Letters to Future Soulmate

Keeping busy until we find each other.

[obligatory-hollanov-sideblog]

What really strikes me as underdeveloped about Ilyas situation in tLG is how he’s in a position now where he’s basically completely dependent on Shane.

His own support people (like the show versions of Svetlana and Cliff) are back in Boston and he can’t get too close to his new teammates because he’s not able to stick around for social events and is hiding a massive secret from them, so he only has Yuna and David (who are ultimately Shane’s parents not his) and Hayden (who openly hates him and who he would probably never choose to be around if he wasn’t Shane’s friend.) If things didn’t work out between him and Shane, he would have no one where he lives, and he wouldn’t even be able to talk about it with anyone other than to the therapist he pays to listen.

It obviously isn’t a situation that Shane set up knowingly or maliciously at all, but it could still cause major resentment and a sense of a power imbalance between them where Ilyas access to any kind of support system is conditional on he and Shane’s relationship staying steady and it would have been interesting to see that explored.

[disasterbisafespace]

love and light to RR but the more you think about it, the less sense the entire premise of the long game makes. neither Shane nor Ilya expresses the concerns you’d reasonably expect them to, so you’re left trying to accept the premise and it just doesn’t ring true. at the end of the day, TLG asks you to accept that the biggest social hurdle to Shane and Ilya’s relationship is that they’re rivals, not that they’re both men, and maybe I just don’t care about sports enough, but it’s hard to accept that as true in a book series about closeted hockey players and as a human being who is alive on earth.

Like Ilya can’t come out because…..? Shane doesn’t want him to? That’s pretty much it? If you applied any logic, you’d think, oh, he’s worried about having his passport revoked and it impacting his ability to work, or losing his job, but nope, never contemplated. like in the text, the only reason it seems Ilya can’t come out is he and Shane are worried people will put it together that they’re a couple. which really only has consequences for Shane, and means Ilya is essentially in the closet just to protect Shane, which fine, makes sense as a motivation, but leads into the even more baffling premise of TLG: why did Shane come out to his team?

This happens between books and we don’t really get any insight into why Shane decided to come out to his team, but it’s really hard to reconcile with who he is as a person. Again, it implies that the issue is the rivalry, not homophobia. Shane is already dealing with being one of the only Asian players, and neurodivergent to boot—it’s hard to accept that he would willingly other himself further by coming out unless it was to also reveal his relationship. The strain on Shane is actually worse if he comes out but continues to hide his relationship?? Because he loses the plausible deniability of assumed straightness. And it’s not like he came out to soft launch his relationship, which would’ve also made some sense, because in TLG the plan is still to wait until retirement initially. Further, it doesn’t make sense for Shane to come out to his team rather than Ilya, because Shane is far more likely to experience professional consequences than Ilya—Ilya’s bad boy reputation protects him in a way that Shane’s model minority status does not.

It’s further strange that TLG asks us to believe the team is like mostly okay with Shane being gay, though I think this is a big opening for the tv show to explore. It’s implied they were awkward at first and they’re maybe distant now, but you can assume (as I think most fans do, in order to make it make sense) that Shane maybe isn’t the most reliable narrator about how bad it is, and finding out it’s Ilya is what causes that underlying tension to bubble over.

TL;DR, TLG suffers from trying to ask the reader to accept that the problem is the rivalry, not homophobia, and therefore the characters’ choices also don’t make sense when held up against the lived experience of any queer person, who knows that can’t possibly be true.

[totearup]

One of the things the time jump between Heated Rivalry and Long Game robs us of is seeing the effect coming out to his team has on Shane in real time. And that experience does a lot to inspire his anxiety and responses in TLG.

No one will ever convince me that there's not a connection between Shane coming out to his team, it not going well, and Shane volunteering to start an even more intensely restrictive diet than he was already on, that also punishes his relationship. Just like I will always view Shane's anxiety around Ilya coming out to the Centaurs/his friends as a trauma response based on how badly it went for him.

One of the most heartbreaking parts about Shane's performance diet to me, is how in both My Dinner with Hayden and TLG Shane and Ilya mention how they love to cook together, and it's like a fun couple thing for them. It's a point of connection, something they do together aside from hockey. And, unlike hockey, it's something they don't compete about.

