Welcome to the Sin-agogue

I DON'T SHARE FUNDRAISERS SO STOP ASKING! I'm the person who found a weird thing in a coconut and ate it. Proud Jew, artist, fantasy and scifi fan, filker, fanfic writer, mythology and speculative biology enthusiast, bi, he/they, late 20s. If you're going to cancel me for my political beliefs, at least make the effort to go through my blog yourself, instead of demanding I tell you what they are. ציונות זה טוב בעצם 🎗️✡️

[botanyshitposts]

So I found this coconut on the beach in Costa Rica and when I opened it THIS was inside. I think it’s the endosperm (or whatever you call the thing that develops into the tree). The coconut water itself wasn’t as sweet as usual (probably because it had sprouted), but the little sprout boi tasted sweet on one end and salty on the other. (submitted by @jewishpangolin)

—————-

dude i have no idea how to tell you this but i have no idea what this is. i showed this to my plant anatomy professor and one of the mods at @thebashfulbotanist after class and none of us could figure out what this is. it doesn’t look like a fungus, the embryos in coconuts are tiny and don’t look like this, and the first thing a coconut sprouts is a root, not the stem, and it grows outward. there should be nothing normal like this growing in there. my plant anatomy teacher has never seen anything like this and has offered to forward this image to a palm researcher she knows to see if he has. i repeat, we have no idea what you ate but it was not a normal sprout boi. please stand by

[sumikatt]

submitter: heehee look at little coconut!!! 😩

op, their classmates, and their botany professor:

[nmpositive]

A weird prehistoric Cordyceps spore released from melting Arctic ice floated on thermals for a decade before infesting this coconut; OP has recently climbed to the top of a palm tree and is waiting to be eaten by a Pterodactyl.

[wileycap]

Most officers: Fire Lord Zuko is great!

Ozai loyalists: Zuko? More like. Sucko. Go Ozai

Admiral Chan: That motherfucker invited himself to my son's party, broke my mother's vase because he was jealous, was told to leave, left, and then came back to burn down my vacation home.

Zuko: i keep telling you it was a rough period in my life

[erisenyo]

OP youre hiding gold in those tags

[stormikitty]

[teddy-stonehill]

I went to the local aviary today and they had some really mean things to say about owls.

[teddy-stonehill]

[elodieunderglass]

I can confirm that most birds have a detectable amount of wiring behind the eyes - blinking lights and buttons and sliders and frizzy things that spark and chirp and beep. They also have a lot of soul that can communicate with ours because the programming is fairly compatible. Vultures are clever and curious, swans are clear and lawful, chickens have a lot of personality, caged parrots are dissociated and disinherited and frankly worrying, falconry-trained birds of prey are tremendously businesslike.

And owls are absolutely lovely beasts with their own irreplaceable validity. but they are basically stuffed with polyester fiberfill. They have one button, like a child's toy dinosaur that opens and closes its mouth when you press the back of its head. And it isn't even a sophisticated electronic button it's just a lever that rocks back and forth to make the claws open and close. I think they may have actually evolved independently from sponges. Their skulls simply exist to create holes that funnel sound and light, and as a place to hang a giant hinged beak. An owl is just an empty tube like a windchime that the wind whistles through, and you can drop meat down it. They use the meat to generate feathers, and then emit the bones in pressed little packages like those machines that flatten a penny and stamp it with the logo of a theme park. I think that's the gist of it - most birds are electronics of varying levels of sophistication, but owls are just a system of levers and pulleys. No elevator music in those skulls, just the wind echoing through empty caverns of slightly irritating design. Absolutely fantastic.

[kalira]

I worked in the birds department at my local (highly accredited) zoo for a few years, and in my experience there are two and only two options for owls.

1: absolute featherbrain, nothing inside the skull but air and fluff

2 (rarer): terrifyingly calculating, precise, judgemental bitch

Nowhere was this clearer than dealing with the snowy owls.

Male: could not even figure out how to land when he took off to fly; he would fly in circles until he finally lost control on a turn and banged into something - like headfirst into the wall - then slid down to a surface he could hop from.

Female: knew exactly what you should be doing and when and how long it should take; when I took too long cleaning her favourite perch one day she flew around to directly behind me and cut close enough to drag the backs of her talons feather-light over the top of my head, then perched just above me and gave me a Look.

(I put my cleaning brush back in the bucket and edged away still on my knees; I am not stupid.)

They were not the only owls I took care of, but they were so very, very . . . that. (My favourite was probably a teeny tiny desert owl. Not a thought in his head. Equivalent of your stereotypical orange tomcat.)

