Ok this isn't my usual content but i dont know who 2 go 2. Im a teenager and im chubby and I hate myself. I only really have 2 friends, one of which gets about 200 a month to spend on clothes and the other is skinny, popular, and smart. The only thing I have going for me is im smart, but i got a bad test grade today. My skinny friend( dee for short) got a 100 after crying to me all week that she failed. On the last yest too, she was sick on test day and had me tell ger all the answers, so yay another 100 for her while i got a 94. I hate myself so fucking much for not being happy for her but I just want to disappear. How am I going to tell my mom, a math teacher. Im not in any clubs, I wear glasses, and im short and 135 pounds. I love my trio because they're the sweetest people ever but I know in my heart im a bad person. They would be better off without me. I've never been diagnosed with anything but also my Indian parents don't believe in therapy so I cant tell them how im feeling. And its like, being smart is all I have going for me, I cant be fat ugly and stupid, because that would just make me even more worthless than I am. Like I dont want new friends because they've never made me feel bad, but I despise myself and I dont know how to cope with that