Shane's performance diet robs them of this. There's a scene in TLG where Ilya has done a bunch of research to find a meal they can cook together that fits in Shane's diet. And Shane is delighted by this. But, notably, he puts no effort into finding other recipes they can do this with again. He tells Rose he likes the discipline of his diet, and I don't think he means just in regards to what and where he's eating, I think he also means in his relationship.

There's another major change we see in Shane between books. At the end of Heated Rivalry he's talking fairly optimisticly about both of them coming out to friends.

This is at the cottage. Very soon after they've decided they're in a real relationship. It's hard not to compare this with Shane's sheer panic in TLG when Ilya talks about coming out to Troy - not even about them, just about being bi - and also to the possibility of even meeting the rest of his team.

So, what's happened to Shane in the last three years that makes him go from joking around about coming out to his friends to rabidly controlling his relationship and protecting every small detail of it that he possibly can?

The fucking Voyaguers.

[truelovestea]

It's really sad too because since Shane is withholding that information (if that is what is happening) from Ilya then all Ilya knows is that his boyfriend has suddenly done a 180 on their relationship.

He has a boyfriend who went from wanting to tell their friends about them to basically telling Ilya not to tell any of his friends. Or anyone at all.

He has a boyfriend who went from wanting to spend as much time together as possible to cutting out an activity that they enjoyed doing together.

He has a boyfriend who is suddenly giving the idea that "Actually, it's okay if they know I'm gay. It's just if they know that I'm with you that it's a problem."

He has a boyfriend who went from making a whole ten year plan where they would change from being rivals to being friends to being lovers that now is still to afraid to be seen in public with him as friends even after 3 years of this plan. 1/3rd of the way there.

He has a boyfriend who went from saying "I don't know that side of you at all" when Ilya called himself lazy to accusing Ilya of no longer trying hard a hockey or wanting to win and instead sit around smoking pot with friends.

Like, really it's not that big of a surprise that Ilya doesn't want to say anything negative around him. Between the shift in Shane's attitude and Ilya's own depression, of course, he would assume that one more pressure would send Shane running. And like not only is Ilya madly in love with Shane and used to being told that he is difficult and any inconvenience is on his end, but Ilya's also given up everything. If Shane and Ilya were to break up at this point, Ilya's literally thrown his life and career into the fire for nothing.

And I am so tired of people claiming it was only Ilya's lack of communication that caused the issues because Shane never once told Ilya - until the Boxing Day Fight where they both admitted it- that he was struggling either even while pushing Ilya to share his own feelings.

overall TLG would have been a much richer and stronger story if just a bit more of Shane's plot had been fleshed out.

[ilyarozanovvvvvvv]

🗣️ STOP MOVING SHANE AND ILYA TO THE SAME TEAM AND MOVING ILYA TO WING OR SECOND LINE CENTER SO THAT SHANE CAN STAY FIRST LINE CENTER

🗣️ ILYA WOULD ONLY MOVE TO PLAY WING IN A POWERPLAY! SHANE SHOULD BE MADE CENTER SECOND LINE FOR DEPTH

🗣️ ILYA IS THE CAPTAIN AND THE ONE WHO BUILT UP BOTH BOSTON AND OTTAWA AND IF HE GOT MOVED TO A LESSER POSITION TO ACCOMMODATE SOMEONE WHO IS JUST! AS! GOOD! AS! HIM! IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLY INSULTING

🗣️ PLEASE START VALUING ILYA FOR THE AMAZING PLAYER HE IS! HE ALSO SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD TRAING FOR THIS! THIS IS ALSO HIS GREATEST AMBITION! FOR EVERY PERSON WHO THINKS SHANE IS THE BEST THERE IS ANOTHER PERSON WHO THINKS ILYA IS THE BEST! THATS! THE! WHOLE! POINT!

[truelovestea]

As someone with depression who grew up in a house of autistic siblings, one thing that bothers me greatly about a lot (and I mean A TON of Hollanov headcanons and fanfics) is the take on how people accommodating for each other's needs works.

I see people say "Oh, Ilya's depression is romanticized! That's why people are harder on Shane!" Except going by 90% of the posts, it's the opposite. Like for every 1 post that's negative about Shane there are 9 posts talking about how Ilya's situation is his own fault and Shane has all these reasons for this or that and once Ilya gets more therapy and learns to do things Shane's way they'll be perfectly happy- when it's on both people equally.

