My Sandwich Might Be Chicken But I Am Not

Courtney. Bi. College of nepotism graduate, now I work in broadcasting! Canadian. Cowgirl. instagram = spider.gif snapchap = courarast

[nikkalick]

The second I saw these funky lil dudes I felt my brain get a rush of serotonin

[capnsaltsquid]

What do I do when I have a whole month of insomnia, and medicine isn’t helping?

THIS.

[oh-no-politics]

OP ARE YOU FUCKING OK

[yiffmaster]

this is about The Grinch

[dingdongyouarewrong]

chuck tingle, two time hugo award nominee and author of such erotica classics as ‘space raptor butt invasion’, ‘i’m gay for my living billionaire jet plane’, ‘bigfoot pirates haunt my balls’, and ‘there’s a bitcoin in my butt and he’s handsome’ just published a short story about the importance of consent and how it’s okay to have a loving relationship without sex if you want to??? 

that’s lovely on its own but it’s also called ‘not pounded in the butt by anything and that’s okay’, which is my favourite book title ever

[stormsbreadth]

just to be clear though, the person who is not doing the pounding is in fact a muscular dinosaur. Which only makes it better imo.

[dingdongyouarewrong]

it wouldn’t be a chuck tingle masterpiece without a muscular dinosaur, tbh

[theocseason4]

Peak youtube humour is non beauty gurus holding literally anything other than makeup related items in front of the camera the exact same way beauty gurus do. That makes me laugh for 15 minutes straight every single time

[theocseason4]

This is literally the funniest thing

[forestofdenial-deactivated20190]

[skarchomp]

my philosophy is “nothing an individual can do could possibly be worse for the environment than major corporations dumping tons of pollutants into the atmosphere every day but also don’t just toss shit on the ground you idiot have some manners” 

[byjove]

my ex’s 13 year old sister invited me to thanksgiving dinner and y’all better bet I’m going

[byjove]

my dad: there is no way in hell you are going

me: if you think anything you say is going to keep me from my ex’s aunt’s apple pie you are severely mistaken

[byjove]

THE PLOT THICKENS

my ex isn’t even going to be there!!!! deadass they replaced him with me

[despazito]

poodles are usually anthropomorphized to be froufrou ladies but i always see them as a miscellaneously european man from the 1970s

[despazito]

they will give you directions to the best discotheque you’ve ever seen

[atreides-paul-deactivated202301]

BEST. VIDEO. EVER.

[ellaimagines]

I love this so much

[darlingsterns]

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

[darlingsterns]

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

[vanillivilovesreus]

The documentary is called Miami Sting: The Art of the Heist and it’s here on YouTube! It’s about two stolen Rubens sketches, the first part of the documentary (about an hour long) is about the theft in the 80′s and the first sketch that turned up in Stockholm.

I also feel like it’s important to know that the FBI was getting itchy and wanted to do the whole thing asap, on a Saturday and his reaction was like “You know, I’ve got two small children and I don’t think my wife would appreciate it much if I left her alone with them over the weekend, can we do this Monday?”

Really, the dude is a hoot. “I was terribly excited. I thought it sounded like the greatest adventure of my life.”

[notcaycepollard]

I love Charles Scribner with my whole heart

[gelana78]

I know what I’m gonna watch tonight.

[sunflorally]

may the last two months of 2018 be filled with pleasant plot twists, spontaneous fun, and good vibes.

[pleasequietdown]

No Noise November. everyone shut up

[endangered-justice-seeker]

Typical rainy day in Venice

[dreams85andmore]

For a second I thought this was a themed restaurant

[anonymoustypewriter]

Humans will literally adapt to anything

[mayanangel]

THE GREATEST SAGA OF OUR TIME

[severeni]

Loose my shit every time jzkalcnslfl

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I really thought the peak was Just Dance playing and then in the hotel room it was the Fairky Odd Parents theme

[gameofthronesdaily]

Margaery was different, though. Sweet and gentle, yet there was a little of her grandmother in her, too.

[whitepeopletwitter]