I’ve hesitated to do this for so long, but due to things this month, I’m going to have to bite the bullet, ask for help, and hope for the best.
So many of you know that I’ve been stuck in an abusive situation with my narcissistic grandmother for the past six years minus a nine-month stay in Virginia to try (and fail) to move to the UK. Well, things at home have reached a point where I’m truly scared about my future. My grandmother appears to no longer be able to manage her finances effectively, and my little brother is stealing money from her. She’s the only way for me to get financial aid for my psychiatric needs, but I don’t know if I can depend on her anymore for those needs.
Last month, I had to cancel my psych appointment because she stated that she did not have the money to pay for it. However, she gave my little brother a lot of money that he asked for. Furthermore, after she told me that she couldn’t afford to pay for my doctor visit, she buys a new car! I can’t fell if she lied to me, or if she’s just that impulsive now.
Roll over to this month (May), and my gall bladder situation happens, which means more medical debt. Furthermore, my grandmother has possibly spent all of her $4000/month income within about five or six days. She’s already saying that she can’t afford to pay for my psychiatrist appointment this month either despite me and her talking about it and trying to allocate money for it. So now I cannot see my psychiatrist this month unless I can magically come up with $85. To make matters worse, I learned today that my little brother has been stealing money from my grandmother.
I was supposed to have my disability hearing this month, but my gall bladder issue caused me to have to have it rescheduled, and there’s no telling how long that will take. I’ve been waiting two years for my hearing, and I could wait months for the reschedule. I feel as if the government will take an eternity to hear my case, and there’s always the possibility that they’ll deny my disability and leave me with nothing to hope for. I cannot work because of anxiety disorders and PTSD, so I can’t get a job to make money even if I tried. Without SSI, I’m pretty much either stuck with my abusive grandmother or doomed to be homeless.
Therefore, I need help. I really need it. I’ve been afraid to ask for financial help for so long because of fears of being called a moocher or freeloader. I’ve tried my best to earn my keep, but I can’t do it because of my circumstances. My family doesn’t want to help me because they want me to be financially-independent. That would be OK if I wasn’t disabled and unemployable (even with a master’s in science in meteorology), but unfortunately, I just cannot earn a red cent. Frankly, I’m forever irate at certain members of my family for putting me in this situation to begin with and acting as if I have nothing wrong with me.
If I don’t see my psychiatrist, then it may be hard or impossible to get prescriptions for my medications. If I cannot fill my psych medications, then I will become suicidal and have to be hospitalized, and I risk suicidal actions. It’s happened before, and I can’t risk it happening again. I’m too scared of hurting myself and others due to major depression and extreme anxiety.
I’m going to put a donation link on my blog soon. Going to figure out how to do that and what to do. I don’t know what else to do, and I’m too scared to try to depend on my grandmother for financial needs anymore. She has obviously reached a point where she will probably required assisted living soon. I’m only asking for money to cover medical costs, which are about $160 - $200 for my psych meds and psych visits (med prices can vary), and $80 - $120 during the months I’m not scheduled to see my psychiatrist (I see him every three months). I wish I could do something for the money like commissions, but other than stream games, I have no idea what I could market right now for income.
I hope things improve soon. I want to get my SSI so I can leave my abusive, control-freak grandmother behind forever and move in with @distyduskdraws, who is the sweetest person ever. I also want to use SSI to try and get my life back together and work. However, I can’t do it living on hopes and prayers while six years of bad luck and a broken family destroy my life.
