synopsis - despite everything you two have been through, all good things must come to an end right?
-> beomgyu x reader
-> listen to colors by halsey for an experience 🤍
-> friends to potential lovers to acquintances, highschool au
-> warnings! beomgyu pushes reader away, angst, talks on mental illness and eating disorders, yn becomes an insomniac, beomgyu's a year older than you
-> notes! i've gotten back into jjk for the 7th time, and i saw like 3 edits abt stsg to the song colors, so i just wanted to LET IT OUT. GEGE AKUTAMI WATCH OUT
love is the most twisted curse of them all
tired eyes scanning through the folder of memories on your phone, your head dipping into the fluffy cushions underneath you. you didn't want to go through it again, but you couldn't stop your fingers from moving. your eyes watered, tears dripping from the corner. this was at least your 50th time rereading past messages, past folders, and old voicemails you had with choi beomgyu
choi beomgyu, the man that he was. talented, charming, and pretty. he was constantly bombarded with the squeels from your schoolmates along the hallways. however, he would always stick to you like glue, to him, you were everything he wanted. what a trope, maybe opposites do attract.
he was the light to your darkness, even if he stuck onto you like a emotionally attached puppy, you appreciated his presence. as much as you wanted to ignore his pestering, you enjoyed it, too much, to the point where your heart starts beating rapidly whenever he's around.
"ynn, let's go to the arcade after school. you don't have anything after right? let's go." the way he drags his words to persuade you into doing something he wants to do with you, and how your name rolling off his tongue perfectly, has an effect on you. his arms leaned on your desk, giving you puppy dog eyes.
"beomgyu, we have a test next week, i can't just waste my time playing games with you." you closed your textbook, placing your pen back into your pencilcase, making eye contact with beomgyu.
"come onn, you've been studying so much this entire week, you've barely hung out with me." beomgyu whined, using the tip of his shoes to kick your shins.
"beomgyu. this test is important for my final grade." you firmly stated your point, hoping that it'll get through beomgyu's thick skull. you sigh when beomgyu continues to look at you with the same puppy eyes, your words going deaf to his ears.
"fine.." you muttered out, you could have sworn that you saw beomgyu's eyes sparkle when you said that. he jumped out of the random chair he stole from the person who sat infront of you.
"i'll wait for you outside your class! see you!" beomgyu beamed, messing your hair before skipping out of the class like a lunatic. you watched as he left your class, smiling to yourself.
"are you giggling over choi beomgyu like everyone else?" your tablemate, natty, commented. knowing the teasing glint she had in her eyes, you glared at her.
"shut up."
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
"i'm graduating in a month, will you miss me?" beomgyu smirked, biting on the straw of his drink. you took small bites out of the bread beomgyu got for you, giving him a disgusted glare.
"what's with that look." beomgyu gasped, swinging his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. the side of your body was completely squished against him, you could feel your heart about to jump out of your throat. he was too close, too close for your liking.
"i'm going to miss my favourite junior ever, you know that right? you're my favourite junior, no one can ever compare to you." beomgyu reminded you, your lips pursed into a line, pushing his body away from yours.
"don't you have other juniors to care about? why me?" you asked, your eyes not leaving his own round ones.
"isn't it obvious.." he mumbled, not loud enough for you to hear.
"huh? speak up."
"it's nothing! come on hurry, i have a new song to play for you on the guitar." beomgyu grabbed your hand, running towards the direction of his house. you screeched as he pulled you at a speed you were not ready for. you felt like you were running a track competition at this point, just how much stamina does choi beomgyu have?
your head was dizzy, you haven't ran in such a long time at a distance you don't even want to remember. the click of beomgyu's door caused your head to look up from your phone.
"sorry for making you run, i was just excited." beomgyu apologised, placing a plate of fruits and a cup of water on the floor, finding himself on the floor beside you.
"it's fine." you shook your head, poking the fruits on the plate, not having an appetite for them. beomgyu noticed your odd behaviour throughout your entire conversation with him, from the way you just took small bites of the fruits and taking huge gulps of water.
"have you been eating these days?" the sudden question had you panicking, is he always this observant? your eyes darted around his room.
"i ate the bread earlier, doesn't that answer your question?" you replied non-chalantly.
"i meant like proper meals, when was the last time you have eaten an actual meal?" his face has gotten serious, you thought to yourself, your nails dug into the flesh of your thigh, trying to think of a plausible answer.
"i can read you like a book yn, you can't lie to me." beomgyu sighs, his hands reaching out for yours, pulling them away from your thighs.
"i know i'm always not serious around you, but this has to stop soon okay? don't starve yourself, it's unhealthy, and i'm worried for you okay?" beomgyu carressed the knuckles of your fingers. slowly, you calmed yourself down from the unsettling thoughts that were eating you alive, smiling at beomgyu,
"i'm sorry, i'll stop. i don't like seeing you all worried because of me."
beomgyu's lipped tugged up into a smile, standing up, "i'll make something for you to eat, wait here."
from that day on, you knew you could rely on beomgyu with whatever problems you had. he's your best friend either way, opening up to him was easy. he was your solution to everything.
that was until a week before beomgyu's graduation, you've noticed that his radiant aura was turning dull, his eyes slowly getting more tired by the time. despite that, he has been wearing a fake smile around his batchmates, smiling whenever he was with them, returning the same energy they were giving him. your eyes squinted at his odd behaviour, you too, could read him like a book.
"you're not actually that optimistic right?" you stated, trailing behind beomgyu. beomgyu paused in his tracks, turning to face you.
"what are you talking about yn?"
"you know what i'm talking about. if you need it, i'm here to help you." you inched closer to beomgyu.
"please, if you're hurting let me help you too. let me return that favour. isn't that what friends are for?" you gagged at your words, friends? of course. you two were just friends, nothing more.
"aren't you cute? don't worry about it yn, i'll tell you everything soon." beomgyu patted your cheeks, waving a quick goodbye to you before disappearing into his classroom. you stared at the empty spot infront of you, why isn't he telling you anything after everything? didn't he tell you that he trusted you with all his life, if not, why isn't he opening up to you?
you bit your lips, trying to suppress the tears that were about to flow out. you groaned, walking back to your class as if nothing happened, but your mind was overthinking, again.
what you failed to notice was that beomgyu was watching you from the window of his class, his heart ached seeing your pained expression. he then felt a tug on his sleeve.
"when are you going to tell her?" seungmin whispered, his eyes watching beomgyu's actions carefully.
"soon enough."
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
it was finally the day every senior had been dreading or anticipating. you stayed back after school to watch the ceremony, in hopes of seeing your seniors for one last time before they leave, including choi beomgyu.
you felt so proud for him, he's finally done with this hell, and now he can follow his dreams. however, you couldn't escape the feeling of emptiness, without him, what were you? ever since he started distancing himself from you, you felt horrible, you felt like shit.
before you knew it, the ceremony was over, the crowd screamed in joy, running to find their best friends in the crowd. you did the same, dashing to where beomgyu might be at. you hated running, but in order to talk to him in school one last time, you ran as fast as you could.
finally, you found him, your eyes watched as he took multiple pictures with the girls from his batch and yours. your face fell as you realise that the crowd practically engulfed him, you probably wouldn't have enough time to have a decent conversation with him.
however, your eyes met his, your body tensed up, he looked exhausted, yet he was still able to flash you a cute smile that you reciprocated. he signalled you to go towards him, telling the crowd that he needed to leave soon, and that was when you walked towards him.
"congrats on graduating." you hugged him, feeling his body slowly soften under your touch.
"lovebirds, wanna take a picture together?" seungmin shouted, his hand stretched out, asking for your phones. both you and beomgyu handed him your phones. seungmin smirked, snapping numerous shots for the two of you.
when he returned your phones, he whispered something in beomgyu's ear, causing him to blush and yell at him to shut up.
"don't mind him. come with me, i have something to tell you." beomgyu shoved his phone back into his pocket, dragging to towards a familiar direction.
the walk was comforting, you talked about everything that came to mind. beomgyu stared as you rambled, watching you as if you hung the stars in the sky, you were stunning.
"sorry, was i saying too much?" you mumbled, sitting beside beomgyu on a bench at the park where you first met. beomgyu shook his head.
"i like hearing you talk don't worry." reassuring you.
"what did you want to tell me anyways?"
"before that, take this, i want you to cherish this forever, as if your life depends on it okay?" beomgyu pulled out a ring, placing it on your pinky. your heart raced, the butterflies in your stomach turned into a whole zoo, your face felt warm.
"what for..?"
"i'm leaving daegu to pursue my dreams, i may not be able to see any of you again, so i just want you to have this as a reminder of me." beomgyu suddenly announced. your eyes widened, a lump formed in your throat, leaving your mouth dry.
"what are you saying? can't you at least keep in contact with me? that's stupid, you can't just cut everyone out of your life like that." you argued, biting back the tears that were watering your eyes.
"you're making this harder for me." beomgyu laughed, "you'll distract me from achieving what i want, my priority isn't you."
you were smacked with the hard truth, beomgyu was more determined to pursue his lifelong dream, and in order to do this, he has to let go of one of his dreams, and that dream was to be with you forever. your goals were completely different, you would only hinder his progress towards success. your eyes stung with tears, it hurts.
"gyu, you can't do this, maybe we can figure something out?" you pleaded, you couldn't live without him by your side. beomgyu wiped your tears with his thumb, making you look at him.
"you know i love you right? if you love me back, promise me that you'll let me go." beomgyu forced a smile, trying to calm you down.
"you? what? why didn't you tell me this earlier? we could have spent more time together as a couple." your voice was shaky, you wanted to leave, but you wanted to stay by his side till the end.
"yea i could have, but i guess i was too scared, so were you though." beomgyu shrugged, laughing dryly to himself. he hated this, he hated the fact that you were crying because of him, he hated that he can't do anything to stop you from crying. beomgyu watched you sobbed, his eyes beginning to sting, but he blinked the tears away.
"this is just a bad dream right?" you looked at beomgyu. beomgyu held your hand, shaking his head slowly, your eyes tearing up once more.
"sometimes love can be the most twisted curse of them all." beomgyu chuckled, looking off to the side.
"then at least curse me a little at the end." you hiccupped. beomgyu's eyes widened, softening once he made eye contact with you. he pulled you into a kiss filled with longing and desperation. you were quick to kiss him back, you didn't want this to end, you wanted him to stay by your side forever. you slowly pulled away from him, wiping off the dried up tears from your face. beomgyu took your pinky, intertwining them with his,
"i'll go now, take care of yourself for me okay? please eat well." beomgyu kissed your lips once before walking away from you. leaving you to cry by yourself on the bench, at the park where you first met, and now you've ended it at the same spot.
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
bonus!
beomgyu started sobbing when he walked away from you. you must have endured so much pain when he left you in the dark for so long. his first love, a love where it could have blossomed into something more than friends, crumbling down like that. he hated himself for that, he hated seeing you hurt, but you would still suffer the same fate if you stayed by his side. thus he made his decision that week prior to his graduation.
perm taglist! (send an ask to be added) @mrsyawnzzn @tinyelfperson @woncheecks @boba-beom @naveries @be-argyu @defnotleee
content: love at first sight au, summer love thingy, lots of reference to paramore's the only exception and txt's our summer, pda
tw: mentions of fight and blood
words count: 12k
notes: reposting because of high demand (lol)
preview:
you were not the type to believe in the existence of love. to you, there was no such a thing as true love; no such a thing as unwavering, unbreakable, and unparalleled fondness and devotion for someone. to you, people love to get something they desire in return — money, power, status, pride. your parents were a living prove of that
the day you were old enough to understand the lack of love and affection between your parents to each other, and to you; you swore to never grow that feeling to anyone — family, friends, partner. anyone. because to you, love did not exist.
you were content living that way for years, not happy, but content.
the absence of love in your life protected you from attachment, heartbreak, sorrow — those negative emotions that you deemed unnecessary and unworthy to be sitting inside of you.
life was okay without love, you thought.
until you had to spend the rest of your summer with a distant relative whom you've never met in your entire life, in a small town with an ocean view, where fate had brought you a boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky.
and maybe, just maybe, love does exist.
a comforting smell of freshly brewed chamomile tea wafting in the air as you make your way inside the unfamiliar home — the one you will be spending three months in because your parents are way too busy flying around across the globe to be taking care of you.
"come on in, y/n." the woman in front of you speaks, her voice soft, the type of voice a kindergarten teacher would have.
maybe she was one, you have no idea. in fact, you know nothing about the woman standing in a yellow dress in front of you. she is pretty, even though it is evident her aging is slowly creeping up to her from the way her skin wrinkles on the corner of her eyes when she smiles. but to you, she is pretty- the mother-like kind of pretty. the kind of pretty that makes you feel warm inside.
but again, you know nothing about her. have never seen her in your entire life. never even heard her name from any of your parents until today.
aunty sue.
that was the name your mom had told you in the car this morning when she was dropping you off at the train station, she couldn't even make some time to drive you straight here, and telling you the woman is a distant cousin of hers whom she hasn't met in a long time. and that was also the name the said woman had introduced herself to you.
"do you want some tea, honey? or anything else?" she asks, making her way into the kitchen as you trail behind her like a little lost puppy.
"tea is fine," you reply.
leaning against the kitchen counter, you roam your eyes around the room. some parts of the walls are painted in pastel green while another part is decorated with a plaid wallpaper with the same color — just a shade darker. the counter tops are full of kitchen appliances, cookbooks, sunflower patterned dishes, and freshly washed vegetables along with some other things. there are random little trinkets on the windowsill — a wooden carved statue of a cat, a line of herbs in old tomato cans, and a sun catcher being hung at the corner of the window making tiny little rainbows refracting inside the kitchen.
the furniture of the dining area does not match with each other — one wooden chair with a striking blue cushion, a yellow wicker chair and another two plastic chairs in white. though everything is mismatch, it doesn't look weird. it feels right, even.
it feels like home.
very different from your house where nothing is ever out of place. the countertops made of slick white marble, picked personally by your mother, are always shiny as if no one has ever touched it. truthfully speaking, they kind of are. no one is ever cooking in that kitchen. you bet the only stains that has dirtied that counter was that one time you spilled your morning coffee on it. the stove, it looks brand new compared to the one in front of you right now which looks like it has been in service for more than a decade with how rusty it looks.
everything in your house is perfect to the tee. a façade that is what you like to think — to mask the family's imperfections.
a house that never felt like a home.
"i'm going to keep my stuff in my room first, i'll be right back," you say as you pull your luggage with you.
"sure, honey. your room is the second door on the right."
honey.
not even your own mother has ever called you that.
you haul your bag with much difficulty up the stairs, cursing yourself mentally for overpacking, before making your way to the said door. the room is spacious, not as big as your own room back in the city, but still enough to fit a queen-sized bed in the middle, a study desk by the window and a two doors wardrobe in the corner.
the glass sliding doors that lead to the balcony are being left slightly open, the warm summer breeze blowing the white sheer curtain. leaving your luggage by the bed, you make your way over to the balcony — pushing open the sliding door wider as you step out into the outdoor.
to say you are astonished is an understatement. the view in front of you is breath-taking — the house is located on top of the hill, overlooking the neighborhood and the ocean, the season's bright sunlight is making the scenery even more spectacular.
you breath in the air, inhaling the smell of the blue sea with your eyes closed.
there is someone, other than aunty sue, downstairs — you can clearly hear the sound of a male voice which is a little bit too loud to be ignored, talking to the woman in the kitchen about how his mom had forced him to deliver cake to all the houses up the hill in the middle of the day.
"y/n, honey! are you done? come downstairs, please." opening your eyes, you let out a soft sigh as you walk back inside, keeping your eyes on the ocean outside as you close the glass doors.
it's okay, you have the whole three months here. you tell yourself as you make your way back into the kitchen, the guest is still going on about how his little rant.
"i mean, don't get me wrong. i love summer, but to deliver all of them under the sun? god i felt like-.." and as he turns to face you who is standing at the entrance of the kitchen, your breath hitch in your throat.
you're not sure is it the iridescent illumination from the sun catcher beaming on him, or the glow of his skin that is glistening with sweats from biking under the summer rays, or the sparks in his eyes as he stares at you;
but oh god, he is beautiful.
not pretty, but beautiful. the angel-like kind of beautiful. the kind of beautiful that would make people turn their heads. the kind of beautiful that would make you steal glances at him if you were to sit in front of him in a train. the kind of beautiful that makes the ocean view you saw earlier lose its' price.
the once in a lifetime kind of beautiful.
"y/n, this is beomgyu, his mom owns a bakery down the hill."
"oh, this is the girl that you've been telling me about!" he says excitedly as he makes his way over to you, "she's pretty."
and you almost choked on your saliva. how can he be saying things like that so casually?!
"hi, i'm choi beomgyu," he says, extending out his hand for a handshake. "aunty sue told me a lot about you so i'm kind of excited to be your friend, that is if you want, of course."
you look down to his hand, lifting your own as you slowly put it in his. "im y/n,"
though it feels rough, his hand still holds a certain kind of warmth that makes you feel secured. you can feel calluses on his fingertips, too. does he play the guitar?
you're not even sure why you feel bashful under his gaze. you don't understand the warm fuzzy feeling you're getting when he keeps his hand in yours. you don't get why your heart is beating so fast when he says your name, the syllabus rolling perfectly on his tongue like it was made for him and only him to say.
"well then, i look forward to hanging out with you, y/n."
the conscious side of your brain is already blaring an alarm, telling you to turn him down, telling you that no, you don't want to hang out with him. that no, you don't look forward to spending your summer with him.
but despite that, you find yourself nodding to his words. "me too, choi beomgyu."
it has been three days since you have first arrived, and you have concluded that choi beomgyu is a man of his words.
you didn't think much when he told you that he looks forward to hanging out with you, thinking that he was just being nice to a newcomer and to act friendly to you.
because that's all you have ever known — people acting nicely to you.
you remember when you used to associate in a group of girls back in middle school; it was one of the worst times of your life. eleven years old you were so naïve (read: stupid) to realize that those girls were just using you for your unlimited amount of cash — always inviting you to go shopping, forcing you to throw fancy sleepovers — until one day one of them literally had to scream in your face that they were only hanging out with you for your daddy's money.
and since then, you have never tried to befriend anyone and those around you never approached or asked you to hang out, either.
so, it is a surprise to you that choi beomgyu stays true to his words.
yesterday, he had come over early in the morning looking as beautiful as you had remembered the first time you saw him; asking you if you want a little tour of the small town. you had declined, telling him you still had a few things left to unpack, leaving the boy pouting. you had felt slightly bad, just slightly.
you are in the backyard with aunty sue, picking up some ripe tomatoes from the small garden. she told you she has been tending this small part of her backyard for almost seven years now, planting
various kinds of vegetables, using the excuse of she doesn’t like the ones sold in the market, when in reality she just really loves gardening and watching her plants come to live day by day.
“is the tomato that interesting to you?”
you jump in surprise as you hear a low voice speaking next to your ear. turning around, you find a grinning beomgyu looking down at you. he peeks under your straw hat, trying to have a better look at
your face. “you look like a tomato yourself.”
you frown, “what do you mean by that?!”
he bends, hands resting on his knees, now being eye to eye level with you. humming, he continues to study your face.
there is always something about him that never fails to make blood rush to your face. yesterday it was the way he dressed — white sleeveless top tucked messily inside his black jeans. it was simple, nothing outstanding about it but to you, he was breath-taking. and today; it’s the way he’s looking deep into your eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks with every blink.
the rational part of you is telling you to push him aside or to move away, to break the eye contact. but the other part that you have no idea existed inside of you until you met him few days ago, is telling you to keep staring into his sparkling eyes, to play along to whatever little game he has put on.
the rational part of you won as you take a step back, creating a safe distance between your figure and his. you can feel your cheeks flushed, fully blaming it on the warm temperature as you had been
standing under the sun for quite a while now.
“your cheeks are so red, like a tomato.” he giggles, “are you hot?”
you look away from him, hiding your face under your hat as you whisper, “k-kinda…”
he was about to move closer to you again, hand reaching over to your hat, but it stops mid-air when aunty sue is calling over for the both of you. thanking the lord and savior, you quickly make an escape
from him as you walk over to where your aunty is standing with a plate full of freshly cut watermelon in hand.
you sit beside her on the porch, while beomgyu is standing right in front of you. “tell your mom i say thank you for the watermelon,” aunty sue says and the boy just hums, hand reaching down to pick up two pieces of the sliced fruit, handing one over to you.
you thank him quietly and he smiles down at you, “you will never find a watermelon as sweet and juicy as the ones that my grandfather planted.” he boasts, and aunty sue make a sound as what sounds
like she is agreeing with him. “that’s right, mr.choi planted the best watermelon in the country.”
the scorching heat of the sun calls for you to take a bite of the fruit – it is sweet, just like what beomgyu had said. “it’s so good,” you speak under your breath. you’re not sure how he manages to hear what
you said but he did, as the smile on his face grow wider. “right? i told you!”
he waits for you to finish the slice in your hand before handing you another one, all the while still towering in front of you.
“sit down, beomgyu.” your aunty says to him to which the boy just shakes his head. “i’m protecting y/n from the sun,” he replies casually, taking a bite of the watermelon “she looks like a real tomato
right now.”
both you and aunty sue look up to him in sync. he is, indeed, covering you away from the sun — being tall makes it easier for him to shield you away from the direct sunlight of the summer rays but his back
is taking up all the consequences of his action as you can see droplets of sweat forming on of his neck, sliding down to his back.
you glance to aunty sue, a coy smile on her lips. “j-just sit down!” you scold him, pulling him down by his wrist to sit beside you on the wooden veranda.
aunty sue giggles, “talking about tomato, do you want to bring some home, beomgyu?”
he shakes his head, “thanks, aunty sue but no one in that house enjoys eating tomato.”
“but i do want to ask for your permission to steal this cute tomato away from you for the night,” he says as he pokes your cheek with his index finger to which you move slightly away. “my friends are doing a bonfire by the cliff later, i was thinking to bring y/n along.”
you hesitate, gaze moving from his face to your aunty’s. “you can go, y/n. it’s much more fun to hang out with people your age rather than spending time with me,” she ensures you.
you look back to beomgyu, his eyes hopeful as he waits for your answer.
“okay, then.” you finally give in, a wide smile making its’ way across his face.
he stands up, one hand in the pocket of his pants as he bends down to look at your face, again.
“see you tonight then, tomato.”
one conclusion you can come up after spending a good half an hour with choi beomgyu is that he does not have a sense of personal space — not that you mind, at least for now when you are surrounded by unfamiliar teenagers laughing and chattering around the bonfire.
you’ve been stuck to his side since the moment you reached the cliff. it’s not like you are that comfortable with him but out of everyone here, he is the only person you know. despite that, choi beomgyu looks like he is that comfortable with you — hand on the small of your back while walking, wrapping his flannel around your waist so that you won’t get your shorts dirty (when in reality he just doesn’t like the way the other boys are looking at the exposed skin of your legs), sitting too close you can feel his shoulder brushing against yours as he moves.
truthfully, you would have been so annoyed. but this is choi beomgyu. he is choi beomgyu and you have no idea what’s about him that makes you feel so protected. even now when he has his hand on top of your right knee while he’s talking to his friends, you don’t feel irritated.
it feels right. he feels right.
“beomgyu!” someone calls him over from behind. he sighs, “i’m gonna go talk to him for a while, you’ll be alright here, right?” he asks to which you just nod your head.
what is he expecting you to say answer? no, don’t leave me, beomgyu. as if you would ever say that out loud.
the warmth of his palm leaves your skin as he gets up, making his way over to the blue-haired boy that was calling for him. your let your eyes linger on him, watching as he gives the guy a fist bump before
both of their gaze move to you and you quickly look away.
“you’re y/n, right?” a guy who is sitting in front of you speaks.
you nod, “hueningkai, right?” you ask, remembering his name after beomgyu had introduced you to him earlier. and you glad you did from the way his eyes lit up when you get his name right. years of
attending charity events and parties where you were forced to talk to random people by your parents has thought you to imprint people’s names on your mind easily.
“heard you’re from the city. how is the life there? i really want to live there someday, it’s really boring here,” he pouts. “the nearest mall is like, miles away.”
“i think it’s fun here,”
“yeah? and why is that?”
you go quiet for a moment. why is that? — there are various reasons why you think the town is not as boring as hueningkai believes. for an example, the ocean. there is no beach in the city, the nearest one being a whole hour drive away. the air here is cleaner too, not as polluted with vehicles smokes as the city. the weather here is nice too; though it’s summer, the heat here isn’t as bad as it is back
home.
and as your mind try to come up with another reason why you think the town is fun, your eyes move over to the brown-haired boy laughing along to whatever joke the blue-haired one has said to him.
even in the darkness of the night — the only source of light coming from the fire in front of you, he is still beautiful. the way he throws his head back as he laughs, the way his eyes are sparkling under the
night sky, the dimple that appears on his cheek as he smiles.
“it’s fun because there’s beomgyu, right?”
you turn your attention to the boy sitting across from you, his eyes on the same person you were staring few seconds ago.
“do you like him?” hueningkai asks, out of sudden.
“w-what?” you look at him, bewildered. “i don’t know what context of like you are talking about, but he is a good fr-…”
friend.
you so badly wanted to call beomgyu your friend, but you don’t even have the slightest idea of what a friend is — you never had one, at least not a real one. all through your school years, you have never
really had someone you can call as friend. sure, you talked to your classmates, but they felt more like acquaintances than friends. and you never bothered to get close to anyone because you know there
are always something they want in return — money, gifts, invitations to fancy parties, rich kids from your family’s circle to date, the list goes on.
so, you stop yourself from labelling beomgyu in that way. he is not your friend, not after only three days of knowing each other.
“he is a good guy, of course i like him. what kind of person doesn’t like good people?” you say, shifting in your seat to which hueningkai just shrugs his shoulders, “i think he likes yo-…” he stops talking midsentence when someone throws their arm around his neck, holding him in a chokehold.
“taehyun is calling for you,” beomgyu says as he smiles down wickedly at the younger. hueningkai knows his friend is lying but he just rolls his eyes and walks away to where taehyun is sitting.
“let’s go somewhere,” he extends his hand over to you.
“where?”
beomgyu grumbles, “just come.” taking your hand, he pulls you up to your feet.
following him from behind, you have no idea where he is taking you as you both walk further and further away from the group, until you’re climbing down the cliff.
he offers his hand to you, and you gladly accept, “be careful.”
holding your hand in his, he wraps his arm around your waist as he pulls you down to the ground with an ease. the night is pretty chilly compared to the sunlit afternoon earlier, but beomgyu’s hand still
hold a certain kind of warmth. and even though the temperature is low, you still can feel heat rushing up to your face when he keeps his arm around your waist even after you’ve set your feet safely on the
sandy beach — you’re glad it is dark, you don’t think you want him coming up with another vegetable related nickname for you.
“i wanted to bring you here yesterday, but you were busy unpacking. and i wanted to do it today too, but you looked so tired from helping aunty sue,” he says. “i know this is not the best time to be coming
here since it’s so dark but i just thought maybe you would want to see the ocean at night too.”
you move your gaze from his face to the moana in front of you. the water is calm, small waves crashing along the shores. no one else is around, only you and him.
you were about to walk over to the water’s edge when you feel beomgyu tugs on your hand gently. “take off your shoes first, pretty girl.” bending down, he wraps his hand around your ankle before
slowly pulling the white alexander mcqueen off of your foot. beomgyu is surprised, to be honest, to the fact that you casually wear a very expensive pair of sneakers to a lame bonfire party. then again,
these shoes probably didn’t cost that much for you.
“all done, you can go now.” he stands up straight again and he can’t help but notice the pink shade decorating your cheeks even in the inky night, “tomato.” he chuckles, pinching your left cheek.
you gently swat his hand away, blushing deeper, before walking to the water again. you smile as you feel the sand seeps through your toes as the waves crash on the shore. turning around to beomgyu, you see him with a soft smile in his face as he watches you from a distance.
“join me,”
and he can’t seem to decline your offer when you’re looking so ethereal underneath the moonlight, a gentle smile on your lips as you move your feet around to play with the wet sand.
abandoning his cheap pair of sneakers beside your expensive ones, he runs over to where you’re standing back facing him. he pretends to push you further to the ocean to which you react faster, shoving him — making him fall into the water with a big splash.
“hey!” he shrieks, quickly getting up on his feet. you take that as a sign for you to run — in which you didn’t manage to escape far enough when you feel his arms circling around your waist before he pulls you down along with him into the water.
“beomgyu!” you whine while splashing more of the salty water towards him while giggling.
and that night, while you both are walking home, soaked from head to toes with your wet clothes sticking disgustingly on your skin, laughing and giggling, you thought; maybe this is what friendship feels like.
“aunty sue, i’m going out for a while!” you call out your aunt in the kitchen as you’re running down the stairs toward the front door.
she peeks her head from the kitchen’s entrance, “where are you going, honey?”
“beomgyu’s mom’s bakery!” you reply, already stepping outside and you failed to catch the tender smile your aunt is throwing your way as you are busy putting on your shoes. “i’ll be back before dinner.”
when you push open the gate of the house, beomgyu is already waiting for you on his bicycle, a hat in his hand as he offers it over to you. “put it on, it’s too sunny.”
you accept with no question, putting the white hat on. it smells like him — like a mixture of frangipani blossoms, toasted coconut, and bergamot waters. it smells like summer.
he smells like summer.
beomgyu watches as you put his hat on, holding back his smile to how adorable you look trying to tighten the hat’s straps to fit your head’s size. his hand reaches over to your face, tucking a few strands
of your hair that have come loose from your braids behind your ear. “pretty,” he whispers under his breath.
you look away from his eyes, quickly moving to sit on the backseat of his bicycle, wincing as the exposed skin of your thighs come in contact with the burning metal of the seat.
“sorry, chieko has been out in the sun for a while,” he says, referring to his bike. “you good?”
“yeah,” you shift on the seat, trying to find a comfortable position. “you name your bicycle with a dog’s name?”
he hums as he starts paddling, “my grandfather got this bicycle from a japanese owned shop. the owner used to have this really cute golden retriever by the name chieko, i loved him, hence the name.”
he explains, “is it weird?”
