30s male Married+™️
Mixed
No! minors! please
Current hyper-fixation: RadioStatic (Hazbin Hotel ship), the new IwtV series
Main Blog
If I followed you probably followed one of my side blogs. There's no pressure into following this one back. 🌱
There's no rhyme or reason to what you'll find here, other than whatever might interest me or whatever hyper-fixation I develop that doesn't warrant me making a side-blog for.
Also humor, trash, and occasional venting. I try to tag but I am bad at it.
I will also occasionally reblog aesthetics, inspo, and historical information for an original work that I may or may not choose to elaborate on in the future.
More "refined" interests are politics, history, literary and media analysis, linguistics, story-telling and philosophy.
I have been known to have a lot of very strong opinions that scare people, but I genuinely try to be nice.
I've been known to make fanart, edits, or write for fandoms but I'm rarely motivated to do that on a more regular basis.
IRL also cosplay and have help organize/run/participate in fanpanels at conventions.
But Suddenly... From the hollow of an old tree. Slowly, a wizened little badger, dressed in the most charming Beatrix Potter-like clothes emerges... His tiny spectacles sit crookedly at the end of his nose and he notices you! He leans upon a little, well-worn cane as he carefully hobbles on over.
With a warm, weathered smile he gently places a paw upon your shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. He squints at you through his ridiculous glasses as though he has all the time in the world, to share one small piece of wisdom:
"... Ginger-Ale, and Grenadine are what make restaurant quality "Shirley Temples." ...Cherry 7up from a can with a nine-day-old cherry in it is not a "Shirley Temple." NO ONE is going to pay 4 GODDAMN DOLLARS and fifty cents for that. Grenadine is made of pomegranates, not cherries. Ginger and Pomegranate compliment one another."
personally I'm annoyed by the socioeconomic conditions that made words like "unalive" necessary but simultaneously impressed by the linguistic adaptations young people have made to continue talking about important things while subject to those conditions and I think if you can't hold both of those thoughts in your head you might just be old man yelling at cloud
They don't give awards to people who live through a nightmare scenario at their jobs and make it out okay but maybe they should...............................................................................
It's kind of amazing how much this is the identical strategy. Focusing on the distress and harm of parents over the trans or autistic person themselves. Pathologizing the condition treating it as an epidemic, including calling it a social contagion causing a worrying "explosion" of diagnosis because it is "trendy."
Ignoring the experts on the subject while also appealing to "common sense" and dismissing all research that contradicts them while also appealing to "basic science."
Plus it's all the same quacks and actors behind previous medical and social moral panics saying them same things in the same ways and no one seems to acknowledge that.
she says in the article that she was inspired to think this way about autism after she started reporting on detransitioners. Her Twitter mentions are filled with prominent voices in the detrans terf movement. This isn't just similar, It is quite self-consciously an extension of the same movement.
Reality checking myself is extremely helpful…. Especially a decade later now that my mind has vastly healed through diagnosis and therapy….and I am in a much better place.
cw: nothing specific mentioned just implied
I have the unique piece of evidence so many victims do not… so ten years ago (last time abuser contacted me) my abuser and I corresponded through an email chain… the back and forth lasted over the course of a three or four years.
But, they weren't consistent back-and-forths, sometimes a few would arrive within days of each other and there would be months or a year before they'd continue. And it occurs to me… even if I don't have hard evidence of the abuse he inflicted on my mother and myself and sister in the 90s, have hard evidence of the kind of person he was to deal with as an adult, even from a distance. If I chose to do so, I could release any time I felt like it. I'm not going to do that, I wouldn't. There's too much information, but it's empowering to have the option.
I remember generally this correspondence stressed me out so badly, every time I got an email. My brain went completely fucking haywire, symptoms were symptoming. It honestly set me back so much, and I didn't even know it.
I kept going into 'flight', 'fawn', and I learned I can 'type small'… and I had no idea how much or how little to say at any given time. What was even appropriate, and what wasn't. I remembered very little, about the content itself except for a few things… I pushed it so far away in my head. For years I filed them away, and thought that was best, just ignore them… do not look at them. But being in a better place and reading them back, I realize they weren't as bad as I remember: THEY WERE MUCH WORSE. Much, much worse.
