The Taste of Restraint
Summary: Mycroft was always a master of control—until one stolen moment in the dark made him crave what he swore he wouldn’t touch. Desire, once denied, refuses to stay buried.
Pairing: Mycroft Holmes × Fem! Reader × Sherlock Holmes
Warnings: Light Angst.
First, Second and Third part here
Also read on Ao3
Mycroft was aware—painfully aware—that he should not be attracted to his brother’s girlfriend.
It was undignified. Illogical. Borderline pathetic.
And yet, there he sat—Christmas Day, the Holmes country house unusually lively—silently watching you from the far end of the sitting room, his laptop open on his lap, the screen dimming every so often from inactivity. He hadn’t typed in fifteen minutes. Not that anyone noticed.
Except perhaps Sherlock. But Sherlock was currently being scolded by their mother in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up begrudgingly as he chopped potatoes with all the menace of a man performing surgery on a corpse. You’d smiled at him earlier, teasing him for his lack of domestic flair, and he'd smirked like it was charming, like the entire exchange hadn’t made Mycroft want to excuse himself and walk into traffic.
You were nothing special. Not clever—not really. Not someone who could spar with Mycroft in politics or game theory or global strategy. You were average in the grand scheme of things. Normal. Predictable.
But that was what made it worse.
Because despite your mediocrity, you had done the impossible. You had, somehow, managed to draw not only Sherlock—but Mycroft, too. Not by intelligence. Not by brilliance. But by… presence. By some invisible gravitational pull you exerted, a casual kind of warmth that infiltrated spaces Mycroft had kept locked for decades. You had this way of speaking that wasn’t biting, wasn’t performative or even particularly articulate—but it was honest. Engaging. You laughed when things were funny. You were kind when it was unnecessary. You saw things in people and said so out loud.
Sherlock brought you to Christmas dinner this year. Sherlock, who hated the performance of holidays, who once described the family gathering as “ritualistic hostage-taking.” Yet he arrived early. With you.
And Mycroft had been damned to his own personal hell ever since.
“Isn’t it lovely?” his father said now from the corner of the sitting room, gesturing toward his endless display of miniature train sets. “That one’s from Austria. 1967. Pristine condition.”
You leaned forward from your seat across the room, where you sat perched on the edge of the ottoman, genuinely rapt. “The detailing is incredible. I didn’t realize they made the windows with individual wipers. That’s insane.”
His father—usually mute unless directly addressed—beamed. “That’s exactly what I said!”
Mycroft watched the exchange with a tightening in his chest he didn’t know how to name. His father. Enthralled. By you. Sherlock’s girlfriend. A forensic analyst with average credentials, poor taste in footwear, and a habit of humming while you read case files aloud.
The absurdity of it all.
You were from another city—Manchester, perhaps, or somewhere equally damp and grey—and had transferred to the London department just over two years ago. You brought with you a stubborn optimism, three chipped coffee mugs, and a reputation for being frustratingly thorough with forensic reports. The first time Mycroft heard of you was through an interdepartmental memo; the second, from Sherlock, muttering something about "a woman who refused to mislabel a blood splatter."
And then you met Sherlock. And somehow—unfathomably—you began to orbit each other.
It wasn’t immediate. Sherlock, for all his brilliance, had the emotional availability of a Victorian radiator. But you were patient. You kept showing up. Eventually, you were spending more time at 221B Baker Street than in your own flat. Then came the kisses in the corridor. The hand at the small of your back during briefings. The toothbrush in the bathroom.
You were dating Sherlock Holmes.
And of course you were attracted to Sherlock. Anyone would be. The bone structure alone could sway empires. Blue eyes, curls that never quite behaved, a wardrobe full of drama and precision and dark wool. Sherlock had gravity. He was singular, magnetic, incomparably intelligent.
Unlike Mycroft.
Mycroft, who disappeared into corridors of power rather than into parlours full of crime scenes. Mycroft, whose hair never curled, who never caught anyone’s eye unless they knew who he was—really was. His influence, not his face, was what people remembered. And even that, he preferred they didn’t.
But the third time he interacted with you on Baker Street, he found himself thinking—quite clearly, quite treacherously—that he wished he looked like Sherlock.
It arrived unannounced, the thought, uninvited and wholly inappropriate, while you were standing by the mantel, explaining (politely, patiently) why you’d moved a particular file because the order made more sense to you. Sherlock had scoffed, of course. You’d smiled at him anyway. And Mycroft—watching from the doorway, coat still on, umbrella perfectly aligned at his side—had felt something sharp and humiliating twist in his chest.
If I looked like him, he’d thought, absurdly, perhaps you’d look at me like that.
The realization of what he’d just entertained landed a heartbeat later, cold and precise.
Danger.
Immediate, undeniable danger.
From that moment on, Mycroft adjusted course with ruthless efficiency. He shortened conversations. Avoided eye contact. Arrived only when necessary and left before you could draw him into anything resembling familiarity. He became, once again, the immovable shadow at the edge of rooms—the man who observed but did not engage. It worked. Mostly.