[white-throated-packrat]

I have prepared owls as museum skins. Their eyes are generally bigger than their brains, and we usually got them because they tried to defend roadkill from tractor-trailers and lost.

But yes, if you managed to run into a smart one, they would be absolutely terrifying -- silent, deadly, and precise.

[abluescarfonwaston]

Thinking about Yor trying to have the "You can't die please take your life and health more seriously. What would we do if something happened to you?" Conversation again and Loid just going: Oh! I've been meaning to have this conversation!

Going and pulling out a will. Loid Forgers bank information. His life insurance policy.

So if (when) I die obviously you get Anya as my wife but Franky is listed as the godfather (no don't tell him he'll think we're friends I can't have that.) Just in case something Also happens to you.

This is my life insurance plan from the hospital. It should cover you for a while, especially if you pull her from Eden. (Or she gets expelled.) This account has Anyas Mothers life insurance which I only use for Anyas expenses. (Explaining how he sometimes spends insane amounts on her but does live fairly frugally. It's a wise account. He's definitely not putting part of his actual check in there for them. Nope. Definitely not.) And the car vehicle title is in here too. You can sell that. I set the fire box code to your birthday so you won't forget it.

Yor just standing there as he outlines exactly how to live on after him. Like. That wasn't the conversation. I want you to live a long life. I want you to rely on me. To be healthy and happy.

Not to discuss how you've already covered the cost of cremation at X facility (wise run) just in case so don't worry about that. The details are here. It's all sorted.

"Loid are you... Planning on dying?"

And if course he is. Loid Forger has an expiration date. Making sure it's as painless for her as possible is- well it's just-

"My wife died suddenly. Young. It made me realize how important being prepared for that possibility is. Because of Anya."

"Oh. I see." Coming and sitting next to him by the fire box safe. "Thank you. But please. Never make me use any of this." Taking his hand. The one she didn't fractured. "We need you. Anya needs you. So please rely on me a little more. We need you to live a long life."

"I'll... I'll try."

[prokopetz]

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

[abalidoth]

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

[probabilitydirigible]

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

[prokopetz]

#Sorry what do you mean “rasputin disclaimer” (via @big-condiments-official)

For once I'm not actually doing a bit; those "any resemblance to real persons living or dead" disclaimers genuinely exist because of Rasputin.

(In brief, the 1932 MGM Studios film Rasputin and the Empress is a dramatisation of the life and times of Grigori Rasputin which is partially adapted from the personal memoirs of Felix Yusupov, one of the principal conspirators responsible for Rasputin's assassination. The film, which was heavily marketed as being based on real events, falsely claims that Rasputin fucked Yusupov's wife, Princess Irina Alexandrovna. As both Yusupov and Princess Irina were still alive at the time, they jointly sued MGM for libel – and won. This is actually, literally the reason the practice of including those disclaimers was taken up.)

[insomniac7809]

Ra Ra Rasputin Life adapted to the screen But doing so they slandered a prince Ra Ra Rasputin Felix hatched a legal scheme And MGM was thoroughly rinsed

[transsexualpuffin]

“judaism is a major religion”

um it’s really not considering that jews make up less than 2% of the global population at less than 16 million

but sure keep pretending the big bad scary jews are the monsters lurking in the dark like you’ve already decided they are

[prismatic-bell]

I think a lot of people call it that because they're misusing the term.

Judaism is a foundational religion. There are fourteen offshoots, including but not limited to Islam, Christianity, Baha'i, Druze, and Rastafarian. Very literally half the world is Christian or Muslim. Islam is just over 25% and Christianity is almost 29%.

It's a form of supercessionism.

Also I regret to tell you we're not 2% of the population. We're 2% of the American population.

We are 0.02% of the global population.

[transsexualpuffin]

yeah i realized the mistake that i used the US statistic and was like oh damn wait it’s actually much worse

[prismatic-bell]

Yeah. The statistic I always use to get it home to people, because "0.02%" has the same problem as "one billion" but backward (it's so tiny, how can you even comprehend it), is "there are ten times more natural redheads than Jews." In terms of accuracy it doesn't help a whole lot--neither of those are numbers--but it makes people kind of go "oh shit, when was the last time I saw a redhead?" and then, by comparison....there are that few Jews?! Sometimes the imagery just makes the point better. Like the time I did "let's explain the Romani genocide during the Holocaust" with "three school buses with high schoolers who have backpacks equals 100 if they're seated comfortably. After Hitler, one student was left."

In this case...there are no Jews on the buses.

[thesetwoutes]

To find any Jews on any buses you will need 150 buses. At that point, statistically, you can expect one Jew. Which doesn't mean you'll get one, sampling being what it is.