“kinda,” you reply to which he just laugh it off.
it has only been a week of summer break and beomgyu had come up with so many plans for the both of you. he has promised to make this, as quoted from the man himself, the best summer of your life
— to which you just responded with a raised eyebrow. you don’t mind spending the whole three months of break with him, you don’t mind at all. in fact, you would really like the idea — but he doesn’t
have to know that.
one of the plans he had come up with is; baking. and that is how you find yourself in the back of his mom’s bakery, with a baby pink apron tied around your waist and beomgyu going around in the
kitchen looking for the ingredients for the fruit strudels he had promise to make with you.
“oh, you must be y/n.”
you turn to the source of the voice, and you quickly bow your head, “ah, yeah. nice to meet you.” the woman in front of you have the same dimple as the one on beomgyu’s, and the way she smiles warmly remind you of her son too.
“you’re really pretty, just like what beomgyu had told me.”
“mom, where’s the peach?” he asks, stopping his mom from exposing him further, as he is rummaging inside the fruit basket on the counter.
the woman giggles, “is our beomgyu shy? is he embarrassed if his mom is going to tell the pretty girl all about the things he had talked about her?” she continues, emphasizing on the pretty girl.
you look over to him and notice how his ears has turned slightly red from his mom’s teasing. you’re not sure why he is acting that way when he has called you with that specific nickname so many times
already.
“mom~” he whines, all the while avoiding your eyes that are fixated on him.
his mom lets out a loud laugh — now you know where beomgyu got that from — as she walks over to the fridge behind you. “i keep them in the here, baby.”
“oh,” he says, taking the peaches from his mom’s hand. “thank you, my lady.” he leans down and kiss his mom’s temple to which his mom playfully pushes him away. the gesture tugs a string in your heart
— a feeling of longing. you can’t remember when was the last time you hugged your mom, or your dad. heck, you can’t even remember when was the last time they asked you about your day.
“have fun baking, y/n. i’m only a shout away if you need something, okay? in case beomgyu burns the kitchen down,” she jokes again before walking out to store again.
beomgyu sighs, “sorry about her. she can be a bit… overbearing sometimes.”
“no, she’s fun.” you says, stepping closer to help him with the fresh fruits.
and that’s how you spent your thursday morning; baking various fruits strudels — peach, strawberry, mango, blueberry. well, it was beomgyu who did most of the work but nevertheless, you had fun
cutting up the fresh fruits.
the oven digs, indicating the pastries have been baked. beomgyu pulls the tray out, before setting it on the flour-covered counter. “oh, it smells amazing!” you exclaim excitedly.
“wait until you taste them, they are,” he looks down at you, making a chef’s kiss gesture to which you just giggle. “well, we have to let them cool down first before putting the cream and the fruits. wanna
go up to my room while we wait?”
you hesitate, never ever in your life have you ever stepped a foot in a boy’s room. despite that, you find yourself nodding to him, “sure.”
he nods, taking off his apron and waits for you to take yours off before snatching it from your hands, hanging them on the hook by the fridge.
following him up to his room which is located at the second floor just right above the bakery, you notice the picture frames decorating the wall going up the stairs. family portraits, baby pictures of
whom you assume are beomgyu and his brother, wedding pictures of his parents, a picture of beomgyu’s kindergarten graduation. it’s like the family’s own little hall of fame.
imagining your house in your mind, you don’t think you have any other picture being hung on the wall aside from that one huge family portrait in the living room — the one where you were looking so rigid
sitting in between your parents. you hated that picture, and you still do. family portraits are supposed to be a symbol of happiness, a symbol of affection, a symbol of a healthy family relationship but your family does not have any of that. the picture that was taken in the fancy film studio in france was just another attempt to cover the family’s despair. it’s pathetic, really. how hard your parents are trying
to come off as a happy married couple with a perfect daughter. throwing the money away for material things that can cover up the lack of happiness in the household. it’s pitiful, the only thing they need to be raising a happy family is the one thing that they lack in life.
a loud chirping at your right as you step onto the landing of the second-floor surprises you. you turn your head to look at the green-colored parrot in the cage. it has its’ head tilted as it stares up at your
unfamiliar face.
“this is toto, my pet.”
“your pet?”
he nods.
“out of all the animals you can have as a pet, you chose a parrot?”
he shrugs, “toto is everyone’s best friend in this house.”
you blink, and he does too.
“oh, okay.” you say and he nods. “come, my room is this way.” he leads you over to the door that has a messy scribble of ‘choi beomgyu’ in colorful crayons, opening it for you and urging you to take step inside. “after you.”
his room is surprisingly neat. well, it’s not like you have seen a guy’s room before but you did assume beomgyu to be a little messy kind of person — the usual clothes on the floor, comic books scattered
on the bed, snacks wrappers on the desk. but his room is clean, no used clothes on the floor, only a round foldable table in the middle of the room.
“how long are we supposed to wait for the pastries to cool down?” you ask, taking a seat on the floor by the desk. “around half an hour,” he replies. “you know what other baked goods i’m really good at?”
you shake your head, “tell me.”
“pumpkin spice cupcake, but we don’t have any in the store now. it’s not autumn yet so finding for pumpkin is quite hard this time of the year.” he explains.
“how am i supposed to have a taste then?”
“that means you have to come here again during autumn,” he says. “i’ll bake every autumn desserts for you. beside, don’t you want to see my pretty face in a different season too?”
you grimace, “what difference does your face make in autumn?”
he laughs before reaching over to his guitar that was leaning against the wall beside the door.
so, he does play the guitar.
“do you want to hear a snippet of the song i wrote?” he asks while tuning his guitar.
“you wrote songs?”
“yeah, for fun though. i’ve never really let anyone listen to it, aside from the guys.”
“sure,” you say, holding in your excitement.
“i wrote this a few days ago, it’s not finished yet but i’ll try to give my best.” he gives you a smile before he starts strumming his guitar strings softly.
and when you thought choi beomgyu is already beautiful from the way he smiles, from the way his eyes twinkle under the summer sunshine, from the way his whisker dimples form on his cheeks when
he laughs — here he is giving you another reason to think that he is the most heavenly person you have ever came across when he opens his mouth to sing.
your fresh fragrance, your sparkling eyes
makes me feel better
reality loses its power, even the earth dies
the moment is eternal
you’re not sure is it the way the sunlight shining through the open window or the way his eyes are fixated on you while he sings, but you can feel the blood rushing to your face, leaving your cheeks feeling so warm.
no matter where you are, no matter what season
if we’re together, feel like summer
“this is getting boring.” says hueningkai as he throws the uno cards on to the floor before plopping on his back on the ground.
“agree, we should be doing something else.” taehyun, who has been scrolling on his phone since half an hour ago finally spoke.
beomgyu, with his four other friends along with a few others are sprawled out in choi yeonjun’s basement. they’ve been doing everything that they deem fun to do in the last four hours — the video games, board games, card games, truth or dare (in which beomgyu had successfully dodged every single question and dare related to you).
“let’s hit the diner, i’m kind of starving,” one of yeonjun’s friends, minho, suggest to which the other boys agree without any objections.
“nah man, i’ll pass for tonight.” beomgyu says, already standing up from his seat, “think i’m going to go home and sleep.”
“really, sleep?” minho asks, smirking up to beomgyu. “or are you going to see that girl, what’s her name again? y/n?”
beomgyu raises his eyebrow, “what does y/n got to do with this?”
sensing the shift in the air, soobin quickly nudges minho in the rib. “hey, shut your mouth.” says the older.
“i don’t know, beomgyu?” the blondie continues, “i barely see you hang out with your friends lately. every time i ask them where’s beomgyu, their answers were always the same; hanging out with y/n.” he pushes his tongue against his cheeks, clearly enjoying how extremely annoyed beomgyu looks.
“you don’t even have time for your friends anymore now? why? too busy fucking that little rich bit-…” and the next thing beomgyu knows is he is on top of the guy, throwing punches across the blondie’s
face as both soobin and yeonjun try to pull him away.
“don’t you fucking dare say that word.” he yells out loudly, throwing another blow on minho’s cheek.
minho forcefully pushes beomgyu, making the latter falls on his back as the blonde-haired boy climbs on top of him, punching him on the corner of his lips before yeonjun had to (literally) throw hands
towards minho to make him stop punching his younger friend.
there’s a loud ringing in beomgyu’s ears, his head spinning.
he was never one to resort to violence when it comes to anything. aside from that one time he accidentally kicked a girl in elementary school while trying to show off his hapkido skills, beomgyu has never hurt anyone physically. but there is something about the way your name rolls on minho’s tongue that make him sick to the core.
he gets on his feet after regaining his vision again, blood trickling down from his lips. he gives his friends one last glance before running up the stairs of the basement, slamming the door loudly as he walks out.
wiping his bloody lips with the sleeve of his hoodie, he curses under his breath, thinking he can’t go home with bruised lips and blood stains on his hoodie — his mom would make a big deal about it.
so, he continues walking — passes the front of the bakery, up the hill. feet moving according to where his heart wants him to go. to find comfort.
and it wasn’t a surprise to him as he stops in front of your aunty’s house, looking up to the second floor where your room is. the lights are out, total darkness surrounding your room. of course, it’s half
passed midnight, of course you will be sleeping by now.
beomgyu is not sure why did he came here. it’s not like he wants you to see him in this state — bruised lips, fresh blood still oozing from the cut, tousled hair, red stains on the sleeve of his yellow hoodie.
no, he doesn’t want you to see him looking this miserable. he was just trying to look for comfort, and to him, his comfort comes in the shape of a girl in an oversized blue t-shirt standing across from him.
“you scare me!” he says as he finds your figure standing in front of the gate of the house.
“what are you doing out here?” you ask.
“what are you doing out here?”
you cross your arms on your chest, “i saw you from the window.” though the only source of light shining on him comes from the dingy lamppost above him, you’re still able to make out his busted lips.
stepping over to him, you gently take his face in your hands. at that moment, beomgyu knows coming here to actually see you wasn’t a bad idea when he can feel the heat from your palms engulfing his cheeks.
he wanted solace and apparently you are his.
“what happened to you?” you ask softly, afraid that if you raise your voice any higher it might hurt him.'
“i fell…” he says, “for you.”
you take your hands off his cheek, slapping his arm to which he jokingly winces in pain. “how could you slap me when i’m already this wounded?” he pouts, “i did fell, okay? i tripped while coming up
here. the hill can be pretty steep sometimes.”
“you’ve been going up and down this hill your whole life, how can you suddenly fell today out of nowhere?”
“i don’t know? people make mistakes, y/n.”
you roll your eyes, “come on, i’ll clean it up for you.”
beomgyu didn’t hesitate to follow you into the house, up the stairs and into your bedroom. you lead him over to the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise and waking up your aunt in the room
right across from yours— you don’t think she would appreciate you bringing a boy into the house in the middle of the night, and the last thing you want is her thinking there’s something passionate going
around between you and the baker’s son.
taking his face in one hand gently, you blow onto his cut. “it’s going to sting a little, okay?” he hums, enjoying the cool breeze from you on his open wound.
he watches you tentatively as you dab the antiseptic on his skin. “does it hurt?” you ask to which he just shakes his head no. “okay. phew, this is kinda scary.” you giggle as you lean closer to his face again, your nose a few inches away from his.
beomgyu roams his eyes all over your face — your eyes, your nose, and your lips. he observes the way your long eyelashes flutters against your soft cheeks with every blink you make. the way your pupils dilate as you are so focused on attending his busted lips. the way your nose scrunches up occasionally when he lets out a low groan of pain. the way your lips are pull into a pout while you’re busy nagging to him.
even under the ugly fluorescent light of the bathroom, with you wearing the most basic clothes — no fancy summer dresses, or blouses, or expensive sneakers – with your hair messily being put up into a bun, face free from any kind of make-up, to choi beomgyu; you are the most beautiful.
and in the daze of post-punched and being in your presence, he lets the words slip out of his mouth.
“you are so fucking beautiful, y/n.”
the saying of time flies when you’re having fun is actually true. days have turned into weeks, and weeks have turned into months — it’s already been two months since you first arrived in this small
town with the ocean view.
the past months have been filled with many new things you’ve never experienced in your life — going hiking to see the sunrise with beomgyu, harvesting vegetables and herbs with aunty sue, helping
beomgyu’s mom in the bakery, binge eating snacks at the convenience store past midnight with beomgyu and his friends, barbecue party with the townspeople.
and the most precious thing you’ve encountered during this summer break is friendship — not only with beomgyu, but his friends too. you’ve come to get comfortable with yeonjun, soobin, taehyun and
hueningkai along the way after spending time with them. beomgyu had brought you along to hang out with them a few times, and you had grown to enjoy the boys’ company, too.
and beomgyu has stay true to his words about making this summer the best three months break of your life.
“you look pretty already,” aunty sue says behind you as you’re busy fixing the strands of your hair framing your face.
turning to look at her, you pout. “i’m not.”
“beomgyu thinks you are.”
you blush, looking into the mirror to avoid your aunt’s teasing eyes. “i’m done, let’s go.”
“you’re not going with beomgyu?” she asks as the both of you are walking down the hill, a rattan basket in your hand.
“he said he’ll meet me there,” you explain. “he has to help his mom with the bakery booth.”
“ah, right. i forgot about that.”
another new thing you get to experience in this small town is their annual summer festival. aunty sue had told you that the town’s mayor came up with the idea of making the festival around a decade ago
in an attempt to give some sort of entertainment for the kids and teenagers, and also the adults, in the town during the season. it was a great success the first year it was being held — with more than
thirty booths of various foods and games. hence, why the summer festival has become the town’s annual event now.
as you reach the festival’s venue which is being held by the beach, you see soobin and yeonjun chattering at a booth near the entrance. you hand aunty sue the basket before excusing yourself to talk to the boys.
“yeonjun! soobin!” you call out, running up towards them. “oooh, y/n! you look so cute!” soobin exclaims excitedly as you stop in front of him. “but not as cute as choi odi, though.”
“choi odi?” you question and the boy nods “my pet.”
“a cat?”
“no, a hedgehog.”
you grimace — what’s with this group of friends and their weird animals as pet?
“what? you don’t think hedgehogs are cute?” he asks.
no, they look like rat — is what you wanted to say but you don’t have the heart to voice those words out from the look soobin is giving you. “yeah, they are… not bad.” you say before moving your gaze
away from him.
yeonjun notices the way your eyes are scanning around for the familiar mob of brown hair in the sea of visitors, and he chuckles. “his booth is on the other side,” he says. “want us to show you the way?”
your cheeks flushed from being caught but you thank him, anyways. “it’s okay, i’ll go by myself. i’ll see you guys later, then!” you say, walking away from them while waving.
you were about to walk around, trying to find his mom’s bakery booth when you hear your phone’s notification inside your bag. pulling it out, you smile as you read the name of the sender.
beomgyu: where u at, pretty girl? i saw your aunt but not you.
you quickly type in your reply.
you: i’m at a cotton candy stall near the entrance, omw to find u
beomgyu: stay there. i’ll go to u.
after waiting for a while, you spot him walking over to you — dressed in a white button up shirt, tucked inside his black jeans. hair slightly dishevelled from the ocean breeze. he has a smile across his face as
he keeps coming closer to where you’re waiting for him.
even in the sea of people, choi beomgyu is the only one that caught your eyes. you could be in a big ballroom of a masquerade party and the only one that has your attention is still choi beomgyu — there’s
just something about him that you can’t seem to explain that make you only look at him and him only.
you look up to him when he stops in front of you, the smile from earlier getting wider. “hi, pretty.” he says before his hand reaches up to your face, tugging the strands of hair behind your ear neatly. this
has been a little habit of his that he really loves doing whenever he sees your hair getting on your face — never once have you told him that you purposely let those strands untied.
“the firework show will be at 8pm, so we will have around,” he checks his phone, “hour and half to walk around. what do you want to do?”
“you’re not helping your mom’s booth?”
“my brother is here, so he’ll be helping mom for today.” he says, peeking to the stall behind you. “wanna try the cotton candy?”
there is already a line of children waiting for their turns to get the sweet treats in various shapes —heart, bunny, flower, and even a unicorn. when it reaches your turn, beomgyu asks you what shape
you would like for your candy, and you eagerly point at the bear on the menu sheet.
“here’s your order, mr. lover boy.” the man says, handing the stick of the bear-shaped cotton candy to beomgyu. “enjoy your time here, lovebirds.”
“we’re not-…”
“thank you, we will.” taking the candy from the man, beomgyu put his hand on the small of your back, leading you away from the line.
you look up at him, blush evident on your cheeks. why didn’t he deny the man earlier? lovebirds? love, really? “beomgyu, why didn’t you-..” you pause mid-sentence when he hands you the cotton candy.
looking up at him, then down to the cotton candy that is still in his hand, then up to him again and down to the candy again, you let out a laugh.
he furrows his eyebrow questioningly, “what so funny?”
taking out your phone, you open the camera app. “stand still.”
he complies, standing still with the cotton candy in hand all the while you’re giggling and snapping multiple pictures of him. “are you done?” he whines.
you show him the photo on your phone screen, swiping right to let him see the rest of his pictures you’ve taken. “the bear looks just like you!”
“is it funny to you?” he asks, wrapping his arm around your waist as he tickles your side. you squirm in his hold, laughing harder. “it is, because it looks exactly like you- ah! beomgyu, stop tickling me!”
he holds onto the stick of the cotton candy tighter as his other arm is still wrapped around your waist. beomgyu has always known of how beautiful you look when you smile and laugh, but, oh god. right
now, where you’re laughing to your heart’s content, in his arm, dressed in the loveliest white summer dress he has ever seen, with the warm glow of the sun slowly setting, he swears nothing else is as
beautiful as you. not even close.
“beomgyu, please stop. i’m going to pee.” you beg, tears from laughing pooling in your eyes. he lets you go slowly before handing the cotton candy to you which you gladly take.
“let’s go,” he says as he takes your free hand in his, pulling you into the gleeful summer festival.
you spent a good hour touring around the festival — eating tanghulu and few other famous street foods. playing random games at the game booths even though you knew they were all rigged, it was
still fun — beomgyu did won you a small teddy bear keychain from the dart game.
you visited your aunt’s stall too, where she’s selling little handcrafted trinkets. you couldn’t ignore the cheeky smile she sent you when she saw the way beomgyu was holding onto your hand.
then, you went to his mom’s booth where you met his brother for the first time. you were kind of expecting the teasing from him, but you didn’t know it would be so bad to the point you had to ask beomgyu for a glass of water, afraid you might suddenly pass out from the excessive blood rush.
it was fun. you don’t think you have experienced this much fun in your life. the last time you felt happy was when you had visited disneyland back when you were ten. with your maid, not with your parents. you don’t think you would have enjoyed it as much if you did go with them.
“we have 10 more minutes before the fireworks show.” beomgyu says as he leans his side against the railing. he had suggested to go up the cliff to have a better view of the firework. you thought it’s going
to be a packed spot but surprisingly there are only three other people there, sitting distance away from where you and beomgyu are standing.
you can feel his stare from the corner of your eyes, making your cheeks flushed. god, is it possible to lose one’s life from immense blushing? if it is, then you’re in a terrible danger.
“have you ever been in love?” he asks suddenly.
at that moment, the only thing you can hear is the loud ringing in your ears. gone the sound of the festive happening down by the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the sound
of the people behind you chattering. the sound of beomgyu’s voice.
have you ever been in love?
have you? you want to say no. you want to tell him that you don’t believe in love — that you would rather believe in the existence of a flying elephant rather than believing in love. you want to tell him
there is no such a thing as love in this world. there is no such a thing as sincere love. people love to get what they desire in return — money, power, status, pride. your parents are a living prove of that.
you want to tell him if there is one thing you are so fucking afraid of in this world, it is to love.
you want to tell him that you don’t think love is worth taking the risk, you don’t think it’s worth fighting for. love is not a real thing. you’ve seen so many people from school getting heartbroken over a
breakup with their lover, only to jump into a new relationship a week after that. if love is a real existing thing then, how could you move on so easily like that?
you so badly want to tell him, but no words come out from your mouth as you stare into his sparkling eyes.
“you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he says after sensing the discomfort on your face.
“have you?”
“yeah,” he says, now facing the sea. “i’m in love with a lot of things — my family, my friends, toto, my bicycle.” he says, shifting on his feet, “i love helping my mom in the bakery, i love writing songs even
when no one listens to it. i love this town, no matter how boring it gets sometimes, i still love it.”
“i love summer,” he says as he turns to face you again. “i love summer because it brought you to me.”
you were about to say something to him when you hear the announcement from the speakers that the fireworks will be going off in the count of three.
ignoring the proclamation, you keep your eyes fixated on his. he is staring at you endearingly, a soft smile on his lips as he takes a step closer towards you.
three
he takes another step forward, until the tips of his shoes are meeting yours.
two
he tugs the strands of your hair behind your ear like he usually does, only this time he didn’t put his hand down, keeping it on the soft skin of your cheek. he rests his other hand on your waist, pulling you slightly closer to him.
one
he tilts his head, leaning down towards your face before stopping, leaving a small gap as he waits for you to make the next move, an unspoken sign of asking for your permission.
and as the fireworks start shooting in the sky, you stand on your tiptoes. hands resting against his chest as you lean forward, closing the gap in between your lips and his soft ones.
it started off with you gently resting your lips on his, until he starts to pull you closer by your waist — where he deepens the kiss.
it feels magical.
the way his lips are massaging softly against your own, the way his thumb is caressing your cheek in the gentlest manner, the way he tightens his hold on your waist — not hard enough to hurt you but
strong enough to keep you in place, the way his heart is beating so fast under your palm. the way the sky is glowing and shimmering brightly with the non-stop fireworks.
he is magical.
it’s not like you have ever kissed a boy before but the way beomgyu is kissing you with so much care, with so much affection, so endearingly, with so much love — you know the kiss is perfect. you just know it is.
because you don’t need a flawless kiss for it to feel complete, all you need is choi beomgyu to be the one kissing you.
to you, choi beomgyu is the epitome of perfection.
the ringing of your phone wakes you up from your deep sleep. reaching over to the vibrating device on the nightstand, you pick up the call without checking the caller id.
“hello?” you say, voice hoarse.
“y/n?” shoot, it’s your mom. “are you still sleeping?”
“uh, yeah. i just… woke up.” you sit up on your bed, eyeing the clock on the wall – 12:04pm. if there is one thing your mom hates, it would be tardiness — in anything, including the time you wake up from
sleep.
“i slept really late last night,” in which you did. after the summer festival, and the whole kissing thing, beomgyu had walked you home. not forgetting to give you another kiss, which felt more like a peck,
before he left. and you had stayed up until almost four in the morning replaying that particular scene on the cliff over and over again in your head.
you hear your mom sighs from the other end, “how you been doing there?”
oh, that’s new.
“it’s been okay,” you twirl the end of your blanket. “aunty sue is a very war-…”
“listen, y/n. i’m kind of busy right now. i just called to remind you about your leave after the summer break.”
and that is when reality hits you.
“your dad thought it would be a good idea if you come home this weekend. to make early preparations.”
shit. how could you forget?
“i’ll send a driver to pick you up this sunday,” she says, and you can hear rustling from her end, “i gotta go.”
when the line goes off, you remain holding your phone against your ear.
how can you get forget? did you forget because you’re too busy having fun here? did you forget because you finally found something, or rather, someone to share your happiness with? did you forget
that you’re only here temporarily, to take a breather from the crowded city? did you forget that you’re not supposed to be attached to anyone?
you’re leaving. you’re leaving the country in september. you’re leaving for a university on the other side of the world. you’re leaving your home. you’re leaving this town.
you’re leaving beomgyu.
beomgyu.
these past months, you have been engulfing yourself too much into whatever temporary fantasy he had created for you. you were so into it that you started to brush away all of your beliefs that have
been your pillar your whole life. you were so blinded by the happiness he had brought you that you started making an exception for him.
and for the first time in two months, for the first time since you have arrived in this small town with an ocean view, for the first time since you met the boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky — you want to be anywhere but here.
you know you’re being a jerk to beomgyu — ignoring his calls and text messages, lying to him about coming down with a fever, forcing aunty sue to make up whatever excuses she could think of
whenever the boy stopped by to catch a glimpse of you, pretending to be sleeping whenever you saw him standing under the lamppost outside of the house at night.
you’re being irrelevant and you know that better than anyone else. but you can’t find any other way to explain to him about everything — you’re not ready and you don’t know how to. you know he’s in
love with you, and maybe, just maybe, you do harbour the same feeling for him as well — but you're in denial.
love does not exist.
that’s what you’ve been telling yourself every day.
you’re going back home tomorrow, and you have successfully avoided beomgyu up until this point. until aunty sue had to (almost) beg on her knees asking you to deliver an official government letter to
the choi’s place. she had come down with a summer fever herself, making you feel bad if you refuse to help.
and that’s how you find yourself inside the the bakery’s kitchen that saturday afternoon, a brown envelope in hand. you are glad it is saturday — meaning beomgyu is not around as he always spends
the day at taehyun’s place.
you peek around the kitchen, no one in sight. there’s no one behind the register in the bakery too. is the shop closed?
you hear footsteps coming down the stairs, turning around with the envelope still in hand, “mrs. choi, aunty sue asked me to-…”
you blink, hands coming down to your sides.
leaving the brown paper on top of the counter, you were about to make an escape before you feel his hand wraps around your wrist, tugging you back to him.
“y/n,”
“let me go,” you say under your breath.
he pushes you against the wall, trapping your body. “are you okay?”
out of all the things he could be saying to you right now, he’s asking you if you’re okay? out of all the mean things he could be spitting to you right now for ignoring him without explanation, the words
that came out from his mouth are those of endearment.
you avoid his eyes, afraid that you might break if you catch a glimpse of his sparkling eyes. “i’m fine.”
“then why have you been ignoring me?”
“i wasn’t feeling well.”
“then, that means you’re not okay.” he says softly, “look at me, y/n.”
you look up at him, tears pooling your eyes. “why are you being so difficult?!” you didn’t mean to scream in his face, but at this point, your brain has lose control — your body moving according to your
heart.
beomgyu is taken aback by your sudden outburst, “what?”
“why are you making it a big deal that i’m not talking or hanging out with you anymore?”
“how am i supposed to not make it a big deal when the person i’m in love with is pushing me away?” there, he said it.
“love?” you say, while trying your hardest to keep your tears from falling. “there is no such a thing as love in this world, beomgyu.”
“are you saying my feelings for you are invalid? of course, there is. there’s love everywhere in this world.”
“no, there’s none!” you scream again, “how can you fall in love with someone within, what? two months? that’s unrealistic, beomgyu.”
“you don’t need years to fall in love with someone, y/n. you can be by someone’s side for decades, shares one roof, sits at the same dinner table and sleeps on the same bed for years and years onwards
but if there is no love then there will be no love until the end.” he raises his voice slightly.
you finally let your tears fall as images of your parents cross your mind — of how unhappy they are with each other, of how their eyes never hold any kind of affection for one another. they have been
married for almost two decades now — live under the same roof, eat at the same dinner table, sleep on the same bed, wear the same silver bands around their ring fingers – but the love was never there. it’s never going to be there.
if there is no love then there will be no love until the end.
they are the reason why you’re acting the way you are now.
"i don’t need years to fall in love with you, y/n.” he wipes the tears on your cheek gently, “the moment i saw you that one summer afternoon, i knew i was falling head over heels for you.” he pauses,
searching for your eyes. “i knew that i’m in love with you.”
“tell me, y/n… did i do anything wrong? is it the kiss?” he asks, “i’m sorry i stepped over my boundaries.”
“it’s not the kiss,” you whisper.
“then? what’s bothering you, baby?”
more tears come out of your eyes at the nickname, “this whole thing,” you gesture to him and you, “you know it’s not going to last, right?”
he shakes his head, “no, i know you’re going to back to the city after the break, but we’ll make it work. it’s not even that far. you know people do anything for their loved ones, right?”
you take a deep breath, before wailing loudly, not caring about anything anymore. “you’re not gonna love me anymore after i leave, beomgyu. and i’m not talking about going back to the city. i’m leaving the country soon, to the other side of the world, for four fucking years, choi beomgyu!”
“i’ll wait for you, i promise.”
“no one is that stupid enough to wait for someone for that long. why take the risk of waiting years for someone? what if i suddenly came back with a boyfriend, or a fiancé?”
“you worth all the risk in the world, y/n.”
“why are you making things difficult for me?” you push him off of you before you make a run for the door. you continue running up the hill, tears still spilling out your eyes.
you stop, looking back to where you came running from. he doesn’t come chasing after you.
and a part of you wish that he did.
“is this the last one?” your driver asks as he loads the last of your luggage into the car’s boot.
you nod, thanking him to which he replies with a nod of his head. turning to face your aunt, you take her hand in yours. “thank you for taking care of me in the past two months.”
she smiles, rubbing on the back of your hand with her thumb. “are you sure you don’t want to see him first?”
you shake your head and the woman just nods hers before pulling you into a hug. it’s warm. she has always been warm, ever since the first time she picked you up at the train station. she has treated you
like nothing less than a family member, though you and her are very distant relatives.
“i’ll miss you.”