Until Christmas.
Now even his father—his emotionally reserved, locomotive-obsessed father—was charmed. Worse than charmed. Delighted. Watching you crouch near the train set, asking questions that weren’t clever but were earnest, Mycroft felt a prickle of irritation that had nothing to do with national security.
And then Sherlock, petulant as ever, complained loudly from the kitchen.
“I am not,” Sherlock declared, knife mid-chop, “a kitchen helper. I’m a detective.”
“Oh, honestly,” Mrs. Holmes snapped, “you’re a grown man with hands.”
You leaned against the counter, smiling. “I can help if you want. I don’t mind.”
“Nonsense,” Mrs. Holmes said instantly, waving you off. “You’re a guest.”
She turned, scanning the room. “Mike! You can come help your brother, since he’s suddenly incapable.”
Too late.
Mycroft had already vanished.
Not fled—relocated. Anticipation was one of his finer skills.
He had already deduced that something like this would happen.
Mrs. Holmes, predictably overwhelmed with kitchen duties and familial chaos, would sooner or later bark orders at the nearest adult male not wielding a vegetable peeler. And Mycroft—who would rather face a tribunal of hostile foreign diplomats than endure potato duty beside his bickering brother—had taken preemptive measures.
“Where’s Mycroft?” she asked, returning to the doorway with a wooden spoon in hand, like a schoolmistress threatening detention.
Her husband, still seated beside the Austrian train set, blinked as if coming out of a trance. He looked around vaguely, then gave a single, noncommittal shrug before returning to inspecting a miniature signal tower.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” she muttered.
But when she turned back to the kitchen, she found that Sherlock, too, had vanished.
The cutting board sat abandoned, knife half-buried in a potato like a murder weapon left at the scene. The only sign of movement was you—apron now tied haphazardly over your jumper, sleeves rolled, hands already halfway through peeling a carrot.
Mrs. Holmes narrowed her eyes. “Where did he go?”
You didn’t look up. “He said something about a migraine and excused himself.”
“Migraine,” she repeated. “How convenient.”
You smiled, brushing a lock of hair from your face. “Well, someone had to keep things moving.”
That earned you a pointed look. “You’re a guest, dear.”
“Then consider this my contribution to the cause,” you said lightly.
Mrs. Holmes sighed, but there was a flicker of reluctant approval behind it. “Honestly. I liked you the moment you didn’t flinch at Sherlock’s last tantrum over the soup course.”
You laughed softly. “Oh, that one? I thought it was part of the ambiance.”
She smirked, grabbed a nearby towel, and handed it to you. “Since you’re already involved, could you grab the extra linen napkins from the hall closet? That idiot boy said he’d bring them up and didn’t.”
“Sure thing,” you said, wiping your hands and heading toward the hallway.
Mycroft Holmes stood in absolute stillness, pressed against the narrow wood-paneled wall of the coat closet, surrounded by the scent of cedar, wool, and the faint suggestion of mothballs. He had retreated there in full confidence that no one would need anything from this particular corner of the house until dessert.
He had miscalculated.
The door opened with a soft creak, letting in a brief beam of warm light—then, just as suddenly, it snapped shut again.
And in that moment, the power went out.
You let out a soft gasp as darkness fell like a curtain over the both of you, the door clicking shut behind you.
“Oh,” you breathed. “Bugger. Lights just—” You turned slightly, blindly brushing against the bulk of his shoulder in the dark. “Sherlock?”
Mycroft froze.
You were inches away. Close enough that your perfume—something faintly floral, clean—cut through the scent of wool and wood. Your hands reached out, tentative, brushing the front of his coat.
“I can’t see a damn thing,” you whispered. “What are you doing in here?”
Silence.
Mycroft should have spoken. He should have corrected you. Revealed himself.
Instead, he said nothing.
He did not know what possessed him. Some rare and catastrophic failure of logic. Some breach in the iron wall of restraint he had spent his entire life constructing.
But you were standing so close. The dark hid him as no corridor ever had. And you thought he was his brother.
So he did the unforgivable.
He leaned in—slow, silent—and kissed you.
It was soft. Chaste, even. A brush of lips to yours in the dark. A stolen moment—utterly foolish, entirely self-indulgent, and completely without consequence. You would never know. You would never see him.
And yet he would remember.
You stilled.
For a breathless second, you didn’t move. Then your fingers tightened slightly on his coat. The kiss deepened, your mouth parting under his with a softness that undid him entirely. You sighed into him—gentle, surprised—and he felt it like a blow to the chest.
Just one, he told himself. Just this.
A memory. Something to carry with him.
Then he broke it.
Deliberate. Controlled. Cold.
He stepped back with military precision, your lips still parted, your breath catching.
And just as you began to speak—just as confusion stirred in your voice—the power returned.