It's very much a "people with depression need to be in therapy and on medication and completely changing every aspect of their lives to make themselves 'better' " mentality

And it's also an "autistic people need things clearly spelled out to them, must have their preferences and timelines strictly followed so they don't upset, don't need therapy or medication (even for anxiety) and everyone else should adjust for them and follow their rules to make sure they're comfy" mentality.

When really it should be - both people work to be more accommodating of each other's needs.

And I get that a lot of the fanworks are made by people on the spectrum who empathize better with Shane, but like, as one of the people with depression in this fandom, I'm so tired of the majority of comments being about how Ilya brought his depression on himself by not communicating, or Ilya is a dog/asshole who needs to be domesticated by Shane to act like a human, or Ilya should take all fun aspects out of his life and become this fluffy homebody who can't be trusted with his own health and needs constant supervision like a toddler.

Like I'm getting to the point where I fully hate The Long Game at this point and wish we could have just stuck with the Heated Rivalry era.

[fanficnaticcc]

i have something potentially controversial to say but i really don’t gaf and i need y’all to hear me out

(also plsssss tell me yall see where im coming from)

i want to start off by saying i have a visceral HATRED for how a lot of ilya’s story is handled within TLG and HR. bc the underdevelopment we get on his side with a lot of the dynamics of him with the boston bears as well as what him being there means to him is not only gut wrenching but js plain annoying. like we don’t really know if they would be shitty abt it, we don’t know his real relationship with them, esp with him basically growing up with them and experiencing extremely pivotal moments of his life with them. so to take that away and brand the centaurs as a “clearly better option” (through i do love my babies don’t get me wrong) is absurd

also i have a very deep hatred for the 10 year plan bullshit and js overall how both shane and ilya’s characters are handled. esp bc that plan is not what ACTUAL compromise looks like in a relationship. it’s choosing one extreme over the other.

like yes, i understand they both have their problems. and yes i understand their relationship is messy, that’s gonna be the nature of it considering it’s a fucking 12 year long situationship. and yes i understand these idiots are miscommunication final bosses. and yes, i understand that a lot of times both of them are at fault. that’s natural, that’s what messy adult relationships are about. they can be messy and healthy at the same time. as long as you build a foundation of trust, forgiveness, room for growth, AND COMPROMISE.

before i truly go off i want to say this is not me picking shane or ilya’s side more. they both are complicated and flawed characters. both do them make mistakes and they both have hurt each other. what i’m dissecting here is the structural foundation of the writing, plot, and character curation. that is what i’m pissed about. the characters are a consequence of it.

now here’s what i mean. true compromise of middle ground of sorts does not mean on side gives up everything or does something full out. it means finding a middle ground. somewhere where both sides can find something good and comfortable but also not necessarily what they had nor what they wanted fully. while i don’t think it was done at of malicious intent on shane’s part, the plan isnt a compromise- it’s shane getting what he wants. and ilya bending to that will for the sake of someone else.

yes, ilya might be closer and yes,he does now have now have shane’s family to fall back on. but he gives up every other sense of comfort and stability that he’s fought painstakingly for.

1. his friends. he has been with that team and in that city since his rookie season. they are his friends and the closest semblance to family he has. and i’m not saying they’re the greatest or most support. but we know for a fact that they most likely aren’t as bad a the metros bc we would have gotten something with that.

2. his home. that is his only home away from home (outside of the cottage which doesn’t come until later) for YEARS. that’s probably the only place he could be himself and find solace esp when he had to go back to russia for the summers. leaving that is leaving a piece of his childhood behind (no matter how much it was already stripped from him bc of his family back in russia)

3. HIS FUCKING CAREER. like god this is abt to actually piss me off. i don’t care how fucking great if a player he is, the man can only do sm. like that could have such a huge and terrible impact on his career. leaving a team that has great chances of winning another cup to go to a team that hasn’t even touch the playoffs in who knows how fucking long is insanity to me. also that’s so much added pressure on him to “fix” the team when he’s dealing with his secret relationship and adjusting to moving to a whole new country… AGAIN

