Having a mental health professional ask you repeatedly why you were seeking out the encounter that was a sexual assault for you is apparently not the best so soon after.
I kept telling her that I wasn’t seeking anything out and that I was just agreeing when offered at first and she just didn’t seem to believe me and she kept asking why I was seeking out men specifically and fuck I kept saying that it was just because they were the ones approaching me and that it could’ve just as equally been women and she just didn’t seem to want to accept that.
She hit me with “you’ve gotten drunk like this other times and you’ve never done this so I’m trying to figure out why you did this” and fuck I guess yeah whatever maybe something to be thought about but with the line of questioning I really felt like that was maybe the most hurtful thing that could have possibly been said to me.
I felt like I had to just defend myself the whole time and it wasn’t working so I had to just switch over to “idk attention seeking I guess” which like I guess isn’t outside of my realm but this wasn’t attention I wanted this was just attention that was put in front of me and I didn’t push back.
Like fuck maybe I CANT actually tell people the specifics of what happened because maybe the specifics actually do mean I chose it and it’s my fault like I’ve been vague with people because I was worried that they would think that and like deep down I know that’s not true I didn’t want this but it sounds so much like I did I guess?
When I told her what happened the first thing she asked me was “so would you describe these encounters as consensual?” Immediately after I told her I was incredibly drunk and upset during and after and that they wouldn’t stop when I very clearly asked them to like i introduced it to her using the words “sexual assault” fuck I feel like shit right now.
