Dim, yellow light flickered back into the corridor.
And your face changed.
“Oh,” you said, softly.
Not Sherlock.
Mycroft stood still. Impeccable posture, hands at his sides, face blank.
You stared. “You’re not—”
“No,” he said, calmly. “I’m not.”
There was a silence that throbbed with implication.
Then, very quietly, you asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Mycroft’s voice was low. Measured. “I had nothing to say that would have improved the moment.”
You blinked, lips still faintly parted, still tingling. You didn’t know what to make of it.
You put your hands to your head.
Not dramatically—just enough to press your fingers into your scalp, like you could physically ground yourself, make sense of the electric jolt still humming through your lips. You weren’t blushing, not quite—but there was heat in your face, tension in your posture, the kind that came not from guilt exactly, but from knowing you had just stepped into something far more complicated than either of you intended.
Your voice, when it came, was barely above a whisper.
“I can’t hide something like that from Sherlock.”
Mycroft’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing.
You looked up, eyes searching his face with the raw, slow-building dread of someone already writing a dozen outcomes in your head—all of them terrible.
“But I don’t—” You paused. “I don’t want to be the reason there’s friction between you. You’re brothers. You’ve already got enough tension without—without this.”
Still, Mycroft didn’t speak.
Because he didn’t know what to say.
He had orchestrated the downfall of foreign governments with less effort than it took to make his lungs work in this moment. And still, he failed.
The silence stretched—just long enough that you began to step back, eyes darting toward the door, fingers flexing at your sides.
And that’s when he spoke.
Coolly. Carefully.
“Then it’s fortunate,” he said, smoothing the front of his coat, “that it was only a kiss under the mistletoe.”
Your brow furrowed, and you glanced up.
There was no mistletoe in sight.
He knew that. And so did you.
But he continued anyway, voice precise and composed—almost dispassionate.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” he said, gaze fixed just over your shoulder. “It’s a tradition. A charming relic. People kiss strangers beneath it every year and think nothing of it.”
You stared at him, incredulous.
“That wasn’t—”
“It was,” he interrupted, quietly but firmly, his expression smooth as marble. “It was a kiss in passing. A misstep. One easily attributed to festive circumstances. A lapse in lighting. Misrecognition. Holiday spirit.”
“Mycroft—”
“And more importantly,” he added, gaze finally settling on yours, voice softening just a touch, “it need not be mentioned again.”
There was a beat of silence.
You studied him—this tall, sharply dressed man with shadows under his eyes and a jaw that clenched when he was uncertain. His face was unreadable now, not cold but distant, as though he were already rewriting this moment in his mind, filing it away in the vault of inconvenient memories he would never acknowledge again.
He was trying to protect you.
Not just from Sherlock.
But from himself.
Your voice, when it came, was steadier than before. “Is that what you want?”
He paused.
And then: “Yes.”
He said it too quickly.
Too decisively.
You tilted your head. “You don’t lie well when it matters.”
Mycroft’s lips twitched. Just slightly. A crack in the porcelain mask.
“That’s not entirely true,” he murmured. “I lie exceptionally well. Just not to you.”
Your breath caught.
He saw it—registered it in the flicker of your expression, the shift in your shoulders—but he didn’t move. Didn’t reach for you. Didn’t dare.
And then you sighed, quieter now, running a hand down your face like you were willing yourself to be rational.
“I won’t say anything,” you whispered. “I promise.”
Mycroft nodded once. “Good.”
But neither of you moved.
Not yet.
Not until you said—very softly—
“I just wish it had been under the mistletoe.”
And then you slipped out, the door clicking shut behind you, your footsteps muffled by the carpeted hall.
Mycroft remained where he was.
Still. Pale. Composed.
His fingers curled slightly at his sides.
And in the quiet dark of the coat closet, alone once more, he allowed himself the luxury of truth.
He pressed his hand—just briefly—to his lips.
And let himself remember how you tasted.
For the rest of the day, you remained quiet.
Not conspicuously so—no one else would have noticed—but Sherlock always noticed. You still laughed when appropriate. Still nodded along when Mrs. Holmes offered you more potatoes. Still thanked Mr. Holmes for showing you yet another train carriage from the 1960s. But there was a muted air about you, like a candle flame shielded by a hand. Dimmed. Contained.
And your eyes kept flicking toward Mycroft.
He didn’t return the looks.
Not once.
He sat at the end of the dining table, perfectly composed, dark suit pristine, napkin folded with surgical precision on his lap, answering the occasional question from their mother with polite detachment. His fork moved mechanically, chewing slowly, methodically, as though the turkey had personally offended him. His face was unreadable. But you knew better now. You’d seen the tremor in his control.
Sherlock had noticed the glances by the third course.
He waited through the roast. Through the pudding. Through your quiet, distracted humming while clearing the plates. And finally, once the rest of the family had migrated to the sitting room for port and Queen’s speech reruns, he cornered you in the hallway just outside the coat closet.