“i’ll miss you too, honey.” she caresses your hair. “come back soon, hm?”
you nod, moving away from her warm hold. “bye, aunty sue.”
as the car drives past the familiar bakery, you look down to your lap, droplets of tears wetting the thin fabric of your skirt.
and just like that, your temporary happiness ends.
the leaves start to wilt, slowly turning brown as the season transition from summer to autumn. the temperature getting colder and colder as each day passed by. no more scorching sun, no more clear
blue sky, no more children running around by the beach.
he stands on the cliff, overlooking the ocean. nothing much has changed since three years ago — except some parts of the railing has awfully broken down. honestly, he prefers it that way — the town not
changing. the way the town looks boring to an outsider, but actually holds a lot of hidden wonders.
the town holds a lot of dear memories to him. this is the town he has grown up in, the town that taught him all the life lessons that made him the person he is today, the town that brought him a girl
that he could never forget, even in his next life.
he looks over to the sea. if he swims far enough, would he reach the other side of the world? to where you are right now?
three years.
it has been three years since he last heard anything from you. it’s not like he didn’t try reaching out to you, he did, multiple times. he tried calling your phone, only to be greeted with the same bot telling
him that the number is no longer in service. he tried looking up for your social media — facebook, instagram, anything. but nothing ever came up with your name aside from a profile website of your
family, a picture of fifteen years old you under the words ‘daughter of a successful businessman and the uprising fashion designer’. he thought you look adorable in the picture, despite the lack of life in
your eyes.
three years went by and you still haven’t come back.
three years and all he could think about every day is you.
you, you, you.
his friends have been telling him to just let it go, telling him it was just a summer fling, telling him it’s time for him to move on, to go meet new people in college.
but he didn’t. he knows what is worth it in his life — you are worth the wait, the risk, everything.
he tugs his hands inside the pocket of his coat, the air is getting so chilly despite it being only september.
“thought i would find you here,”
he turns his head so fast as he hears the familiar voice, he thought he might get a whiplash from it. but as he stares at the figure standing across from him, he thinks he is experiencing more than a whiplash right now.
there you are, standing five feet apart from him. he roams his eyes over your smiling face, and he wonders how is it possible for someone to be this beautiful. you look different from the last time he
saw you, in a good way.
your hair is slightly shorter compared to three years ago, you have lost the baby fats on your cheeks too, making your cheekbones stand out when you smile, and your eyes, they no longer look like the one he saw on the last day he saw you, or in the picture from the internet. your eyes are filled with life now, sparkling under the grey sky of the autumn morning.
“i went to your mom’s bakery but you weren’t around. figured you would be-…” you didn’t get to finish your sentence as the man takes a long stride towards you before pulling you into his arms.
he holds the back of your head with one hand, pressing your nose against the base of his neck while his other hand is wrapped around your waist.
he still smells the same — a mixture of frangipani blossoms, toasted coconut, and bergamot waters.
even in a different season, he still smells like summer.
you wrap your arms around him, “sorry i took too long.”
shaking his head, he wraps his arm tighter around you figure — afraid that you might suddenly evaporate into thin air, and this is just another night dream of his. “no, thank you for coming back.”
“thank you, too. for waiting for me.”
he pulls you away from his neck, staring deep into your eyes. “i promised i would wait for you, didn’t i?”
you nod, smiling up at him happily. you notice how he had grown few inches since the last time you saw him that one afternoon in the back of his mom’s bakery, from the way your neck is straining so
much looking up at him. his hair is no longer the deep shade of brown anymore, it's ash grey now.
he leans down, tilting his head as he nudges your nose with his — waiting for you to close the distance between his lips and yours, just like what he did that one summer night, in this exact same spot.
and as you finally rest your lips upon his — you think about how choi beomgyu is worth all the risk that you’ve took. the arguments with your parents because they kept opposing the idea of you dating a
nameless boy from a small town, the cramped semesters because you wanted to cut one semester off so you can come back to him a year sooner, the longing and aching feeling for him you got whenever
your friends in university talk about their partners. at the end, there were all worth it.
choi beomgyu is worth it.
you are still a firm believer of love does not exist. it’s hard to get rid of that idea when you’ve been sticking to it almost all of your life. and given that your parents’ eyes still lack of love and affection for
each other even after being married for a whole two decades now, it’s impossible to accept that there is love out there for everyone.
but to you; love exists in a form of a boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky, and that is all that matters to you.
and to choi beomgyu; even under the cloudy and gloomy autumn morning sky, with wilted leaves dancing around in the air with the wind, with the temperature getting colder and colder as day passed
by, it feels like summer to him — because it doesn’t matter where he is, or what season it is, whenever he’s with you, it feels like summer.
genre(s): fluff, suggestive, fake dating, enemies to lovers, rich kid au, cruise au
wc: 1.6k
warning(s): profanity, making out, implications to sex (no smut)
inspired by: dil dhadakne do
summary: in which ridiculous circumstances lead to a fake dating contract pact being struck between park sunghoon and you.
note: i’m ngl i thought i’d reposted this fic but i’m not able to find it so here we go LOL the sunghoon brainrot’s been hitting real hard lately
masterlist
There was a slight chance Sunghoon and you had crossed the boundaries you’d set when you first drew up your fake dating contract.
Okay, agreement would be a more accurate word choice since the document wasn’t legally binding, but the two of you took its contents very seriously. Together, you’d come up with a few mutually acceptable ground rules:
no kissing unless absolutely necessary
non-sexual acts of intimacy are acceptable in order to maintain the facade
keep arguments to a minimum no matter how insufferable the other person is being
no bed-sharing under any circumstances
no falling for park sunghoon even though he is the epitome of sexiness
The last condition was total bullshit, but you didn’t have it in you to make him get rid of it. Your mom had already done an excellent job at pissing you off; the last thing you wanted to do was get into it with Sunghoon.
One may wonder what caused the two of you to make this pact. Simply put, both your families desperately wanted to set you up with people you had no interest in dating.
(Not that you wanted to seek a romantic relationship with Sunghoon either, but we’ll get into that later.)
Lee Saerom had organised a cruise across the Mediterranean Sea on the occasion of her parents’ 30th wedding anniversary. Normally, your family wouldn’t have come within 10 feet of the Park family, but you were both good friends of the Lees and neither of you wanted to give the other the satisfaction of avoiding the trip.
Now that all the powerful and influential families of Seoul were gathered in the same place for a celebration spanning over a few weeks, your parents thought it would be a good idea to find you an ideal suitor who would help their company expand.
Word spread that you were seeing Lee Heeseung, the younger son of the Lees and heir apparent to their empire. The rumour was entirely false, but you had to admit it was a genius move on your parents’ part. Not only did it become harder for Heeseung and you to deny the allegations, but it made the Lees consider a future with your family’s business.
As if you weren’t in a shitload of mess already, the entire thing had somehow turned into a competition with the Parks beginning their own efforts to set Sunghoon up with Ning Yizhou.
The minor problem was that Heeseung and Yizhou were in love with each other, and neither of them had the courage to tell everyone the truth. They were both too afraid of disappointing their parents and bringing disgrace to their families.
You supposed it was a good thing Sunghoon and you had no such qualms. So, before things could escalate any further, the four of you got together and decided to put an end to this idiocy.
On the third night of the cruise, Sunghoon and you announced your relationship. Holding his hand and giving him lovey-dovey eyes felt ridiculous, but you would rather stomach fake dating him than see a wedge form between Heeseung and Yizhou.
Needless to say, everyone was shocked.
Yizhou even pretended to faint while Heeseung started sobbing hysterically. You couldn’t believe he actually pulled out a tear stick and applied it to the underside of his eyes when no one was looking. You wondered if he’d purchased it for this specific reason when you’d explored Turkey earlier that day.
Overall, it was a pretty convincing act.
The Lees and Nings were furious, but you weren’t particularly worried. In fact, you didn’t even care. Your parents had it coming their way the moment they dragged you into their scheming and plotting.
It took a few days for everyone to calm down and for the festivities to resume, but things pretty much went back to normal. Sunghoon and you both got tongue-lashings from your families, but they didn’t make you two break up.
Your reputations were already in the gutter; forcing you to end your relationship after all that had conspired would have been the cherry on top of your disaster of a cake.
The pre-decided course of action was to fake date Sunghoon till the cruise ended. Once you returned to your daily lives and enough time had passed, you would cook up a reason to break up.
It didn’t take long for your original plan to go to shit. As it turned out, spending a week pretending to love the bane of your existence had proved to be quite the opportunity to really get to know him.
Ever since you were a kid, you’d heard your parents say a lot of terrible things about the Parks. You’d been instructed to stay far away from Sunghoon. An impressionable and susceptible child such as yourself had obeyed every order they gave you.
You’d literally been hard-wired to despise and assume the worst of Sunghoon.
The wall of hatred you’d built between the two of you began coming down brick by brick once you learnt the kind of man he was. He was honourable and good and down-to-earth.
Of course, he was a dickhead to you for the same reason you were a bitch to him, but the asshole side of him was more endearing than annoying now.
His snarky replies no longer seemed to bite, and there was always an underlying film of adoration accompanying them.
Perhaps, he’d grown to care for you just as you had for him.
You certainly hoped that was the case, since regularly making out with someone who couldn’t be bothered with you wasn’t exactly your dream.
To this day, you had no idea how you’d ended up grabbing the collar of his shirt and crashing your mouth against his.
Maybe it was because he kept reminding you that you’d lost a bet to him and you wanted to shut him up, or maybe it was because he hadn’t bothered to button up his shirt and his abs were on full display, the ocean wind ruffling his messy hair.
Nonetheless, something seemed to snap in him when you made the move. He responded to your kiss immediately and pinned you against a wall. Thankfully, it was almost midnight and there was no one to witness your less than decent makeout session on the deck.
The next ten minutes consisted of his hands travelling under your loose shirt, fingers grazing the cold skin of your abdomen. Soon, your shirt was discarded, and your legs were wrapped around his waist.
Sunghoon hadn’t bothered stopping even when you ran out of breath. Instead, he’d taken the opportunity to leave bruises on your jaw and neck. The warm feeling of his tongue soothing the spots where he’d nipped at your skin with his teeth had caused you to experience a burning need for desire that went further than the second base.
The amount of reaction he’d gotten out of you was embarrassing. Never had you been unraveled by anyone so effortlessly. He had to muffle the whimpers that slipped past your lips as a result of his ministrations.
If it weren’t for the fact that you were making out in the open and were at the risk of being walked in on, things would have escalated. By the time you parted, Sunghoon’s lips were swollen, his face was flushed and he was breathing hard.
His eyes were hooded and dark, and he was gazing at you with an intensity that made you shiver.
Taking that as your cue to leave, you pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek, fetched your shirt from the ground and hurried away.
You didn’t even know why you thought things would go back to normal the next day.
One look at him, and your legs turned to jelly. You happily obliged when he wrapped his fingers around your wrist and whisked you away from everyone else.
Soon enough, you’d breached almost all the conditions in your fake dating pact.
You spent most of your nights together—be it hooking up, lying in the comfort of each other’s arms or just talking till slumber claimed you. Never in your life had you imagined being at ease around Sunghoon.
Everything else faded away when you were with him. He made you feel yourself. He made you feel whole.
“Hey,” you murmured while you were both swimming in the pool one night, the stars shining brightly in the sky. His eyes were closed and his neck was tilted up, the back of his head resting on the decking behind. “Can I ask you something?”
Sunghoon hummed and opened his eyes, turning his attention to you. “Yeah.”
“I know we have a plan,” you continued, doing your best to ignore the droplets clinging to his skin, “and I know that we’re supposed to stop pretending after this cruise ends tomorrow, but have you ever thought about making this—” you pointed at him, and then at yourself— “real.”
He laughed softly and shook his head in amusement. Your brows furrowed in confusion. “I’m not joking—”
“Every single day,” he interrupted you. Wading his way through the water to close the distance between your bodies, he repeated, “I have thought about making you mine every goddamn day.”
He cupped your cheeks and rested his forehead against yours. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Y/N,” he whispered.
Taking a shuddering breath, you closed your eyes and felt him press his lips to yours.
The kiss was slow and passionate, as if the two of you had all the time in the world. It expressed what couldn’t be said using words, and you realised just how much you’d grown to admire and care for this man.
It physically pained you to consider the possibility of a life without him.
“Sunghoon,” you mumbled against his mouth. “I would say I love you too but I don’t wanna breach the contract.”
He chuckled and ran his tongue along your bottom lip, even going as far as to suck on it. “I thought you broke the last rule days ago.”
You couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across your face. You opened your lids and shifted to get a better look at his expression.
Sunghoon’s eyes were shining with happiness, and you thought you could gaze into them forever. You thought you could witness the grin on his face and hear his honeyed laugh without ever getting tired. You thought you could stand ground against anything life threw at you if you had him by your side.
You knew you could love him and be loved by him for as long as your soul wandered through the worlds.
#authors note ... i know theres more than i usually put but one was too long<//3 besides does anyone ever complain about having too much soob? .... exactly >_< also sorry that there’s so banner i got lazy😁😁😁
the first snowflake — hwang hyunjin. unrequited love. comfort. best friends to ? (1.0k words)
your best friend comforts you over unrequited love
“Jinnie, what are we doing here?”
It’s a simple question for a simple person like your best friend who has taken the ground for a bed, laying among the grass and patting the space next to him—a silent invitation for you to join him. You follow quietly, allowing yourself the moment to not trip over your own feet and just exist.
There’s a gap between you both, a small buffer, but it’s not wide enough that Hyunjin can still pull you at arm’s length if anything happens.
He turns his head so he’s looking at you. There’s a small smile on his face, eyes focused on your own. “You were crying this morning. Isn’t it quiet here?”
“A little.”
When you’d knocked on his door with tears in your eyes, he let you cry. For seconds, or minutes, or hours, you don’t really remember. You can only recall the ice cream he’d bought you after and how he’d held your hand to take you where you are now.
The small gesture of kindness brings a lump to your throat. Hyunjin has always known the way you resort to isolation when you’re upset, how you prefer the silence to help you think. So, he allows you the time to think things through, but he offers his quiet presence so you don’t have to be alone.
His company makes you feel rested, far more than you have in a while. You have been too tired menaced by unrequited love and the obvious truth that Chan does not feel the same way. He’s captivated by someone else—prettier, smarter. What a long way to be in love with him for years only to arrive at loneliness. But there is nothing you can do but continue to live within the confines of a love you cannot control.
How ironic, the season of giving is taking and taking away from you.
“What if the first snowflake falls today?”
“Then I’ll lend you my coat.”
“But you’ll be cold.”
“I can handle it until we get home.”
Hyunjin always has a response for everything, and you soften from the uneasy stance you’d taken. You hate being upset in front of Hyunjin, it makes you feel pathetic. Even more so because he’s never given you a reason to feel pathetic in front of him, and it makes you guilty that you even feel this way in the first place.
You snap back to awareness when you feel his hand on yours. They’re long and slender, engulfing yours with ease. The warmth grounds you and temporarily eases the uneasy look on your face. You let your eyes flicker down to your hands before training them back on the sky.
You allow yourself to watch the sky for a long time, indifferent to everything else, until a question blocks your vision. Something you wish you could answer.
Why couldn’t Chan just have looked at you? Even just once?
You had submerged yourself too long until you’d drowned. You would look at the boy with love, but it was never reciprocated. You could’ve been a good girlfriend if you weren’t the only one falling.
When he’d introduced to you the girl he’s been taking on dates, you’d heard the first crack of your heart. Still, you’d played your part—the supportive friend, until it was an appropriate time to excuse yourself. And when you’d made the move to leave, you’d hovered for a few extra seconds, waiting. Eyes trained on the boy. Waiting.
You don’t even know why. You know he’d never look back. But you had hoped he would. You were always hoping with Chan.
You feel a gentle squeeze on your hand. It’s Hyunjin. You didn’t even tell him why you’d been crying, but you have a slight inkling that he knows. He has always been more in tune with his emotions than you. He’s smart, overwhelmingly so, so you have no doubt that he’s aware of your feelings for Chan. But even if he did know, he didn’t say anything. Not until you were ready to tell him.
You stay lying on the grass, watching as the light from the sun slowly drains from the clouds that are hiding it. There is still that pathetic feeling sitting on your chest, akin to heartbreak and embarrassment. You’re too tired to decipher which one. It’s so tiring to have too much to think about, things that have hurt you. It’s starting to get painful.
“I wish love was easier.” You whisper.
There’s a silence that follows. You can tell he’s thinking.
“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.” Hyunjin sounds utterly human, and there’s a tenderness in him—in his eyes, in the way he’s holding your hand, and in his words. There’s a certain softness to him, and it’s so endearing. You can’t look anywhere else.
“How will I know when I’ll be okay again?”
He takes your hand in his, placing it carefully on your heart. “That’s how you’ll know.”
Something sits with the embarrassment on your chest, but it feels different this time. Something’s changed and you can’t quite put your finger on it. You try not to think about it too much. But you have a feeling it’s vulnerability, something you don’t let slip very often.
You only look away when you spot something from the corner of your eye.
The first snowflake.
“Ah, the first snow of the season.” Flowers sprout from the way Hyunjin chuckles. He’s sat up now, transferring his coat on you as promised. And you feel warm, but not as warm as when he’d held your hand earlier. You resist the urge to reach for his hands, you don’t even know why you want to, but you really really don’t want to think about it.
“Jinnie?”
He looks at you when you call his name, previously closing his eyes in what looks like him making a wish, but he says nothing. He only holds your gaze, and you can’t really tell if he’s thinking of a response or waiting.
“Thank you.” You finish.
He smiles at you.
When he asks if the two of you should leave, it sounds familiar. But you let him go, telling him you’ll stay just for a little while. And maybe if you hadn’t closed your eyes immediately, you would’ve noticed the way he’d stood there for a few seconds. Eyes trained on you. Waiting.
cast: jay ✗ fem.reader (ft. enhypen’s 02 line, billlie's sheon (kim suyeon), and other idols)
synopsis: crossroads have always been a part of your life. every zebra crossing you pass, every train interchange you go through, every hallway you walk in on your way to class, every eye you encounter with or without greeting. no one seems to dare to cross your tangled crossroads unless you cross it to meet them on the other side. that is until jay—a candidate for the student council president—has crossed one path with one single chocolate
genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, melodrama, slow burn, slice of life, realistic fiction, romance, high school au, fluff, angst
word count: 39366 (39.3k)
warning(s): self-inflicted harm, blood, explicit description of drowning, mention of bullying, mention of death by suicide
message from the moon: this story is fiction and will also have dialogues in different languages, translation of the dialogue will be put at the bottom of the fic and have numbers at the top to easily refer to. i'm sorry in advance if i got the translations wrong cause i'm still a beginner in the other languages and thanks for the translator app for helping *thumbs up* ! (y/f/n) = your full name. jay and jongseong will be used interchangeably. also, first time writing a (mostly) silent (but active) protagonist yey!
first thing first, welcome back to my blog after my one month+ break! this was supposed to be for jjongssaeng's birthday special one-shot but for reasons stated on my post about myself taking a break, i moved it back to june :] secondly, i wanna thank @orpheyeux cause i got to be introduced to the genre of melodrama (boost to 14 steps and welcome) through her writings or just more genres other than the usual fluff and angst umbrella. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it!
if this fic has a soundtrack album, it will be this playlist ! | moodboard
the yellow sky slowly sinks down to greet the blue that reflects the ocean beneath it. the white clouds' transformation is almost complete as a few peach-colored spots are visible on the feather-like edges. seagulls gawking as they fly to the sky that you're looking at while leaning against the bright red yet rusty railing. the breeze that the sea blows lightly kisses your cheeks, making your hair flow along with the ends of the white top of today's uniform. the corner of your lips is signaling to your brain that it is tugging up, to greet the new day with a positive light like the ball of fire that is crawling up somewhere on the edge of the horizon of today. it makes a smile on your face, just perfect enough to make you feel good, and a muffled rumbling sound came from behind as it remains before falling into its normal state.
turning around to see the digital clock on top of the station's name, seeing the 07:30 with a blinking 'on time' words right beside the set of numbers, you see the blurry train coming closer and closer as the brake screech the rails beneath the pit the train will go by. people all around you—all uniformly wearing formal clothes with different types of bags on each of their figures—stood behind the faded yellow tiles on the edge of the platform as the train cars smoothly stopped in front of all the passengers, followed by a hiss as the door opens. the announcement coming from the speakers stops as the train settles down.
the commuters step into the train, some looking down to be careful of the gap. commuters of all ages and genders, from the most preppy to the most extravagant. all you can observe from your corner of the train car, but you choose not to. leaning against the small width wall between the seats and the sliding doors, you faced the door as it is closing. picking up the phone from inside your skirt pocket, wired earphones already plugged as you trail the wires up to the rounded buds already in both ears since you left home, you greet the music app interface and play the korean indie music playlist that you've curated, peeking from the corner of your eyes at the ocean, slowly getting left behind as the train runs away beside it. the place where you will stay for the next five minutes.
it took 1 hour and 22 minutes, give or take, and three different railway lines every weekday for you to commute to school from home. waking up at 06:30 to prepare yourself and help prepare with mom. by 07:15, you have to go to the station to get the 07:30 train that comes every 15 minutes. tirelessly exchanging from junction to junction to junction of hallways of people every time you walk to ride the various trains, making you able to sense the changing tracks one right after the other, like a sixth sense, by hearing how the metals clank beneath your feet as the train went by a large junction full of complicated tracks near seoul station. and always being able to know when to walk on the inside or the outside part of the sidewalk when you have to turn or cross a crossing.
for the longest time, you thought your legs might give in after a couple of times commuting for kilometers every school day. nonetheless, your legs have sustained, knowing that it has adapted to your overall main variety of mobility: walking. gaining the ability to sustain because of the small town where you are from, the ability coming from playing with friends on the asphalt road of the neighborhood, the sandy surfaces of the beach as it overlooks the blue space full of water, or the soft prickly tingles of the grass on the green rolling hills.
looking up at the morning sky, you see a few rays of the sun protruding out as it is covered by the high rises and tall towers, a much different view from home where the buildings are two stories high and the utility poles are the tallest structures existing there. you grip onto the straps of the backpack on your shoulder, seeing the enormous set of buildings behind bushes, trees, and brick walls with silver fences in between. crossing the last black and white stripes of the morning, you view cars driving before and after you crossed, cruising to the entrance of the complex. a few of their backseat windows are thinly tinted, making the people inside visible—all seem to be around your age. stalling to breathe, your pace slows down from the stable walk that you kept out on the road and transits between rail lines, readying yourself to face the same things you faced every day since the start of the second year.
arriving at the small building beside the front gate, a security guard guards the entrance as they greet the drivers of the cars that enter. turning around when they can hear footsteps getting closer, you're able to listen to a muffled "good morning" behind the wall of melodies from the earphone buds, giving them a small bow as you enter the complex where the buildings are now clearer to be seen. the car that the security guard checks whilst you enter stops in a cul de sac with a fountain in the center of it, letting out a girl who wears the same uniform as yours as she walks to the main building of the school meters in front of you. glancing at the phone you pull out as the screen automatically lits up, you see the time said that it is exactly 15 minutes before the first bell of the day rings.
seeing other students arriving at school in cars should have made jealousy bubble inside you, yet it is nowhere to be found. even though not used often, your family also has their own car that is only used for trips or special occasions. you always walk past the late 2000s sedan that dad maintains like a child of his own every time you step out into the open garage of your two-story home, then followed by hearing mom's blessings and reassurance as she prepares for the baked goods and coffee beans for the day. you go to school using public transportation instead, familiarizing yourself with the trains and their routes that you're using for the three years of high school or even more.
both of your parents were citizens of seoul, having lived the city life and its fast-paced lifestyle in their youthful ages. you remember a few weeks before the first day of high school at the dining table during dinner time, they mention that they met when they were classmates in their own high school. mom said that dad is the most chaotic person she has ever encountered—always seems to be caught and punished by the teacher for even trivial things—while dad said that mom was always perceived as the 'flower' of the school, “every guy in our school wants to be her partner” he said—which makes mom blush, resulting with her grabbing another glass of water to cool herself down.
by the time you arrive in their lives, they were fed up with the city's fast pace and decide to move to a town beside the sea near the suburbs—something they mentioned back in that same dinner from a conversation they have back when they were dating in high school—to start anew from a much lower level than they were back in the city. dad currently works at the port where he helps in managing the fishermen's ships after a time of fishing, mom owns her own cafe, operating underneath their home—of course, yours too—that sits on the second story. both are able to use their diplomas in a much more unconventional way than their peers working in a corporate setting back in the city.
you are a byproduct of your parents' 'laid-back but strict in some parts' style of teaching, a balance that they take years to master while also studying for their own diplomas when they realize they want to start a family together. they picked and sorted both their parents' teachings to them and their siblings to find the right ones to teach you. they taught you to be as tough as a tiger and also as gentle as a butterfly, sometimes letting you do rebellious things such as playing outside in the rain that causes you to have a fever the next day as a way to teach the cause and effect of decisions. you were blessed with having parents that are very attentive and can openly share each other's problems and opinions, seemingly making the three of you like long-time friends instead of a child and her parents that has a 25-year difference.
they also try to teach you about analog technologies and activities like how to read maps, buying you hardcover novels in every genre suit for your growing age, or using a phonograph while listening to dad's 80s and 90s LP vinyl collection. all of that so you don't have to rely on a smartphone most of the time, which you only received your first phone back in the second year of middle school. by that time, you don't even think about using social media other than a messenger app, seeing as both of your parents using their smartphones for phoning people or as an encyclopedia to search from. the only applications you have are a messenger app, a map, a camera, a browser to connect to the internet, and a music streaming app for your daily dose of music.
you used to never desire to go to school in seoul, being satisfied with going to the high school where your older neighbors learn. that is until one day, it all changes when you stared at a scholarship announcement for a high school on your middle school's main hallway's bulletin board, gaining an epiphany and announcing to your parents that you want to join, submit the application with the help of mom. however, at that time, you thought you were applying for a scholarship at the high school in the nearest suburban city near your town. that is until you read the announcement brochure again when you figure out the school you apply to. a school in seoul, not just a regular school, but the most prestigious in the country that only people with wealth and smarts can enter, and you checked your e-mail a few weeks before your middle school graduation to see that you achieved the scholarship.
at first, your parents were thinking about bringing you to school in their car—yes, dad's late 2000s sedan. that is until they calculated that it is going to be a two-hour or more drive because you have to travel on one of the main toll roads of the country to get there and it's usually full of vehicles, especially relating to logistics. that's when you decide to go to school by train when you saw a few students commuting in the seoul metro as you went back home after doing administrative paperwork in your future high school at the time. they let you cause they know you're ready, and they know you’re able to take care of yourself.
when you enter the classroom, you see all the other students of your class either on their phones updating their social media, some doing dance challenges, or some listening to music with their wireless earphones. you walk around them to sit on your seat at the back corner of the class right beside a window overlooking the large football field. the seat beside you empty, having no seatmate as your class has odd-numbered students with desks made for two, and how the other students perceive you as a 'weirdo' and not 'one of them' that seemingly disgusts them away to sit beside you.
the hauntingly beautiful harmony from the black skirts track covers the sounds of the newly trending western pop music that you don't follow, picking up your a5-sized drawing book to continue your mandala art. the strokes of the black ink in different styles, curving in a shape of a quarter of a circle, blinding you and sticks onto your retina that sometimes you can see the withered remnants of them every time you view the blue sky, like floating balloons that are only visible to you.
as the last note of the nearly two-hour playlist's last song stops, you were startled by the ringing bell and your homeroom teacher stepping into the class with a female student behind her. her clothes empty of wrinkles as her wide eyes sparkle from the lights on the ceiling, wearing an innocent face as she looks over the class. however, her eyes widen when she looks at one of the seats a column after the one beside you. glancing at them secretly, you see the group of people that made fun of you back in your first year—all of them sit in front and behind each other—looking at her with a mischievous glint in their eyes, resembling the ones that they gave to you even until now.
"good morning class! today we have a new student that will be joining us. you may introduce yourself." the teacher gestured to the girl with her open palm to go forward. the girl's eyes still frantically glancing back at the group before to the whole class, hands adequately rested in front of her as she lightly clears her throat.
"my name is kim suyeon, nice to meet you." she lets out a small smile on her face, which you unconsciously follow with a slight tug on your lips.
"you can sit beside (y/n) at the back." your hand instantly raises up as you heard your name being called so the girl, suyeon, can see the empty seat beside you. witnessing her light steps on her way to your desk, your eyes see her trying to settle down on the empty seat but instead, they focused on the people across from you, seeing their eyes looking between you and suyeon, still with the same glint and a smirk on their faces that sends chills forming on your skin.
as suyeon was going to sit on her chair, you grab her hand, making her pause her movement as you lightly push the stuff on the table in front of you to her side. standing up from the seat you sat, you shrug your open palm to your unoccupied chair as you see her shake her head.
