like a sledgehammer to a disco ball

brian | he/him | 24 | i don't post or rb donations

[contourkit-deactivated20160224]

What if everything gets better in 2016

[cheese-sample-official]

[universeleads]

Wait I can't believe I haven't talked about my holiday bits on here before. So I work in grocery and I always work holidays and big events that mean we get a ton of tourists in our town and a ton of customers non stop all day. When you work retail on holidays you end up having the same conversations over and over again, so this year I made it a point to choose a bit or a lie for each holiday to keep up for my entire shift that serves solely to mess with customers without them realizing what I'm doing, and ensure I have fun and make myself laugh. Here are the 2026 holiday bits so far:

Memorial day: I pretended I didn't know what it was, and I wanted to see how many customers would correct me if I kept referring to it as "America's birthday". Some people wanted to kill me with hammers for this I wont lie

Easter: I pretended to be catholic and would tell people at the register while making small talk that I gave up lying for lent and couldn't lie again until the new year because it's something I've been meaning to work on (not how lent works) (not catholic) (actively lying about lying)

Valentine's day: I invented a fake boyfriend at the beginning of my shift and wanted to see how developed of a character I could create by the time my shift ended with the rule that I could only add to his lore by telling customers things about him out loud (I have a boyfriend named Jake who surfs and is a photography major at UC Santa Barbara who I was going to celebrate Valentine's day with the following weekend because he's on a camping trip in Big Sur with his surf buddies and I also managed to sneak in that hes lived in 2 houses that burned down and that's where his passion for photography comes from, he wants to preserve his memories)

New years: I decided to tell every customer a different new years resolution but I could only make them up on the spot and couldn't say the same thing twice

Superbowl Sunday: every time someone asked me what team I was rooting for, I would confidently and excitedly say any team I could think of except for the two in the actual Superbowl and whenever someone told me that they weren't in the Superbowl I would look super crushed and disappointed

[door]

this is great. slowly we will build a house

[sketchywiring]

Thats crazy dude mind if i join you

[capacity]

Fan fic writers act like they’re a marginalized class and not tumblr search result terrorists

[padabana]

The Queen's Skill Surf Cannot Be Stopped.

[semusepsu]

One of my favorite things about Put Baby In Pelican Mouth is that not only does the pelican have the intelligence necessary to speak human language but also knows how to lie, suggesting it has a theory of mind, yet not enough to understand that no one is going to put baby in pelican mouth.

[gallusrostromegalus]

To be entirely fair to the pelican, I have seen humans do much, much dumber things with their infants. The park rangers in Louisiana ha e to regularly tell people to not put their babies on the ground next to the gators for a pic.

In fact, it could be argued that the peculiar grammar used by the pelican in the Put Baby In Pelican Mouth post is deliberate, like how phishers use major grammar errors in their messages so that people too smart for the scam (or smart enough to report them) ignore the emails and the scammer can focus on the most likely marks.

Regardless, the pelican is right: there is absolutely someone dumb enough to put a baby in its mouth because it asked politely. Probably dozens on that beach alone.

[kyraneko]

Put baby in pelican mouth for Instagram photo. Facebook photo of baby in pelican mouth for many likes and also happy asleep baby. So cute baby in pelican mouth for video on TikTok. Youtube short of baby so cute in soft pelican mouth for so many views to Youtube channel. Baby in pelican mouth challenge.

[baked-fish]

I hate to say "some of you don't go outside," but fucking Christ, dude

[hunbunqueen]

Ouuhh I see the water it’s right there on the post,, I’m so thirsty ouyghhhhhw just one sip for me ooouuuuuu

[baked-fish]

Girl, what are you talking about? Are you feeling alright?

[beneaththegildedmoon]

Btw the heat *is* why we see water that's not really there, but mirages aren't exactly hallucinations so much as optical illusions:

It's just the changing density of the air refracting light weirdly, so it looks like there's a reflection of the sky on the ground, which our brains often interpret as a pool of water. It can also happen upwards instead of downwards, especially at sea, when the air is much colder near the surface and a warm front appears above it:

Which, btw, is one possible explanation for ghost ship sightings, so that's fun :)

[rainbowgod666]

Yeap. That's how the Effetto Fata Morgana gappens

[ausefulblogforputtingthingsin]

If you drive on a straight road in the summer you can see mirages pretty easily.

Here's Fata Morgana

[aromanticduck]

Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

[helenvaughans]

imo this website is so weird at least partially bc at least half the user base basically sees everything as a joke and takes nothing seriously and then the other half is deadly serious about everything and has no sense of humor whatsoever

[horrorlesbians]

after you read the poem “the woman dies” a lot of media makes you mad

[horrorlesbians]

Excerpts from The Woman Dies by Aoko Matsuda

[anxeious]

[bill-cipher-offical]

🍿

[aoechaos]

Did you have pride during the fun month

[equinoxette]

happy december!

(background thanks to my brother @ psionick_ on twitter)

[nflstreet]

I know this image has been used to make fun of several fanbases, but this was literally the western dangan ronpa fanbase in 2012 when all they had was a fucking something awful thread

[nflstreet]

By time 2013 rolled around I was able to play dangan ronpa fantranslated on a psp emulator, but before that dangan ronpa fans were like that when the only way they could ‘play’ the game was like this

[jewfrogs]

recently saw this screenshot in the wild and lost my mind because i knew it wasnt supposed to say girl. its ladykins. its get off the cross ladykins. i know this because ladykins is not something my brain could make up and i remember ladykins. and i was sincerely wondering if someone put in the work to censor ladykins for some inscrutable purposes but then i looked it up and

turns out that actually rupaul made the same tweet twice with 1 word changed 8 months apart. he meditated on this for 8 months and 5 days and the word ladykins came to him. i initially thought he copy pasted the first tweet but i dont think thats true anymore i dont think he was operating with any memory of the first tweet i think these words were always in him and will always be. second tweet did way worse by the way. the people did not respond to ladykins

[houndmother]

society if “nonsexual nudity” extended to trans women

[houndmother]

society if this button actually did anything

[ecstasydemon]

under Sternradio by And One