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//24//she/her//|| 🏳️‍🌈

[troubledpastels]

Im not feeling that well

It feels like my brain is on fire

[troubledpastels]

Ive been on amisulpride for over a month now and its really doing its thing.

I feel really weird now without all the psychosis symptoms but its also nice to mostly have my thoughts to myself without anyone talking to me about it. I usually only hear voices when im exhausted so yeah its definitely working but it feels weird

[troubledpastels]

Been on amisulpride for a week now and im already feeling some effects.

My brain feels less scrambled and more whole.

Im able to focus more on conversation.

Its nice to feel more "normal" after months.

[grub-muncher]

[troubledpastels]

Some info♡

[troubledpastels]

Starting the new medication tomorrow! Excited but trying not to get my hopes up. Also scared of the side effects of antipsychotics (no energy) but I'll live, maybe its going to help

[troubledpastels]

I just had a session with my psychiatrist, he suggested we try to add another antipsychotics (amisulpride) to the one im already on (clozapine) and we'll give it a month to see if it has any effect.

Im very nervous about that and I dont want to get my hopes up for nothing. But I cant help but hope that its going to work, lessen my psychosis.

So yeah lets hope this will work

[troubledpastels]

Haven't updated in weeks oops.

But yeah I got discharged after a week (as planned) and things have been going downhill since.

My psychosis is taking so much space and everyone around me are worried.

Im 3 years clean of sh but last night I got so close to do it again just to get a break from everything. I ended up going to my mums place for the weekend and avoided ruining all the hard work of staying clean.

So yeah things aren't going well but somehow im still here, still fighting.

Happy new year or whatever

[troubledpastels]

First night was not very pleasant

The psychologist threatened to kick me out in 2 days (im supposed to be here for 7) if im not following the program. He doesn't seem very keen on helping me tbh

They also messed up my medications so I only get one pill instead of three like im supposed to have when my anxiety peaks

Im going to talk to him about it tomorrow and hopefully he'll fix the misunderstanding

So far I just want to cry and I regret coming

[troubledpastels]

Going to the psych ward tomorrow.

Kind off nervous because I have to wake up at 8 o'clock and I usually wake up between 10 and 11.

Earlier they have let skip breakfast and sleep till 11, so I hope thats possible this time around as well.

[dawn-of-nephilim]

Feeling "in-between" psychosis and baseline is genuinely 10x worse than being in an actual episode. Just commit to the magic and whimsy or be normal oh my god

[troubledpastels]

Yeah like come on brain make up your mind

[ravenfleesfire]

Anhedonia: I don't experience hunger

Alexithymia: I can't tell if I'm hungry and don't understand why my stomach hurts

Avolition: I feel hungry. I see no reason to eat food

[troubledpastels]

My therapist did a home visit, the cheif of the ward talked to my therapist and he asked her if I needed more time there. I can apply for a 3 week stay (or more if needed but 3 weeks are the common practice) but me and my therapist agreed to see if this week in the crisis spot will help. If not then we are going to apply for a longer stay, but that can take weeks before I get a spot

[troubledpastels]

I hope that all goes well if you DO need to go inpatient. If not, I hope things improve for you.

- 🪱 werm anon (he/him/his)

Thank you!

I do have to go inpatient but im fairly known to the ward and staff. Ive been there many times 😅

[mephorash]

why are psychotic people expected to choose reducing symptoms over happiness every chance there is? I can't drink or do drugs or stay up late or avoid taking my pills that will make me exhausted in the morning or participate in my psychosis triggering hobbies and interests or I'm noncompliant and need forcible medication because I'm not allowed to knowingly accept I'll have symptoms and choose to manage them on my own without medication. we aren't allowed to take risks or else

[troubledpastels]

Haven't been on here for a sec

But things aren't going that well.

I had therapy today and she said my schizophrenia is getting worse and she suggested going to the psych ward for a bit but im not sure.

Therapist is going to do a home visit on Friday and then shes going to decide if Im well enough to stay home or if I need to go inpatient.

[asexual-amanita]

Just because I don’t work and don’t go to school because of my disabilities doesn’t mean it’s fun vacation time. It feels like house arrest by your own body and mind, not a fucking holiday.

[troubledpastels]

First night here

I got put a a new medication to sleep and it works, so thats nice

I definitively haven't missed the uncomfortable beds

Im not doing good but the staff are kind

Seeing my dad tomorrow, I think that'll be nice