"no, that's your seat," she replied. yet instead of accepting the denial, you pick your backpack up and switch them with suyeon's bag. your hands on either of her shoulders, guiding her to your previous chair as you then sit down in your new chair, giving a small smile only she can see as she is still stunned by your actions. from the corner of your eyes, glimpsing at the other side, you can see the same people before with a light sheen of wrinkles on their t-zone and frown on their mouth. subtly rolling your eyes, you return back to tidy up the clutter that is your belongings as you heard suyeon, who is now settled down on her new seat, mumble a "thank you."
your homeroom teacher, who is also teaching this period's subject, starts to present a slideshow about today's topic. the projector hanging from the ceiling beams the screen from the desktop at the teacher's table, presenting a slideshow about world history and early civilizations, currently landing on a few slides about famous mythologies of the world.
as a reader, one of your favorite books to read are classic books such as myths, folktales, and classic novels. your first time exposed to classical books is the odyssey, its pages landing you in ancient greece as you envisioned the trojan war with the help of the words and your imagination. being transported to the middle east with one thousand and one nights' stories to then the regency era as you read about the dynamic elizabeth bennett in the story of pride and prejudice.
you wanted to learn more about classics in the future and how it impacts the modern world after scouring through videos and photos of ancient sculpture depicting myths or cinema inspired by the classics you love. reading has always been your first love as you were always being transported from time to time in every page or book that you start to read, even making dad send a request to the carpenter of the town to make a custom bookshelf as your book collection is piling up in one corner of your room.
the black and white pictures of the greek deities' statutes and the ruined pantheon architecture filled the screen as knocks distract the class. all eyes are on the door as it opens when a dark-haired boy peeks in to talk to the teacher from afar and you see the look of recognition on her face. the door widens again as you can see another person holding what seems to be a small board. it completely opens as two boys enter the class, immediately able to hear the other students whispering around you about their presence, except for suyeon who looks confused from the corner of your vision. your gaze returns to the front of the class to discover that they are another entourage of the council's presidential election, now candidate number 1 finally visits your class after their opponents enters yesterday. candidate number 1 that everyone knows is park jongseong.
park jongseong, or as is called by everyone "jay", is someone who you hypothesize is much different than what you are. someone who was given everything on a silver platter, someone whose wants will always come true no matter how much he contributes to getting it. an urban boy living an urban life of glamour. you know, from gossip that you overheard like birds’ chirping, that his parents have influence both inside and outside of the school's environment, hearing that they're one of the main donators for the school. because of that, every school staff that you know respects him, maybe having an alternative plan so they can get their salaries partially because of their treatment to him or his parents. everyone seems to be smitten by him, maybe because of his signature smirk that never gets wider from what the people know to how much of a gentleman he seems to be.
you remember hearing people swoon when he decided to be a part of the student council and introduces as a candidate to be the president alongside candidate 2, park jisung, and candidate 3, bang yedam. all three of the boys have their own influences.
park jisung, coming from a family of athletes, even olympic level—also a jock himself—wishes to focus on helping with the finances of all sports clubs in school with an emphasis on making tournaments where other high schools will compete against each other.
bang yedam, coming from a family of artists both audio and visual—and a member of the theater club—focuses to help the art clubs in the school such as dance to sculpting, emphasizing making an art gallery where various students can promote their art like performing dances, releasing music, and overall to showcasing their creativity.
park jongseong, however, takes the middle route of everything to be as equal as possible, focusing more on making a school festival where they will invite celebrities like indie musicians to k-pop idols.
that's what you got from what he said himself underneath that black and white image of the greek deity sculpture from the projector, his eyes moving around the room as he has an eerily relaxed posture while presenting.
that's when you saw the other person, who you were finally able to identify as part of his campaign team after another thought, turn to him to give him a transparent box that you didn't notice he brought. you knew what was coming: an act of persuasion using food. you saw it happened with the other two, jisung giving away choco pies while yedam gives out boxes of pepero. and you weren't given any of the two by them.
you just sit there as jongseong walks to the tables and gives out the chocolate that you recognized are ferrero rochers. in your opinion, very much like the boy. having a luxurious appearance but giving a sense of familiarity and gentleness with the nutella that surrounds the wafer and hazelnut in the middle.
knowing in your mind that you won't get any, you continue drawing your mandala art as it takes time to distribute them. despite it, your thoughts drift towards suyeon that sat beside you, discreetly looking at the boy who is running for president giving the chocolate from the front desks and slowly walking to the back. you hope that even though she is sitting beside you, doesn't mean that she will not receive one. you don't want her to be treated like what you've experienced in the past year since you enroll here, being left alone, being invisible.
jongseong is now on the last row before yours where he stood by the glaring people on the other side of the class, some leaning their back against the wall in which the hallway is on the other side. you, rather than be distracted by seeing him, focus on your drawing book, letting the ink flows down the black ballpoint to the paper. your attentiveness can’t help to hear the footsteps coming closer and closer, wishing you were wearing your earphones instead so it helps to ease the pain of going to be ignored the third time. the first two didn't even walk near you after giving to the ones adjacent to you. so, you brace yourself, peeking slightly to see that he is now facing your desk.
you draw as slow as possible, wanting to focus all your might on it rather than on the boy who now stood in front of your desk. eyes tweaking up slightly then immediately down multiple times as you see him putting one foiled ball on top of suyeon's notebook beside your elbow, a small "thank you" can be heard as a sign of confirmation. now, he can leave as he finishes distributing all of the pieces, and you can bury down the aching that you’re going to feel as the aftermath.
that is until you see a rocher on the top corner of the page of your drawing book.
lifted your head up as fast as possible from the book on the desk, you see jongseong's hand retracting, making you stare between him and the wrapped chocolate sitting on the paper. rather than turning away immediately, he stayed for a few seconds. you gently put your palm against your chest with a slight furrow on your eyebrows.
'is this really for me?' is what you hope he receives from the gesture, which he replies with a nod to then give a small smile.
as he turns away with the empty box, your eyes follow him, sticking to the back of his neck, hands inching to gently pick up the chocolate to put it on your lap. feeling the gold foil texture with a small brown cup where it is used as a seat for the chocolate in the box. taking a deep breath, you glance at it, then up when you heard the door open, seeing the two boys taking their leave and jongseong thanking the teacher at the front for their time. you see a warm smile on his face as he took one final glance at the class, his eyes meeting yours, seeing his fingers slightly lifted up towards his mouth before closing the door. you hear suyeon munching and humming joyfully to the luxury-looking chocolate she is given, trying to turn away discreetly before she saw you and lightly scramble in her chair while apologizing, a smile formed on your face.
the chocolate still feels heavy on your lap. you took a glimpse of your classmates to see their gold foil on top of their table bare open yet as you wanted to have a taste, the doubt in your mind stops you. you were scared that if you've eaten this chocolate everything will change forever, and you don't want it to change for the bad. you rather feel safe in the bubble that you created where the pain is like a sword that is trying to penetrate the bubble until it pops. you glance at suyeon as she shyly licks her fingertips covered by the chocolate, wanting to nudge her to tell her to eat your chocolate instead.
however, you were reminded of what jongseong did. that was the first time you feel validated in a good way, that your existence is felt as a student rather than a doll where people can mock you for its entirety of going to school with a few substances on your face other than the skincare products you regularly use, having status as a scholarship receiver instead of enrolling in with on-person money—even though people outside of the school perceive that as an achievement—and your items such as your smartphone model that was released a few years older than the new one they have and can easily replace by each release.
you unwrapped the chocolate carefully as possible, not wanting the gold foil to get ripped up. seeing the chocolate ball with its sharp angles on the surface still intact as it hasn't been met by a human touch that spreads warm that can and will melt the outer layer. the teacher—who got her own rocher evidently by the leftover of the foil where its glint can be seen from afar—continues the presentation as the slide shows ancient china and its early civilization by the yellow and yangtze rivers. the teacher's lecture meets with thoughts inside your head as you still stare at your lap on the chocolate ball.
"you're hesitating to eat it." hearing the words coming from beside you, seeing suyeon glancing at you as you did to her minutes before. putting your lips into a straight line, you slightly lift the foil with the chocolate in middle to her, testing one of your hypotheses if she will accept your chocolate. it got horribly debunked when you got a reply with a head shake.
"it's yours," she speaks softly, your eyebrows raised as your lips fall back to their natural state. you look down at the chocolate one again, all the demons yelling from all sides inside the small space in your head about the repercussions you can get by eating it. but one sticks out in your mind.
"i don't deserve it."
you can see from the corner of your eyes the small shock on suyeon's face when she hears your voice. you also surprised yourself since you've been abstaining to speak at the start of the second year. still, the words are ringing in your head heavily that you need to let them out. you don't deserve the chocolate cause you haven't done anything to jongseong, you haven't done anything to the school like what he or the other two candidates have done, or the people in your class who have achievements such as a national level football athlete or a city-level student competition achiever in the subject of economics. you don't deserve it as you're the only one to walk to school instead of being brought with your own car or driving your own transportation such as a few students bringing a vespa to school.
"you do, (y/n)." suyeon speaks as she lightly touches your shoulders before putting her palm fully on them after noticing that you didn't flinch away from her soft and gentle touch, different than the rough touches you've experienced in your first year from hands as soft as hers.
"you do."
you lift the chocolate near your mouth, the outer layer melted as you can feel the stickiness on your fingertips. remembering jongseong that stood in front of you as he nods and smiles, finally letting go of your breath.
you guide the chocolate to your mouth and take a bite.
-
it is the day of the election and you walked out of the voting booth after being guided by a student council senior on how to vote. you glance behind to see suyeon walking out of the booth soon after, a small smile on her face which you also return as you waited for her. both of you walk side by side back to the hallway, seeing the next class standing in a queue, waiting for their turn to vote.
you didn't expect suyeon to stick by your side since the day she moved a week ago. knowing that she is more familiar with the middle and upper classes at the school, you expected her to have friends in other classes that she can go meet or sit with during recess, leaving you alone to treat yourself—by finishing the mandala art or doodle a rough sketch of a greek god statue courtesy of the internet and 'save image' button—as you eat the lunch that mom gave at the obscure corner of the cafeteria where you know nobody won't bother you because: they are too lazy to walk to a corner far from the main civilization of the cafeteria, or they don't notice you at all.
last week, as you were seated, reading hiromi kawakami's the nakano thrift shop alone, you see a tray being set down in front of your lunchbox and a figure sitting behind it, realizing from her features is your new seatmate. at first, your eyebrows were raised in confusion, your brain wired some reasons to make them do what they do. then she started talking, no, introducing herself more.
"i moved here from a school on the other side of the neighborhood."
"not many of my friends go here though. i mean i've seen some of them from middle school."
"ooh, i've wanted to read japanese fiction before."
what's nice, when you thought about it, is that she didn't push you to talk more given your small replies. she allows you to gather your mind up as she talks without making a ruckus, unlike the other tables. your mind slowly making up about the girl as someone who genuinely wants to be friends with you, considering her the first friend you made in high school.
she treats you like anyone else. that is because she doesn't know your real situation. you almost got caught a few days ago as the two of you are waiting in front of the lobby when she innocently asked,
"where's your car?"
and you can't say anything because you don't want her to leave you alone, retreating yourself back to what you felt in the first year.
she doesn't know that you stayed with her at the entrance because you walk to the nearest station to go back home, unlike her. yet, she doesn't comment much on how you wear wired earphones instead of wireless ones like the pair that she used, how you brought your own lunch where she can buy one at school. you wanted that to last until you are sure she is ready to know the truth, your truth.
as you are both seated in class, waiting for the announcement, the students around the room talk openly about who they choose for the election, you see suyeon leaning to your side from the corner of your eye, whispering, "i know we aren't supposed to share who we vote. but i vote jay, how about you?"
when the candidates were first introduced, you were contemplating if you should abstain from voting or not, leaving the ballot empty without any sign of you interacting with it other than touching it with your hands. you didn't want to vote not because all of the programs they brought out for their campaign is bad. you didn't want to vote because you want to be neutral, knowing that each policy or aspiration that they brought doesn't affect you significantly.
that is until last week when jongseong gave you the rocher.
as you stand at the voting booth, opening up the folded paper with the names of the three boys. your fingers are fidgeting, wanting to fold them again following the decision that has been decided.
however, your eyes glance at jongseong's name. and like a scene from a character flashback in a movie, you see yourself back at that time when he gave you a nod, the chocolate at the corner of the page you open. fast forward to when he almost left and find your eyes, using a small gesture of his hand to his mouth before closing the door.
the moment when you felt like your existence is appreciated, and you wanted to appreciate him back. so, using the marker they gave you in the booth, you put a check in the box beside jongseong's name and put the filled-in folded paper into the ballot box.
"same," you mumble back to her. immediately after speaking, a chime is heard from the speaker inside the class, making you sit back and straighten your posture on the chair as the static fills the air in the classroom. hearing the voice of the senior in charge of the voting that you remember is the senior that guides you at the booths, speaking greetings into the intercom, and announcing the results of the total amount of the votes.
"the elected president is…"
from your view, this is the first time anyone has ever looked tense, eyeing the speaker like it can come and attack them at any second if they look away. suyeon also looks intensely at the speaker, her hands interlock with each other on her table as you see from a quick glimpse.
you hope jongseong wins. a compassionate leader that can take aspirations for everyone, evident by the action he did last week to you. you want to help to fight the prejudice that you are different from what they are. a scholarship receiver hailing from a suburban of seoul, the only time someone received said scholarship as they haven't opened the program again. someone that is 'lower' in status. but, you aren't, and you believe jongseong wants to fight them too.
"bang yedam."
letting out your breath that you didn't know you held, cheering and clapping came from not just your class, but also the classes in the same hallway as yours, all are students in your year. you peek at suyeon who retracts her hand and has a neutral smile on her face, tilting her head as she faced you, concentrating on something else. you turn around to see the door of the class open and your peers flooding out of the class to gather in the hallway. curiosity got the best of you when the tables of the people that ridiculed you were now empty, you stand up and walk to the door of your class, suyeon following behind as you felt a human presence behind you, knowing that you both are the last ones in class.
students in your year created a human barrier and left an empty path in the middle, from the view that reaches your eyes. cheers coming from the left as you see bang yedam's grin and people congratulating him, patting him on his shoulder, hugging him as a way to say how proud they are.
despite the hollering coming one by one in the hallway, you see jongseong standing at the line across from you, right in front of the half wall barrier of the hallway, in between sim jaeyun also known as “jake”, the australian-raised genius and mathlete of your year, and park sunghoon, the national-level figure skater, who has their arms wrapped behind jongseong's back, still proud of him for being one of the vice presidents of the student council. he wears the famous smirk he is known for when yedam walks and turns towards him, giving a hug and a congratulation from the faint sound that you can hear little by little.
as yedam walked past the door of your class, you gave a small smile when both of your eyes slightly meet as suyeon's hands rested on either side of your shoulder, leaning forward so she can still see the commotion of yedam being bombarded by your classmates with their own way of congratulating.
turning your head away from the view, you met jongseong’s eyes which were already looking your way. the smirk is still evident on his face, however, you notice something from his eyes, seeing them tremble. you give a solemn smile and nod to him before turning around and walking to your desk with suyeon playfully waddling behind you, making you stifle your giggle as she grins brightly and return back to the seats. you shake your head to get rid of the subtle feeling from the boy that you have eye contact with.
the vision of jongseong's trembling eyes haunts you as you heard suyeon's voice calling your name, seeing her car that you've recognized now after seeing it so much stopped in front of her. you see her figure retreating to the car, waving goodbye towards you as she is seated in the backseat whilst pressing the window button down and continuing waving. responding with a small wave, you see her pout before her car drives away to the hagwon where she enrolls in.
many of your peers go to hagwons, private academies where they learn additional stuff to the subjects they learn from school or understand them on a deeper level. many of your schoolmate's parents are competitive when it comes to rankings so they enroll their children there, making them study until midnight or later.
your parents are against the hagwon idea even though both enrolled in one by your grandparents, coincidentally in the same one as well. yet, they skipped them to go hang out and have a date instead, both argue to ‘let teens be teens’ and let them have their free time so they don't stress themselves to death. nonetheless, your parents still give you liberty if you want to attend a hagwon or not, which you deny because you agree with their understanding and you wanted to help mom more as she has an influx of customers around afternoon and evening.
your parents mention why they do not agree with hagwons to you because one of their classmates, who they too mention is one of the best scoring students in their hagwon, died by suicide when they didn't get enrolled in any university that they want. you observed them that every time they mention 'hagwon' at the dining table, you can hear one or both of your parents sucking their breath as the air around the three of you feel tense. they still feel traumatized until this day. the talk makes you feel more concerned and you don't want their concern to rise if they knew you enter a hagwon to study until the end of the day and then some.
so, as suyeon's car turns the corner outside of the school gate, you begin to walk your journey back home, the same 1 hour and 22 minutes with the significant difference of it is much more crowded streets and stations as the time is approaching the rush hours for commuters, especially those who lives outside of the city, are coming home.
you walk on the concrete pavement, passing a greenhouse you cross by every day. a place that the school uses for planting and botany club, or when students have to study plants for a project. you heard the chirping of birds under the blend of blue and orange in the sky, seeing a small brick shack beside the greenhouse where the gardener puts the gardening tools, manure, additional seeds, and lawnmower. you stopped your movements when you heard grunts behind it.
ears piqued up in concern as your feet brought you to the brick shack, the grunts getting louder with the additional thumpings as you carefully walk to the back of the shack, seeing a black-haired boy wearing your uniform leaning his forehead against it, hands formed into fists as he continues to punch them into the wall. seeing his knuckles and skin around it full of blood and little scraps of brick, you grimaced as you step back on the concrete path surrounding the shack, making the boy turn his head towards you, your enlarged eyes also reflected on his.
it's jongseong, breathing heavily as he turns his forehead back to the wall, closing his eyes.
the same park jongseong that got the position of one of the vice presidents. the same park jongseong whose trembling eyes haunt you the entire day today. the same park jongseong that gives a small smile after giving you a chocolate a week ago. now looking like a crack vase that can be broken into smithereens by a single touch. you silently gasp, realizing what might have gotten him this way.
park jongseong, as you can define him, is someone who can get everything and always makes his wishes into reality. requesting new desks and chairs for all the students to his parents after he got a scratch from an outward spline of wood on his desk back in the first year, requesting the lunch menu at school to be more diverse other than stew and rice, both of them you heard from gossips shared by the cleaning staffs as you walk home last year.
but, he didn't get what he wanted this time. he isn't elected as the student president and it is why, you think, broke him. realizing his trembling eyes were him probably stifling to not argue or asking why people are not voting for him. he was finally able to let it out here, behind the shack, hidden from everyone as he doesn't want his reputation to be tarnished. until you found out.
walking forward towards him slowly, not wanting to startle him, you can see the creases on his face folding hidden behind the wall and his hair. your hand slowly reaching one of his fisted hands that rested in the dent on the brick wall, hearing his breath hitched as your skin meets his, gently enveloping your hand around his wrist as you can feel him slacken the hold of his fist, signaling to you to do whatever you want with it.
you see behind you a tap with a green hose connected to it, wrapped into a thick circle. you gently pull his fist away from the wall, seeing the blood blending into the bricks' lighter red color. your soft pull on his wrist also pulls his body as you walk to the tap, bringing him down to sit on the concrete path and feet on top of the grass gently as you pick up the end of the hose and turn the tap on. the water coming down the tap and into the hose as you kneeled in front of him, pulling his wrist to float on top of a patch of grass and the water hose right beside it.
as the water falls out in a steady light stream, you carefully let the water run on top of his hands, seeing the dirt, scraps, and blood flowing down following the curvature of his fingers to the grass. you peep at him as he hisses then lean forward so that his upper body is closer to the grass, eyes flicking between your hands helping to rub his hands and you who knelt beside him. you look up to see his face empty of emotion and no dried tears on his cheeks as he moves his other hand so it will get cleaned between the water and your gentle touch. you turn the tap off and let go of the hose as you sit by his side, resting his hands on top of your knees then reach to the backpack behind you and pick out a small pouch you call your mini medkit.
you packed your own medkit as you remember how many times you got hurt back in your first year because of the same people that sit across from you in your class currently, knees scrapped every time they pushed you down, making you always go to the nursery to get it treated. well, you don't want to burden them all the time. so, you packed up your own stuff instead, patching the wound up silently at your table or while waiting for the train to arrive on the way home, hoping your parents won't notice the existence of bandages on your knees or elbows.
the pack of bandages inside the pouch is full, still hasn't been used for this year. your ignorance of their taunts last year made them lazy to not do that again because you didn't react like what they wanted. you pull out a small bottle of antiseptic and a few sheets of tissue, staining it with the liquid as you dab it onto jongseong's wound, hearing him hissing while gritting his teeth. you mumbled out a small "sorry", making his eyes stick to your face instead as you continue to clean his wounds, pulling a few strips of bandage out, a colorful bunch that you bought at a convenience store near your house as the skin-colored one is sold out.
you wrapped them around the wounded joints of his fingers, the knuckles, and a few scrap skin around them, gently smoothing it out. you see his black backpack that you know costs more than yours sits behind him as you stand and walk to pick it up, jongseong's eyes on yours every time you take action as you kneel down and sit the bag beside his body.
you pressed your lips into a thin smile as you point behind you with your thumb, stepping away from his seated figure to the pavement beside the main road to the gate.
"wait!" you paused as you turn your body for the corner in front of you, hearing grunts and scrappings on the concrete path behind you.
"i'm jay," he spoke. you turn your head towards him, seeing one of his patched hands gripping the strap of his backpack that sits on his shoulder.
"i know," you murmured, he continue looking with his lips in a straight line. you realize how rude it must have been to just say 'i know' that you mentally slap your forehead.
"i'm (y/n)," you immediately replied back, lightly biting the inside of your lips because of the second-hand embarrassment.
"i know," he replied using your words, a slight smile on his face. your eyebrows slightly furrow hearing his answer. word of mouth does spread like wildfire, the same word of mouth you get to know him might be the same word of mouth that make him know you. he must have been thinking why would you help him.
"i've got to catch the train," you said back, him knowing you makes you openly communicate on how you get home. stepping away from the shack, leaving him behind, you walk to the gate where the security guard bids you farewell and you gave them a nod with a small smile.
as you arrived at the train station on your way to seoul station, you can see the rush hour commuters filling up the station. seeing from your phone that you are 10 minutes late from when you've intended to arrive, you untangled the wired earphones and turned the music on after you plugged them in your ears, pulling out your newest book you start to out from your bag as you see the front lights on the train coming from the dark underground tunnel. stepping into a pretty empty car, you instantly lean against the usual part of yours beside the door, one arm wrapping around and behind the silver handle beside the door as other passengers come in to fill up the middle area. you opened your book with both hands available as you lean back against the wall, starting your journey back home later than usual.
an hour and 22 minutes later, arriving at the same station you ride for the day as a few people other than you also stepping out, the sun has sunk into the horizon at exactly 18:00 on the digital clock of the station. you take your steps down the short flight of stairs and tap out using the transport card, seeing the lights at the buildings around the stations starting to light up one by one as you walk the thin road down the street and a few of the shopkeepers waving at you while walking past their shop. a small town where everyone knew everyone, other than tourists that visit of course.
turning the last corner, you see the warm light of mom's cafe under one other story. seeing her figure getting clearer, pouring stuff into cups behind the counter as you see kids younger than you sitting whilst playing card games on one table at the corner. the soft bell chimes as the door got pushed, and all the heads turn towards you. you give a smile as you see the kids wave and call your name, slowly walk to see the cards of halli galli laying on the table, before walking behind the counter, pulling your backpack off, seeing as it is your 'shift' starting for the next hour from the clock hanging on the wall near the cash register.
you've been trying to help mom for at least an hour after school since your second year of middle school, learning how her business works and how to greet customers, which are mostly the people in your town and your friends that went to the same school as yours. you never miss your time to help mom even though she worries that you might take a shower too late. yet, you insist, silently sitting your backpack by the entrance of the counter after arriving and taking your place at the cash register where mom can focus on making orders and cleaning up for closing.
that's when you heard the bell chime and two people with large backpacks stepping in. foreign tourists.
one of your town’s incomes comes from tourism as the people inhabiting there are smart enough to take care of their environment while also making interesting business. mom's cafe is one of the tourist attractions—reviews that you read said that her cafe has the right balance of minimalism, tropical, and traditionalism—serving staple snacks like dalgona to kimbap to serving freshly roasted coffee that is always prepared every morning.
you can hear the tourist muttering with each other. their backpacks are so tall it shows from their back as they walk towards the cashier where they skim-read the menu, talking with each other in a language that you can understand. german.
"Guten Abend¹," you spoke, making the two tourists' eyes widen as they smile warmly at you and a look of gladness seem to show their eyes for a split second. because from examining the words that you heard them say, they were confused about who should talk as it is not the urban setting they used to travel where people can easily speak in the lingua franca. introvert travelers, something you might aspire to be in the future as well.
"Was möchten Sie bestellen?²" you continue as they both stood in front of the counter, hands holding either side on the thick paper menu while you see their pupils from behind the counter tracing the fonts of the product the cafe is selling.
"Was empfehlen Sie?³" one of them asked, making you think about all the drinks on the menu that mom curated years ago when you got reminded of a few drinks you like that mom started putting on the menu in your first year of high school.
"Ich persönlich empfehle unsere Eisschokolade und Latte⁴," you said while pointing to the two variants of drinks, darting at them as they are staring from the menu and then at you. you look at mom who just taking a peep at you at the cashier, eyes trailing to the kids that looked at you bewildered, them knowing you that don't really like to speak but then speaking in a language so alien to them.
"Ich habe geholfen, den Geschmack selbst zu testen, und seitdem sind sie meine Lieblingsgetränke⁵." you leaned forward and jokingly whispered to the two tourists as they see you playfully moving your eyebrow, giggling between each other before they said they will get them with some baked goods.
as a daughter of a language and literature major, mom has always wanted her child to be multilingual like her or maybe more. as both of your parents now realized how important that is to be able to speak multiple languages as a child, they started to teach you other languages around the same time you learn your mother tongue, getting you to familiarize the many languages in the world through movies, songs, and books.
as one of your job is usually helping mom with her cafe since she is working mostly a one-woman-show for most of the time until holidays, you got to train the languages that you learned to the international visitors that arrived, asking what they want to order, listening in closely to how their accent works while improving yours to sound better. one of your goals in life is to learn an ancient language so you can able to read texts originally written in them such as latin or sanskrit.
"Auf Wiedersehen!⁶" you greet the tourist goodbye as you open the glass door for them, ruffling the hair of the kids that walked behind them who are starting to yawn while also doing high fives or fist bumps to them, closing the glass door as the kids walk into the street, immediately running on the asphalt roads to their houses.
you can hear the clicks behind you and the reflected lights on the glass puff out, the dark street lit by streetlights is now much clearer from behind the glass. you turn the sign at the door from 'open' to 'close' as you can hear mom calling your name. seeing her giving an endearing smile to you as you walk to pick up your bag and then to the back door towards the stairs to your home upstairs. resting for the night to repeat your routine once again by the morning, but you're starting to wonder about jongseong's hands you helped heal.
'have they gotten better?' you wonder as you settle inside your room, lighting up the candle at your bedside table.
-
a week has passed since the inauguration of the new student council members, and the memory of claps and cheers as each name is called to the stage while being introduced on which position they received starts to be brought back into your mind. you remembered seeing jongseong climb up on the stage as he walks to stand right beside jisung—who already has his own student council blazer, hearing claps and a few chants from his two friends that sat rows in front where you sat.
you and suyeon sat in the corner of the auditorium. some of your vision was obstructed by a pillar, yet, you can still view the council on stage as they took their bow, your eyes stuck to jongseong for a split second before you whispered to suyeon that you wanted to leave early, an uncomfortable feeling flooded your mind as you rather do something more productive like homework than stay. as you looked back towards the stage one last time to close the auditorium's door, you saw jongseong's eyes looking towards the door, towards a small silhouette he recognized as you who was stepping back and closing the door.
the slam of the door startles you from your gaze at the pattern of the bus right beside yours. your trance is covered by the music playing from your wired earphones as you see a teacher entering your bus, signaling to the driver that everyone is in. you look at the empty seat beside you where you put your backpack, the seat that was supposed to be for suyeon who is not able to go cause she has flu.
today was your school trip and you don't know where you are going. knowing the money your school has, they will probably bring you somewhere entertaining but also educating, renting premium buses with leather seats, buying fast-food chain foods and beverages that you all will probably get at lunch. you can hear the muffled talks of the people behind you even though the volume of the music you're hearing is nearly 50%, voices that crescendo as not only is your class in it, but also the other class right beside yours, jongseong's class.
sneakily turning your head, you glance at jongseong who is sitting in his two-seater with his bag and a neck pillow on the seat beside him, his figure turned around to reach his hand towards jaeyun and sunghoon sitting right behind him as they bicker. you remember jongseong's widened eyes when he steps inside the bus to see you sitting right at the front two-seater by the stairs leading down to the door, he paused on one stair as you turn your gaze away to your playlist, noticing in secret his friends nudge his lower back to quickly make him move forward inside, seating only two rows behind you on the other column.
resting your head against the cold window's glass, you can see the view outside, unlike your peers who immediately close their window with the tied curtain where they sat as if their skin will burn like a vampire would when they are exposed to sunlight. you can see the concrete barrier and the lack of motorcycles on the road, seeing the trees staying in place, unable to keep up to stay in your vision. feeling your eyelids slowly drooping from the soothing bus driving on the asphalt, your eyes see a blurry sign as it tells you where you are headed, now widening as you see the name of your suburban city nearest to your hometown. now way are we going there, right?
well, after viewing familiar buildings a few minutes later, you sit up straight on the leather seat as the bus enters the road that you usually see from time to time, seeing the back of other buses right in front of yours from the large front window. you see the entrance of the station you usually transit at when you go to seoul. the bus then follows the road as the sign of tall buildings slowly dissipates, arriving at a large parking lot for buses as you can see the building you haven't gone to in a long time. the aquarium.
as the bus hiss from the brake and stumble as it stops, you look at the blue-themed building with a few coral-reef-inspired sculpting on the roof of it. the teacher in front says that you only need to bring your important belongings to make it easier for mobility, so you slip your phone, earphones, wallet, and a pen inside your uniform blazer's large pocket as you stay put, waiting for the tangled queue to fix itself before stepping out last.
your feet lightly bounce from landing on the asphalt to queue up with your class as jongseong's class does the same. jongseong standing only a few people away from you as you can see other classes from the six classes of your year walking in line to the building, seeing a glimpse of the underground train station entrance where you used to visit here years back.
hands behind your back as politely as possible, you bow to the aquarium staff greeting you in as your homeroom teacher said that our job for today's study tour is to observe and make an essay about what we observed at home. the students let out a sigh of relief as you line up to enter the dark entrance illuminated by the lights coming from fishes and jellyfishes-shaped lanterns right beside the contrasting bright colors of the gift shop. as you step in, you see small aquariums on each side of the wall, and a few of your classmates leaning in closer to the aquariums as they see the sea creatures swimming inside.
you walk more inwards into the establishment, stepping on top of a glass floor where you can see the water and fishes swimming below you. yet, your vision is attracted to a rectangle pillar aquarium that extends from the ceiling to the ground full of orange-colored fish, the lights coming from below highlight the orange hue of the fishes in a right way and contrast it with the water's blue. you step towards it and lean forward to focus on one of the fishes, seeing it swimming across your vision as another small school swims to the other side.
what you didn't know was that someone was also observing the fishes across from yours, your eyes landed on theirs who are watching the school of orange-colored fishes.
jongseong's eyes trail down following the fishes as you can see his silhouette on the other side of the pillar-shaped aquarium, the rich blue hue from the light and the water's color making him have a vibrant yet monochromatic blue palette. his eyes landed on yours as you stood there, unable to move away. you straighten your spine as he follows, eyes looking at the fishes that doing rounds around the aquarium, slightly seeing jongseong's eyes still looking at you. you felt shudders coming up your shoulder as you look away from him to see a large screen-liked window that still looks large as ever from the memory of your childhood right behind jongseong's figure.
you walk around the pillar to the light blue-colored, large aquarium, seeing the large fishes like rays spreading their bodies as they swim, much more schools of fishes of different kinds swim all over the place as the decorations inside make it seem like you are seeing the ocean floor right as it is. footsteps are heard behind your figure and rested on your right side. peeking from the corner of your eyes, jongseong's figure stands there, looking up at the large aquarium glass. you turn back towards it as you admire the creatures swimming in harmony and peace.