4. this makes ilya completely dependent on shane’s support systems. which is not healthy. like yes, yuna and david love them both and see ilya as a son. but for a minute he is js shane’s bf. they aren’t his parents. he has no support system. no one to confide in abt anything. (i think this is a big part of the reason his depression gets so bad in TLG) like shane has hayden who finds out, rose who knows he’s gay, his parents who know everything, and at the very least some friends on the Voyaugers until he comes out and they’re dickheads. ilya has virtually no one of his own that’s not attached to shane. that he won’t feel like is on shane’s side instinctively. even if they aren’t and that’s not true, anyone would naturally assume bc they were “shane’s” first that they loyalty lies with shane. so that leaves him with what? nobody? yeah fuck off.

and i know troy is there but troy comes later. and how it’s handled makes it seem like he doesn’t speak to marleau or anyone from the bears at all. not from bad blood but js bc. and sveta is barely there too. like pls fuck off. bc i know relationships aren’t always fair bc nothing is ever truly fair, but they should have good compromise. this doesn’t.

shane virtually keeps everything he wants. he stays on the team that he’s “build a brotherhood” with, keeps his virtually high standing career from it, keeps his friends, his family, and now his boyfriends had uprooted his life and lived closer. this isn’t a “win win” it’s a shane wins.

and often times it’s branded as this thing bc shane needs something to control. he needs regimes and plans and to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. and all of that is great and i believe it. but you can’t make me believe that someone who loves ilya to the degree that Mr. Real Estate does would every stick to and construct a plan like this that disregards ilya’s safety and stability? his #1 priorities?? yeah fuck all the way off. (not after hockey bc i hate any agenda that says shane would ever put hockey before that man)

bc while i do believe a plan was made bc of shane’s OCD ridden anxiety and bc he’s my smol autistic bean that loves excel, i don’t believe shane’s as emotionally unaware as he’s depicted. esp not with ilya. shane has spent his entire life masking and adjusting and finding control and safely and stability in anything he can. and he recognized ilya doing the same things js in different ways for different reasons. he would NEVER willingly take all of that away from him.

also shane is very capable and knows how to pivot and adjust accordingly. i also think that he’s aware enough to know and also has a good enough support system to lovely check him (shout out yuna and david) and tell him that that “plan” only considers one of them. also dare i say that mfer is grown. if it’s that bad he can go to therapy like the rest of us and figure it out. he doesn’t js “get his way”.

(sidenote i feel like if anything shane should have traded out highk. get away from a toxic work environment… maybe even go to new york??? i got this from a fanfic and now im taking it as my personal canon)

i also feel like this could have been a really beautiful moment for the both of them lowk. of shane pushing ilya to do things that make him feel safe and happy. choosing things or fighting for what he wants bc he deserves to prioritize himself. that’s also practicing good mutal bonding and mental health.

(i also think this pisses me off sm bc my queen and king yuna and david are the healthy relationship compromise final bosses. and i KNKW they did not raise shane like this and would not let this slide bc okay is their baby js as much as shane is)

sorry i lowk lost it yall, i js feel so deeply abt this. like you can’t build the basis of a character and relationships and then have them do shit that makes no sense in the context of said characters and relationships. but yeah if you wanna hear my other ills with the books pls let me know. i did not spend all those years in AP classes and current classes to get an eng major for nothing 😛

(also ill probs drop some more HR headcanons that have been plaguing my mind later)

[truelovestea]

Had a dark nightmarish thought where Shane Hollander does love Ilya, but he just loves him too much and we all know Shane gets jealous (like Ilya gets jealous but since Ilya is bi- Shane actually has a bit of jealously with anyone Ilya builds a connection with regardless of their gender.)

But how much of the plan for Ilya to move to Ottawa was just Shane's way of making sure Ilya was only his?

Because Shane does admit in canon that he initially fit Ilya into his life and not that he built a life with Ilya.

And Ilya's pulled away from Svetlana - something Shane was probably initially very fine with.

When Ilya tries to build a connection with Troy, Shane's reaction is far from great (and you can't say it's only because of a deviation from "the plan")

Ilya being in Ottawa, Ilya having to hide not only his relationship but also his sexuality from his team, Ilya not being able to confide in his friends about why he really moved, Ottawa being a town devoid of real nightlife, Ottawa being where Shane's parents' are, all these factors play into Ilya becoming basically reliant on only Shane and Shane's parents for company

vs.

