Words are like knives.

Just an aspiring writer trying to leave her impact on the world. Positivity is key. Be kind, be grateful & never let the cold in the world leave you bitter.

[twistedsunflower]

Letting go

There’s a strange pain in letting go. It isn’t familiar . It’s being confused, it’s feeling lost, it’s feeling torn. It’s a pain that cannot be defined. It’s wondering whether or not you’ll go back when they show back up. It’s feeling the heat in your chest when you remember the time you laughed until you cried at 4am because she said the blanket you had looked like Doritos. It’ll feel like losing yourself because after all they were apart of you. It will feel like you spent 4 years with someone you love so much just for it to end with pain. It isn’t beautiful, it’s honest. For me it has been drinking every single night to put off the pain I have to face. It’s acceptance to the fact that some things just don’t last & no matter how badly we want them to, people move on & you can’t make them come back. It’s learning how to heal. How to open your heart back up because you don’t have to be afraid. It’s allowing yourself to be cautious but not so cautious that you jump at the thought of someone possibly loving you . Its putting yourself first & learning how to heal. It’s spending countless nights wondering where exactly you went wrong & even though you both hurt eachother, why you aren’t enough anymore. It’s telling people you’re fine, because well, you will be fine. It’s screaming into the night begging god to tell you why. Its laying in bed numb, thoughtless, because all you can do is stare blankly at the wall. Its loving the one who hurt you, unconditionally because it’s who you are & who they showed you, you could be. Its accepting that neither of you are who you once were & maybe you no longer fit together. It’s forgiving them, but not forgetting them. It’s smiling because you know you have to if you want to get through it. It’s being grateful for the time you had even though it’s over now. It’s allowing them to move on in life & find their own happiness. Loving isn’t all sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes it ends with sharp nails & darkness. It’s okay to lay down, let yourself feel the ache & crying it out. It’s okay to want life to stand still. As long as you remember at the end of this you have to get back up & keep moving. Because that’s life, it is beautiful, painful, amazing & sometimes a pain in the ass. But that’s just how it goes. You’re human, you’re allowed to feel. And that’s the raw, ugly truth. 🖤😞

[twistedsunflower]

Radiate Positivity

- The sun shines through my blinds, it’s morning time. I roll over & smile, feels like it’s been quite awhile. I go outside & let the sun kiss my skin, because life begins, even after last nights sins. There is a beating heart in my chest where I used to be empty. I traded a scream for a laugh, it was just that easy. As I reminisce on my past, I think what is better than today? My happiness, it radiates, like rays from the sky. I can’t help but wonder, why did I cry? Life is a beauty, with a new beginning every day. Reminding me if I don’t get it, just try a brighter day. So in the darkest times I’ll remember to shine, because my light could help guide another lost mind. Happiness is a choice, so today I choose to smile back at strangers, and you should too.

[twistedsunflower]

An open letter to the next person who loves her...

- She’s gonna seem tough. She’s rough around the edges with a soft inside like butter. She’s gonna love fast , & she’s gonna love hard.. After being with her for 4 years I thought I could give you some advice.. She has awful grammar sometimes, but don’t correct her, it hurts her feelings. Compliment her, tell her she’s beautiful as often as possible because she’s insecure... She’s gonna get jealous, but it’s only because she doesn’t see how worthy she is. She loves to get out of the house, she loves being on the water. Go with her. Don’t stay home, because she’ll go without you but she would much rather you be there. Her family is crazy, but they love as hard as she does & you’ll be so comfortable with them. Give her your affection, she loves cuddles. Don’t make her ask for your attention. She doesn’t always listen, which believe me I know can be frustrating, but she does care what you’re saying. She just gets distracted. She loves breakfast dates, Sundays in particular. She LOVES Pepsi, and she hates every green food that exists. She’s gonna spoil you, don’t take her for granted. Don’t make the mistakes I made by looking for attention outside of the relationship, because she will forgive you & you’ll see a piece of her break. She has all the love & attention you’ll ever need. She falls asleep quickly so always make sure she knows you love her before she passes out. She’s a sucker for the little things, so get her a pumpkin spice frappacino when it’s that time of the year & surprise her. She loves notes, so leave them sprinkled everywhere. Make her laugh, the harder she laughs the better it is. It’ll light up the entire room & it’s so contagious. She eats eggs & rice so often the smell is gonna make you sick but it’s her go to meal. She won’t tell you but she low key loves booty rubs. She is hilarious so she’s gonna keep you laughing. She is the brightest light so make sure you don’t block her with your shade.. There’s so much more I could say about her, advice I could give.... But the most important thing is, do NOT let her get away like I did. Hold on to her tight because I promise she’s worth it & you’ll regret it deeply if she slips through your fingers. She’s a keeper, she is one of a kind, she is everything.. Love Always, Her Person.