"how can they look so graceful?" you muttered unconsciously. eyes moving all over the place as you followed new fishes that shows up in your vision.
"don't you live near the sea? you might see them before if you go into one." jongseong's words make you almost turn your head as you force it to pause. you never told him before that you live by the sea directly. the only time you mention you live by the sea was last year and he wasn't in your class last year. 'the thin walls have done its job right', you sighed.
"the last time i went into the ocean was 10 years ago," you mumbled, the corner of your lips slightly lifted, hoping he still be able to hear from your small volume. nevertheless, you took a side step closer to the boy as you want to tell him the words that are left on the tip of your tongue.
"and i almost died." he turns his head slightly towards you, seeing you give a nod with a tight lip smile.
sometimes, all the fantasies that you've read or watched got the best of you. you were in love with merfolks and sea creatures stories 10 years ago, believing that because you live near a sea does mean that you might find a merfolk friend or a talking fish sidekick that wants to be by your side.
you went into the ocean alone that day, already learned how to swim and float from practices mom and dad take turns to do for you. wearing your goggles, you swim into the water like what you trained before when you see something glimmer down there. you thought it was a treasure or even better, atlantis.
but, the dream must come to an end when you felt like you can't move one of your legs and you were in too deep, feeling yourself sinking down as you can only see the light being refracted by the ocean's water, air bubbles floating around you as you can see the surface of the water getting farther and farther from your goggle-covered eyes. fighting back to float is no use as your legs are numbing, closing your eyes to let demise take you.
that is when you felt you're being pulled up by your clothes, opening your eyes to see dad's blurry figure floating on the water from the salty water filling up the bottom of your goggle. his hands wrapping around you tight while he grabs a buoy and you can feel yourself being pulled.
that's when you grew to fear the inside of the ocean, a mild thalassophobia as a more fancy term. but, your fear came with a sense of respect as you seemingly can't look away if you came across one.
by the looks from where you stood, jongseong's fascination for the creatures of the sea seems to be new after taking some glimpses of him viewing the swimming fishes as large or larger than you two behind a thick layer of glass, sticking his eyes to one as it swims from the left to right then focusing on another afterward.
jay looks down to see an open palm right in front of him, trailing his vision to see you and your front side as the light illuminates it blue.
"do you want to get away and see the ocean yourself?" he turns to look at you facing him before looking away somewhere on his right, moving your head slightly to see the red numbers on a digital clock. the hand that you let out starts to tremble slightly, which stops when you felt something on it and felt it interlock between your fingers. it was jongseong's hands as he face back towards you, and you wrapped your fingers as well before dragging him away from the large aquarium window.
successfully sneaking past a few teachers and students thanks to the dim hallways of the aquarium, you both meet the sun outside the building where you guide him to run to the underground train station that you saw. walking down the stairs of the less-crowded station, you let out your wallet to pick up your card when you felt a tug, almost stumbling yourself before you find your balance. turning back towards the boy, you see him look between you and the wallet you're holding. him rubbing the back of his neck as he looks down.
"i don't have one of those cards for public transport," he said, making your eyes widen and your head tilt.
'what does he mean he doesn't have a public transport smart card?' was what crossed your mind when you realize why in a flash. jongseong spent most of his time in his own car, being transported here and there by his personal chauffeur.
suppressing a chuckle, you guide him to the machine where you can buy a transport smart card, him having a confused look on his face. you lean forward as you point to where he can put his debit card whilst pressing a few buttons on the touch screen. he pulls out his wallet and debit card to put it in the slot, giving you a nod as his confused expression looked at you picking the sparkly blue type of the various designs and the amount of money to be in the card, putting a specific amount—the exact amount to pay from when you go forth and back to the beach—as you know that he might not be using much after this.
seeing the transport card slotted out as he picks up his debit card, you pull it out and put it on his open palm, walking away first as you tap your own card at the gate. you looked back as you heard the same beep and him stepping to your side of the gate.
you lead him to the platforms—silently glad that there's only one line stopping at this station, seeing the train that is on its way to the opposite way you're going leaving, making you there with jongseong and a few security guards by each platform. you gently wrapped your hand around his wrist as he follows you to a seat underneath the sign of the station name at the side of the stairs. you looked down to let go of jongseong's wrist, drying your palm on the fabric of your uniform.
jay looks at you leaning against the wall behind him while looking down at your feet. he wonders if people notice you two disappearing or not, but by its looks, it is not your first rodeo in leaving class as you look as relaxed as ever. his eyes wandered to the unfamiliar train station he had never been to before, seeing the liminal space empty while advertisements banners also posters decorated small spaces at the pillars on top of a poster of, what he observed, a route map full of various colors of lines going vertically, horizontally, and diagonally. that's when he heard a muted chugging behind the glass window and door across from him, a dark concrete wall on the other side. he saw you straightening yourself up and standing up as you walk to the marked tiles on the floor where doors are, looking back at him before standing up by himself.
the train stops as the doors open and you both step into a pretty empty car. you point to the empty seats near you as jay walks to it and seats at the edge of the row, glancing at the seat beside him and you who instead stand in front of him, grabbing the handle hanging from the ceiling as the door stops and both of your body waver from the moving train.
"you're not gonna sit?" you see him looking up at you. you put your lips into a straight line and shooked your head, seeing him nod as the train runs on the rail, looking at the other cars from the windows at both ends from the one you are in, didn't see any uniform-wearing kids on the train. when the train stops at the first station of three that you have to pass until the end of the line, you see a mother and her son after finishing school stepping into the car. you put a small smile on your face as you can hear the son being excited to visit the beach that you and jongseong are also going to go to.
you've always wanted to have a younger sibling, seeing the little community of yours in a school setting where most of your classmates has sibling older or younger by a few years, being able to go to school and back together. but, as much as your parents try, they struggle a lot and ultimately give up by the time you almost drown yourself.
you were lonely, hearing stories from your friends about how their siblings and they play together while you lay on your stomach on your living room carpet, hearing the electric fan hum while you colored a coloring book until some of your friends ask you to go outside. instead, your loneliness is the one that grows your confidence even beneath your silent shell, being able to interact, in your mind, better than people in your town such as having connections with the storekeepers around the town.
you heard the last station's name—the name of the beach you're going to, walking towards the door as you heard the mother and son walking towards your vacant side. looking at jongseong who sat beside where you stand, you push your palm out which he instantly holds. the train stops and the door opens when you and he walk together, following the son that drags the mother with giggles coming from her as you climb the stairs out, tapping your card at the gate with jongseong right behind you.
the familiar saltiness of the sea can be smelled as you climb the last flight up to the surface, the mother and son that climbs before you two disappear into the light of the sky. you can hear the seagulls and the familiar sound of the rolling waves fading in as you step out, taking a breath of the air coming from the blue wavy ocean across from you, seeing the granite half wall blocking the sand on the other side. the empty road enables you two to immediately walk to where the wall is from the station entrance, steps following right behind you as you lean against the half wall while looking out to the view that you can't get enough of.
you felt jongseong's shoulder touching yours as he stood on your left, hearing him breathing in the air like you did before. you both face the south and see the sun that is now on its way heading west, you look to the east instead where he also leans against the wall. jay peeks at you as you look behind him to the horizon at the east, seeing a thin lighter shade of orange on the edge of the horizon, eyes squinting in confusion before you point your hand towards the east.
"my home is that way, kilometers away," you murmured as you inform someone at your high school for the first time where you exactly live. jongseong has known more about you by what he said back in the aquarium than you intended, making you just open up to him more than you do to suyeon even though you're closer to her.
yet, what is the meaning of close when you have helped him before? him joining you to leave his friends just so that you can stare at the ocean that is 70% of what the earth has? you still have lingering doubts in your mind that jongseong might tell you away since you can't take back the words you say seconds ago, but you also have a lingering thought that he can keep it a secret, the same thing you did as you didn't tell anyone about him hurting himself.
the walls in your school are very thin, as people say. anyone knows anyone's gossip and problems, crafting stereotypes that students can't seem to escape from, including you and even new students like suyeon who enter in the middle of the academic year. how you can know about the boy beside you is from the thin walls, allowing you to analyze people in your school more, something that you know you shouldn't take for granted knowing the elites you went to school with. and yet, you always like to be stealthy, letting out small pieces of yourself implicitly and for a small amount of time. they now know you don't live in seoul and studying there with a scholarship has given you hardship that you have to sustain, what if you're more flamboyant like them? more open? in your mind, it will ruin you more.
jay follows where your hand is pointed, the horizon there swallows the edges of the sky, water, sand, and buildings, not noticing that you're not beside him when he doesn't see your pointing finger anymore. turning around, he sees you stepping down a flight of stairs—not even five steps—to the sand on the other side of the wall. the indentation on the sand from your shoes can be seen as you walk near the water that receded back into the ocean. jay can't help but follow your figure as you took a step closer now on the wet sand, the wave rolling to the land as the water reaches your shoes, but you didn't flinch as it brushes your sole or even a few fabric on top of it.
you turn your head when you heard jongseong's light shriek behind you, can't stop yourself from letting out a giggle and take a stride towards him who looks down with an embarrassed smile on his face, his hand on his chest as you see him taking deep but erratic breaths. your hand naturally reaches out to him, holding his figure by the side of his upper arms, rubbing them as you can hear him now have a more stable pace. yours and his eyes met as you view his face, the small breeze of wind blowing your cheeks as the sleeves' ends of your uniform flowing from it. you let your hands trail down his sleeve and arms to his hands, finally noticing the light marks from his bandage-less knuckles and fingers from when you patch him, moving one of them away to lock the other with yours as he lets you drag him along the sandy beach away from the stairs.
a cluster of shells rested on top of the creamy sand, colors of mostly white and pastel hues of brown and pink attracting your eyes as you let go of jongseong's hand and walk to reach them, seeing the shiny sheen on the outside being reflected by the sun like pearls. you took tiny steps as you observe the variant of the shells being left by small crabs or other critters when you found a periwinkle shell that has such nice ridges and a solid color, then you crouch down and pick it up, brushing the sand outside and inside of it away as you put it in front of the sun, seeing some of the parts let the ray thinly pass.
turning your body around, you see jongseong's eyes on the shells with his hand beside his uniform pants. sneakily walk around his range of vision, you arrive at his side where he looks at you widening the pocket on his blazer, dropping in the shell you picked before closing it and give a light tap before you turn away and back to the shells.
you walk to where more shells can be found, crouching down as you try to see it closer, feeling the skirt around your legs brushing your skin as you see the abandoned yet beautiful items. you can hear your name being called from the sea as your eyes are slowly hypnotized by the swirling blues. a hand on the shoulder lets out a tiny startle from you as you see jongseong holding a shell of his own as he crouched beside you.
"for you," he said as he opens up his palm to show you a small ceriths shell, giving him a small smile as you pick it up and put it in your pocket when you notice a reminder notification on your phone lighting the inside of your pocket. picking it up, you see the reminder that you put before stepping into the bus earlier in the day and the time at the top. you straighten your knees as you look at jongseong while giving a solemn smile, he answers with the same look as he stood up and takes a last look at the ocean before walking away to the station.
you looked down at your hand and his tangled with each other, realizing that you've been doing it the whole time you went away with him as it swings from the moving train, trailing the hand that is holding yours to his figure that looks at the screen on top of the door. you pointed at the empty chairs again when you enter the car, instead, he took your hand in his and stood beside you the whole time. you wanted to let go, but as you felt his thumb rubbing against the back of your hands, you incline to not do it, letting it remain until you arrived at the station where the aquarium is at.
"yo, where've you been?" jay looks towards his friends both in their seats as jake asked him. he only tilts his head slightly as a tiny smirk grows on his face, looking at the window in front of him of you walking away to go somewhere. he wonders that since your home is close by, can you actually stay here rather than follow the others to seoul? in his mind, he knows that it might be a nuisance for you to go back and forth between the cities just because you go to school at one and home at the other, so he hoped you convince the teacher to stay like he wanted to as he stood behind to look at your silhouette in front of the blue sea.
he sees the teacher responsible for his bus stepping inside and counting the heads on the seats from the front of the bus. he can't help but look to the aquarium building you probably went into. where are you?
"okay, we have one more person left. please contact them if you know where they ar-"
"sorry miss…"
the teacher looks back as you emerge from behind her, now holding a gift shop bag with the aquarium logo and its aquatic design as you climb inside and step into your seat, which he does notice now the absence of a head beside you. the door closes as the bus hiss and drives away back to seoul. he leans back against his seat as he looks either to the window of grassy fields and forest of trees or your seat a few rows in front of him.
you, on the other hand, had continued to let the bag sit properly on the empty seat beside your own backpack. since suyeon is sick today and can't come for the trip, you made up your mind before the bus leaves to buy her a souvenir to wherever you go for the trip as you have some spare money to do so. putting your earphones in and taking out another new book, you spend the next hour riding from the suburban closer to your home and away from it back to the capital.
as you look at the dispersing crowd being picked up by their respective car, you felt the vibration on your hand as you successfully get suyeon's address, pretty close to a station as you recall the seoul metro lines you mostly memorize. pocketing the phone in your pocket and crouching down to tie your shoes before you took a step towards the pavement, you can hear your name being called. slowly looking up, you see an open window of a car stopped on the road in front of you, jongseong's figure sitting inside the backseat.
"where you going?" you heard jongseong say as you walk closer to his car, not wanting him to use too much of his voice. you pointed towards the bag that you hold and the gate of the school, seeing a beige-colored seat beside him with his school bag sitting on top, enough for you to compare the dark tone of the seats in dad's car that your family used from time to time.
"dropping it for my friend," you mumbled to help him gain the context. that's when you saw him looking at the bag you hold before replying.
"let me bring you there."
you shook your head as you give a small smile, comfortable enough to take the train instead as it is your main form of transportation.
"i insist. after bringing me to the sea."
you blinked your eyes as you looked at the other cars starting to leave one by one, getting reminded of what kind of setting you are in and how different it is from the ones you get from middle school where students are separated mostly by foot or bicycles. that's when you got reminded that suyeon doesn't know that you don't use a car to school. seeing jongseong moving towards the empty side of the backseat, you think that riding his car may be a good cover-up of the 'where's your car?' question she asked all the time as you finished the school day.
you gently open the car door in front of you as you enter the sleek black matte-colored high-class sedan, the interior much different from the outside when you see a man in the front seat, the chauffeur, giving a smile through the rearview mirror. smelling a citrus smell as you see the air freshener hanging at the front, jongseong slips his backpack to the floor of his seat as he glimpses at you closing the door.
"miss, can you tell me the address of the house?" you perked up as you heard the chauffeur ask, saying before that that you can call him mr. kim. as the car rolls down the streets of seoul after you told him the address of suyeon's house, you cannot help but look at the glass skyscrapers with their marble bases rising up into the sky.
the last time you went to visit your grandparents in seoul, you were sleeping in the backseat of the car so you haven't seen any changes after a long time of not going to downtown seoul with the commercialized street and the buzzing businesses more internationally known and invested. as the car enters the alleys like the ones you usually walk into when you're on your way to the school, you see cafes and restaurants with smaller retail stores then followed by a more residential area with stone walls acting as fences, the car stops in front of the exact number of suyeon's house with a glazed wooden gate at the front, a definite need for a middle-up class house in wealthy seoul.
walking to the white button that stands out from the dark grey wall, you press it, hearing a bell ringing as you can see the black dot on top, the house camera. as you live in a less-technologized house, you wonder why houses and apartments in seoul use cameras, but living in an urban setting is much more dangerous as you hear homicide cases being done in big cities like seoul and busan on the news.
you wait silently with both of your hands holding the straps of the bag, discreetly looking back to the car as you wonder what jongseong might be doing or thinking about you giving something as affordable as a souvenir to a friend.
the sound of the gate being open and a few sneezes right behind it makes you look forward, suyeon is standing in a casual outfit, her nose has a crimson tint to it and a tissue on one of her hands.
"(y/n), what are you doing here?" she asked as you give out the gift shop bag to her. her eyes slowly turn bright and picking up the bag out of your hands, seeing what you bought her as you let out a small smile.
"aww so cute. thank you and sorry for getting sick." she puts down the bag and hugs you, making you stumble back as you didn't count for the hug to happen.
"you must be suffering from how lonely you are." she then pouts, your giggle enters her ears as she pulls away from you after whispering.
"i don't want to make you sick." you patted her hands after what she muttered before she slips back inside while waving with the other hand not holding the bag, you let out a chuckle as she sneezes again after closing the gate.
you turn to face the way to the nearest station that you can ride on your way to seoul station when you heard something sliding. you see the window at jongseong's side being open, mr. kim also looks toward you.
"i'm gonna go to the station now, thank you for the ride," you muttered before turning away and you heard jongseong's voice.
"you can ride with me again, to safe less money." he tried to convince you. you tried to shake away your head as you don't want to burden him, but jongseong has insisted before. and by the looks of it, he will do it again if you tried to deny the offer. you let out a small nod before stepping onto the seat you sat on before.
as the car stopped at the entrance of seoul station, you turn towards jongseong and mr. kim for the last time as you mumble a small “thank you” before going out of the car to enter the station. jay didn't know he was holding his breath the whole time it happened that he finally let it out as you turn a corner inside the station. he looks down at his lap as he remembers what happened in the past hours between him and you.
"if i were you, i won't let her go."
"huh?" jay looks up to see mr. kim looks at him through the rearview mirror, and a small smile that looks genuine decorates his face.
"she's a nice lady. bringing her friend a gift because they can't go on a trip? i've never seen that kind of kindness in a long time." jay turns towards the station, still being able to see the remnants of you leaving the car as it walks farther and farther.
"ah… yeah…" jay mumbles out as his hands unconsciously go to the pockets of the blazer he still wore.
"did you two go somewhere other than the aquarium? you mentioned the sea before when talking to her." jay looks surprised that mr. kim notices what he is told as his hands slip into the pocket, feeling two items sitting there as he pulls them out. the blue transport card and shell you give to him now sat beside him in the middle between where he sat and where you sat.
"yes, we did."
-
jongseong asking you to hang out on the last day of final exams and school before summer vacation was the least expected thing you have ever thought. yet, here he is showing up behind you and suyeon who are talking about the exam you went through and what you are doing in the summer, her saying she'll be going to japan while you replied by 'going to the sea', which is half-true because you have to help mom with her cafe as it is the holidays. after he asks, you felt a nudge on your arm as you peek at suyeon's who is leaning to your ear.
"since when are you close with jay?" you turn your head to see her squinting her eyes, a smirk on her face as she teasingly wiggles her eyebrow, hoping that the boy she talked about didn't hear what she said.
you and she have been open up about both of your love life—or whatever that is called as a teenager—in you two's corner of the cafeteria. when you mention you never dated anyone, you remembered the shock on her face as she complains while complimenting how attractive in every aspect you are, making you shyly look down. since that day, she has been jokingly pairing you up with people in your year and a few seniors. it is a miracle that she hasn't mentioned jongseong yet when she remembered jisung, yedam, and surprisingly also jaeyun and sunghoon.
"a long story." is what you can reply to her as she raised her eyebrows playfully before sarcastically excusing herself to leave the two of you alone, the rest of her fingers excluding her pinky and thumb folded, forming a "call me" gesture before walking away, maybe even making her skip giddily given the good mood she has.
jongseong continues to talk about how he wants to bring you to lotte world, the indoor amusement park you haven't gone to but you are intrigued. you've seen multiple variety shows on tv shoot their shows there, specifically a running man episode years ago where they use the amusement park's roller coaster as a part of their game. you remember seeing a few adverts around christmas time where they promote their skating rink. the childish lens of going to an amusement park covers your eyes as you think back about how fun it must look on tv, and how it must be more fun to be there yourself. that's why you say yes, making you text mom that you can't come home early.
what you also not expecting was that instead of using his car and mr. kim's service, he walks beside you as you both walk along the pavement to ride to the train station nearest to the school. your startled face makes him inform you that he asked mr. kim to pick him up after you both finish and him wanting to explore seoul's subway, seeing the blue transport card you pick for him the last time you went together with a train. the surprise doesn't even come from you only, but also from the security guard as you both walk past them, seeing their widened eyes before a small grin on their face is formed as they greet you and jongseong farewell.
you mostly take the lead in riding the train and where you should stop and transit at, seeing students your age also riding the train who sometimes you catch their eyes looking at you two. you wonder if it is because of your uniform and school logo, jongseong who stands beside you near the walls as you know your school is famous with other people including its students—excluding you, or the fact that you openly hold his hand in public where gossip can just fly around. they don't even know who you are or even search who you are on the internet if they want to find out. the walls aren't just thin at your school, you realized. they can also be just as thin in the city of seoul.
as you both arrive at jamsil station, you both stride in the winding hallways that are getting thinner and thinner to see the lotte world entrance in front of you. you feel chills on your skin as the air conditioner hits you when you step inside and walk immediately to the entrance to pay for the entry. with cash money that you've held cause you don't buy lunch at school, you take them out and give them to jongseong as he paid using his card. seeing him almost denying your money makes you squint your eyes as you nudge it towards him, making him chuckle as he accepts them.
you see the vast openness of the top floor of lotte world where most of the rides are, seeing people with their crowds, children with their families, and much more people wearing school uniforms as it is a staple to wear uniforms to lotte world that you saw a uniform rental place before entering. you see the skating rink below full of a sea of people, wanting to do it too but don't know if the time is enough. your eyes wander elsewhere when you see a stand full of headbands with people surrounding it and people in uniforms wearing headbands of their own, making you walk towards it.
you see the different headbands as jongseong stood beside you. your eyes catch onto a gray cat ear headband as you pick them up, feeling the soft faux fur on the palm of your hand as you turn towards jongseong and place it on his head. jongseong's surprised look makes you giggle as you pick another one for yourself and walk to the cashier, your turn in buying the headbands.
"you do know, i'm allergic to cats, right?" he whispers behind you as you shook your head, pulling out your own debit card and giving it to the cashier.
"i picked cat ears cause you're very elegant," you replied when the cashier gives back your card and the receipt, putting the headbands on him and you.
"while i like to be lazy just like they do." you jokingly said as you turn around and walk away, leaving jongseong alone to collect his thought before following you.
you both made a promise to take turns in buying stuff as you express with a look of disgust on your face the idea that he should pamper you cause you are the opposite sex, making him chuckle as you both continue to wander around. you didn't know that it also includes which ride you're going to take when he asks you.
'me?' you pointed to yourself as he replied a "yes". so, you stopped him and point to the viking ride then to the 360-degree track at one corner by the other. you grab his hand and dragged him across the avenue to the roller coaster you point, realizing it is the same roller coaster you see from the running man episode some years ago.
you felt giddy as you prepped yourself to climb inside the cart after putting away your belongings and headband. as you've already felt secured in the seat after the staff secured your restraints, you look towards jongseong who stares at you, eyes trembling. you let out your hands towards him which he grabs as the cart surge forward, slowly climbing as you bite your lips looking at the ant-like people beneath you walking in the open space.
thus, you can't let your eyes open as the roller coaster cart goes down with the rail, screaming like the people in front and back of you. you heard jongseong's scream that makes you laugh so hard as you climb the 360-degree loop and another loop before you arrive back at the start, exhaling as you laugh from the excitement that jongseong follows as well.
stepping down from the ride, you see people crowding the avenue and hear the sounds of music from a marching band. the parade is starting and you jog to stand in the crowd that has formed, seeing the acrobats doing their performance, colorful colors of confetti fly all over the place, you and jongseong hold hands. as you heard the speaking voices and children's voices hooted in excitement, you heard people beside you speaking differently than the other, piquing your interest.
"¿Lo has encontrado?⁷" you turn your head to see a couple of tourists twisting the map. you understand almost everything you heard when you listen to them complaining.
letting go of his hands, jay sees you approaching some people and he follows you through the crowd to see you seemingly talking to them in a foreign language.
"¿Puedo ayudarte?⁸" he heard you say, making him raise his eyebrows.
"¿Puedes hablar Español?⁹" one of the people replied.
"Un poco…¹⁰" you said proudly. jay understood the last few sentences, having learning basic spanish back when he used to live in seattle and went to an american elementary school. as he continue listening then he got confused.
"Estamos tratando de encontrar la entrada a la montaña rusa¹¹." the other person beside them says as he sees you leaning forward while pointing at the map, he stood close enough to hear you converse using a much higher-level spanish than the ones he learned back in the US. seeing you converse freely like it's your second language. he sees you smile as the other two looks at each other before walking away.
"¡Muchas gracias!¹²" he sees you bow as the two tourists walk away.
"De nada…¹³" you replied as you give a small nod as the tourists cannot be seen anymore, looking down when you see the familiar hand holding yours.
"didn't know you can speak spanish…" he whispered as you turn to look back at him. your head tilts with a small smirk adorning your face before looking towards the big ship behind the crowds.
"let's go to the viking ride before it gets full." he lets you dragged him as you walk to the last ride of the day.
setting down the lunch and beverages you bought, you look around the cafe that jongseong brought you to outside of lotte world, he said that eating areas in the park are usually full around lunchtime, especially since tomorrow is the first day of summer vacation. so he brought you outside and walk to a cafe he found. you asked if he has been here before and surprisingly he hasn't, saying that he found them out when scrolling through recommended places on social media.
you sit there quietly, sometimes catching each other's eyes, and a smile tugs on both of your faces as the sounds of other people fill up the quietness instead with some clanks of utensils thrown in.
"thanks… for today and the food…" you murmured as he smiles back at you.
"you're welcome. really glad you enjoy it... i did some pre-planning unlike when you brought me to the sea." jongseong replied as you notice that you were the only ones in uniform in the cafe. looking back, you see him looking at the faded scars on the knuckles, the mark of the first time you truly interact with him.
"and thank you for patching me up." he added as you give a small wave of "no worries" that you hoped he can understand. he sighed as you gaze at him concerned, furrowing your eyebrows as you see him looking back at you.
"that day when i hurt myself… i was in a rage with myself for not winning the election." you heard him scoff as he straighten his pose.
"such a childish act if i thought back about it but that was the first time i've ever felt bitter about something." you slightly pouted your lips, hands paused as you try to be attentive towards him while he chuckled.
"i thought that my programs, visions, and missions are enough to be the pick as it isn't as lopsided as the others." he bobs his head, wetting his lips to help him continue to talk before a scowl starts to form on his face.
"and i thought that treating people equally is enough to make people vote for me." you look down at your food as you try your best to eat them up so that you don't lose appetite.
"that is until when i give you that rocher that it changes everything." your ears perked as you got mentioned and close your eyes as the doubts in your mind that day shows up and scream at you "told you so" that deafens what he is saying. but you shook your head away as it pauses to let you continue to listen.
"heard a rumor about me coinciding with you or such… making them turn off from voting for me to vote for the others instead." you wanted to blame yourself for that day after getting the full context from what he has spoken.
he lost because of you. because you accepted the chocolate and eat it after minutes to think about the consequences coming ahead and it became true. you felt disgusted with yourself that you've done such an act that damnifies him.
"but i don't regret it." you heard his voice penetrate through your thoughts. the sting in your eyes you didn't know was there slowly dissipates as your eyes raise to see him now looking at you.
"even with the rumors surrounding you, i get to see you in action when you give the new girl your own seat after her terrified look." your eyebrows raised as you blink rapidly from his perspective of the encounter.
"i was walking to grab my friend for the campaign when i see from the window. and that's when i started to think differently of you." his words make you slowly let go of the utensil you are holding gently on the plate in front of you.
"then when you helped patch me up? it solidified that you are a nice person without the glitz and glamour that i used to see on others around me." you let out a huge sigh as you take in what he said, sending warmth all over your body and your heart fell full.
you were mostly the same between what you do at home and school but the prejudice of you versus them just blinded the people other than suyeon who were probably around the same level as you mentally, deterred but resourceful. so you were starting to be glad that you did what you did to suyeon on her first day. all you wanted to do was to protect her and hopefully not see her being treated like you do.
"thank you for making me validated." your direct reply before continuing to eat.
jongseong is also alongside you when you ride to seoul station, sometimes asking you how many minutes it takes for you to travel between home and seoul, exposing to him the station name of where your little town is that you cannot take back, pinky fingers wrapped around each other as your other hand grip the handle on the train.
as you both stepped out of the train at seoul station, you brought him near the gate as the transit to the line you're going on next is the same way as the exit. you stood near the middle of the big hall as you wanted to let go of his pinky but instead, the grip tightens, making you lightly hit him on his arms before pouting.
successfully letting go, you walked away when you felt a tug on your wrist and your body being embraced in his arms, knocking the breath out of your lungs as he part away with a concerned look on his face when you smooth your hands against his, feeling your fingertips against the scars on his knuckles.
you looked around to see the digital clock as the train is almost coming, slowly letting go of his hands as you walk backward, waving your hand at him with a smile on your face before turning around to walk to your platform, leaving jay alone as he lingers his gaze at your retreating body before walking to the gate and meets up with mr. kim is at the parking lot of the station.
you lean your temple against the wall as you gaze at the sun setting down with its orange and purple sky as oohyo's song is playing in both of your ears, hands lightly wrapped against the metal handle to help your body not flail. another transit and another train ride later, you arrived at the station where the sun has fully disappeared and the moon and stars were much more visible, finally has their time to shine.
you see mom at the counter after saying farewell in a foreign language you understand to a solo traveler as they walked out of the cafe, seeing you entering with a smile on her face that you mimic back.
"how's your day?" you heard her ask as you put down your bag to help mom close the cafe. you replied with a thumbs-up, hearing her giggles entering your ears.
"so, who's this friend you went out with?" you looked from the corner of your eyes to see mom wiggling her eyebrows making your pursed your lips.
