xoxo gopiss girl

I dont use this. man I wish u could change primary blog. well this is a part of my history ig lmfao. main @/loverseatstrawberries

[siderealsandman]

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

[t-stride]

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck

[siderealsandman]

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

[abadmeanmess]

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

[siderealsandman]

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

[ollies-outies]

triple-counterpoint:

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

[gothvegas]

OP is right and they should say it

[mankillercalledbunny]

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

I’m not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so

[bixgirl1]

I’m not sure which, but I’m fairly certain one of these comes from Charlie Weasley’s d&d side blog.

[whoopstoomanyeyes]

Everyone who reblogs this will get a random WTNV quote in their in box.

[itsallavengers]

Peter Parker releases a thirty minute documentary on youtube of life in the Avengers Tower and twelve minutes of it is just Tony and Steve arguing over what would win, a Thanos-sized tarantula or a tarantula-sized Thanos

[tinynebula]

#honestly i know we all write steve and tony as this bickering old couple#but consider: most of their arguments are literally over stupid shit like we saw in aou#tony: do you think fish have feelings#steve: they have like three second memories no#tony: you’re a dick. that was a three second statement did you feel hurt by it?#steve: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT FUKC YOU FIRST OF ALL AND– (via @lovelyirony)

[nemesisvariant]

Every time I see a writing prompt for an immortal I always see some smartass say “Jeff Goldblum lmao” and guess what? Make up your own character to fit the prompt. Write a short story. Write a book. Become insanely popular. Get your book made into a movie. Be the director. Hire Jeff Goldblum to play your character. Spend time with Jeff Goldblum. Try to pay him for his immortality secrets. Fail. Spend more time with Jeff Goldblum. Become friends. Become best friends. Be a better person. Wait for Jeff Goldblum to realize you’ve become a better person. Wait for Jeff Goldblum to fall in love with you. Get the secret of immortality from Jeff Goldblum. Live forever with Jeff Goldblum. Escape Earth with Jeff Goldblum. Live amongst the stars with Jeff Goldblum. Adopt space cats. Don’t just write “Jeff Goldblum lmao”. Live the Jeff Goldblum experience, you coward.

[smalltonystark]

justin hammer: doesnt give his AIs or robots names, is rude to siri and alexa, will definetely die at the hands of his creations

tony stark, an intellectual: “this is deidre and she’s my favorite roomba but you cant tell the other 299 roombas i said that because their self-esteem is so fragile already”

[turdmanofanarchy]

Death: Knock knock knock

Death: Want some cheese

[turmoil-ash]

*immigrant song plays while thor beats the absolute shit outta bad guys with his new sick ass hammer in Avengers 4*

steve: where is that song even coming from?

thor: i have no idea. this has been going on for days

[turdmanofanarchy]

Goodness

My goal is to one day be as happy as my neighbour Dave who found a duck nest full of ducklings on his windowsill and set up a 24 hour live stream of them just ducklinging around (which he showed everyone in sight). He became obsessed. He stopped being invited to parties because all he'd talk about was his ducks. He's like 40 but when they were in his life, he reached true full happiness potential

[englishable]

Old English just has some wonderful words and kennings. I mean, really:

Their word for sea? It was often swan-rad or “road of the swan.” Spider was gangelwaefre, literally “the walking weaver.” They had the simple and now-obsolete word uht, which describes that time just before sunrise when mist still hangs heavy over all the fields and lakes and the last few stars are still out.

…Also, they didn’t say body. They said ban-cofan, which means “bone-cave,” and if you don’t think that’s some hardcore shit right there then you need to get out of my face before I turn your skull into a mead-cup.

[jasper-rolls]

every time i fuck up plugging in the USB to charge my iphone and scratch it against the underside of the phone i think about that scene at the start of sherlock where sherlock assumes that john watson’s sister is an alcoholic because of the scratches around the charging port of the iphone she gave to him as a gift and i think to myself “man sherlock is a fucking idiot”

[tanoraqui]

#god if I could meet Sherlock holmes I would have a field day preparing my Look to throw him off #watch me wear an engagement ring for a week before hand and take it off and wear one of my mom’s blouses that has the shoulder all crunched #from years of violin playing and a pair of brand new matching socks and carry a brand new copy of a book i’ve read 20 times #and spill some coffee on my shoes and cuddle my neighbor’s cats so i have different cat fur on me #my dream is to throw off a sherlock holmes type with pure petty bs

[gay-jesus-probably]

Actually the thing about scratches around charger port=alcoholic was a reference to the original stories, where the phone was obviously instead a pocket watch, and the charger port was the spring wind, which was harder to fuck up than plugging in a phone. The whole sherlock scan thing worked well in the victorian era, because social roles were just that rigid - the slightest deviation from the norm said everything.