[twistedsunflower]

Hurricane

- The wind is howling, making the noise in my head seem ever so quiet. The rain is beating down, drowning my thoughts so gracefully. Trees are cracking to represent my broken soul. I started as a storm but depression kept feeding me warmth, something too familiar. It gave me power, yet I feel so weak. I’m calm but I destroy things once I’m around you. Until you’ve made it to my core, you’ll be fighting, hiding where there are no windows. Just when you think you’ve made it to my calm, the eye of the storm, the second wall comes through & sweeps it all away. You’ll think I will have a destruction pattern, but I am unpredictable. I may sweep through, here then gone... Or I may stick around to destroy all you’ve ever known. I am a force to be reckoned with.. I guess that’s why they say, I am the perfect hurricane.

[twistedsunflower]

I haven’t slept in 3 days. I’m so deprived of sleep I cannot tell anymore if I haven’t been sleeping because of the loss of you or if my insomnia is back, nothing new..

[twistedsunflower]

Her

How can you worship on the ground she walks, when you spit on every spot I ever stood.

[twistedsunflower]

If love was a battlefield, I’d be losing the war.

[twistedsunflower]

Invisible wound

- You could’ve stabbed me nearly to death & I still would’ve apologize to you for whatever I did to make you so angry.

[twistedsunflower]

Thank you for breaking my spirit, for ripping my heart out of my chest & constantly stomping on it time after time . Without the pain, I would’ve never found the one who loves me with gentle honesty. You led me to positivity .

[twistedsunflower]

Just because you’re over it, doesn’t mean it can’t still hurt .

[twistedsunflower]

- You took my life, but left me breathing.

[twistedsunflower]

With anxiety, how could I possibly fight my way out of darkness with the help of someone who creates chaos in my mind? Depression set in and I forgot who I am and the happiness I fought for. I am conflicted so I inflict pain on myself from the inside. You’re worthless and I hate who you are. I want to feel the joy everyone craves yet I fight to ignore it when it’s waving it’s smile in my face like someone familiar I’ve known before. I run, I leave no trace of who I could’ve been with a happy face.

[twistedsunflower]

I fought too hard for this life for one mistake to take it away from me.

[books-n-quotes]

You have to find the right distance between people. Too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you.

Hanif Kureishi, Intimacy (via books-n-quotes)

[twistedsunflower]

You never know how far you’ll get, if you refuse to take the first step..

[twistedsunflower]

I tried to fit a square into a triangle slot. You told me all I needed to do was cut the edges up a little bit to make it fit. So I snipped and I cut and I tore it up. Each time perfecting it, trying to create the perfect shape to fit in the slot. You got louder with every cut, “Be careful”  “You missed a corner” “STOP YOU’RE CUTTING TOO MUCH!” I tried to fix it but by the time I was done, the shape I had made, was not the one. You were so angry with me, you said you were done.. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t the problem. Some shapes just don’t fit. I tried so hard, but it turned to shit. Now that I found my someone, my square, always fits..

[twistedsunflower]

I compared myself to a kite.

One minute I’d be going with the flow, blowing where the wind took me.

The next I was caught it a tornado, falling straight to the ground.

I compared myself to the kite, until I turned into the tornado.