"it's just this boy that i helped and he helped me back," you said as little as possible, knowing that at dinner both your parents want to know everything. they are high school lovers after all and will tease you to death if they can find those little tendencies you're now having with the boy you mentioned to her, making the corner of your lips tug as you let out a smile.
the smell of roasted coffee sticks on you for the past summer as you return to the counters after serving the beverages. the whole summer vacation you have is used to help mom as your theories are true. not only are you doing full-time for her because of the increasing amount of customers, mom even opens more summer job applications for your friends in the neighborhood to help her.
today is exactly one week before summer vacation ends. you stay true to the words you said to suyeon when you tell her you're staying by the sea, seeing notifications by her giving you updates on going to harry potter world in osaka while you give a photo of the sea a few meters away from your home.
you have fulfilled your promise to tell her about your blooming friendship with jongseong, sometimes interchangeable with calling him jay even though you've always called him jongseong in your mind. you remember her talk with you in your bedroom, a reply saying along the lines of "i'm happy for you and i'll support you along the way."
the reminder of the words of support forms a small smile on your face as you help put the freshly baked pastries and cakes that one of your middle school friends give to you into the display case. crouching down to make it easier to put, you heard the ringing bell by the entrance of the cafe, making you straighten your feet as you look towards the entrance to greet the new customer.
it's jongseong, looking around confused before his eyes are now on you, a smirk showing up on his face after realizing he’s in the right place.
you rub your palm against your apron as you head to the cashier where he walks towards, stifling a chuckle as you can see your other friends teasingly look at you before going to the kitchen to help mom. you lean against the counter as you see jongseong looking at the menu in front of him.
"welcome, how may i help you?" you said with confidence in your voice. he risen his eyebrows while slightly biting his lips, looking up at you.
"can i order an iced americano and your favorite drink? both takeaways," he replied, making you chuckle as you look away while he continues.
"and your time, if you can. the drink is for you too, i'll buy them." you looked up as you pursued your lips to contain your smile.
you squinted your eyes as you lifted your apron slightly and widened your arms to the situation you're currently in, that's when you felt hands on your shoulder as you peek beside you to see mom.
"you must be jongseong…" she directly said as you turn towards her, not trying to panic as you see him nod with a slight crease on his face.
"i'm (y/n)'s mother, nice to meet you!" you see jongseong shaking his hand with mom's as he greets her, looking between you and mom as you see from the corner of your eyes her teasing smile.
"you know what? as (y/n)'s boss, technically, you can end your shift early." your eyes widen as you look at mom after hearing her words, opening your mouth and wanting to refute when she cuts in.
"but you're making his orders first before leaving. you can put the apron at the counter right beside the beans." mom said as you see her leave to talk with the other workers to see how they are doing. you looked back towards him as you nod and let your hand out for his payment.
he waited at the other side of the counter as you created your drinks, iced americano for him, and iced chocolate for you. the sound of you preparing the beverages filled the air between the two of you while you can smell the distinct caffeine smell. putting your apron down on the counter like what mom said, you picked up the two beverages and give one to jongseong, saying farewell to your friend that replaces you at the cashier as you see her giving you a wink before you teasingly roll your eyes and left the cafe. shaking the cup in your hand to help stir the drink inside as you walk mindlessly on the street with jongseong following behind.
"what made you come here?" you look towards him as he turns his head to see you.
"just wanting to visit you. last time we talked on that train you mention where you'd live. so why not visit?" you raise your eyebrows after hearing him.
"didn't you say you're spending your summer in seattle?" you reply as you recall talking to him about seattle on the train back from the cafe, where you found out is where he was born, and where he said he is spending his vacation for summer. remember that he told you he can speak basic spanish but when hearing you talk he was very confused, making you chuckle.
"i landed yesterday then spend the rest of my day sleeping before visiting here." he then yawns as you squint your eyes at him, shaking your head at how unbelievable he is.
you see him pulling out his trusty blue transport card as you looked at him in shock that made you cover your gaping mouth, hearing his chuckle before sipping his coffee. you're proud that he is brave enough to travel by himself by train following the route that you taught him with maybe the help of a gps, seeing how much he has changed to be independent and you hope to change for the better.
you both arrive at a street where the grass hills formed on the other side of the asphalt road, climbing up the faded dirt path as you glance to see him following you up the grassy field, seeing the kids flying their kites while a few are playing traditional games or ball games. you walk around them as they see you and greeted you, making you give a small wave before climbing a small grassy hill that is empty and a perfect view to overlook the field below and the sea right behind it.
brushing the grass like you used to do as a child, you sit down on the soft grass and straighten your legs and upper body, breathing in the clear air as you close your eyes to feel everything coming in close. hearing the same light crunch beside you as you glance at jongseong sitting down, posture similar to yours as the ocean's wind slightly blows his hair. he closes his eyes to feel the relaxing vibe exude by the summer's sun, the salty gust from the ocean, and the laugh of the children as you stayed quiet to let him be.
every weekend, you always tried to refresh your mind by sitting at the same rolling hills you sit currently. close enough to the sea that it doesn't trigger your phobia in some way. yet, every time you see the waters, you still can smile, enjoying the crashing waves while staring at the blue and white sailboat that is being rented on the docks at the beach, for locals and tourists.
while you sip on your drink, jongseong starts to drink his americano, letting out a refreshed sigh as he glances at you. you can't help but chuckle as you turn away to focus on the kids' colorful kites flying in the sky. how'd you hope that you can be as free as those kites like you right now for the rest of your years.
"after much thought and a trip away to seattle..." you turn your head slightly towards the boy beside you as he talks.
"i understand why you are so quiet." he looks towards your side profile, you staring blankly at the grass's top edge being blown by the wind. you hummed as you spared a look at him, seeing that he is feeling genuine.
never has someone thought your silence means something more than you. but as what you felt as the result of such atrocities you felt back in your first year, you realize being quiet is much better. as jongseong told you that he understands why you are so quiet gives a sense of connectedness that is getting closer and closer, not that jongseong and you aren't close but given the time between spring and almost the end of summer and your track record of not being good at making friends other than acquaintances, it is dynamic yet scary to think about.
"not speaking up my mind and just ignoring people all around you." he starts to speak, letting his breath out in a stable manner as he put down the cup on the grass while wiping his hand on his pants.
"feels kind of melancholic but it doesn't increase the pressure on your shoulder." you looked down at your hand as he continues, bobbing your head in agreement.
he continues to talk about what the people around him at school have been like ever since he gave the chocolate to you. yet, guilt still trying to crawl out of your gut as you listened, wanting to interrupt on how'd you felt by being the catalyst of what happened to him. in the end, he is telling you that he wants to try your thing too, to ignore the spreading words between the two of you.
you replied with nods as you pull out your phone and wired earphones, seeing him looking at the two items while you prepare yourself to listen to music.
"can i listen too?" he asked as you look towards him. you form a small smile as you give the other bud to him, the sound of the rhythm guitar filling up your ears as the drums followed right behind and the lead guitar's wails that makes you imagine images in your head.
"what band is this?" you turn towards him.
you replied, "the volunteers. an indie band." you see him nod as he follows you to stare at the ocean.
"any member that i know?" jongseong questioned as he bobs his head to the rhythm.
"hmm, maybe baek yerin cause she was from JYPE, she is the frontwoman." you bob your head as her voice filled one of your ears, glancing at him to see him bob his head. eyes resting to look at the blues and greens while you both continue to consume your drinks until the cups are empty as you both sit quietly together.
"you have great taste in music." he replied after a few songs, making you giggle as he continue. "it'll be fun to see them play someday," you respond with a nod as you gather both of his and your empty cups together.
"have you thought about what you want to do after graduating?" you heard him ask, peeping at him while also observing the fluffy clouds above you.
"studying classics in the modern world or around that field…" you muttered then look towards him, seeing his bewildered look before he fell out of his trance. you slant your head as you glance at him.
"probably studying between cooking, fashion, or music," he answered as you stared at him instead. you heard his dad owns businesses and you thought he will inherit that someday but you're stunned as his parents give him that much freedom.
many of the students in your class when talking about majors to take, they will pick around the area of economics, medicine, law, or engineering. you understand why they might pick them as you heard their parents might work in those fields too. many competition means they have to try for the survival of fittest. your choice of picking classics is probably a cop-out but at least you followed what you want to follow.
you sighed as you both stare at the ocean, your hands hugging your knees and your face muscles relaxing from the cool breeze. feeling something on your shoulder, you peek at the corner of your eyes to see jongseong putting his chin on your shoulder, glancing his eyes towards yours as you turn your head slightly. his hand is on your other side as you look down when you felt it on your waist. your nails can't help but slightly rub your fingertips as your mind is running all over the place, eyes wandering to the flying kites in the sky.
breath hitches, you move your hand to take his, making him lift his head up as you turn your head fully towards him. the scar on his knuckles almost fully disappears as your thumb traces them one by one. feeling his breath lightly brushes your face as you peek at him leaning closer, his forehead gently meeting yours as the hand that wraps on your waist moves to cup your cheek. both of your lips hover near each other, closing your eyes as you can't bear how nervous you are with him rubbing your cheekbones, then you heard the scream of the children down the hill and water dropping on your head as it gets heavier and heavier.
leaning away, you stand as quickly as possible so the grass doesn't get wetter for you to slip and fall, pulling the buds of each of your ears as you both run in the sudden rain to a bus stop beside the hills. you were glad you were wearing overalls with pants that can make you run fast. jongseong shakes his head as the water falls out of his hair, the sky doesn't even look dark like the rains you used to see as you put your hand out, the raindrops hit your palm. your shoulders slump as you see the kids walking around with their umbrellas risen to cover them up.
but, you want to go out, to feel the freedom you have right now.
feeling that your pocket is deep enough that it takes a few drops to seep into the inside, you step out as your turn back towards him when you see his raised eyebrows.
"come on, jay. you know you're brave enough." you talk louder than you used to do to fight the sound of the pouring rain as your eyes smile and spin around in the middle of the empty street, walking backward slowly as you jokingly taunt to leave him if he didn't follow. him stepping into the rain makes you grin as you stride to hug him, letting him feel wetter from your body, giggling as you lean back to see his defeated face before forming a smirk himself. letting go, you walk first to leave him behind as you walk down the wet road on the way to your home.
the memory of you playing in the rain for the first time comes back to you as you walk around, jumping into puddles where you heard jongseong's yelp that makes you laugh, swinging around the utility poles like you're gene kelly in singin' in the rain, chasing jongseong after he nudges you before you nudges him back hard, arriving at the cafe where mom looks at you two and throws you towels, seeing her shaking her head while you squeeze your hair into the towel as the sun is slowly setting outside with the rain covering it.
jay goes upstairs of the cafe after you gesture to him, seeing a small quaint home upstairs as he rubs his skin around his neck and arms with the towel your mom gave him. the home feels like a home, small enough but filled with decorations that feel like what a house should be. he stood by the stairs as you walk past him, not wanting to stand inside until you allow him even though you point to his shoes as you get yours off before stepping inside. he steps in after seeing you in a fresh new outfit, giving some clothes to him.
"it's my dad's. it's not much…" you gesture your hand as you look at his outfit, knowing that it costs higher than what dad has.
"it's fine…" he smirks as you point to where the bathroom is.
you were washing your hands to prepare for dinner when you heard footsteps coming from the stairs and behind you, sensing that jongseong is standing behind you to help heat up some food. that's when you heard dad and mom's voices coming inside the home, making both you and he turn your head towards the pair.
"jongseong, isn't it?" dad comes forward as you glance at him in front of jongseong.
"jongseong and jay are both alright, sir," he said with a clear voice, his hands politely sits in front of him. you heard dad hum before a chuckle.
"aww, jongseong. don't be nervous." dad wraps his arm around jongseong's shoulder as dad brought him away, hearing dad asking if he wants to stay for dinner as mom's giggles get closer as she helps you heat up and grabs the plates and utensils, still wearing her own apron as you see her plating the food in the pan.
as the last food came, you settle down in your usual chair, an empty seat beside yours now sits jongseong as you heard him and dad laughing from their conversation, glad that dad accepts him and jongseong accepts dad. as the four of you eat, there are a few times both of your parents interrupt to talk as they both teasingly look at you.
"so, jongseong, how did you and (y/n) get close?" mom said as you looked at her with wide eyes, turning your gaze towards him sitting beside you with a spoon in his hands.
"genuinely, we just clicked after…" he turns to you as you look at him, giving a small nod when he looks down to see your hand resting on top of his lap.
"she helped me heal my wound after i got hurt." you felt his fingers locking with yours as you look back at your parents that are chuckling like they're teenagers themselves. this was the first time you ever brought someone home and also your first time seeing your parents act like this, looking very youthful with creases showing as their face contorts into a smile, making them look 10 years or younger than they actually are.
"that's actually like one of ours first encounters, between me and (y/n)'s mom." dad continues as he tells one of the stories of how they met up when dad rested hidden behind the building after being pushed by his "friend" while mom helps to patch him up. you observed how four of you talk together and how harmonious it is.
they looked disappointed when he has to leave, handing you an umbrella when you waited for jongseong to pack his wet clothes up as you will guide him to the station knowing that the last trains are running, and you don't want to worry mr. kim or his parents. you both stepped down to the closed cafe, the room was dark with lights only coming from the hallway of the stairs going up and the streetlight outside with the rain still pouring down.
jongseong walks with you in the rain as you put the umbrella between the two of you, the streetlights lighting up the road as you both walk to the station. you see his hand reaching yours that is holding the handle, stabilizing the umbrella as you walk on the wet road, seeing water running down to the drain as you fight the little current flowing beneath your feet.
"so, jongseong huh?" you heard him say beside you, letting a chuckle out that you follow with yours as you bob your head.
"i felt awkward calling you jay, you know?" you lightly pout as you felt him nudge your shoulder.
"i only allow my parents, jake, and sunghoon to call me jongseong. but you?" you see him raise his eyebrows, "you get a pass." and that makes you smile as you can see the station in front of you two, crossing the road with rails in between the asphalt.
"oh sh- i almost forgot," he exclaimed as he rummaged the pockets of dad's old clothes, which dad said it is now his to pull out something glimmering under the raindrops-shielded streetlight. he holds onto your hand to open up your palm, putting down a cherry-shaped keychain. the light illuminates the red as it gets brighter beneath it and the stem leading up to the chain and hook.
"i know it's not much…" he mumbles while looking at your hand as you close it and lean towards him, giving him a small peck on his cheek.
"it's enough," you muttered as you can see two lights in the distance behind him, his train. you walk him to the covered entrance of the station while he looks at the train coming closer.
your hands wave as he steps onto the platform with the train coming to the station, seeing him wave you back as he steps into the train car. you take a few steps back as the train runs on the track, looking up to see the train runs on the rail in front of you with the crashing waves behind you.
as you arrived back home, most of the lights in your living room are turned off except for a few nightlights in a few corners. stepping inside your room with its own yellow nightlight that you put on while you change clothes, you set the cherry keychain down beside the shell jongseong gave you on your bookshelf, remembering that you kiss him on the cheek and almost on the lips as you caress your lips.
'what is this feeling?'
you wonder as you got reminded of interactions between you and jongseong like how you see your parents. even though quiet, silence is loud enough to give off the aura you both have, in a positive way.
-
both of your thumbs move on the screen on your phone as you zoom in on the written words in the image. eyes widen, eyebrows furrowed, and your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek; you stare at it amazed as the words in the image that jongseong sent you through the new contact of him you've just gotten earlier in the day have now registered in your mind. a colorful poster with lists of musicians performing that you realized was one of jongseong's main program if he won the election, now a reality as you read the few lines of explanation written former to the image being sent. how yedam actually likes the idea of the festival as a way for more teens in the area to have their own opportunity to enjoy the music culture of seoul.
what you can't believe is the names of the musicians you listen to with jongseong that day at the end of summer appearing there, combined with a few kpop acts such as tomorrow x together and lee heeseung that you know costs a lot of money. maybe they wanted to add more to the lineup and since the artists you listen to are more towards k-indie, it costs less than those idols that have a whole lot of staff in their entourage. but the appearance of a certain the volunteers and a few artists you introduce to him makes you think that he thought it thoroughly, inspired by the kind of music you listen to other than pop as a way to introduce them to others.
you almost slip your phone on the moving train when it trembles with the information as the main reason, almost embarrassing yourself in a car full of working commuters who just finished their job. you smile sheepishly at your foolishness and internally facepalms yourself when you stand upright to lean against the wall. then, you see a notification showing up on the screen as you stabilize yourself by holding on to the metal handle. a notification from jongseong.
"i bought you and your friend tickets so you can come together. i'll see you there!"
you nibble on your bottom lip as you hear the announcement of the station you have to transit in arriving soon. smiling to yourself at the thoughtful action from the boy as your heart and mind relax, followed by suyeon's notifications now showing up on the top, her caps locked words express how excited she is about the music festival in the middle of autumn.
after summer ends and you start to go back to school, you can sense the difference between this semester and your previous semesters where you are mostly alone—still as quiet as ever yet with a difference with suyeon right beside you. you both started to open up with each other. you remembered the shock and a drop you felt inside you when suyeon told you her perspective of her first day of school here and the revelation that the same group of people that belittles you in your first year was the same people that bullied her in middle school. telling each other stories about what you both experienced in the empty classroom as the others have left the school one day, giving gloomy smiles to each other after tell-all stories of your experiences of being left behind and ignored.
the biggest difference is the presence of jongseong in your day-to-day life. through small glances between each other as you pass the hallway, you both actively try to let things be as normal as ever, not letting the school knows the business between you two; knowing the tension it produced to know that their most respected student hangs out with the ‘unrespected’ student and a surprise on how peaceful their relationship is. yet, outside of school, you use two days each week after school walking through the street of seoul together. ‘cafe crawling’ as you like to call it when you both visit all sorts of cafes from the most minimalist ones, like the one he brought you after going to lotte world, or to a dog cafe where jongseong doesn't have to worry about sneezing too much while rubbing a head of a puppy. sightseeing the less-industrialized area of seoul where you sat down to enjoy each other’s presence as you read a book in a quaint and antique-looking bookstore while he is doing his student council business.
both of you started to introduce each other's friends to create the circle you once hope for when you entered high school. suyeon smirks the whole time as she looks between the two of you with jaeyun and sunghoon poking fun at jongseong to the death, making you hide behind your friend as you whispered jokingly how scared you are to them, introducing them to the little secret that is you and jongseong's relationship. still, when they asked if both of you are officially a couple, your lips went dry as you look at jongseong that sits across the booth of a restaurant all five of you are having for an early dinner after school.
you never officiate your relationship with each other as you just want to enjoy the flow of the journey. this was the first time you have ever been close to a boy which is more than what you experienced with the boys back in your neighborhood during your tween days, where you are active in playing traditional games and telling ghost stories at school nights—girls are there of course. but, holding hands? cheek kisses? that's what people consider as another step towards something more than friends. jongseong never really commented on it, which made you not want to ask him either. nevertheless, that nagging feeling is still stuck inside you until this very day.
as you and suyeon exchange the tickets to the bracelet that differentiates the holders and step into an unrecognizable atmosphere of your school grounds one weekend, the sun setting behind the school building slowly making the light turns on one by one. you see a stage erected in the middle of the football field as you can hear a voice that you recognized is baek yerin's and the band preparing their set while introducing the members, making you silently pull suyeon to go with you to the stage. people your age, even older, stood in front of the band as they played their first song on the stage, feeling a sense of fulfillment inside you.
"this is my first time seeing you this giddy." suyeon whispers into your ear as you felt her arms wrapping around your shoulder, now just realizing the muscles on the corner of your mouth are lifted so high as you quickly lower it down to save face, making the girl beside you laughs. seeing the band slowly getting into their element, mesmerizing you.
you stood there the whole time, not moving your feet or position as you listen to the songs you listen to through your wired earphones and phone now live in front of you. the speakers beside the stage booming out the live music being performed where you can recognize a tinge of difference that you can hear, as if your brain is supposed to pieces the melody, harmony, and rhythm together from the scattered wave flowing in the, now, night sky rather than the clean sound that enters your ears with your phone and earphones. you held on to a drink that suyeon bought for you as you can’t seem to look away from the stage for too long, bopping your head as the volunteers perform ‘violet’ with crashing cymbals and the chord strokes on the electric guitar, suyeon standing beside you as she drinks a cup of sprite of her own while bopping her head and moving her body to the music.
when the audience claps their hands as the band finishes their set, you felt your phone vibrates inside your pocket. pulling it out to greet the bright light, jongseong’s text can be read asking have you been enjoying it so far. your reply with a short "yes" but with a lot of exclamation marks as he sends a laughing emoji in reply. you look back to the stage to see another artist that you showed jongseong that day, meaningful stone, now on it as she and her band is preparing for their set. you can’t wait to hear her perform when your phone vibrates again and you see jongseong ask,
"can i see you?"
the sound of synth fading in surrounds the area as you hesitate to answer, your thumb seemingly not wanting to move on the keyboard. you wanted to meet him but if he is a crew, won't he be busy?
"aren't you busy?" you wrote as he then reply seconds after.
"the other crews under my care are doing their job so i'm free," he answered.
"go to him." suyeon says beside you as you turn your head to her, making you lightly jump and grip your phone tightly. you straighten your posture as suyeon chuckles, using your open palm to point at you then at her but you know what she will answer. "i'll be okay. go to your boy," she lightly pushes to guide you to the back of the crowd as you turn around to see her wave her hands and dramatically disappeared into the crowd, making you chuckle as you look down and wrote a "yes" to him.
when you read the location he told you to meet up, you let out a small smile as you look at the trees surrounding the school grounds. a speck of light behind one of them, knowing that only the greenhouse is built deeper behind the trees and bushes. you follow the pavement you usually walk to go out of the gates, walking the opposite way of everyone that just enters to see the performance and swerve off course when you are closer to where the greenhouse is and the little shack beside it. the path was dark only lit with a small yellow outdoor lamp sticking to the shack and the ones set near the greenhouse. you heard humming from the corner of the song that is playing right now. the song you introduced to him at that hill that summer.
"hey there, mysterious," you mumbled as jongseong looked at you turning the corner, leaning against the wall he used to punch his fist into with a smirk. your fingertips trace the brick wall as you walk closer towards him, feeling the dent that is left there right beside where he leaned against. he was wearing a crew outfit that you have seen a few of your peers wearing as you explore the field and a lanyard around his neck as he continues to hum, making you lean against the wall beside him, the dent right in the middle of the two of you. you look to the side to see the bright stage covered by the thick leaves and plants as the sound of the music disperses widely to the air, the soundwave only reaching where you at in a small amount as you heard it muffled.
"we've come a long way since that day." you turn your head towards him as he finally sounded, looking at the knuckles he slightly pushes out underneath the light of the moon and the lamps near both of you as the only sources of light that doesn't make you consumed in darkness. you look down towards it, the scars that he made and you healed in this very place, before letting your eyes track the areas where you sit that day covered in shadows yet silhouette is still visible, seeing a projection of yourself and jongseong that day sitting by the tap and hose where you clean him. your hand reaches out for his, so near yet so far as you don't want to lean in further, still afraid if you breach his space.
when he pushes his hand out to grab yours, you didn't get a few seconds to internally embrace that he made you smile as you felt your hand getting closer to your side again. jongseong now stood in front of you, making your eyes widen as you are trapped between his figure and the brick wall. you felt his fingers locking with yours as you look at his face, seeing one side of it shining because of the moonlight with a tinge of the orange from a lamp around the corner illuminating his ear; the other faded into the shadow yet since you see him often you can still able to trace them with your eyes.
you let your free hand reach up to lightly touch his illuminated cheek, making the light hit your hand instead as you glance towards his eyes where he slowly closed them. his head leaning more towards your palm as he lets out a huge breath, making your breath hitches for a second as his eyelids slowly open, a small smile adorning his face. you took a glimpse as his hand reaches up and cups your cheek near your jaw, him silently telling you that you can't move away, making you feel the same feeling as he is currently. nodding your head, his head moving forward as your lips meet each other, feeling your hand that was cupping his face getting stiff as you both lean away, his forehead on yours as you lean your head back, feeling the wall right behind it.
unconsciously biting your bottom lip, his hand moves from your jaw to your chin as he let his thumb press lightly under your bottom lip, letting it go from your teeth. your eyes can only see his as you blink before closing your eyes, leaning in first to let him know that it was okay as you felt the plump lips again. your hand now moves to stop at the junction between his neck and shoulder as both of you continue forward, not letting go anytime soon. as you felt the tip of his nose lean towards one side, you lightly push him close to you as both of your lips continue to mingle with each other. your interlocked hands gripping each other’s as you both continue, the small volume coming from the music is slowly getting muffled as you can only focus on the sound of your lips connecting and your heartbeat getting faster, taking in the air as he nibbles on your bottom lip before he moves back to its place that he has seemingly claim.
you didn't keep up with the time as you suddenly heard louder cheering than before from the stage, making you lean your head back against the wall gently as jongseong's nose tip brushed against yours. you tilt your head slightly to the side as you now recognized that lee heeseung is performing now. your eyes glance back at his face as he leans away so you can see him clearly, noticing how swollen his lips are as you think that it is the same as yours.
"i missed meaningful stone's set…" you murmured as you pouted, making him chuckle before giving a peck on your pouted lips.
"sorry… i just can't wait any longer," he replied lowly as he reach his other hand behind him to get your other hand and brought them in between each of your bodies with the other pair. you observe him looking at your connected hands, swaying them as you see him smile with adorning eyes. he slowly lifts his head to look at you as you waited.
"do you want to take it further with me?" he asked.
"dating you?" you mouthed as he nods, letting out a hiss before biting his lips.
how straightforward he is, you thought. you recall all the thoughts of when suyeon and his friends taunt the two of you to ‘just get together already’. dating was something you are not well-versed in as the closest you have to a "date" was some kid you played around with and you kiss each other’s cheeks back when you were five years old. the thought of having someone by your side and support you, and vice versa, has always been welcoming to you yet also making you intimidated. your closest example of a perfect couple is your parents and their healthy relationship, communicating their problems with each other as open as a book with jumbled words where only each other can read them clearly. you have to peek at one of the moments when you see dad crying as his head rested on your mom's stomach one day, the day after you almost drown. leaning your head against the wall as you listened from the slightly ajar door to a story of what happened to you from his side. you felt intimidated to have a perfect partner for yourself as your parents have with each other, soulmates as everyone says they are.
you didn't know that the partner that can push your intimidating thoughts away is jongseong. from the moment he gave you that ferrero rocher, deep beneath your heart, you know, he will stay in your life as it continues. understanding the click that jongseong described to your parents as you both hanging out for the sake of being with each other. how mom and dad said to you a few days after jongseong visited your town how nice he is and how you exude a more stronger aura of yourself after you met him.
taking a deep breath, you lick your lips before saying, "i do want to." which is then followed by a bright and light kiss from him before pulling away, sparks seemingly surrounding the two of you, making you both laugh as you gently move your hands that connect with his.
"are you free next friday?" you lifted your eyebrows as you squint your eyes at his question. ‘what is he planning?’ was the thought that crosses your mind before you nod slowly.
"since i met your parents before, i think it is the right time that you meet mine for dinner," he spoke as you internalized the proposal and understand his logic. he never told you much about his parents, only about how much his mom adores him as he is also an only child like you are. but, he did not mention his dad much as he described his old man as “more work-oriented” and taking only one day in the weekend to rejuvenate, which is having a dining table talk with the three of them, something that you realized was like what your family do. the idea of meeting the parents of your newly officiated partner—still awkward as ever to now put the label "boyfriend" attached to him even though you can start now seconds ago—intrigues you, in both good and bad ways. will they be as caring as he is or will they be like the other parents that your schoolmates have?
"okay sure," you replied before lightly pushing him away as you remind him of his work as a crew. giving him a small kiss on his lips before letting go of his hands, waving to him before walking back to where the stage stands as you knew that suyeon will ask about what happened between the two of you in your meeting.
friday was fast arriving as you wave at suyeon who is climbing into her car. you turn your head towards the parking lot where you scan the number plate of cars where you, slowly but surely, found jongseong's car. seeing the tinted silhouette of mr. kim in the driver's seat, you climb into the backseat where jongseong greeted you by grabbing your hand and bringing it to his lips to give the back of it a kiss. you put down your backpack and a small bag full of new sets of clothes as your mom told you that going home alone at night in the big city will not be a good idea and suggested that you should stay the night at his place instead. at first you were hesitating, 'first time meeting your boyfriend's parents and already staying the night' seems like a wild train of thought. yet, when you mention it to jongseong, he mentions it to his mom and replied how she is welcoming you with open arms. a seemingly different image of the cold and demanding parents that you often see.
letting out the breath you didn't know you held, the car arrives at an apartment complex that you can figure out by the elegant-looking white-painted wall and the security gate at the entrance, this is a home for important people or people that have the privilege to live there. not as tall as the apartment towers you've seen on the way there but wider in the sense that one floor equals one unit. the car stops in front of the entrance of one of the unit as jongseong step out from his side while you follow on yours. the car drives away down a sloping road as he brought you to the entrance and guides you into the open elevator, seeing him pressing the button with the number 3 on the panel of buttons.
he steps out as the elevator door slides open to walk to the only door available on the floor. standing back as he enters the code on the keypad by the door, you can't imagine how spacious it must be to have a floor of an apartment to claim as your own. the door beeps as you return your gaze back to jongseong opening the door where you can smell something cooking, a classical piece echos to the hallway as you step in and follow him to pull your shoes off.
"jongseong? is that you?" a woman's smooth-textured voice can be heard as he took steps forward on the marble floor as you can view the large living room with big sofas and a big screen tv planted into the wall with a large terrace right across from you, covered with various pots of plants. you don't dare yourself to move your feet anywhere while your head continues to the room that slowly extends to the side, seeing jongseong walks passed the dining table on the other side of the large room to his mom standing behind an island counter and in front of an open window. you can smell a familiar seafood delicacy being cooked as jongseong stood beside her, towering over her while putting a hand on her shoulder as you see her turn around. you felt your breath being taken away as you see one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen other than your own mom.