[dancinbutterfly]

There are roughly - lowballing it - 1,000,000 Christians and 1,000,000 Muslims. Thats a billion each. With a B.

There are 14,000,000 Jews. Million with an M

That means there are 860,000,000 more Muslims and 860,000,000 more Christians.

Because Christians and Muslims murdered us.

So now on a planet with 9,000,000,000 people there are 8,860,000,000 (billion)Gentiles and 14,000,000 (million)Jews.

That’s what 0.02% means.

I hope that helps.

[the-library-alcove]

Your math is off by a few orders of magnitude in how you wrote it and calculated it.

1,000,000,000-14,000,000 is not "860,000,000"

It's 986,000,000. Nine hundred and eighty-six million.

[vermiciousyidreborn]

There is barely a correct number in this whole threat.

0.2%, not 0.02%.

1,000,000 is million, not billion.

There are about 16,000,000 Jews, a couple million more if you include people who are Jewish and something else (which is how many children of intermarriage identify, meaning this number especially undercounts American Jews)

This means that 1 in 500 people is a Jew, roughly. So if 3 school busses is 100 people, that's 15, not 150 school busses.

And @the-library-alcove corrected the subtraction.

[godlessondheimite]

jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.

[godlessondheimite]

wow really good addition here

[hyperrbolic-orange]

I have seen several tags surprised that Zachary Levi is not Jewish so lemme just clear up, Levi is like his middle name or something the man is ABSOLUTELY not Jewish, we have no claim on him. And I apologize for anyone about to learn an unpleasant truth, he also SUCKS majorly. He's like, SUPER Christian, in a bad a way. Anti vaxx, shitty opinion probably a Trumper but frankly I do not want to read anything he has to say so take that with a grain of salt.

Tl;dr Zachary Levi: Not a Jew

Zachary Levi is also not gay. Zachary Quinto is, but not Jewish. Zachary Quinto DID play Spock, a role originated by Leonard Nimoy, who WAS Jewish, and in fact the Vulcan salute was introduced to the show by him and is taken from Jewish practices.

Probably this is where the association came from (Thinking Zachary Quinto was Jewish, I mean).

[needsmoreexplosions]

Since Google is useless now I propose the new phrase "Wikipedia is free" when someone tries to derail a post they know jack shit about

[emeraldmercury]

Newsflash Wikipedia is worse than useless if you're Jewish, Hindu, or Iranian, so you can't even say that either

[hyperrbolic-orange]

There is no other way but to back to communing with the ancient spirits for forbidden knowledge the way it was meant to be. Humanity has forgotten the old ways and arcane magicks and wrought a curse of metal and silicone and plastic proclaiming falsehoods and twisted truths.

Let us reclaim what we once knew and seek that which we wish to know in the dirt with the flesh and blood of our own hands.

Perhaps a shovel or trowel, if available.

[danielkanhai]

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

[ayellowbirds]

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

[erkhyan]

And now, a lesson in biases:

We barely know anything about Madagascar pre-500CE. We don’t even know whether the island had a permanent population before then, despite finding a bunch of much older signs of temporary human presence.

Malagasy mythology makes mention of the vazimba, a “precursor” ethnic group that might or might not be distinct from Madagascar’s current population.

The point is, we do not know.

So you were in Madagascar when the pyramids were being built in Egypt, i.e. during one of the most obscure, most undocumented parts of Madagascar’s human history?

Oh, buddy, you better go and make a bunch of anthropologists and archeologists really happy RIGHT NOW instead of feeling bad about missing everyone else’s pet Major Event.

[ayellowbirds]

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.

[catchymemes]

[surroundedbybooks]

Unrestrained summer fun

[everythingismadeofchaos]

I guess the restrained kind could either be really lame or significantly above average, depending on your attitude

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[homunculus-argument]

Consider: An anthro opossum, koala, capuchin monkey, or anteater, who is wearing a t-shirt with a text on the back that says "if you can read this, I have no idea where that little fucker is".

[adhd-faith-interpreter]

What could this possible be referencing

[homunculus-argument]

Well, you see:

[asmuchasidliketo]

With thanks to the Animal Photo Reference Repository for the original image

[fruitviking]

Considering the possibility of Holmes being related to the Addams Family, probably on Morticia's side for the Frenchness

Primarily based on these images

But also because I want Holmes and Morticia to speak French, and for him to fence with Gomez, and teach the kids about poisons and criminals

(The family all adore Watson and find him absolutely fascinating, of course)

[fruitviking]

“Here’s a letter for you, old man,” I announced as I sifted through the morning post one grey day in October. “Not a lot else, I’m afraid.”