“Something’s wrong,” Sherlock said plainly.
You froze, still holding the napkins you had offered to fold earlier. Your heart thudded.
“No,” you said, shaking your head a little too quickly. “I’m fine.”
Sherlock stared at you, impassive and sharp. “You’ve glanced at Mycroft twelve times in the last hour and a half. You laughed at my joke about the Brussels sprouts, but it was your polite laugh, not your genuine one. You’re folding napkins with more precision than usual—which, frankly, I didn’t know was possible—and you’ve avoided being alone in any room with me since the power outage. What. Happened.”
You met his eyes. And for a long, taut moment, you felt the weight of your heartbeat pulse behind your ribs like a warning drum.
But you’d had practice now. With him. With Sherlock Holmes.
And even the most brilliant mind in the world could be deceived when the lie was made of something true.
You dropped your gaze, sighed softly, and let your shoulders slope forward just enough.
“It’s stupid,” you muttered, folding another napkin with robotic precision. “I think Mycroft hates me.”
Sherlock blinked. That was not the answer he expected.
“He doesn’t,” he said, frowning.
“He never talks to me,” you pressed, voice soft and careful. “He barely looks at me. Today he practically vanished when I tried to help in the kitchen. I just—” You hesitated, then added in a near-whisper, “I think he's going to hate the gift I'm going to give him.”
Sherlock tilted his head, recalibrating. “The book?”
You nodded. A hardbound first edition of The Art of War—but not the overly stylized, glossy reprint versions. You’d hunted down an older translation, annotated by a political strategist Mycroft had once mentioned in a passing conversation during a dinner at 221B. It had taken you months to find.
“I thought it was thoughtful,” you said, letting your voice tremble with just enough vulnerability. “But maybe it was presumptuous. Maybe it was too... familiar. I just wanted to give him something that showed I paid attention.”
Sherlock’s frown deepened. He was quiet for a moment.
Then he said, “He doesn’t hate you.”
You shrugged. “You don’t know that.”
“I do,” Sherlock said, eyes narrowing slightly. “He only pretends to be aloof when something affects him. Trust me. If he truly disliked you, you’d be getting invitations to state dinners by now—just to ensure you were out of the country.”
You snorted despite yourself.
Sherlock leaned against the doorway, folding his arms. “He’s complicated. Don’t take it personally. But the book was a good gift.”
You nodded, giving him a small, grateful smile. “Thanks.”
Sherlock watched you another moment, then finally relented and pushed off the wall. “We’re opening presents soon,” he said, tone lighter now. “Mother insists on reading every tag aloud like she’s narrating a children’s story.”
You nodded. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
He disappeared down the hall, satisfied—at least outwardly—with your answer.
You stood there in the quiet, napkins still in your hands, heart racing beneath your sweater.
A lie. But one laced with enough honesty to hold.
Because in truth, you were worried about the gift.
You were worried that you’d crossed a line.
But it had nothing to do with the book—and everything to do with the taste of Mycroft Holmes still lingering on your lips.
_______________
Presents were opened with the usual Holmesian chaos.
Mrs. Holmes narrated each tag with theatrical delight—“To Sherlock, from Mummy: A guide to proper table manners!” (snorts all around)—while Sherlock unwrapped things with the bored detachment of a cat batting at wrapping paper. Mr. Holmes nodded solemnly with each gift, regardless of what it was.
When your gift to Mycroft was finally passed to him, he took it without looking at you.
His pale fingers pulled at the ribbon slowly, deliberately. Everyone was still chatting, distracted by a half-unwrapped wine aerator in Mr. Holmes’s lap.
You watched him, breath caught.
When the wrapping slipped away and the cover of the book emerged, something flickered across Mycroft’s face. A subtle shift—barely a breath’s worth of reaction. His eyes paused on the title. Then flicked to the inside cover.
You’d written in it. Just a line.
For the man who wins wars without firing a single shot.
He stared for a second longer.
Then—finally—he looked up. Met your eyes.
And gave the smallest, most devastating nod.
You weren’t sure if anyone else saw it.
But you did.
And that was enough.
Later that evening, the snow had worsened.
Not in the picturesque, postcard-perfect way that might have softened Mycroft’s irritation—but in the aggressively inconvenient, wet-slush-down-your-collar, "all-roads-closed-until-tomorrow" sort of way. Thick, clinging flakes had accumulated on the driveway by the time Mycroft reappeared in his coat, suitcase in hand, and attempted to leave with all the resolve of a man escaping a hostage situation.
Mrs. Holmes had not allowed it.
“No one’s driving in this, Mycroft,” she’d snapped from the sitting room, without even turning her head from her knitting. “You’ll die in a ditch before you make it to the end of the lane.”
“I have chains in the car,” he countered dryly, gloved and glowering.
“You have no sense,” she returned, knitting faster. “Upstairs. Now.”
And that was the end of that.