That obviously doesn’t fucking work now, and the only reason that was a thing in Sherlock is because Moffat is a pretentious asshole who thinks that a show being well written, sensible, and having a coherent plot structure is all for lesser writers, and the only thing he needs is to seem as clever as possible. Which admittedly, does work out for him for a few years, until the plot holes build up too much, and fans start to get pissed off about nothing ever being resolved but instead being thrown away for the new bigger mystery it led to, which then gets thrown away for the new bigger mystery that led to. Remember Doctor Who, how at the start of Moffat’s time as showrunner, he opened series 5 with ‘what caused the crack in Amy’s wall’? He never fucking answered that. He got distracted and wandered off into different plot threads that also never got resolved. He’s a very good writer when given a single episode to work with! His first episode on Doctor Who, he was just a guest writer, and he did the first Weeping Angels episode, and it was really good, because he only had that hour to tell the story. There was no follow up episode, no next season, just this amount of time, start a story, wrap it up satisfyingly, the end. He should NEVER have been put in charge of a show, because he’s the sort of writer that really needs something to reign him in and keep him on track, to remind him ‘hey you didn’t finish that plot, wrap it up before switching tracks’.

So it looks like he’s building this giant complex mystery, and keeps promising a satisfying answer to EVERYTHING once it’s over, but it’s never over because he doesn’t know how to let shit go - there’s always got to be another twist. The Weeping Angels can’t just zap you back in time and call it a day, they need to be made an EVEN BIGGER THREAT, they gotta be able to possess you! And steal the voices of dead people! and move while you’re looking! and be the statue of liberty! and instead of leaving you alone after the time warp, they hold you prisoner for the rest of your life now! No need to explain how or why, just escalate! And of course, Sherlock can’t just fake his death, take down moriarty’s organization, and then return to solving weird crimes, nope, there has to be a bigger threat than goddamn moriarty! he needs to have a secret evil sister! and secret dead childhood friend whose represented as a dog in his memories! and maybe moriarty isnt really dead - no wait, he is - no wait, he ISN’T - no wait, he is - OR IS HE? and john can’t just get married to a nice girl he loves, NOPE, gotta be more drama, she’s secretly an assassin and on the run from the government.

Moffat just keeps building and building and building, but eventually his stories start to collapse under their own weight because he’ll never let there be an end - he just can’t let go. And eventually fans will start to get bored and annoyed with the twists, and the show that used to make them feel smart will now just make them feel irritated. And they know there will never be a conclusion to the story, so they lose interest in the characters, because there’s no struggle - its never going to wrap up, so who cares? So they stop watching, and moffat starts dropping in viewers and ratings, and tries more desperate twists to bring people back, driving away the ones still holding on… lather rinse repeat until the network finally pulls the plug and makes him walk away.

basically the sherlock scan thing made sense in the original context, in a modern setting it’s just bad writing fam

[keepingaholdofthis]

I don’t even watch Sherlock but this was wonderful to read

[s-stark]

Someone explained very well how I feel about Stephen Moffat. I’m still pissed years later that he ruined the weeping angels for me by showing them move.

[animalrates]

Here is a tiger just going about life until this human gives it the fright of its life. Still cute af. Dream job to be honest. 17/10 would be such an honor to pet

more animals rated here

[tk-tako]

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SCARE A TIGER BRAH

[solarbird]

no no no no no look at those ears, tiger totally knows he’s there

tiger thinks the bipeds are terrible, terrible tigers and don’t know how to tiger worth a damn so when one actually pays tiger cub ambush game tiger is so happy

look at that happy tiger

look at it

YES YOU TERRIBLE TIGER YOU ARE FINALLY LEARNING HOORAY :D

[fluffmugger]

#i love that all cats seem to just categorize humans as awful ugly children who need to be taught to cat

[hail-to-the-tsar-deactivated201]

@wolfintheroses

[systlin]

“YES STRANGE BIPEDAL TIGER YOU GOT ME I AM KILLED DEAD GOOD JOB.” 

