disobey, and yet, here you were.
“It was fine, Tommy. I did nothing to draw his attention.”
“And yet, when he came up to you you were practically batting you eyelashes at him,” Tommy said as he pushed himself off the desk, his voice rising.
“Fucks sake, Tommy, I was not!” You practically shouted.
“What if he decided he wanted you as part of our deal, Y/N?” Tommy asked, slowly moving closer to you.
“You already got the license, Tommy. That wouldn’t have happened.” You were right, and Tommy knew it, but he continued on anyway.
“If you had just stayed out of there everything would have been fine,” Tommy’s voice was low, an inferno just waiting to ignite.
“Everything was fine, Tommy,” You hadn’t realized you were moving towards him too, your own anger driving you forward.
“But what if it wasn’t, Y/N?” He was nearly shouting now, stalking towards you even still, and you walked back until you hit the doors. Tommy wasn’t a particularly tall man, but it still felt as if he was towering over you.
“What are you really mad at Tommy? Hmm?” You asked, your arms crossed. “Are you mad at me for not listening to you? Or are you mad at Kimber just for fucking talking to me, hmm?” You stared him in the eyes, defiant, your own anger felt as if it was radiating off of you. Tommy set his hand against the door next to your head, his other coming up to grab your chin in a vice grip to keep you looking at him. His presence was overwhelming.
“I need you to be safe, Y/N. I can’t keep you safe if you don’t bloody listen to me.” He was so impossibly close now, every part of him invading your senses. You uncrossed your arms, your hands coming to rest on his chest, trying to maintain some distance.
“You’ve always kept me safe, Tommy. I listen when I know I need to,” your voice was soft, a harsh contrast to how it was just moments ago.
“When you need to,” Tommy whispered with a shake of his head. His grip on you chin loosened, if only barely. Your eyes drifted down to watch his lips as he spoke. “You’re the most infuriating woman I know.”
“Only for you, Tommy,” you joked, bringing your eyes back up to meet his, shocked when you realized his gaze was on your lips. You felt his thumb slowly move, gently pulling at your bottom lip. Your hands curled tighter into his shirt. You could feel his breath fanning against your lips. If he brought his head down just a little…
A knock sounded at the door, and you leapt away from Tommy, a heavy blush warming your cheeks.
“Tommy, come on,” Arthur called through the door. Tommy looked as if he wanted to say something to you, but thought better of it and walked out the door. You collapsed into a chair, hands scrubbing down your face, trying to wrap your head around whatever the hell just happened.
I almost kissed her
He laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Normally, he only let her specter out at night to fight away the shovels, but today she had burst out from the back of his mind. All day, he had sat, thinking about her. Painfully, he admitted that she always looked gorgeous. It was painful to admit because he knew he was one step closer to realizing something he didn’t want to.
But today, with that fire in her eyes and her anger pouring out of her, she had nearly been his undoing.
