why am i so jealous of her
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@toskabi
why am i so jealous of her
making mistakes
over and over and over again.
you're so patient,
but you don't deserve this.
i don't deserve you.
when i thought my life was going better,
now that i met someone who truly loves me,
i can't help but keep being so fucking stupid.
every mistake that i do,
i'm afraid you'll get tired of me,
of waiting on me to become
good for you.
it's so fucking wild how being loved the way you need it can actually heal you...
as my final act of love, I will swallow every "please stay" and turn it into silence so you don't feel trapped by my ache
why do i still expect so much from people that have shown they don't fucking care about me.
its lowkey insane the fact that i need to actively talk to you while you keep on ignoring me, whichever the reason is.
believe me, i understand you needing your own space, but i fucking hate how you make it seem like i dont care at all
if i disappeared
would you even care.
why do i have this fucking need to stick to one person,
and base all my happiness in whatever they do with or to me.
why can't i function properly,
without needing anyone at all
i can't even tell when my life went downhill
if i could,
i would.
when it comes to me,
suddenly fighting is not an option.
that's why nobody wants to stick with you anymore. you're so fucking sick and your fucking mentall illness is killing everyone around you. doesnt matter how much help you get, at the end you're still the same and no one will ever fucking love you.
from me to fucking me.
its really fucking hard living in my own mind trying to convince myself that i hate everyone when in reality i just wanna love
i woke up from a very nice dream,
anxious to tell someone about it...
but i noticed that i don't know who to go to.
doesn't matter what happens,
at the end of the day i'll always feel like my existence is irrelevant.