Oh, yikes. I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug. Hindsight, oh the hindsight.
He seemed keen on using even the tiniest amount of information to google me and look for my other means of social media online… pages I do not give out to other family members to read journals and blogs that I also, don't give out. I had to delete them all and move… that I did remember. He apologized but went right back on into 'but I did it because' and once certain cats were let out of the bag he did not stop talking about them.
…He found out information about my sister through my pages he did not like, and hyper focused on that and made me the audience and target of his anger, surrounding it. That, I did remember!
What I DID NOT remember, however: He also, found out I was transmasc before I came out to any family members or anyone even remotely close to me.
I was not ready to come out to family members.
At one point, I said one simple sentence about my sisters situation and then tried to talk about myself and my trans identity because he asked. He asked about it and said, "This is something [[I]] should know about."
Even though I was an adult at this point I remember he felt entitled to it, entitled to know and he added it to this catalogue he was keeping of "Things he didn't know"… but I remember treading cautiously, feeling even back then I had to give him this information just to placate his feelings. To fix the situation like being in the closet was wrong of me, that I was in the wrong for keeping it and not trusting him and thinking of him…of all people.
What I should have said was hey. You've been gone since I was 11. I'm an adult. You don't get to insert yourself into my support system, when you haven't yet proven to me you're someone I can trust because even when you WERE there, you were terrible and you've been absent. I gave you an inch of trust and you violated that. I have permanent mental illnesses as a direct result of abuse you inflicted as a child also but I guess we're never going to talk about that or bring it up, But, ok. …I didn't say that.
At this point, I was in my early twenties. Twenty-two, twenty-three. His next response, had nothing to do with me at all, no acknowledgement of anything I said what-so-ever when I genuinely tried to answer his questions and refocused entirely on my sister and her choices, which were entirely outside of anyone else's control. Especially, his.
I remember him bad-mouthing my grandparents, stepfather, and mother. But I didn't recall the extent of it or how much, and zoo-wee-mama, was it bad.
He threatened violence on my stepfather, actually and said he'd beat him up on sight. I don't care about this especially but he cursed a lot and had a lot of "I need to inject reality into this situation" and, "I'm a realist", "Life is a piece of crap", these are direct quotes. Honestly what the hell am I supposed to do with all of that?
We do not have any contact between each other any more. We are not close, we were never close but he chose an odd time to realize this and lament it. Between the lines there was a lot of "I want to see you", "I want you in my life", "contact me" and that was also deeply unsettling and confusing … because everything else surrounding it was. A whole lot of that. A whole lot of no sense of boundary, accountability or regard for my feelings.
A deeply unstable person who felt entitled to every piece of private information about me, someone who felt comfortable even after all this time, making me an audience and target for his anger and someone he felt fine dumping his emotions onto-- and even at one point making it clear, my sister would be spared all of it. Not me, though. Which honestly tracks…
I don't know, it's just deeply validating…. I know if anyone with a right-mind saw these emails they'd believe me. But I think I'm starting to feel … steady, enough with confidence to say even if no one believes me, I know what happened to me. I believe me. I deserved better then, I certainly deserve better now. I don't miss it. It's healing.
Ya'll mind if I just.
It's a gross oversimplification to assume the biggest issue of an absentee parent, is the absence itself. I really need people in general to stop assuming that. It takes 2 seconds, to ask if you have to.
"Every child needs two parents."
Actually! Every child NEEDS safety and stability.
If a parent is consistently unsafe and unstable, then their absence can be deeply celebrated. In some cases the best thing that could have ever happened.
While I'm at it?
There's been a big arrival of older parents, who talk a lot about 'setting boundaries with their adult children,' and going 'no or low contact' and while I do think this is helpful case-by-case.
I want to remind people, that abusive people rewrite reality, when they realize they've lost control.
Healthy concepts can be borrowed and used in performative ways.
Keep that in mind when you come across people like that. I'm probably a villain in a few people's lives, because I didn't give my abuser the warm welcome back into my life and emotional reunion he wanted.