Seriously that tiger flopped over with more drama than you would find in a middle school play death scene I love it. 

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Anyone else reminded of this?

[bundibird]

Hey, anyone know someone in Melbourne (Australia) who would be willing to adopt an 11yo cat?

His name is Simon, and he’s being bullied badly by the two younger cats in his current rescue home, so needs to be moved on. If they can’t find anyone to take him, he will be put down. He’s 11 years old, desexed, and super social and friendly.

Date of posting is 7 August 2018. Not sure when the cut off time is with regards to euthanasia, but the rescue home is starting to talk about it. I’ve checked with all friends/co-workers/etc, and not had any luck. Hopefully I get more luck here????

[bundibird]

Can i get some reblogs on this, please? I would really like to find a home for this guy, and it’s time sensitive.

[hawkquy]

what are tony antis gonna do when he wields the infinity stones and saves the universe

[starkravinghazelnuts-deactivate]

A while back I created a mock list of things antis will say when Tony uses the gauntlet: 

But Tony Stark is a war profiteer!!!!!!!!!! (Nothing more said; literally that’s it.)

Okay, but why didn’t he do MORE? He had the inFINITY gAuNtLeT. He could’ve ended poverty and war and world hunger and inequality, buT NOOOooooOOO his white-collar privileged white male ass only SAVED HALF THE UNIVERSE. What a self-absorbed dOucHEbaG.

AVENGERS 4 SHOULD’VE BEEN TITLED IRON MAN 5000. Tonky Stank ruins everything god literally no one likes him and he’s always shoved down our throats ugh (no further explanation provided)

T*ny embodied the WORST traits of TOXIc MASCULINITY by wielding so much POWER. Who does he think he is???? Now let’s go back and talk about Tony from the first 20 minutes of Iron Man for the rest of this editorial while ignoring his character development over the past decade…

Tonky Stork is such a MISOGYNIST. He should’ve let [insert female character name here] wield the gauntlet!!!11

But Thanos labored so hard to kill half the universe and Toyota carelessly and cruelly undid it all! He didn’t even care Thanos killed his own daughter to save us. The cold, unfeeling VILLIAN!11! POOR THANOS. Thanos was our SAVIOR and is the TRUE HERO. Fuck Tuna Stanky. He doomed us to a resource crisis!

I know I’m right. But it’s okay because we can all laugh at them together.

[rescueironman-deactivated201909]

You left out the following highlights:

“Tonky Stank only got so much importance because gross Rdj bullied his way into this film and blackmailed the Russos!”

“Tuna Stork was so gross for cracking a joke at Thanos, who’s clearly a victim and suffering from ptsd because his planet died!!11”

“Toby is homophobic because he didn’t save Steve just so that he could get back at poor Bucky for civil war!”

[hotboyproblems]

all of these have the same energy

[paper-mario-wiki]

nobody likes the “bad boys” who insult and degrade their partners while wearing pastel polos with popped collars, people like REAL bad boys who wear leather jackets and take a lot of care in how they shape their pompadour and carry around stiletto switchblades and care about their communities and ride a motorcycle and rebel against the government and says stuff like “NOBODY insults my gal” and gets in fistfights with dudes who catcall their girlfriends. THOSE bad boys are the guys everyone wants.

[raudrfox-remaking-deactivated20]

Detroit: Androids face oppression! No one likes them! They are dehumanized! 

Actual literal real people I know: This is my roomba. His name is Gilbert and sometimes I drop cheetos on the floor just so he has something to snac on.

[raudrfox-remaking-deactivated20]

Whenever I play this game all I can think about is that story where someone coddled their roomba during a thunderstorm because “it was scared”

[lunaatmidnight]

Okay but how many of y’all have made fun of Siri or Alexa especially when they are giving directions

[raudrfox-remaking-deactivated20]

Ive made fun of my own flesh mother when she gives me directions robots aint special

[nerdy-toast]

Flesh mother

[steveplustony]

tony stark uses nicknames as an emotional barrier due to decades of being villainized by both the media and his friends, despite his heroic and self-sacrificial choices. in this essay i will