helpme

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[whitepeopletwitter]

[comedictrans]

when taliesin jaffe said “make people deal with you but make sure dealing with you is always a positive and kind experience” and also when he said “there’s a way of both not giving a fuck about what people think, but giving a fuck about people” aND ALSO WHEN HE SAID “there is a glorious feeling of not owing the world anything of yourself” abd. WHEN. HE. SAID. “you might not feel good for a while, but that there is a technicolor world, you just have to be open to some heavy emotional work to get there”

[popkin16]

#I cannot find the exact quote rn #but when he said ‘the world is going to change and you can choose how you respond so choose to be delighted’ (via @brinnanza)

[everythingfox]

“My rescue cat allows me to help him groom”

(Source)

[conbiniiko]

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!

[just-shower-thoughts]

Can’t think of a single apocalypse or plague movie that anticipated the run on toilet paper.

[pimentogirl]

[homoslovenc]

can’t believe a supernatural gif is aplicable to 2020 events…….. this is definitely the worst possible timeline

[justangrymacaroni]

a list of fake tumblr stories i can sort of remember:

that one where some girl claimed people thought her car was the tardis, so she leapt out of it and looked at her boobs like “wow that’s a development” and ran off

 hipster blog vs. fandom blog in a starbucks

people singing “let it go” on a bus???

that student who looked into the security cameras in their school’s classroom whenever something stupid would happen and then the security guard thanked them personally

some guy fixing the lights in a store by holding up a sonic screwdriver

homestuck updates, a girl screams, the police come, one of the officers also reads homestuck, he starts freaking out, the other officer gives him a shock blanket

a girl has a joking argument with a police officer who’s a “mei main”

every time a waiter comes back to the table, they say a different supernatural/sherlock/dr. who pun, and the poster continues to fall out of their seat because they’re laughing so hard

someone catches someone on a bus says “i think you fell for me” and the entire bus applauds

a girl wants to buy a led zeppelin cd and the cashier wants her to buy a one direction cd then the manager comes out and yells at the cashier and thanks the girl for having awesome music tastes

boyfriend and girlfriend walk into store, girlfriend complaining that books are horrible, boyfriend breaks up with her

female student: *says something bitchy*                                                      nerd student: *calls her a slut*                                                                    teacher: *laughs*

girl says alohamora to open locked door, it opens, classmates cheer

AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE

i’m a fully grown adult woman and one time this girl came up to me in a store and screamed “DO YOU SHIP REYLO” and i said yes and she started yelling at me then her mom came over and yelled at her because the mom also shipped reylo and then the mom apologized to me and bought me a nutella crepe

[absolutelad-deactivated20200425]

Its actually illegal to post this and leave out Oppa Homeless Style

[bruce-greenwood]

this is Down With Cis erasure 

[humoristics]

[twotontwentyone]

This is the content I’m here for

[harcules]

Same

[katesattic]

Siblings.

[tyrantisterror]

Gonna make up my own side of the Force called “The Side That Fucks” because the light side won’t let you have a relationship but the dark side won’t let you value anyone besides yourself, so obviously using the force while being in a loving, committed relationship requires its own side for some fucking reason.

It’s called “The Side That Fucks” instead of “The Side That Loves” because I also want the light and dark side to look shitty and lame by comparison, because they are.

[tyrantisterror]

Light side is definitely the worst one because they won’t even let you have platonic familial relationships.  If you become a jedi and ever worry about how your mom is a slave on Tatooine you’re basically doomed to become a Space Hitler, and Yoda will remind you of that fact every time you speak to him.  At least the Sith can have, like, a Father/Son business, although dad will expect his son to murder him eventually (and be proud of him when he does because, y’know, no healthy relationships for Sith, either he kills you or you kill him).

[tyrantisterror]

Rules for The Side That Fucks Force Users:

1. Don’t be a dick

2. The compassion you have for your loved ones should be extended to all people

3. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings

4. Every The Side That Fucks user gets to have at least one cool alien monster as a mount

5. No Force power is off limits so long as you subscribe to rule 1, there’s no reason shooting lightning from your fingertips should be inherently evil

6. Every thursday you gotta cook a porg with force lightning, trust me it’s delicious

7. Just practice some self restraint, it’s not that fucking hard

[systlin]

This is the Gray Jedi but your name is way better and they should use it at once. 

[taylorswifh]

third day of italian quarantine: everything is closed, everyone is at home and so... WILD BOARS ARE IN MY TOWN WITH THEIR BABIES!!!! i’m laughing so hard

[dopo-magari-lo-cambio]

In my hometown a random horse appears.

[lastvalyrian]

There’s a horse. LOOSE. during QUARANTINE

[kedreeva]

There are monkeys, used to being fed by tourists, who are now coming into the city looking for food. Rival gangs of them are fighting over what food they can find.

The Nara deer, the ones who bow for their feed crackers, who would usually be fed by visitors to the park, are wandering out of the park and into strange places in search of food and, presumably, people.

In the absence of humans, animals are moving into spaces they were unable to get to before. Since humans are still around, this isn’t great, but it’s kind of neat to think that if all humans disappeared, animals would not take long to start returning.

[vegan-anarchist-1312]

[n0na9on]

[lovecoralei]

Hot take, but if you see your baby struggle through five hours of homework and then you get pissy because they drag their feet about doing chores? You need to reevaluate.

[lovecoralei]

Like I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be taught responsibility and shown how to keep their house clean. I’m just saying maybe children get tired and frustrated too. Like. Your teenager doesn’t have an “attitude”. She’s just had 7 hours of school and then came home to do 5 more hours. Then, her parents implied she was lazy because she hadn’t gotten around to doing the laundry. I’d snap at you too.

