It's time I think to write up some thoughts on the Ferengi (and of course how that relates to my thoughts about Quark and Nog).
I think we have to grapple with the fact that a) women are not viewed as equals on Ferenginar and b) how that shows up in the relationships we see on the show and c) what that actually implies about Ferengi, Ferenginar, sexuality, and their society.
There's three main relationships between Ferengi men and Ferengi women that we know about, not including Profits and Lace and what that has to say about the Ferengi (we'll get there later). Or including Zek and Ishka, which again, is different because it's part of the overthrow of Ferengi norms.
There's Quark and Rom's parents. There's Rom's marriage. And there's Quark and Pele.
Quark and Rom's parents are established pretty early on as odd. Rather, their mother is portrayed as odd, but if you watch the show for long enough you realise no... their whole household and marriage is odd. Because when you juxtapose that with Rom's marriage and with Quark and Pele, it comes across completely enlightened.
Rom's marriage establishes several things - marriage contracts and the terms, marriage contracts in order to have kids, and that these expire and someone can move on to a new marriage. What Rom's marriage shows us is that Ishka and Keldar, Rom and Quark's parents, had was true love. Keldar let Ishka be who she was despite the upheaval it caused their family, they never moved on from each other, and they stayed together as single unit raising those boys. There was love between them and love between them and their children.
Rom seems to have idolised this standard - a loving marriage and family unit. He signed a 'standard 5 year marriage contract in order to produce a child' with Prinadora's father. Rom fell in love with Prinadora and signed an extension without reading the fine print - he was completely taken to the cleaners and Prinadora ran off with a wealthier man. But if we think about the set up of this, if we consider that maybe Rom's upbringing was unusual - a long term marriage that goes beyond five years in a very consensually loving relationship - then Prinadora may have come in to the marriage with a more baseline concept for Ferengi women. That being - they do not see as equals, we are not equals, the best thing I can do is to be out for myself and get what I can to keep myself safe and stable. This is not to excuse her of leaving Nog. But if she was essentially 'bought' to produce a child she may not have viewed Nog as anything more than part of that transaction. You paid for me in order to get this child, this child isn't really mine, and legally I have no rights.
Which brings us to Quark and Pele. Quark who was very engaged with Pele when he viewed Pele as a man. He was invested in Pele's intelligence, in his company, and in their back and forths. Did he find Pele's behaviour odd? Occasionally. But he was willing to take Pele back to his quarters to celebrate. If anything his surprise can be read as 'I didn't realise you had feelings for me' rather than 'You're a man coming onto me'. Pele's reveal as a woman devastates him. Yes, this can be partially chalked up to the loss of business opportunity. But he genuinely viewed Pele as a friend and companion. This reveal completely seems to undermine this for him. Why? Because Pele isn't equal and cannot be equal in his eyes. But her companionship as a man? A fulfilling and deeply intimate relationship. Because a male is an equal.
Of course, the legend that Ishka is, she manages to find another fulfilling romantic relationship of mutual love and understanding with a man on Ferenginar who allows her to be her whole self. But that seems to be the opposite to the rule and standard. Women on Ferenginar are viewed as property, with possible short term marriage contracts/leases, and can be bought simply to expand your family with their full recognition that in order to create stability for themselves they must be ready to move on and to find and charm someone into taking care of them. They cannot leave the home, and they are not allowed to wear clothes.
Which begs the question if Ferengi men have a society where women are not allowed to participate in society or community, are not viewed as equals and are property... if they have marriage contracts that are 'standard' of 5 years, and can be used solely to have children... if women are there to cook and clean and take care of children and have children and have sex but not to speak, or have opinions, or be a full companion...
where do they get fulfilling companionship? Where do they find a that intimate relationship with an equal?
It has to be other men, no?
Women are essentially there in order to procreate and continue the family line. Ishka proves that her marriage and her relationship are abnormal. Rom proves that he idolised a version of family that was not standard. Quark cannot seem to settle down because he is caught between the Ferengi 'standard' family/woman relationship and his own unusual upbringing, not helped by being surrounded by aliens for whom his upbringing is the standard. Because Rom was left to raise Nog and lost everything he is scared of stepping foot into that idolised family from his youth lest it all go wrong and hurt him.
But there seems to be no confusion over Rom (and Quark) raising Nog without a woman. As if... after marriage contracts end men regularly raise older children without the help of a mother.
If you go out to a bar on Ferenginar as a Ferengi man you are going to run into only men. All your close friends are men. And the only equals you view yourself having is a man. Your only choice for good companionship, with thoughts, opinions, feelings, in your mind, is with a man. In fact, if you have a fully developed and fulfilling relationship with a woman you would be seen as a minority. So... are most Ferengi men bisexual? Would being gay be viewed as normal? Are most bars essentially gay bars? Would you be able to marry a man and have a full relationship with simply a contract to have children?
This is not to advocate for it, I'm just trying to understand, as I delve into Quark and Nog's sexualities, if this would be a normal thing. Nog especially is raised with very toxic views of women, despite his GrandMoogie's involvement in his life. He expresses these when out with Jake. And he has to work to unlearn them. This likely, yes, stems from Quark's views and the result of Prinadora's actions. But it could also be that going to Ferenginar is a practice in a male only society with no interaction with women and many gay intimate relationships around him. On a double date, Nog essentially acts like he is dating Jake and the women are interrupting. Does he have to one day examine his sexuality as 'am I more attracted to men because of my upbringing or is that just how I am?'. Does Quark have to examine 'why is my most intimate relationship with Odo and I can't seem to settle down even when women clearly want me?' Does Nog have to do therapy to really examine the full spectrum of sexuality and separate it from Ferengi teaching? Will this be a new explosion on Ferenginar that Grand Nagus Rom will have to deal with?
Rom, the consistent romantic and the closest to Ishka, is the only one that has no problem with dating and sexuality, almost as if he internalised his homelife as the standard rather than the Ferengi norm. Or did he from a young age realise he had no sexual attraction to men and that's why he threw himself into a marriage and having kids as essentially a teenager, to be with a woman and emulate that home life he desired for himself rather than date around in Ferengi society, but he fell in too fast and too quick?
Also does this mean people thought Rom and Quark were a male couple raising Nog together at first?
EDIT: oh god I forgot about Profits and Lace.
I also forgot about Ferengi standards of beauty and how that relates within queerness in their society. I'll have to write more and that to this post.
But yes with Profits and Lace this essentially boils down to - the guy chasing Quark, thinking Quark is a woman, is seemingly very turned on that this woman is intelligent and can hold her own with him. Making her a full companion.
I think this correlates with what I was saying about men being the only fulfilling companions seen in Ferenginar and this man is into women but never experienced this before leading him to chase the woman around the room driven crazy by lust. But also not questioning any seemingly male attributes because those are seen as desirable and normal within Ferengi fulfilling relationships. It's a weird convergence of all the things above forming this complete mindboggle for the guy into Quark.
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