Which is how Mycroft Holmes—man of international consequence, governmental shadow, and the only human on record to talk down an armed coup using nothing but a fax machine—found himself standing in the dim hallway of his childhood home, staring at the door of the bedroom he once shared with Sherlock.
The door creaked as he pushed it open.
Everything was exactly as he remembered. The same faded wallpaper. The same high shelves packed with outdated encyclopedias. The same two twin beds positioned on opposite ends of the room—one military-neat, the other always slightly askew. He’d hated that as a child. Still did.
And now?
Now you were in the askew bed.
Curled under the covers beside Sherlock, your knees drawn up, your sweater sleeves pulled over your hands as though you could shield yourself from the absurdity of the moment. Sherlock lay beside you on his back, arms folded behind his head like he didn’t have a care in the world. You both looked up when the door opened.
Mycroft’s expression was a perfect study in dignified disapproval.
“I see the sofa was deemed unacceptable,” he remarked, setting down his overnight bag with deliberate care.
“There’s a draft in the parlour,” you said quickly, sitting up straighter. “Your mother insisted—”
“I’m aware,” Mycroft cut in, removing his coat with military precision. “It’s hardly your fault. I’ve long suspected she enjoys orchestrating our discomfort.”
Sherlock smirked faintly. “She calls it family bonding.”
“Of course she does,” Mycroft muttered, hanging his coat on the back of the door.
There was a moment of silence as Mycroft crossed the room—measured, composed—and placed his suitcase on his bed with quiet finality. The click of the locks as he opened it was unnaturally loud in the cramped space.
He didn’t speak. Didn’t glance at either of you.
He simply retrieved a neatly folded set of grey pyjamas and placed them on the pillow. Then, as if this were the most ordinary thing in the world, he began to undress.
Without shame. Without hesitation.
He slipped off his cufflinks first—silver, monogrammed, each movement precise—then unbuttoned his shirt, one slow row after another, exposing a pale, lean chest. His build was exactly what you’d imagined it to be beneath those custom three-piece suits: not muscular like Sherlock, but wiry. Taut. The body of a man who carried tension like a religion. His ribs were visible, faint shadows beneath pale skin. His back—when he turned to hang the shirt carefully over the chair—was broad but not imposing, marked by sharp shoulder blades and the quiet strength of someone who stood straight out of discipline, not vanity.
You peeked. You absolutely peeked.
And then, panicked by your own betrayal, you buried your face in Sherlock’s shoulder with a muffled groan of embarrassment, your palm coming up to shield your eyes as though you were thirteen again and someone had walked in on you watching a scene you weren’t supposed to see.
Sherlock raised a brow, amused. “Oh, please. He’s built like a flamingo with anxiety. You’re not missing anything.”
“Shut up,” you hissed into his sleeve, which only made him smirk wider.
Mycroft didn’t respond. He didn’t need to.
But the corner of his mouth twitched.
He changed quickly after that, slipping into the grey pyjamas with brisk efficiency—shirt buttoned all the way up, sleeves smoothed, collar flattened with a precise tug. When he turned back, his face was blank, his eyes cool and distant—but his ears were faintly pink.
Sherlock, of course, noticed. “Blushing already?” he said dryly, shifting to lie down properly. “Do we need to put a screen between the beds?”
Mycroft ignored him. “Some of us still possess the capacity for shame.”
“Is that what that was?” Sherlock yawned. “For a moment I thought the radiator had finally warmed you.”
You bit back a laugh and looked away, willing your pulse to calm. The room had grown warmer—not from the radiator, perhaps, but from something else entirely.
You tugged the blanket a little higher. Sherlock blinked up at the ceiling, clearly unbothered. Mycroft ignored you both, moving with a practiced elegance. He pulled back the covers, eased in, and lay rigidly on his side, facing the wall.
Then, after a beat:
“I trust,” he said coolly, “that you won’t be doing anything… suspicious.”
There was a pause.
You turned bright red.
Sherlock blinked. “Suspicious?”
You buried your face in your hands.
“Dear God,” you whispered.
Sherlock turned his head slightly. “What would be suspicious?”
Mycroft didn’t turn around. “Use your imagination.”
“I’d rather not,” Sherlock said with a frown.
You made a strangled noise and threw a pillow at Mycroft’s back.
“Nothing is happening,” you said emphatically. “We don’t—that is to say, Sherlock and I—we don’t… do things when other people are present. Especially not when the other person is you, and especially not in a room where you’re… breathing.”
Mycroft, to your horror, smiled—just faintly.
His voice was maddeningly smooth. “Noted.”
You pulled the blanket over your head in defeat.
Sherlock still looked perplexed. “What sort of things?”
“Sherlock,” you hissed.
“What?” he blinked. “I’m genuinely curious now.”
“You can’t possibly be—”
“There are dozens of possible interpretations of what constitutes suspicious behaviour. Physical contact? Whispering? Trading state secrets? Coordinated blinking?”