"welcome (y/n)," you heard her smooth voice addressing you that was bowing your head before you hear a pitter-patter on the floor, a figure stands coming closer as your eyes widen to see mrs. park. she looks like she is dressed up for the occasion underneath her apron, opening her arms wide as she engulfs you in a hug. you held your breath as you sheepishly smile at the woman's son back in the kitchen, him covering his mouth as you see his shoulders move from the unexpected encounter.
"oh, sorry…" jongseong's mom seemed to realize as she moved back her figure to then help smoothen down your uniform, you can't help to look towards her when she smiles. "you are a beauty. come, you can put your bags beside the sofa." you widen your eyes from the comment before doing what she said as you follow them to the dining table.
"i sure hope you like salmon." jongseong's mom spoke as she looks behind the shoulder at you standing near the dining chairs. jongseong seemingly looks at you as he then continues what he was doing, helping his mom cook the dinner. he did mention he wants to learn something relating to cooking before, so you assume he has his time behind the counters and stoves.
"i sure do, ma'am," you replied before you took a few steps to see the spaghetti and salmon being cooked side by side. it reminds you of the weekends when you usually made breakfast alone or with your parents in your kitchen that is smaller than the one you are currently in. back when you were going to school in your town, you always helped in making dinner too, usually stirring or sauté whatever mom puts. ever since high school, your schedule has switched up and dinner was always served, maybe a bit earlier, by the time you finished your journey back home. you pouted as you look at the mother and son duo that reflects you and your own mom.
you turn your body away as you see the home that looks bigger from the angle you stood at. a hallway at the end of the room beside the tv and one beside the wall of the shoe closet at the entrance. walking towards the window of the terrace, you can see the sky getting darker as the lights start to illuminate on the rising buildings of the city, a bit far from the hill the apartment complex is built on. the view is breathtaking as you have never seen the city like this before, reminding you of your view from your bedroom window is the streets of your neighborhood and a few streetlamps since it isn't tall enough.
your body perks up when you felt a hand on your shoulder. glancing to the side to see jongseong who stood beside you, leaning in to whisper to your ear, "dinner is ready."
he brought you and help you sit on the seat beside his where you can see the food and drink served on the plates with a few leftovers are serve in the middle of the table. you tugged your clothes to tidy them up as you sit on the soft cushion, observing his mom pulling off her apron and putting it on the island before taking a seat across from you.
"thank you for the meal, ma'am." you bowed your head before grabbing the utensils that sit on either side of the plate, looking between the pair as his mom gestured for you to try the food. your lips pursed as you nod your head at how tasty the food is before continuing, mrs. park lets out a sigh of relief, you hope, from across from you and puts both of her hands on her chest.
"i didn't know what you might like so i just thought that you like seafood as you live by one." his mom replied, making you lift your head before you slowly turn your head at your boyfriend who is just innocently eating beside you. lifting your eyebrows, he stares at you before quickly inhaling the food he’s eating.
"ahh… i told her where you lived after i visited you at your home." he said after finishing eating the food in his mouth. "she was curious about why my clothes were different than the ones i left with so i told her what happened, where you live, et cetera." you nodded as you looked down on your lap.
deep inside your brain, you knew that it will reach his parents someday. and yet, you still feel insecure about it. that their son hangs out, or even dates, someone that is mostly outside of their circle other than where they go to school at, whose habits and facilities are not as complete as what they have. your mind is slowly getting clouded by the darkness that you have pushed aside for months now as it meets an unknown factor that isn't included in their initial defense. in tiny steps, it regresses back to that faithful day in your class with the small ball of chocolate on your lap.
"i don't know what you have experienced." your focus comes back, now realizing you were breathing irregularly before looking up at jongseong's mom's concerned eyes. "but i heard stories between the two of you and i don't care about where you live or your wealth." your bottom lips tremble as you grip on the fork and knife.
"i can see how happy he is with you beside him." you see a hand on top of yours as you trail it back to the woman in front of you. a sincere look that is familiar in her eyes as she lets out a gentle smile, creases forming on the corner of it as the sign of how long they have experienced the world and its difficulties and how it seems that she likes to smile with her eyes. taking a deep breath while slowly blinking, you nodded your head before mouthing a "thank you" where she tightens her grip on your hand before continuing to eat.
having a small talk whilst eating with his mom reminds you of when jongseong eats with your folks, how she has the same glint in her eyes you recognized as she teases him in front of you, seemingly purposely embarrassing him as you can’t help but giggle at how the boy beside you reacts to it then gives up. some peaceful family moments you used to never believe happened to the elites at your school from the horror stories that you have eavesdropped on before in school. some sticking to you like a child of a chaebol that has various paramours to succession drama within families of lawyers, even suyeon's family who doesn't seem to care about her well-being that she has finally opened up to you, caring about her progress in her hagwon studies.
your head twitches as you heard a small beeping sound from the entrance of the unit. heavy steps echos on the hallway as it stops, seemingly taking their shoes off base on what is there. a figure wearing a suit and tie steps into the living room, turning their head to look towards the dining table.
"dad?"
"honey?"
jongseong and his mom both exclaimed as you can now see the clearer image of a man coming closer to the dining table, features that you can see on his face are also available on jongseong, albeit stronger. the man wears a stoic but gentle-looking expression as he walks to the chairs across from you and gives his wife a kiss on her forehead.
"i messaged you that my meeting was canceled for today." his voice is heavy but with a matte sheen to it, similar to jongseong but a bit rougher.
"ahh… i was cooking for a guest," she replied as she looks towards you sitting across from her, making her husband's head turn towards you, a slight tilt from his head when he finally can see your presence.
"and who do we have here?" he replies gently, hand resting on the back part of the chair his wife is sitting on.
"good evening, mr. park. i'm jongseong's-"
"girlfriend. she's my girlfriend." jongseong cuts you off as you see his hand grabbing yours that is holding onto a fork on the table, making you take a peek at him—pupils trembling—before returning your attention to the man, his dad.
the man acknowledges you with a pause and a nod before replying, "you look familiar." your eyebrows creases as jongseong’s dad walks to the sink to wash his hands and grab a set of plate and utensils for himself from the cabinet. what does he mean by that? you have never seen mr. park before today. does his comment mean that he has seen you when he went to school, recalling the memory of jongseong’s parents being donators and such? must be as that was the most plausible explanation you can create from the informational circumstances.
mr. park sits in the empty chair across from his son and right beside his wife. you discreetly took a glimpse at him, twirling your pasta with your fork when you notice that jongseong was glancing at you. his eyebrows were raised with you following before returning back to your food. has he also heard that small comment his dad made at you?
"any name for my son's girlfriend?" his dad suddenly asked. your head tilts up to meet the family before clearing your throat.
"my name is (y/n), sir," you answered. what you didn't expect was a small shock forming on the man's face before he composes himself. you took a peek at jongseong from the corner of your eyes, a confused look showing on his face while his mom’s confusion that started around the same as yours started to dissolve. a look of recognition enters the frame of her eyes after the words her husband said, gently slapping him on his arm so he is not leaving the sudden tension hanging.
"are you by chance (y/f/n)?" your eyebrows furrowed, bewildered by your full name being mentioned.
"ye-yes i am. how do you know my name…?" you mumbled the words that formed in your mind, hoping that your voice reach the man that sits diagonally from you. because of his answer, you start to question all the paths that you have to cross and go through to reach where you at now. searching if any of them has any trace of mr. park or not.
"i'm the person that sponsors your scholarship."
your head unconsciously tilts as the revelation slowly tries to make sense in your mind.
jongseong's dad is the one that sponsors your scholarship. he is the person that pays your school fees to go learn at the school you are enrolling currently. he might be the one that offered to open a scholarship at your school in the first place. and here he is, sitting at the dining table with you.
you're not one that easily believes in fate and destiny, having seen how hard working your parents or people around you are in gaining their place in the world, yours also. the idea of competition has been ingrained into your brain, even though you don't show how competitive you are unlike your peers who are ambitious in their own way. competition is what you went through to be able to enroll in your current school after all. but, you meeting and having a relationship with jongseong isn't a result of a competition, even though you see some tendencies of that at school of how people seemingly adores or adored him. the chances of the person you are dating has a parent that provides your tuition for the whole three years of school was so tiny it is almost impossible. nevertheless, because of it, you feel thankful to fate and destiny for making it happen.
"i mostly stayed in contact with your parents though. but i believe i've seen you before, might be before you were enrolling." he continues as you sit on the chair, stunned while looking at your half-finished meal on the plate, shaking your head at how a coincidence it must be even for jongseong's dad and mom that is now adorning a smile as she finally puts the pieces of the puzzle together.
"i-i don't know what to say other than a thank you, sir." you bowed your head once again before you look at the smiling family that are staring at you. jongseong's smirk adorns his face as he realized and internalized your actions and words.
"i mean, i should thank you too (y/n). no one has ever been with jongseong before especially romantically." the man cracked a joke that makes you chuckle as the tensions simmer down at the expense of jongseong's well-being, which he then whines to his dad before making a joke to them as you all finished dinner. how his dad asks about your parents’ well-being and how his mom tells her husband the romantically cheesy "dates" that you have to go through with her own words as told from the boy's perspective, some even shock you and it gains their peals of laughter. a harmonious relationship that you hope can reflect on yours too.
"can we talk about what happened at the dining table?" jongseong exclaimed as he puts his phone down on the mattress, the flashlight from it lights up the space as the duvet covers both of your figures and rested on your head as you sit in the middle of it. after dinner, jongseong introduced you to the guest bedroom right across from his where you’ll be staying for the night as his mom doesn't want anything inappropriate to happen tonight between you and his son with her husband saying that you both are too young for that, which made jongseong rolls his eyes before helping you settle down for the night. you didn't expect that he knocks on the door as you were going to sleep on the nicest bed you have ever slept in, persuading you to join him in his room to hang out between the two of you.
your relaxed and sleepy face takes in jongseong's room that, you can assume, is double the size of yours back in your home. seeing the black that you so associate him with makes a wooden accent wall in the room, a desk with a gaming set up while a small cabinet with textbooks rested on the lighter-colored wood outline against it. the anomaly that is easiest to see is the light-colored shell you gave to him, which is right beside the blue transport card you picked and see him use. both items are placed in front of frames of photos of little him and his parents. you were chuckling when you see a photo of his little body sitting in a sports car pretending to drive it when the light suddenly streams out and the moon's shining light seems to be brighter in the room. you turn back around to see him moving around the duvet while patting on the mattress, frantically picking up the duvet and resting it behind you to then sit up on his knees and pull them above you to create a new ceiling, enveloping both of you in darkness.
"yeah, we can. i was as shocked as you." you sit forward, crossing your legs as you felt your knees touch his when you decide to sit facing each other. his hand rested on his lap with your hands resting on top of your knees.
"what's the chances of that could happen? one in billions, right?" he asked similarly to what you thought about as you see him scrunching his nose while thinking, a habit you've recognized of him as you've seen it every time you've started to hang out with him. you dozed off as you recall everything that happened and trailed the road on how it came to be. that if you didn't get information about a scholarship, you might not even know jongseong. that if you didn't get accepted out of the people that apply, you can’t be in the same school as jongseong. that if jongseong didn't see you in your class helping suyeon, he might not offer you a chocolate, to then might help him win the election which results in you not helping him after he tried to hurt himself. the road goes on and on and on, yet you wonder what will become if you take the wrong road to cross, will you be able to be the you that you are right now?
"yeah… sorry i was dozing off, thinking about something," you replied as you realized he might have been waiting for his question to be answered.
"about?" he asked as he lean his head towards where his shoulder is.
"how we were both came from different roads but we turn the right way in each of every crossroads we face to reach here." you sighed as your hands gathered together on your lap, soothing each other as you collect your thoughts to summarize it to words.
"i wonder if we have taken another turn, will we be like this?" your murmur makes him hum as silence consume both of you, letting your mind go into a rampant as you take in the lit-up duvet above and around you. letting your eyes look down, you felt something warm touching your hands: his hands. the mattress beneath you move as you felt his breath in front of you, leaning closer to give you a kiss on your lips. your hands turn outwards as you move them to grip his that wanders, slowly leans away, and settles back in his space.
"this is what i felt and what i hope comes true every time." his hand cups one of your cheeks, making you rub against it in reflex as its warm transfers to your own. "that whatever road i take, they all lead to you."
-
your third year came and went by as fast as how light traveled. heaving from the heavy tests that you just go through, you dragged your feet as you look at the other test takers that almost looks the same as you after the uphill battle that is suneung. even though you didn't devote your entire three years of high school to it, you can't help yourself but be curious as to how your average knowledge will compare to those who have studied and dedicated their time to it. you didn't expect to be able to get into your choices as you picked the SKY universities that you always heard only accept those people that achieved the top 3% of the highest scores. that’s because your idea of university entrance preparation and announcements was thrown out of your head when you received an e-mail a few days ago.
bringing the lunch box bag that mom packed before you left in between your curled fingers and palm, you see her and dad standing at the entrance with their coats layering their clothes as the weather is getting colder. she said the day before that it is family support is important for suneung takers as both of your parents enter their universities through it, celebrating what is the hardest usage of a brain their children must endure. dad even mentioned that mom will be closing her cafe just for that day as they travel to seoul in his car, probably visiting your grandparents too while they wait for you. they were also as curious as you to see how their child has compared to others, knowing that you only studied for it since the day you registered to join, allowing usage of their disposable income to pay you for the registration and to see the results.
right beside them is jongseong's mom wearing a luxury-branded coat from how iconic its look is from the images you have come across on the internet, talking to your parents as it seems that she is slowly getting to know them after the whole positive debacle between yours and her family. you were just as shocked when you and jongseong pick the same place to take the test as you both didn't talk much about suneung, universities entrances in general are a very sensitive topic for kids in their final year of k-12 studies after all. as you stride heavily towards them, you see the three parents turning their heads to you as you greet your parents with a hug then bowing your head to jongseong's mom as a greeting, waiting for the boy to come out.
your third year can be summarized as a very chaotic and eventful year. starting with the new list of classes being shared a few weeks before the first day of your semester where you see your name with suyeon, jongseong, and jaeyun in the same column; sunghoon, at that time, has already moved to canada after you all are confirmed to pass your second year for his ice skating training as he might be drafted to more national level events. the four of you then started a group chat together—courtesy of suyeon—so it makes it easier for communication and group projects as most of them will be in a group of four, sunghoon being included so that, as jaeyun says, he can feel a sense of normalcy again where he hangs out with his two best friends and the entire entourage.
you remember on the first day of class, you see jongseong waiting for you on the stairs of the entrance, a small smile appearing on his face as he offers his pinky finger out to you. at first, you hesitated to accept it but you knew from what he communicated through his eyes that you recalled the talk the two of you have about trying to be open as a couple at school, how he at least wants to let people know that he is taken by you and you to him. so, you wrapped your pinky with his and enter the hallways together to your new classroom.
from your view, you can see the changes in people’s perception of you as you walk side by side with him, even though only two fingers wrapping with each is the link between both of you. you that were always being belittled in your first year and ignored in your second were now a center of attention that you didn't seek in in your third. how you can see people whispering about it, the walls getting thinner and thinner as another wall made of spoken words is slowly crushing it, how your wall was challenged by jealous eyes and confused glares.
yet, you two persevered. you two were numb about their words from your turning points that connected with each other’s and instead of weakening both of you, they made it stronger. well, not for jongseong as his partner in the council and your classmate, jisung, suddenly took a liking towards you. suyeon seems to notice it when she whispered that the jock is glancing towards you once in a while, even picking you for team games in p.e. classes—where it used to be an unpleasant experience for the last two years. jaeyun seems to also notice it after a few times it happened that you remembered hearing him speak to his friend as they sit behind you.
"come on, jay. you got her first. don't let it eat you up."
with suyeon turning back towards him to continue what jaeyun has baited for a conversation, "she's not even jealous of the people that still liked you last year."
you lightly slap her upper arm before turning around to tilt your head to jongseong, pouting your lips at how unbelievable he is to believe that you took a liking towards someone that fast. seeing the trust he exudes from his eyes firing up as he rolls his eyes and agreed with what his friends said.
after you see jongseong coming out of the building, all of you are headed to a restaurant for dinner that your parents suggest and will be paying as a thank you to the park family, especially mr. park, for paying your school tuition for the past three years. you remembered when you went home the next day after staying the night, waking up on jongseong's bed in his arms after a night full of deep conversations, that you told your parents about the coincidence that is mr. park that paid for your scholarship is his dad. you remembered rubbing on dad's shoulder as he accidentally choked from the surprise while your mom covers her mouth from the combination of laughter and shock, followed by the three of you discussing how it happened and how the chances of it coming to be. in the end, you can never solve it logically, but you started to believe in fate because of it.
"we are very welcome to be able to help (y/n) with her education." mrs. park says as you are all seated in a fancy western restaurant in downtown seoul, you glance towards jongseong as you felt his hand holding yours beneath the table. the park's matriarch slowly puts her hand behind his shoulder to soothe the boy's upper back while looking between him, you, and your parents.
"my husband is also very proud of the two especially (y/n)'s influence on jay. we talked about it at breakfast about how jay has now been a more independent city-dweller and plays outside instead of in his room." mrs. park added as your eyes widen from the sudden tease.
"mom…" you giggled as your boyfriend replied and jokingly rolls his eyes at his mother’s teasing in front of your parents, making your parents smile once again from the dynamic.
"okay sorry, son. but, on another note, because of (y/n), my husband wants to sponsor scholarships again, with more quota this time or maybe for every year." you felt something bloom in your heart after what mrs. park said, how you wanted to pat yourself on your back as you did ask mr. park on why he only opened the initial scholarship for one person and isn’t opening for your juniors. his answer was doubtful as it was his first time opening something out of his comfort zone. hearing his wife say what she takes from his husband also means that the doubt he has vanished when he sees how a great job you are doing.
“that is great to hear. i’m glad that (y/n)’s process can be any of help in such a motivational action and in helping others.” your dad replied as mom nodded, the parents smile at each other as they took a few glances between you and jongseong before returning back to the abundance of food on the table.
"is the date confirmed for the farewell trip?" mom suddenly asks towards mrs. park, transitioning the conversation to talk about the said trip.
it has been a tradition in your school for the parent committee to arrange a farewell trip for the students of the third year after suneung results, knowing how wealthy they are and how they want their children to feel as refreshed as ever after a long battle. the trip is no different than what your seniors have as they went to jeju island and rent an entire resort just for six classes of around 25 students. you went to jeju once when you were a child and you met your old friend, the ocean, but the air is feeling a bit different. maybe because of the more variable reliefs of geographical setting there and a few diving women that you remembered your dad met and talked to.
you started to let your mind wander elsewhere to the electronic letter that you received days prior, a piece of happy news in regards to your studies. wanting to study classics and/or ancient history, your parents wanted you to study in universities that serve the best courses in those majors, which are mostly from outside of the country. so, by the start of the academic year, you and your parents have scoured online on what international universities are the best in the major that you wanted to pursue, mom arranging what your requirements are to register, and dad helping in tying all the financial loose ends so your family’s finance will mostly be used to support you. as you waited for the start of autumn, your days were full of tests and interviews in universities on the other side of the world. your hard work paid off when you earn an acceptance letter through your email from the UK, saying that one of the universities accepts you there—one of the best in the world too. you jumped and cried as your parents enter your room, hugging and crying too at how amazing you are for facing such a rigorous process while you reminded them of the strategies all three of you have created to face it.
and yet, jongseong doesn’t know any of it. as much as you want to, you don’t want to stress him out as he is also going through a hustle to enter university. the topic is really heavy for kids your age that you didn’t mind if people never talk about it with you. is it a sin to be selfish about information relating to you and your future education when for the past three years you have been treated lowly by your peers? surprising them is a factor you didn’t think about when you made the initial plan, but you want them to know that you can thrive no matter how many people have ridiculed you. yet now, you worry about your future. your future with jongseong, because of that selfishness and how his openness to people around him that is going to be a disadvantage to you.
following the girl that has been your seatmate for more than one year and six months, you walk through the hallways of gimpo airport carrying your backpack and a duffel bag to the crowd that, you recognized by their faces as your classmates. suyeon wraps her arms on your shoulder as one of the parents that supervise your class helps to collect the bags to be checked in. seeing the abundance of suitcases compare to your carry bags makes you giggle internally. as many years have passed for you to adapt to their environment, you always have a different color that makes you stick out like a sore thumb. looking across the crowd, you see jongseong smirk as jaeyun taps his shoulder before looking away from you.
"you packed your shorts, right?" she gently says into your ear as you furrowed your eyebrows while shaking your head in disgust.
"it's almost winter. the sea is going to be too cold and you’ll be bombarded by the wind," you replied with a slight pout on your face from the imagination of it all. your friend burst out in her light laughter as she nods her head in agreement.
"i actually didn’t bring shorts. i don’t want to freeze myself no matter what happened," she replies as you heard the crowd that you’re going inside the security checks and the plane’s gate as the plane is departing soon.
pulling out the newest book you currently read as you sit in the seats of the airplane, you glance at the window beside suyeon who is bopping her head to your shared earbuds as the plane is rising up into the sky. the buildings and land getting smaller and farther as it reaches the level of white clouds, leaning your head against the cushion of the seat behind it. you look beside you to the seat across the aisle, peeking at jongseong that is sleeping on jaeyun's shoulder. jaeyun seems to notice you looking at them as he smirks while gesturing you to snap a photo of them, which make you chuckle and comply. it reminds you of that trip to the aquarium a year ago and how it changes both of your lives, how instead of the empty seats that you two respectively had back on that trip, it is now filled with your friends.
after an hour or so later, you step out of the plane to meet jeju island's clearer air and the sun beams reflect on the ground where the aircraft parks. grabbing your duffel bag from the baggage claim, you all enter the buses that are going to bring you to the resort. the trees decorate each side of the road and you can see the sea a few meters behind one of its sides. it gets obscure as your eyes enlarged on the large building of the resort appearing in your vision. the resort looks like some tropical-themed villas you have come across through advertisements on the internet. it made sense though cause jeju just feels like a different region in and of itself.
you enter the rooms that you have been assigned to with the keycard that you were given by your class’ parent supervisor, a quaint two single beds with a view of the rolling waves that you can always recognize even from far away. you sat on the bed that you chose while continuing a few paragraphs on the chapter you’re reading as suyeon is opening her suitcase at her side.
"we don't have any fixed itineraries right? just that we can't go out of the resort bounds today and tomorrow we're gonna hike in the morning, lunch at a restaurant outside, and the party tomorrow night?" she asked as you hummed while the phone on your bed vibrates, seeing jongseong's notification on the lock screen.
"what are you going to do today?"
checking the time on the clock on the corner of the screen, it is currently around the afternoon. your head perks up to look at suyeon pulling out the outfits that she'll be using and a mini ironing set so she can remove the creases late when she needs to.
"after we tidy up our luggage, do you want to eat a late lunch and then head to the beach?" you suggest to her and she immediately replies with a huge "yes" which you then relay to jongseong and then to the group chat.
you have never worn such a loose sweater and tight jeans before in your academic career, so you try gently stretch the ends of your sweater with your hands but it doesn't work, and it makes you sulk by the pathetic attempt as you walk to the restaurant the four of you have chosen. you see jongseong and jaeyun sitting on seats whilst reading the menu, jaeyun looks like he is video calling someone from his phone as you walk closer, recognizing the sound of sunghoon's voice. you bit your lips as you gently tap your boyfriend's shoulder which makes him turn his body, glancing at you then at your best friend before you both sit down across from them.
never have your social interaction felt so free as you talk with four of your friends, sunghoon yawning on the screen as a result of the different timezones making you all laugh. the five of us talks about all sort of stuff as sunghoon tells his tale of training for the competitions he's going to face and all of you tell your struggles of doing suneung, which made you tell them about your condition as someone living in the suburbs and how you don't go to a hagwon so the context for your case is clearer, jongseong adding a few things up for support. you see suyeon's shocked face as you told her everything you have hidden from her, how you don't live in seoul, how you don't go to school by car and instead use a train, how that picture of the sea you took was from the beach in your hometown.
"then whose car is parked near you when you came to my house and gave me the aquarium souvenir?" she genuinely asked as your lips formed a tight lip smile since the other three’s reaction to what you said.
you sigh as you answered truthfully, "jay's."
"aww, (y/n)." she opens your arms so you lean in and let her envelop your body. her muffled voice saying sorry multiple times if she ever hurt you in somewhere shape or form is coherent from your shoulder. you cooed as you see tears falling from the corner of her eyes from the amount of guilt that she suddenly gets hit with as you rub her tears before soothing her, making the three boys look at you two awkwardly before you gestured to them to continue eating.
your stomach was full when you find a sitting booth by the edge of the beach and the resort. the sky is slowly turning orange as you sit on the cushioned sit that surrounds a fire pit. you see a few other patrons of the resort on the beach, a few were playing beach volleyball while you see a few children making sandcastles. closing your eyes, you try to let go of all the clouded stress that has accumulated in your head, both as a result of your last year and the rest from high school that you haven’t let go of as it takes a much larger effort. however, that piece in your brain about your secret acceptance remains in place, even moving closer to a part of your brain that its neurons trying to purposely tell them. the words now starting to form on the tip of your tongue.
jaeyun sudden ice breaker didn’t help with your anxiousness. it is inevitable for the topic of universities and what you got and major in will be talked after suneung results are out two days ago. your prediction was right that you only got around 3/4 from the perfect score, an impressive result coming from someone that crams the topics being tested. your mood getting sulkier than before as you sit on the cushion between jongseong beside you and the roaring sound of the rushing sea water, looking down on your sandy shoes as the three converse a conversation you expected but are not ready to talk about.
"i got into civil engineering at the university of new south wales." jaeyun said, basically confirming he'll be in australia for his studies. a sentiment he has talked to you about on how he misses australia and brisbane in general.
"hagwon did me proud in suneung. psychology in korea university." suyeon puts her fist up in the air as you remembered her texting you her reaction to getting into a SKY university, nonetheless. a picture that she sends of half of her face and bloodshot eyes from crying is something you won’t ever forget.
"i still don't know. looking at the options first and i have a few results i haven't received yet." jongseong said before they all finally landed their eyes on you. as you sit on the soft cushion, you felt shivers running down your spine not caused by the flowing wind. you try to rewire your brain to be positive. 'it is happy news. your friends will be happy. he will be happy.' yet, doubt has always come in at the very end.
"classics and oriental studies in oxford," you whispered as you look at the grain of sand surrounding your shoes, a large oval is made with your feet in the middle when your attention suddenly breaks from suyeon's gasp of realization.
"you're hiding that you got into oxford from us?" suyeon said as loud as you four can hear, standing up from her seat to walk to you where she wraps her arms around, yet you didn't react. you didn't want to look up from the sand as you don't want to see how jongseong looked. is he disappointed that you didn't tell him any of your process in going there? you didn't feel his familiar touch when another pair of arms draped around you as you were still seated, hands straighten beside your body as your gaze looks at the fire woods in the fire pit.
slowly, you felt something climbing up your stomach and esophagus. covering your mouth as you don't want your lunch to get out before excusing yourself, standing up on the sand, and feeling something holding your wrist before you go. finally turning around to face your boy you scared you disappoint the most. and you did, cause you see a frown on his face and it causes your eyes to burn, wanting to let the tears out.
"follow me if you want to know everything." you gently pulled your arm away and wrapped your hands around your body as you get away as fast as you can. jay didn't even shiver from the sudden blow of the wind hitting his skin as he looks at you getting away further and further along the beach, turning around to see his friends in a pregnant silence from what happened. he shook his head as they confirmed that he also didn't know you got accepted in the university of oxford. he felt as if a pocket knife is stabbed on his back, small but lethal enough. do you not trust him enough to tell him your process? he can only sigh as he excuses himself from the two and takes a walk.
he can't help but feel doubt in his mind and heart about the relationship you have that you created for the past year and more. how the two of you treat each other equally and care for each other equally, sharing your trust with each other that he is willing to open more just so he can keep up with you, and you slowing down to live your life as a teenager with him. each step is getting faster as he observed the ball of light on the sky now visibly sinking down as the sky accommodates it.
his breath is taken away when he saw you in your element as you face the vast body of water near large boulders of rocks. the same image of you that got stuck in his head for the first time when the both of you visit the beach from the aquarium with a deep orange sky instead of blue. he can't help but admire you as he let the metaphorical pocket knife being pulled from his back and bandage with the view that is you and the sea. he observed how you stood the same way you did last year, near the shallow water enough that the wave crashing on the land touches the side of your shoes. he remembered how he jumped back because of it to then see you turn around and walk closer to comfort him, but he knows it is his time now as he walks nearer to the ocean to stand beside you.
your arms are still wrapped around your body as you gaze at the sun setting on the horizon. closing your eyes as you focus on the sound of the crashing wave and how your sense can feel it flow beneath your feet. the wind hitting your cheeks and lifting the ends of your sweater as you try to refresh your mind. but, it sticks back to jongseong's disappointed expression that you saw at a glance.
"i'm here." you heard the familiar voice from one of your ears, leaning your head down as you straighten your lips before slowly opening them and looking to the side. seeing your boy standing side by side as you can see the wave crashing on the land, making his shoes wet too. and he doesn't care as he continues to say, "so, oxford huh?"
you let out a sigh as you nodded, your guts consuming yourself slowly as you wanted to look away. but, you can't, not at him. you lick your lips as you added, "i'm not attending graduation either." truthfully speaking as you also attending a foundation course there before your own course starts after next summer.
you see him chuckle as he turns his body for you, veins showing on his arms as you see him clenching it into a fist. "do you want to know why i said what i said back there?" your eyes look back up to his face on how sad and furious he seems to look. you gestured with your open palms to him as you nibble your bottom lips. 'go ahead.'
"i wait because of you," he said loudly to fight the sound of the wind and chirping birds flying from the sky. you can hear the grit in his voice from how he spoke. gulping your saliva, you pouted your lips as the only thing in your mind is words of 'please forgive me'.
