I didn’t want to get into the fight between transmascs and transfems on this site but I wholeheartedly believe both sides are wrong for different reasons and it pisses me off to see an argument where neither side is winning and they’re both wrong. It just rubs me off the wrong way.
I am intersex, and transfem. I have had unique experiences of my own regarding transphobia and intersexism. (I won’t even go into detail about how some trans people use intersex people as some kind of rhetoric to back up their arguments.) I have experienced transmisogyny, I am targeted by transmisogyny.
I don’t want people to call me a “birthday boy” because I disagree with them. I also don’t want people to call me whatever they call transfems they don’t like. If you do, whatever argument you have against me will get ignored.
The most absurd thing in this whole argument is that transfems believe trans men have male privilege. The most absurd thing in this whole argument is that transmascs believe they’re oppressed because they’re transitioning to a more *masculine gender*, not because they’re *transitioning*.
Here’s one thing I have learned: In the social hierarchy, with cis men at the “top” of it, you can only go down. You can only lose privilege, not gain it. You were born a cis woman and now you’re a trans man, you’re still in the same place, just from a different angle. You didn’t go up the ladder. You didn’t gain the male privilege cis men have.
This is essential to understand before I go further into my argument. If you don’t agree, then congratulations, you live in an utopia. If people could gain privilege by just appearing masc it would be easier, for them, at least.
Now, let’s move to the more complex part of it: the “kill all men” movement is an attack on transfems, too. Acting as if masculinity is inherently harmful, “I hate men,” just the way people view male privilege... is an attack on transfems, too. That’s why when I see posts from transfems saying “Trans men are really putting the ‘men’ in ‘trans men,’ huh?” I get really confused.
I haven’t been “socialized” (I hate that word, but I hope this helps explain what I mean) as solely a boy. Being intersex made my experiences unique in a way that’s really hard to understand. But when I joined queer spaces, back when I just thought I was a guy that cross-dressed a few times, all I got in response was that it wasn’t my place. That I don’t get it because I’m a man. That men are cruel, evil, that they rape and murder women and that’s all they do. That I’ve never known oppression.
Toxic masculinity harms men. It harms boys, even if they’re the “privileged” cis straight boys. You might be shy, and you’ll get sexually assaulted because of it. “What, do you not hang out with us because you’re a faggot?” and so, so much more. Oppression is much more than what people identify as. Being transfem, the harm toxic masculinity does is especially obvious to you, but living in it, you must have seen men that weren’t like that, no?
Masculinity doesn’t make you evil. I often think about the boys I dated. They weren’t the type of boys queer spaces talked about. It made me feel alienated, because I didn’t hate masculinity as a whole, I hated how toxic masculinity harmed the men in my life. Me being transfem has nothing to do with this, even if I was cis, this sentiment is still true. Masculinity is not evil.
I dislike transfems that feed into this. I dislike transfems that act as if transmasculine people really are traitors and are moving to the oppressor’s side. That is not at all what’s happening. Feeding into the idea that masculinity is harmful, that it’s only there to silence femininity, that anyone that presents that way is inherently an oppressor, is just straight up objectively wrong.
I get it, we’re hurting. The way people treat us is exhausting. Transmasculine people are not the problem. Can we focus on the amount of cis women that say we don’t get it because we were “socialized” as men? Can we focus on the terfs, on the men that fetishize us, that kill us, instead of transmascs that are just a little annoying? This is not the problem you think it is. Feeding into the idea of despicable masculinity doesn’t just harm transmasculine people it harms us, too. Please stop.
Transmascs are not oppressed because they’re masculine— except for the few instances in which masculinity is viewed as bad, like I just explained, but beyond that, they experience both transphobia and misogyny. It’s just a different kind from transmisogyny that transfeminine people experience. Transmascs are not talking over women when they explain how misogyny impacts them, too. Transmascs are not talking over women when they explain how transphobia impacts them, too. And God, once more, framing transmasc as “evil masculinity that silences femininity” is not the “gotcha” you think it is.
Passing isn’t the privilege people think it is. Okay, great, you look like a man at first. What about intimate relationships? Can you tell your partner you don’t have what they expect you to have? What about making new friends? Do you have to tell them or not? What about jobs? What will they think when they see “F” on your ID? What about healthcare? Will your gynecologist be okay with it? Do you need to change doctors? How much does it cost? What about abortions? Pregnancy laws? And so, so much more. Do you see this? Is this “male privilege”?
This is the oppression transmascs experience. Misogyny, and transphobia. Them being masc is still a problem in queer communities but I believe the misogyny is a larger problem.
But that’s why transmascs and transfems are at each other’s throats. Because transmascs, somehow, believe their being masculine is their biggest problem. “Transandrophobia” somehow implies their oppression is because they’re men, not because they’re trans and biologically targeted by society. Transfems see that, and think, “well that’s stupid.” And end up going into the “masculinity is evil” rabbit hole.
You are both wrong. This argument is idiotic. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