“You’re doing this on purpose,” you muttered.
“Maybe,” he said, smiling now.
From the other side of the room, Mycroft’s voice floated out, dry and clipped.
“Enough. Some of us would like to die with a shred of dignity.”
You lifted the blanket slightly to peek over at him.
Mycroft’s back was still to you, his form outlined sharply beneath the covers, posture impeccable even in sleepwear. But you caught the smallest, most imperceptible shake of his shoulders.
He was laughing. Silently.
You narrowed your eyes, equal parts annoyed and intrigued.
Sherlock didn’t notice. He was already curling onto his side, humming under his breath like a satisfied cat.
Mycroft, ever the composed statue, simply adjusted the blankets an inch higher and said nothing else.
The room eventually fell quiet.
But long after Sherlock had drifted off, you lay awake, staring at the shadows on the ceiling, aware of every breath in the room.
Sherlock beside you.
Mycroft across from you.
And a line that had already been crossed.
Buried under snow, under family, under polite silence.
But not forgotten.
Not by you.
And certainly not by him.
When you woke, it was quiet.
Too quiet.
The house creaked faintly with old wood and winter wind, the kind of silence that wrapped around your ears like cotton. You blinked, bleary, registering the dim orange cast of the streetlamp outside filtering through the curtains. For a moment you thought perhaps you were still dreaming—until your hand stretched out instinctively and found only rumpled sheets where Sherlock should have been.
You blinked again, sitting up slightly. The other twin bed across the room still held its occupant. You could make out the shape of Mycroft—flat on his side, one arm tucked beneath the pillow, the other resting loosely on the edge of the blanket.
“Sherlock?” you called softly, not expecting a reply.
Instead, a quiet voice came from the shadows:
“He went out for a cigarette.”
You turned. Mycroft’s voice was low and unhurried, barely above a murmur, as though he hadn’t moved at all in hours. His silhouette remained still, but his eyes were open, unmistakably watching you.
The light from the streetlamp spilled just enough to cast his features in long shadows—highlighting the sharp ridge of his cheekbone, the arch of his brow, the faint blue under his eyes that you hadn’t noticed earlier.
You didn’t speak at first. Neither did he.
There was something oddly intimate in the stillness between you—both of you lying there, not quite asleep, not yet morning, your voices too soft for the walls to hear.
After a long pause, Mycroft inhaled slowly.
“I wanted to thank you,” he said, his voice deliberate, controlled. “For the book.”
You turned toward him fully now, propping yourself up on one elbow. “You’re welcome,” you whispered.
He nodded slightly but didn’t look away.
“And to apologize,” he added, his voice softer still. “I didn’t get you anything.”
You smiled faintly, the corners of your mouth barely tugging. “That’s alright.”
He didn’t reply immediately.
Then, as if seeking distraction—or deflection—you glanced around the room, your gaze catching on the walls. They were mostly bare now, but there were faint outlines, faded tacks, a single framed photo leaning behind a lamp. On the left wall, nearer to his bed, was a yellowing poster of an old British military recruitment campaign. Another corner had what looked like a faded theatre program, half-torn but preserved behind glass. It felt strangely personal. Out of place in a home otherwise frozen in time.
“These were yours, weren’t they?” you asked.
Mycroft followed your gaze without moving his head. “Yes,” he said. “My side of the room.”
You hesitated, then: “You and Sherlock… how far apart are you?”
“Seven years,” he replied without pause. “Which meant I was nearly a teenager when he was born.”
He let that hang in the air.
Then he shifted, rolling onto his back with the slow, deliberate grace of a man who never moved without intention. His hands folded across his chest, and he stared at the ceiling like it held the blueprints of every secret he’d ever kept.
“It was… peculiar,” he said. “Sharing a room with a child when one is no longer quite a child oneself. I had study schedules. Discipline. He had tantrums about dust motes.”
You bit your lip to suppress a smile. “I imagine that made dating difficult.”
He didn’t turn.
“I wouldn’t know,” he said simply.
You frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I never brought anyone here,” Mycroft replied. “There was no one to bring.”
A beat passed.
“Wait,” you said. “Never?”
Mycroft nodded once. His eyes didn’t leave the ceiling.
“I was not,” he said, with cool detachment, “what one might call a desirable adolescent. Pale. Fat. Unsociable. Terrifyingly well-spoken. I carried a briefcase to school. I was… not the boy one brought home to meet the family. Or took to dances. Or kissed under bleachers.”
You blinked at him.
He continued, voice calm and steady, with the edge of something brittle just beneath the surface.
“And unlike Sherlock, I didn’t have cheekbones to weaponize. Or charm buried under disinterest. I had ambition. Vocabulary. Discipline.” He exhaled, just a little. “And no one wants that at fifteen.”
You stared at him in the dim light.