Shane being able to hang with Rose and act like Ilya's ridiculous for making "jealous" comments because "I'm gay" , Shane having his best friend and his wife to talk to, Shane coming out as gay to his team and their tolerating it (honestly one of the weakest plots RR has because reducing the homophobia to instead be like - it's Ilya who is the problem - fully negates any reasons for Ilya not coming out to his team- and yes, it's established that Russia is not a problem at this point) , Shane having JJ trying to set him up, Shane being the one who gets to call his parents when he and Ilya get into fights, Shane having people around and options and not being trapped and like...

idk.

It's just like when you have a dream where your partner did something bad and you wake up angry with them,

But right now I woke up angry with Shane because no matter how you dress it up- Shane either was too self-centered to notice that Ilya was lonely (and yeah, maybe Ilya didn't fully tell him but also you cannot be that fucking oblivious to your partner and their social circle even if you're in a long distance relationship) or Shane was aware but didn't think it worth messing with because it continued to help Ilya fit into the little box that Shane had allotted him in his life.

[truelovestea]

Canon Shane Hollander is great. He makes mistakes, but he fixes them. He's loving. He's trying.

He might not be fantastic at outwardly showing that he loves Ilya (other than when it's just him and Ilya), but we do get his inner thoughts and know that he is very much in love with Ilya.

Fanon Shane Hollander is often a butchered character.

Like we get 3 flavors:

Weepy feminine delicate Shane who desperately needs to learn the term "coregulation" and who uses tears to invalidate Ilya's feelings and to turn the conversation back on himself because even if he hurt Ilya, a well-timed anxiety attack and some tears will make sure that Ilya's the one apologizing for having any feelings in the end.

Straight Girl Self-Insert Shane who is always right while Ilya is just a prop/dog. Either he's taking Ilya's agency because Ilya is depressed and apparently depressed people are not competent enough to make any decisions for themselves, or he's taking Ilya's agency because Ilya is just a dog who needs to be tamed.

Overly Distant Shane who despite "choosing" Ilya over hockey will then take the "C" from Ilya not because he could lead the team better but because he has to have the title, refuse to show any kind of affection for Ilya in front of the team- even at parties where other spouses/partners are present -forcing Ilya back into the isolation cage, or in one fic will completely take Ilya's team from him while Ilya is out for an injury- discourage the team to let him back on since they have a chance for the cup and Ilya might slow them down- and then watch his husband sign with a 3rd team and have to bring them up from the worst team status again while Shane continues to win cups. It's fine though because it's romantic and, of course, Shane will cheer for his husband later after he's won more cups with the team Ilya spent years rebuilding.

[laurapetrie]

“I am going to make you love me. Sweetheart, what I mean is: I want to sit on the edge of your bed while you have your breakfast - I want to laugh with you, be incredibly silly, be incredibly happy, be like children, and I want to kiss you more than anything in the world.”

— Edna St. Vincent Millay in a letter to George Dillon, c. 1929 (via pinkballerinas)

[seiphirai]

A Surprise Pride and Prejudice Engagement

(Note: This isn’t me)

[thestraggletag]

See? This is a tailor-made proposal. Not some “big screen of basketball game nonsense. This person took into account his girlfriend’s pastimes and favourite things in the world, knew how close to the family she was and engineered the perfect engagement proposal, without a doubt managing to make sure this would please her (surely her mother and sisters would know).

This is how you do big gestures.

[bead-bead-deactivated20190901]

This is so awesome I can’t even.  

Also, the look on her face as she came into the house.  Hehehehehehe! 

[ourladyoflace]

STILL THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER

[dobrodosao-deactivated20190618]

Actually I do want to get proposed to…but only in this exact way

[viria]

At the shore~

[vd-gifs]

Your essence would hover around me, harangue me until I did.

[dreamerandcrazy]

all my ships: harry & ginny (harry potter).

“[…] and then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before, and Harry kissed her back, and it was blissful oblivion, better than firewhiskey; she was the only real thing in the world.”

[perseruna]

sabrina and nick + forehead kisses

[lucybaird]

i love you, and i love dawn. and you love me. you know it’s true.

                        of course i love you.

[maevelin]

(insp.)

[x04xxx-deactivated20210930]

“Why didn’t he go for me? How come the guys that I want never want me? I’m inappropriate, always say the wrong thing and Elena always says the right thing. She doesn’t even try, and he just picks her. And she’s always the one that everyone picks. For everything. And I try so hard and I’m never the one…”

Caroline Forbes (via xmvdel)