[ultharkitty]

Likewise if your teen has full time college plus coursework plus a demanding part time job, repeatedly telling her she’s lazy for not doing chores all the damn time when she hasn’t even been in the house is not helpful, especially when her brother has no chores to do at all.

[c-is-for-circinate]

What I love about the ladies of Vox Machina is that it seems like they should fit into an extremely classic dynamic between the three of them.  There’s a trio of ladies in this group.  They’re a redhead, a brunette, and a (used to be brunette but that was before any of US ever saw her) blonde(ish).  One of them’s gawky and awkward and likes animals more than people.  One of them’s suave and sexy and loves accumulating money.  One of them’s tiny and cherubic and the main party cleric healer.  This should be simple, right?

And then you actually get into it.  And it’s like:

Wait, which one of these ladies is constantly getting arrested, and is usually the first person to suggest day-drinking to avoid problems?  Wait, it’s the gawky awkward one?  And which one has the deep pit of boiling rage at the moral failings of the world that she tries to hide under a cheerful exterior until it pops out at inopportune times?  That’s got to be the cleric, right?  Oh, nope, it’s the awkward one again.

Well okay, sure, but the one who adopts an orphan animal and raises it as her own child, that’s got to be the awkward animal-lover who doesn’t do people too, right?  Or maybe it’s the sweet cherubic little cleric, apparently there’s a whole pattern of saving orphans, that should track.  The one who checks in on everybody else’s feelings rather than sharing her own, even after she dies, the one who actually ends the story with the perfect fairytale happily-ever-after picturebook husband and castle and five fat babies, that’s the–huh.  You’re telling me that’s the sexy one with the lockpicks and assassination skills?  Really?

And now apparently one of them wears full plate armor and goes pit-fighting for fun and has an enormous tolerance for ale, well, that doesn’t sound like any of those three, but–oh, I’m hearing that that is in fact the tiny white-haired cleric of a goddess of sun and healing?  And that while she’s always willing to talk about emotions she’s actually constantly completely unsure of what hers actually are or what she’s supposed to be doing with them, ever?

And all three of them will fuck you up with brutal lack of mercy if you mess with them and theirs?  And all three of them fall in love and their own emotions are just as important to the narrative as their male love interests’?  Are we sure that’s how this trio is supposed to work?

What I love about the ladies of the Mighty Nein, on the other hand, is that they said ‘fuck it’ to the entire trope and went, hey, our ladies be like:

furious rebellious people-punching librarian who can’t actually talk to people and sucks at sitting still;

alcoholic thief with raging anxiety issues and also zero compunctions stabbing you right now who sucks at checking for traps;

sweet adorable trickster cleric who will prank your ass, your mom’s ass, and your god’s ass and sucks at remembering to heal;

flower-collecting parent-slaughtering amazon widow with amazing quiet deadpan humor who sucks at not being terrifying

I cannot even find a pattern for these characters to map to, and it’s beautiful.

[thesaladbar]

heat helps with cramps. you can use a heat pad, but why stop there? rip your uterus out. set it on fire. there. much better. no more cramps

[themakeupbrush]

Dior S/S 2020 Couture

[someemochick]

[glumshoe]

I’m glad that Indiana finally has its first national park and that it’s the one mostly known for having sand dunes that eat children.

[pishposh-haberdash]

how, pray tell, does a dune eat A Child

[glumshoe]

Imagine that you’re a big pile of sand by the shore of Lake Michigan, between Gary and Michigan City. Your name is Mount Baldy, and you’re a popular tourist destination at what is now Indiana Dunes National Park.

For a huge pile of tiny rocks, you live a surprisingly nomadic lifestyle. More than a hundred years of tourism and foot traffic has destroyed much of the native grass that kept you stationary. You are now what they call a “wandering dune”, as wind off the lake slowly but steadily pushes your tremendous bulk a little further inland every year.

As you move, you gradually engulf everything in your path—trees, buildings, rocks, hills, your own parking lot—everything. You are an unstoppable force, like some kind of gigantic gelatinous cube, but you’re still very popular with visitors.

In 2013, you suddenly eat a child. It’s a surprising move on your part—dry quicksand isn’t supposed to be a real natural phenomenon. I mean, what is this, a 1960’s action movie?

One moment, a family from Illinois is cheerfully climbing your slopes. The next, the 6 year old boy suddenly vanishes without warning, leaving no trace. Would-be rescuers dig in the sand where he disappeared until their hands are bleeding. Geologists insist that he must have wandered off, because enormous piles sand physically cannot form hollows or pockets within themselves—but three hours later, he is found, unconscious but alive, buried almost twelve feet deep in the sand.

The current leading geological theory as to how this happened is that the organic material you engulf, like trees, slowly decompose beneath your slopes, leaving behind unstable voids held together only by the fragile remains of the decayed material. When these voids are walked over, they collapse, forming sudden sinkholes that can swallow visitors whole. The rules that typically govern stationary dunes, or wandering dunes in areas that are not forested, no longer apply to you. You are unpredictable and dangerous and have remained closed to visitors except on guided hikes ever since.

[thisisabitofme]

Did that really need to be in second person and fuck me up like that? No. But I’m not mad.

[glumshoe]

in retrospect I have no idea what possessed me to write this in second person

anyway devil’s stovepipes/decomp chimneys are cool as shit

[glumshoe]

Okay I really have to link this here; @sealsapocalypticmusic wrote a song about this and it’s very good.

[jewishpangolin]

It is a beautiful day on the shore of Lake Michigan, and you are a horrible dune

[catchymemes]

[blurrycriticalroleposts]

I have no reason for posting this other than saying that it makes me stupidly happy to watch and cheers me up whenever I feel sad. It’s adorable 

x

-Ally