The man lying across from you—sharp, calculating, immaculately composed even in his sleepwear—was not someone you’d ever imagined insecure. And yet there it was: a quiet confession, delivered without self-pity, like he’d long since accepted this fact as foundational, like it had become one of his many truths.
You whispered, “That’s not why people fall in love.”
He didn’t reply.
So you added, softly, “And I don’t think people don’t notice you. I think they’re just… intimidated. Or too stupid to look properly.”
That made him turn.
His gaze met yours fully now—sharp and assessing, yet with something fragile in its stillness.
“You don’t have to say that,” he said.
“I’m not saying it for you,” you replied.
Another pause. Then, very quietly, he said, “It’s different for you.”
You tilted your head. “What is?”
“People gravitate to you,” Mycroft said. “Without needing to understand why. You offer warmth. Humanity. A kind of kindness that doesn’t demand reciprocation. Even I…” He caught himself, the sentence hanging unfinished, then added quietly, “Even I am not immune to that.”
You didn’t know what to say to that.
Not yet.
So you lay there in silence for a while. Listening to the hush between breaths. To the snow outside, melting gently against the windowpane.
Mycroft had turned back toward the ceiling again, his eyes flickering across old constellations only he could see.
After several minutes, you asked, “Did you ever want that?”
“What?”
“A girlfriend.”
He didn’t answer.
Not with words, anyway. Not with breath or a sigh or even a shift in posture that might have suggested a hesitation.
Instead, Mycroft turned his back to you—elegantly, deliberately, like a man closing a file he did not wish to read aloud.
And you didn’t insist.
The question hung in the air for a moment, soft and unthreatening, but it was clear it wouldn’t be touched. You swallowed it back, pulling the thin blanket tighter around yourself. Sherlock’s absence left a hollow chill in the bed that no amount of curling up could seem to fix. You rubbed your hands together slowly, trying to coax warmth back into your fingers. The silence, once companionable, now felt heavier. Wider.
You glanced at your phone. 2:04 AM.
Still no sign of Sherlock.
Your thumb hovered over the screen, tempted to text him—Where are you?—but you didn’t. You put the phone face-down on the nightstand, rolled onto your side, and exhaled into the crook of your elbow.
And that’s when you heard it.
The soft shift of sheets. The quiet creak of the floorboard near the foot of his bed. You turned slightly, just enough to catch Mycroft’s silhouette slipping out of the room, dark and fluid against the pale doorframe.
You blinked at the space he left behind.
And before you could decide what to make of it, he returned.
Blanket in hand.
He didn’t speak as he crossed the room—just unfolded it with precise efficiency and approached your side of the bed like a man approaching something fragile. He hesitated for a moment, eyes flickering over the shape of you beneath the first blanket, then carefully—carefully—laid the second one over you like he was tucking in a child.
Or a secret.
Warmth rushed in like water through a crack in glass. You inhaled sharply, not from the heat, but from the weight of the gesture. The quiet tenderness of it. He smoothed the edge near your shoulder, his long, pale fingers brushing the fabric with clinical restraint. And then he hovered there—just a breath too long.
Close.
Closer than he had any right to be.
You tilted your face up instinctively, eyes adjusting to the dim light that outlined the sharp edge of his jaw, the subtle furrow between his brows, the pinched restraint of his lips. He was studying you. Not leering. Not looming. Just… observing. Like he was memorizing something.
And then, slowly, his eyes dropped to your mouth.
It wasn’t overt. Not a dramatic sweep. Just a flicker—subtle, but unmistakable. His gaze lingered for a beat too long on the part of you he had already once touched in secret.
But this time, he didn’t move.
He didn’t lean in. Didn’t steal another kiss. His expression tightened, ever so slightly, as though he’d caught himself mid-thought. His posture straightened, the sharp lines of his silhouette returning to form.
Still, he said nothing.
You spoke first.
“Thank you,” you whispered.
His eyes flicked back to yours. There was something unreadable in them. Not cold—never cold—but remote. Controlled.
“You looked cold,” he said softly. “It seemed… efficient.”
You smiled at that, just barely. “You’re very efficient.”
A pause.
Then, quietly, with the ghost of dry humor: “Don’t tell anyone. It might ruin my reputation.”
You let out a small breath—half laugh, half sigh. The tension softened. Slightly.
He lingered for one more moment, then took a step back.
And you caught it—the moment he realized how close he’d been. How intimate the distance had become. His fingers twitched at his side, a reflexive motion, like he wanted to smooth his coat even though he wasn’t wearing one.
“I’ll be awake a while longer,” he said, voice returning to its more formal cadence. “If you… need anything.”
You nodded.
“I know,” you whispered.
He turned away, silent again, returning to his own bed with the grace of a man practiced in withdrawal. He lay down without a sound.
But this time, he didn’t face the wall.
He faced you.
And though neither of you spoke again that night, you didn’t stop feeling his gaze.
Not even as your eyes drifted closed.
Not even when sleep, slow and reluctant, finally took you.