Holmes folded down the top of the newspaper he was reading so he could see me. “A letter from whom?”

“Not sure.” I turned it over to study it as best I could. The envelope was thick and expensive, postmarked from America. The ink was rich and black, and it smelled unexpectedly floral, with an odd sulphuric note underneath. “Looks to be a woman’s writing, I’d say.”

“If you would.” He held out a pale hand. I passed him the envelope and he neatly sliced it open with his pocket knife. A single page slipped out onto his breakfast plate. He unfolded it with a flick of his wrist, then smiled. “Ah! Morticia.”

“Morticia?”

“Addams. She is my second cousin.”

I was immediately intrigued, for Holmes so rarely talked about his relatives. It had taken several years after our meeting for him to bring up the subject of his elder brother, who lived and worked barely an hour’s walk away. I wasn’t surprised that a second cousin in America had gone unnoted until now.

“Unusual names run in the family, I see.”

Holmes smirked. “Her grandmother was my great-aunt Séraphine, who met and married a quite singular gentleman named Algernon Frump while travelling. They settled over in the States many years ago, and dear Morticia now resides there with her husband.”

“Why does she write you?”

“She is arranging a sort of family reunion on All Hallow’s Eve. Apparently it has been far too long since we have all seen each other.”

“How long is that?”

“Several years at least. It was certainly before you and I met.” 

“And will you oblige her?”

“I suppose I will.” He folded the letter and placed it neatly back in its envelope, tucking it into his inside pocket. “You’ve been angling for a holiday, my boy. Would this satisfy you?”

“Wouldn’t it be terribly rude?” I asked, startled. “She has invited you, not me.”

He tutted. “Nonsense, Watson! Morticia knows we live together, of course.”

“How?”

“She will have read your book.”

“Oh! Well that is kind of her. But a family reunion, Holmes, I am not—”

“You are my partner and intimate friend. I assure you there are members of the Addams clan with far more tenuous connections, and many of them also of no blood relation. You will not be out of place, and they will be glad to meet you.”

[the-bedheaded-league]

Ohhhh I love this ❤️ I also love the idea that Holmes is actually the most normal out of all his living relatives

[crowboy-bebop]

oh my fucking god

[durnesque-esque]

Fucking Schrödinger's Senator

[ourstochoose9]

MIGHT BE???

[glasspalacesstoneshop]

The theme I notice between anti-transmasc discourses about supposed male privilege and antisemitic discourses about Jews supposed whiteness is that generally, when people are mad at power, they don’t yell at those with the most power, they yell at who it’s easiest to target.

[eel-slap]

At this point, I hate to say this, but I've found a reliable marker of some of the worst propagandistic garbage, some of the least nuanced takes, some of the generally "discourse I want to stay very far away from," etc.

That is if the far right and a very hard to define but easily identifiable segment of the left agree, the far right doesn't care or worse, is even being "YES YES NOW YOU SEE IT TOO," and the leftists have zero or near-zero self-insight or self-introspection about why they are okay with fascists or religious fundamentalists, while ostensibly being about purity and separation from lesser leftists, from normies, from the status quo and existing systems etc, aside from "we have a mutual enemy" or "they're finally waking up too!!!"

The thing to watch out for here is wider ideas or ideals where the agreement falls, not, stuff like foods or consumer products or fictional media. Like, it's more than possible to be an outlier leftist creating/working in an industry/fandom/whatever overran by the assholes, out of sheer spite and refusal to let them take it. It's more than possible for a fascist to enjoy vegan food (especially if they're an eco-fascist or they don't know it's vegan)

Because these groups SHOULD be ideological polar opposites.

When, though, it's "we always hated the same people,"

or "we both believe in widescale societal collapse as the solution/the inevitability,"

or (especially) "well, they're just coming at this good idea from the wrong direction, we came to it via theory and discourse, they did via bigotry" (and that one got me a few times),

or "it's okay to call other members of marginalized groups hateful slurs,"

or "tradition good, modernity bad,"

or "concept generally associated with religious fundamentalist/deeply conservative views slightly reworded and now it's leftist ethics all are bound to"

or "we should accept Oppressed people being bigoted/violent toward people who have nothing to do with their problems because we can't hold them to our same standards, it's not like we can ask them to educate themselves"

Watch out. And maybe put on your mental safety gear, so to speak, because you're getting into the suck zone of the left-right pipeline, if not already in it.

[yanguang]

[lizholmes]

oh he would have loved having a blog

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

And here I thought "the Like" was invented in Silicon Valley with the blogging sites of the 90s. Typical westerner, unaware that "Likes" had been invented in China two hundred years earlier.