And long after your breathing evened out, Mycroft Holmes lay awake.
Staring at the ceiling.
Remembering the weight of the blanket.
The warmth of your breath.
And the unbearable restraint of standing that close to your lips, and doing absolutely nothing at all.
Sherlock returned to the room just after three.
Mycroft heard the creak of the floorboard by the door first—the one that always gave them away, no matter how softly they moved. His brother’s steps were unmistakable. A careless saunter. Slightly uneven. More dramatic than necessary.
Mycroft turned his back before the door had even fully opened, closing his eyes in a practiced mimicry of sleep. He knew how to slow his breathing, how to still every muscle, how to let his limbs go slack in the precise, imperfect way that real sleep required.
Sherlock was many things, but he was not observant when bored or tired. And when it came to his brother, Mycroft had always worn his masks well.
There was a faint whisper of cold air, the scent of damp wool and winter clinging to Sherlock’s coat as he entered. Mycroft didn’t move. Didn’t react. Only listened.
Then he heard your voice—sleepy, soft, lips barely parted from slumber.
“Mmm… you’re back.”
Sherlock grunted in response, then muttered, “Move over.”
You sighed, groggy but obedient, shifting beneath the covers with a rustle of blankets. “You smell like cigarettes.”
Sherlock was already halfway into the bed, coat shrugged off, body curling around the pillows like a cat marking territory. “You should get used to it,” he replied with a yawn. “I only smoke when I’m thinking.”
You groaned lightly, turning your back to him. “Then you must be bloody Einstein by now.”
Sherlock hummed in amusement. “Flatterer.”
Mycroft said nothing. Of course he didn’t. But the scent hit him too—faint but distinct. Burnt ash. Tobacco. A cheap blend Sherlock always favored when he was brooding. The acrid trace of it drifted lazily across the room as the covers shifted again.
Mycroft stared at the wall.
He remembered—months ago—over dinner at Baker Street, you’d wrinkled your nose the moment Sherlock lit a cigarette. Not dramatic. Not performative. Just an instinctive recoil, like the smell genuinely unsettled you. You didn’t say much—just waved it away, opened a window, and mumbled something about “childhood memories that didn’t need revisiting.”
You hadn’t explained further.
But Mycroft had remembered. Filed it away. Quietly ensured he never smelled of it around you.
He remembered adjusting the ventilation protocols in his government car to eliminate any second-hand scent from drivers who smoked. He remembered refusing a cigar at a diplomatic dinner in Vienna out of instinct—not for his own comfort, but because he'd seen your name on the post-operation debrief schedule that week. He remembered walking behind a man reeking of ash on the street one morning and veering sharply away, though he told himself it was coincidence.
Now, from across the room, his younger brother exhaled a lazy, nicotine-laced breath into your hair.
And you flinched.
Not enough for Sherlock to notice. Not enough for him to care, even if he had.
But Mycroft saw it.
Felt it.
And hated himself for noticing.
He closed his eyes again.
The room settled into uneasy silence. Sherlock drifted off quickly—his thoughts likely spent for the night, now tucked in beside you with the possessive sprawl of someone who knew you were his.
You curled toward the edge of the bed, your back to him, your breathing slow but restless.
And Mycroft—wide awake, still facing the wall—listened to both of you in the dark.
He counted the seconds between your exhales.
He catalogued the faint shift of your limbs when the blanket pulled too tight.
He listened to the way your fingers brushed the edge of the pillow, absently, like you were seeking something.
He imagined, for one foolish moment, that it was him.
Not Sherlock.
Just once, he allowed it: the image of your hand reaching across the space between beds, not to find your boyfriend, but to find him—Mycroft. His hand. His warmth.
The thought was unbearable.
So he did what he always did when something threatened to unravel him.
He rebuilt the wall.
With silence. With logic. With quiet control.
He focused on the facts.
You were dating Sherlock.
You loved him.
Sherlock—restless, brilliant, selfish Sherlock—loved you, in whatever capacity he was capable. That much was obvious. He brought you home. Let you stay. Let you touch things. That alone said everything.
And Mycroft?
Mycroft would remain the shadow. The presence in the periphery. The ghost in the coat closet. The man who tucked in blankets and turned away.
Because that was the role he’d always played.
The one who watched from the edges.
The one who wanted—and never allowed himself to have.
By morning, the snow had stopped. But Mycroft didn’t linger.
He was gone before breakfast, leaving behind only the faintest scent of aftershave and polished wool in the corridor, and a small envelope on the mantle addressed to Mrs. Holmes.
You never saw him leave.
But that evening, when you returned home and unzipped your overnight bag, you found something tucked between your sweater and your scarf.
A small book of poems.
French. Slim. Well-worn.
Inside the cover, a new inscription:
For the woman who sees without needing to calculate. —MH
You read it twice.
And then, quietly—tenderly—you pressed your lips to the page where his handwriting curled.
And closed the book like a secret.