"i wait because i wanted to go and have a future with you, both of us. going to the same school or living in the same city." he gritted his teeth as he walks closer to you. you shook your head as you can't take it back what you said and what is—in the end—your choice. you suddenly realized just how your selfishness is now affecting people around you. in your mind, the good didn't outweigh the bad but you didn’t see it from another person’s shoes.
"i'm sorry…" those were the only words you can say, not wanting to step closer to him, not wanting to break his boundaries that you can see are starting to build up because of you.
"i was thinking you’ll be staying here when you said you’re gonna test for suneung. the farthest i apply to is the US both on the west and east coasts so i didn't apply to any universities in the UK, not even europe." he frustratedly said as you heard him groan out at the sea and the sun sinking down beside you, the circle of the sun creating limelight on the two of you as it feels like you two are in a bubble from the outside world.
"i just…" you heard him take a breath before letting it go immediately. "i feel selfish for even thinking-"
"no, you're not selfish. i'm the one that's being selfish here. i didn't even tell any of you other than my parents about my acceptance." you blurted as you let out your own frustration, probably the longest set of sentences that you have spoken to him without pauses.
“i just want to show the people that ridicule me that i can do it. that’s why i did it.” gulping your saliva down, wet tears are dropping down on your cheeks. you sniffle your nose as the wind blows against your face letting the tears trail away and being thrown away before you got rid of them yourself.
“that’s why i hid it from you and it was stupid of me to not even consider what you’re going to think about it.” the dam that is the filter between what you think and what you speak is bursting as you don’t hide any of your thoughts to him. slowly accepting the consequences of your actions and how it affects him. using your sleeves to wipe the remaining tears that are currently flowing down your face, you hear sniffling coming from beside you.
"i just… i can't live without you, (y/n)." he let out as he sighs before rubbing his nose from the itch that comes from the sniffles. you pouted as you took steps towards him, feet felt heavier from the wet sand.
"hey, yes, you can." you walk closer to him, but you just can't stay too close. yet, he wants to as he moves forward, lifting your sleeve-covered hands and placing them in their place on his cheeks as you unconsciously rub his cheekbones, realizing how watery his eyes have been and how it seems to reflect yours from how clear you can see your face from his pupils.
"for the 18 years you have lived,” you clear your throat whilst collecting the words, “i've only been there for around one and a half years, jongseong," you spoke your mind logically as you thread out all the consequences that are now being revealed inside it. that you’ll be leaving him even though he wanted you to stay: with him.
"best one and a half years of my life." he impulsively commented as he then coughs, you shook your head to tell him to not make this harder for you.
"this is the consequences that i bear. that you were the collateral damage of." you kissed the corner of his mouth as you rested your forehead on his. closing your eyes as you can't look in his eyes as you don’t want to feel the pain that clenches your heart again. holding his head in place with yours as his breathing calms from a sporadic pattern, following your relaxed ones.
"we can survive four more years without each other, apart timezones and kilometers away," you whispered so he can only hear. when he said how he wanted to have a future with you, your heartbeat got faster as it beats the blood around your body as a message to your neurons, that you know you felt the same. you let go of one of his cheeks to grab his hand and opens its palm, placing it on your beating heart.
"you have to know that i am only yours and i can see a future for us. we can do anything, schedule any video calls if you miss me, share what kinds of food we’re having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, share each other’s song recommendations, and much much more" your sporadic answer as you lean back makes jongseong chuckle. you felt his other hand reaching and caressing your cheek with his knuckles, instinctively leaning in against it as you peek from the corner of your eyes at how the sun is already half sinking into the horizon. you see him move his head while biting his lips before he looks at you.
"i love you," he whispered and you paused.
love. it is the strongest choice of word that you have ever learned. if you love to do things, it tells you how devoted you are to do it. if you love something, it tells you how loyal you are to it. if you love someone, it tells you how you want them to be in your life. and it finally clicks in your mind, that feeling you felt when he visited your town that summer, how you spent your days listening to the combination of music and nature while staying silent right beside each other. how you kiss his cheek goodbye when you brought him to the train station in the pouring rain.
that is love and the seed has been growing for the past year since it was planted. cared for by the amount of time you stayed on his side and felt like your body and soul were in such peace. the number of kisses you and him unconsciously do when you two are officially dating. the amount of happiness you felt is also reflected when you see from his eyes.
"i love you too," you replied as he leans closer and give you a kiss, a soft yet passionate one that kick-started the ability for you to make it to the next for years where you won’t be with him all the time.
"let's make the rest of our trip worth it for the next four years, okay?" you mumbled in front of his lips before wrapping your arms around his neck and giving the same amount of emotions he gave to you back at him. your body stumbles as you felt the water moving beneath you, jongseong’s hand moves to your waist to hold you gently as you giggle, rubbing away each other’s tears and look into your mirrored bloodshot eyes and puffy nose.
giving one last peck on his lips, you grip his hands as you walk back to the resort that is now lit up with a dark purple backdrop of the sky behind it. you both looking to the horizon to see the tip of the circle is the only visible part of the sun, saying goodbye to you as it says hello on the other side of the world. the others were waving towards you when they see you two approaching, the fire pit now lit up as suyeon was making s’mores while jaeyun helps to roast them. jongseong’s hand that was holding yours moves to let his arm hold onto yours as you both sit on the cushion you were sitting on before. jongseong let out a huge sigh as you felt him leaning his head on your shoulder while suyeon gives you two sheets of tissue, pointing at her eyes and nose as you nod your head before using them and giving some to jongseong.
both of you mostly stayed quiet the entire night, the dancing flames reflects their illumination into your eyes. you shared your s’mores with jongseong as you can see he is slowly thawing but you don’t want to pursue more to let him think and accept your choice. jaeyun then starts to talk to you about how is your process where you told everything, your mindset, your strategies, and what you faced, and exchanged information with jaeyun about tips for living abroad, for you that is living alone. the night comes to an end when the wood is all burned and all of you go back into your rooms, you give jongseong’s hand a squeeze as suyeon drags you back to your room, turning your back on a boy now with a gentle smile on his face.
the hike at hallasan national park the next morning was beautiful. you and suyeon stayed back in your crowd as you both just admired the view nature has made while taking photos with your phone to remember. jaeyun and jongseong that were a few people in front of you and suyeon suddenly turn back when he suggests that all of you should take a picture together. suyeon quickly opens her phone and sets it up on your backpack that is on the ground, not getting the best angle of the park itself but your face looks nice to look as she presses her button while you and she are crouching side by side. the boys standing behind you as they lean down to pose for the camera, feeling jongseong’s hand on your shoulders as she takes the last picture before grabbing all your belongings and running to your crowd.
in the evening, you’re straightening the high-neck navy chiffon dress you have to wear for tonight’s final night of the trip which is the farewell party, resembling the waters of the ocean of your hometown as one of mom’s seamstress’ friend in the town helps in making. suyeon’s heavy makeup on your face makes you look like a whole person as she steps beside you wearing a spaghetti strap silver dress that accentuates the shape of her body. you picked up and put on the white blazer that you brought on your bed because of your lack of confidence in your body to cover it up if needed, and your pockets for all your important belongings. walking down the hallway in the white sneakers you have used since you arrived—as you have observed a trend of using sneakers with dress recently, you stepped into the hall that is rented for the night with suyeon holding arms with you. seeing the elegant silver-and-purple-themed decorations and the buffet served on the side with tables in the middle and a dance floor at the front.
suyeon and you were the centers of attention when you both walk inside, a few of your peers staring too long at you both when you caught them, making them flustered and turning their heads away from other than a few people that don’t which are the people you recognized has been nice to the of you. that’s when your eyes landed on jongseong across from you, wearing a simple white shirt, a pair of suit pants, and an adoring gaze in his eyes. he walks to you as you are to him, with jaeyun walking behind him as he poses some ridiculous expression on his face to make you and suyeon laugh. your hands were intertwine with each other in front of you, swaying your body as you see him taking in your outfit for the night.
“dress and sneakers?” he squints his eyes at you.
“you know i have a hatred for high heels…” you lean closer to whisper to him as his hand caresses yours.
“and the blazer?”
you lean back but stay close as your hand opens the other side of the blazer, letting him see the shoulder and the junction between it and your neck where the straps of your dress rested. “also useful if i ever get cold.” you added.
“you know you can just cuddle up to me, right?” jongseong puts his arm around your waist as you pat his chest from the sudden closeness. you rolled your eyes before giving him a peck on the cheek.
“or i can just get warm from the food that we’re having tonight.” you boop his nose before pulling him to the sit that jaeyun and suyeon have found and seated, which are yedam and jisung and their respective significant others. jongseong’s simmering jealousy for jisung to be glancing at you has subsided when you found out he’s now dating one of your classmates. you remembered that significant actions as you hear how he sighs at the appearance of the couple where you two arrived in the class. from what you observed since the three of them are leaders in your year’s student council, jongseong—who once was mad that he didn’t get the president’s seat—now has created a camaraderie with yedam and jisung, even after their period ended they still hung out a few times per month as he sometimes tells you about it.
walking in the line of teenagers waiting for food with its share of shenanigans and putting them down on the table as you hear your stomach rumbling, suyeon asks the four of you to take a picture at the empty photo booth on the other side of the buffet. you pull off your blazers and put them on your chairs as suyeon tells the others there to help keep an eye out on it. jongseong seemingly can’t help to put his arm around your waist as the four of you walk to the set, pressing a kiss on your bare shoulder that makes goosebumps form on your arms. you approach jaeyun as he is video calling sunghoon on his phone, greeting him when you see his sleepy face on the screen. it was your crowd’s turn to take a photo where all of you stood in front of the white backdrop. staring at the reflection of the four of you with sunghoon smiling from jaeyun’s screen as the pictures are taken.
the four of you did it again and again as no people are behind you as they were too busy eating. you and suyeon lean against each other as if you’re posing for a spy movie poster; suyeon and jaeyun battle it out to try to get points from you and jongseong on who is the most ridiculously decorated from the available props; jaeyun making jongseong piggyback him, and the last is you and jongseong stood closer to the camera lens so the cameras capture half of your body from the chest and up with various expressions and you kissing his cheek.
after finishing the dinner, the dance floor suddenly lights up as your schoolmates are stepping on it and let the dj play the music, from the party anthem to the karaoke galore, everyone seems to have a good time. so, when it came to the slow music, you were lightly nudged onto the dance floor because of suyeon as she winks at you. you see a hand showing up in your vision as you followed it to jongseong with his signature smirk. you accept his hands and immediately put yours on his shoulder, his hand resting on your waist and hipbone.
“i didn’t get the chance to tell you how beautiful you are tonight.” jongseong tells you as you furrow your eyebrows at the comment before calming yourself down, seeing him trying not to smile too wide as you patted his chest near his heart with a small grin.
the song continues as you slow dance to the music, telling him how sneakers are a perfect choice for you as you don’t have to worry about your balance, earning a small chuckle from him before he rested his head on your shoulder, giving a kiss on the side of the neck as you hear him whisper.
“i’m going to miss you.”
you rub your hand on his nape, whispering “i’m going to miss you too.” in his ear.
he leans back and rested his forehead on yours, feeling your breath meeting each other as the darkness consumes the room in the right shade, obscuring the others but still able to see the person in front of you clearly. you let your mind wander about your future with him, what you two are going to do after graduating, where you two will live, and if he wants to do more like getting married or having kids. you realize that in each scenario you were thinking if you were to have a partner, no matter what happens, you can see jongseong standing by your side.
your lips form a pout from what you were thinking in your mind. you felt a thumb caressing it, realizing jongseong’s warm palm is resting on your cheeks as his thumb parts your lips. leaning closer, you capture his as you send him all of the might and love you have for him. his hand caressing your cheek gives you a signal that he is also sending the ones he has to you too. one of the nights from the nights you’re going to have with him for the rest of your life.
-
it's jay's 21st birthday when he awakes in a parisian hotel, feeling refreshed from the jet lag he got after flying from new york city across the atlantic ocean. he opened his phone to see the notifications coming from his parents from hours ago, his mom telling him they're inside the aircraft and will depart soon. he can see another number notification above his family's group chat, a chat coming from you confirming what cafe you will be meeting for today from an hour ago before replying again.
"i'm on the train. see you *heart emoji*"
jay jumps from his bed to his open suitcase where he packs clothes he only prepares for the five days he'll be in france between paris and nice. picking out the perfect outfit for the spring weather as he replies back to you to then prepares himself as best as he can, feeling the warm water relaxes his tense muscles. preparing him for the first time he ever sees you in person in three years.
he regretted not being there to send you off at the airport three years ago. knowing that he can wait for his acceptance letter to arrive on his email when he waits for your flight with you and your parents. but, back then in his mind, if he was there, it will be harder for him to let you go and he will be on such a roller coaster of a mess of emotions in a public space between you leaving and his letter. so, when he sees the letter from new york university's steinhardt arrived and sees that he got accepted, he immediately sends a text to you, not expecting you to reply as soon as possible with a small "congrats :D" that just makes his heart bloom even more because of you.
jay opens his leather messenger bag after sitting down on the outdoor terrace of the cafe you both agreed upon meeting. pulling out sheets of paper with scribbles of music theory notes and a business proposal on the other from the music business major he is in. after he becomes a part of the crew of the school festival—which his dad said the council has continued for each year ever since—he felt like that is his true calling: bringing joy in creating an event to bring together musicians in their differing popularity and genre so they can reach the mainstream media and succeed in their career. even though he always has music playing in at least one of his ears, he didn't bother to put on his wireless earbuds for today so that he can hear the sound of the bustling city, the traffic, the sound of grilling coming from inside, people talking as they walk past him on the pavement, waiting for the sound of your clear voice.
"Excusez-moi.¹⁴” someone voiced out behind him. thinking it might be one of the waitresses serving the food and beverage that he orders, he turns around to see a woman wearing a creme turtleneck and plaid dress pants, carrying a small bag with a cherry keychain dangling on it. as he looks up at her face, his eyes widen and his jaw dropped.
"Désolé de vous déranger. Êtes-vous M. Jay Park ?¹⁵” he stood up from his chair as soon as you jokingly ask to him in french, gripping onto your saddle bag's strap while pushing the bridge of the thin-framed glasses you are wearing. feeling his hands immediately cupping your cheeks, he leans in to kiss you hard as your hands hold onto his upper arm to stabilize yourself. tilting both of your heads to the side to get deeper as it has been a long time since you finally see him. as many times as you want to meet up face to face, your schedule always does not match up; when you went home he just arrived at new york; when he flies back, you were departing to the UK. so it is a rarity for you to even be able to see him with your eyes, even though it will only take half of the day.
you lean back and wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him close as your head is buried in the crook of his neck, feeling his hands move around your waist and rubbing your head. squeezing him as hard as you can with him following, you lean your body back when your hand reaches to caress his face, still not believing you are finally able to see your boyfriend for a long time.
"hi…" you mumbled as you pouted your lips, feeling him rubbing the expanse of your back.
"hi, love. come, sit." he gestured you to the seat across from his as you put your bag down on the table and sit down, fixing your glasses as you see the printed papers on the table with scribbles of handwriting you recognized as his. suddenly making you remember the homework that has its deadline in three days, you rub your sweaty palms against your pants and finally feel the tiredness of using your legs to get here as soon as possible. you took your breaths as jongseong sees from across from you, concern in his eyes.
"sorry… i…" you clear your throat. "i literally just arrived at Gare du Nord and i immediately run here." you gulped your saliva as you felt his hands on your hands that were helping to open up your lungs. "good thing you pick a cafe near here when i told you i'll be using a train from london," you added as he giggled.
"i miss you too. don't worry i was panicking too when i see your notification that you are on your way," he reassured you as he leans in closer to give a peck on your hands. you asked the waiter for the menu as they served jongseong's orders, reading out the scribbles and contents of jongseong's work as he eats his breakfast, stealing a few glances at him before you look down at the music sheet that you can read some of the symbols. when your order arrived, that's when he started to talk.
"how's oxford?" he starts as you give a small chuckle.
"well, it's fun but i, of course, have my fair share of challenges to face. some you know from the video calls we managed to squeeze in on our five-hour time difference." he giggles when you mention the time difference and ridiculous scheduling you have to prepare just for a video call. even though you were only across the pond from him, he can see how torturous it must be for you and him to talk knowing your differing lives in your respective cities. your chin points towards him to let him to talk, "same question."
"well, new york city is just a different breed of city, to be honest. i'm glad that you taught me to ride the seoul metro or i don't think i won't survive there as i mostly use it to travel to campus." he rambled as you give a light pat on his free hand while the other holds a cup of coffee.
"my main mode of transport is still the train and having prior knowledge in figuring out routes really does help with me navigating through the london tubes and king's cross," you said as you remember one of the first times you rode on the london tubes from your accommodation to where you learn your foundation course. the iconic red circle with the blue stripe right in the middle is now your association with london other than the eye or even buckingham palace.
as you both sit around while finishing your order, jongseong sipping his coffee slowly to wait for you. the sound coming from you as you open your bag and pull out something gets his attention. you nudge it on the table towards him as he read the contents on it, a louvre museum tickets for the two of you in the afternoon, a smile on your face as he looks up at you. "we don't have much time anyway since i have to go back but that's my gift to you," you said as you continue your food.
around noon, you walked out of the train station on your way to the museum, your hand held tight to his as you walk around the street of paris. you told him the reasons why you picked to bring him to louvre as it is a place you are very interested to go to if you ever visit paris. "and i want to impress you with what i studied back in uni." you added as he laughed, telling you all the work he has done in new york city.
"wait, so if you arrived at the cafe at 9:30, when did your train depart?" jongseong moves his hand from yours to wrap around your shoulders while you look down at the gps in your phone pointing you towards louvre.
"06:00 in the morning. but, i stayed at a friend's house in london before going though." you raised your shoulders as you told him the logistics of it all. how the previous day you travel from oxford to london and meet up with a friend of yours that you meet in your foundation course, who is studying in university college london, and put your baggage there so you only brought what you needed for your journey here like your passport.
you approach the hidden-looking entrance with the "Le Carrousel Du Louvre" written on it by the sidewalk. you whispered to jongseong about how you learned the entrance to the museum from the underground mall that leads to the same place where the people entering from the pyramid will arrive. as you hold arms with jongseong, you have entered the museum grounds while switching your map to the museum map you downloaded from the website.
"where do you want to go first?" you nudged your shoulder to his as he turns his head.
"up to you." he replied as he looks down at the map in your phone whilst you help scroll it around "since you want to impress me, we can go to Sully Wing at level 0 and start from there." he winks as you guide him to where escalators are underneath the glass pyramid.
you felt shivers running down your spine as you enter a room full of statues and sculptures of beings you studied as the greek and roman deities. seeing the statues of gods like dionysus, artemis—or diana if using the roman name— with her hand on a doe's tusk, and smaller sculptures. seeing it up close as you took all the details of such sculptors being able to create such masterpieces back in the renaissance and before.
"this is athena of velletri, goddess of war and wisdom." you mumbled as you look up at the massive statue of the goddess on top of the pedestal. "i hope you don't mind me talking," you whispered as you felt him leaning his head on your shoulder.
"no, i don't. i love hearing you talk about what you studied. like, you did fangirl in front of me back when you were reading your book when we hung out." your palm presses against his lips to stop him from talking as you dragged him away from the crowd. walking and viewing the other statutes like venus de milo.
you also brought him to the eastern art and sculptures as you have just started your oriental studies where you currently learning about egyptian and the middle east. seeing a literal sarcophagus from egypt and a mini sphinx where you told about the egyptian mythology and history you have learned. you can't help but squeal when you see a few mesopotamian sculptures but also fill your sadness and anger boiling when you know that both of the exhibitions you see were pretty much stolen from their parts of the world. you really wished you could bring them back to where they were picked up after you graduate and be a curator or any other career you can think of.
both of you approach the statue of the winged victory of samothrace after taking a glance at the mona lisa room that is full of people. "mona lisa isn't in my studies anyway," you pushed him away as jongseong's laugh almost echos on the hallway, muffled by the people staring and taking a picture at the woman who smiles.
"winged victory of samothrace. that is the body of nike, goddess of victory, on top of the bow of the boat. sad to see that they're not able to fully restore the statue." you let out a small frown as you looked up to the marble statue. looking down at your phone, you see the time has already passed 15:00. you lean in to whisper to jongseong that you're going to buy him an early dinner before pecking his cheek, immediately making him grab you away from the crowded halls.
"that was eye-opening," he commented after you both order your food. he loves and misses having deep conversations with you, especially about how passionate you are about learning the world's history and society through art. looking outside to the lights entering from the glass pyramid as he felt your thumb caressing his that you were holding. you, on the other hand, want to memorize how his hands feel as you're going to be away from each other for another year before facing the world together.
"we should go to each other's graduation next year. me to nyc, you to oxford," you spoke your proposal as he lifts his hands that are holding yours to his lips, giving both of yours a kiss on their backs, before nodding. you heard the one of your phone vibrating on the wooden table as you see jongseong's screen lights up, his mom texting him that they have arrived.
you use your chin to point to his as he reacts a grab it, tapping something on the screen before pausing. he straightened his sitting position and adjusts his phone in front of you, a smirk forming behind his phone. "i want to take a picture of you to send to my parents. to let them know that you're here with me." he explained as you silently agree and pose a warm smile to the camera.
as the main course is served while you were eating your escargot, you were having deep thoughts about your relationship with him. time hasn't been on both of your sides because of your studies and your part-time job at the campus cafe. but, none of the connections has been tampered any other way. conflicts do occur especially in regards to canceling scheduled video calls, but you both tried to resolve them as fast as you can. you both don't want to have the same fight as the one you have back on your farewell trip three years ago. so you both tried to be as open as possible, venting to each other about a bad day even though you know he might not even wake up on his side of the world. you just have to wait one more year and he's going to be by your side at any chance, maybe you follow him to stay in the US, he follow you to stay in the UK, or you both go back and live in seoul or some other small town or suburban city.
you lean your head on his shoulder as you stood in the car of the parisian metro, on your way to Gare du Nord for your train back to london, letting your hands grip the metal bar so you don't sway as much. moments like this make you remember your train rides back home after cafe crawling, creases forming on both of your uniforms from how much you move around. simple things like this are what you try to remember in this convoluted world. just let your eyes rest to admire the little things, pleasant and not, the world has given to you and other people.
"why can't you just stay here with me and my parents? we can go to nice together," he whines as you see him pout when steps out of the train and in transit to your platform. you hold his hand as you stop at the bridge you have to cross to go to your platform, cupping his cheeks as you give a peck on his pouty lips, pouting your own lips too.
"i literally spent around 400 € of my money for today from both my living costs and wages from my job. leave me be, boy." he laughs after your rambling, looking down at the cherry keychain dangling from your bag. "i brought my seashell collection with me too, yours included." you said as you look up at him and the lights turning on as the sun seems to want to say goodbye today. looking at the clock as it says 19:05 and a train enters into one of the platforms, you know you have to say a goodbye of your own.
you felt your eyes starting to burn from the realization as jongseong stared into you and right into your seoul. your emotions overwhelmed you even though you have trained yourself to not cry when you have to part ways. jongseong's forehead now leans against you as you sob quietly, letting your lips meet his right in the middle. the kiss gives sparks and motivation in your head as you know you can make it and also reassures him that you are going to be alright.
"text me when you arrived in london." jongseong mumbles as you give a tight lip smile before hugging him, resting your head on his shoulder.
"i love you so much and happy birthday," you speak into his ear before giving a kiss on the shell, feeling his hands rubbing your back and then wrapped around your waist so tight.
"i love you too." he whispered back as you soothe his nape before letting go of his body. "i almost forgot." you see him open his back to bring out a pack of three golden-foiled spheres that made you grin. jongseong opens the plastic wrapper and pulls one of them out to give to you. you can see the ferrero rocher logo written on top of it with the brown cup underneath it, holding it gently in your hand as you smile by yourself, stifling a laugh.
"thanks." you lean closer and give a small kiss on his lips as you walk to the pedestrian bridge behind him, looking onto the tracks below you as you open the gold foil of the chocolate.
jay finally turns around to see you almost nearing the end of the bridge, wanting to see you one last time, not knowing that you turn around to do the same. you raise the chocolate ball in your hand to show him and take a small bite of it, giving a small smirk as he put his hand where his heart is before turning away. connecting all the roads together from the start of your relationship.
and now you know, that for the farthest he is in your life, he is only a crossroad away.
translations
German / Deutsch
¹Guten Abend = Good Evening
²Was möchten Sie bestellen? = What would you like to order?
³Was empfehlen Sie? = What do you recommend?
⁴Ich persönlich empfehle unsere Eisschokolade und Latte = I personally recommend our Iced Chocolate and Latte
⁵Ich habe geholfen, den Geschmack selbst zu testen, und seitdem sind sie meine Lieblingsgetränke = I helped to test the flavor myself and they've been my favorite drinks ever since
⁶Auf Wiedersehen! = Goodbye!
Spanish / Español
⁷¿Lo has encontrado? = Have you found it?
⁸¿Puedo ayudarte? = Can I help you?
⁹¿Puedes hablar Español? = You can speak Spanish?
¹⁰Un poco… = A little..
¹¹Estamos tratando de encontrar la entrada a la montaña rusa = We are trying to find the entrance to the roller coaster
¹²¡Muchas gracias! = Thank you so much!
¹³De nada… = You're welcome...
French / Français
¹⁴Excusez-moi = excuse me
¹⁵Désolé de vous déranger. Êtes-vous M. Jay Park ? = sorry for bothering you. are you mr. jay park?
꒰ PLAY’S SCRIPT ꒱ ⪩ Park Jay was well aware of the rivalry between his basketball team and the drama club, yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate them. He loved drama, and of course, he couldn’t express that to anyone. Upon hearing about the auditions for their new play, he only felt thrilled. He was good at hiding secrets, so signing up wouldn’t be that hard, right? Well, it wouldn't be if you, the club leader, weren’t practically everywhere.
꒰ CASTING ꒱ ⪩ bball-team-leader!jay x drama-club-leader-fem!reader (ft. k from &team, sohee and seunghan from riize, eric, younghoon, sangyeon, and juyeon from the boyz, danielle from newjeans, kazuha and eunchae from le sserafim, jisung and mark from nct, ricky from zb1, enha’s jungwon, heeseung, jay, and jake, songyee from woo!ah!)
꒰ GENRES ꒱ ⪩ highschool au, performing arts au, sports au, highschool musical inspired, strangers to lovers, love at first sight, fluff, angst, crack, (kinda) self discovery, and nonidol au.
꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ ⪩ profanity, lotsss of arguing, jay has a nightmare, club/team rivalry, lying, k is like really mean, crying, kissing, y/n gets injured for a bit, mentions of possibly being sick, lmk if i missed anything!
꒰ SOUNDTRACK ꒱ ⪩ CLICK HERE!
꒰ PLAY’S DURATION ꒱ ⪩ 23717 words
꒰ AUTHOR NOTE ꒱ ⪩ first fic of the year!! honestly, this fic has existed for the last three years and went through the most craziest revamps in history... So recently I've been rewatching hsm with my older sister and forgot the plot of the old 'mansae' fic so here comes the new and improved mansae fic yall!!! — ps, thank sona for FIGHTING for this fic 😭 and ty to hana for proofreading!!
“So, practice is still on tomorrow?” K asked while throwing his blazer over his shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m down.” Eric said with a smile, wrapping his arm around Jay’s shoulder.
“What about you? I’m sure everyone else is okay with it.” Eric asked the exhausted boy beside him, tightening his arm around Jay’s shoulder.
Jay hummed in response, a yawn breaking through midway. They arrived at K’s locker as he unlocked his own, and Jay pressed his back into the locker beside K’s. Today’s practice was enough for him.
He was ready to fall asleep and wake up the next day, discarding all his assigned work. His eyes fell shut at the sounds of K’s locker interior clashing with his personal belongings.
“Excuse me.” someone said, gaining the attention of the three boys. Jay slightly opened one eye, glancing at the sight before him. Nakamura Kazuha, a member of the drama club, looked annoyed more than ever.
Eric scoffed at the sight, alongside him, Jay pushed himself off the locker he was resting on and moved out of her way. She proceeded to tape up a flyer that promoted their club’s newest attraction—a play.
“Wizard of Oz? Really?” K retorted, shutting his locker at the same time.
“What’s it to you?” Kazuha said with a raised brow.
“Nobody’s going to watch that.”
“It’s optional. Either they watch the live action or the play.” Kazuha said, leaving K confused.
“Aren’t those the same thing?” K asked.
“One needs effort, and one doesn’t. For example, you look identical to an Oompa Loompa, so therefore, no costume will be needed.” She insulted him as K’s brows furrowed.
Eric snorted at the sudden insult, immediately clearing his throat once he felt K’s glare. Jay cracked a smile at her words, his gaze shifting to the poster beside him. His attention was drawn away from the conversation and onto the colourful poster before him. It was quite eye-catching.
Everyone in Decelis was aware of the rivalry between the two groups. It wasn’t anything new and stayed every school year, to the point where even newcomers heard about it.
It all started with a misunderstanding. Back in sophomore year, the drama club had just finished designing one of their new set pieces, only for a group of rowdy boys to ruin it right after. A basketball came flying into the center of their backdrop, breaking it immediately.
Of course, your first instinct would be to confront the basketball team. The basketball had a signature on it. One that anyone could recognize immediately; ‘DECELIS BBALL TEAM’ in bolded letters, slightly smudged from the number of sweaty hands that held the ball in many games.
The gym doors busted open, revealing a group of furious students who caught the team’s attention. “That’s where the ball went!” Sohee exclaimed while jogging towards the group of students.
He reached out for the basketball with a smile.
“Thank you—”
“You guys broke our set,” Danielle said, moving the ball out of his reach.
“What?” Sohee questioned, turning to look at his team members and then back at the students in front of him. His team members were just as confused as him. What did they mean by breaking their set?
“Is this your way of sabotaging us? We understand that your game is on the same day as our play, but that wouldn’t differentiate the number of viewers for both events.” Jungwon explained, leaving the group of boys even more confused.
K approached Sohee’s side with furrowed brows. “Why are you guys accusing us of something we didn’t do?” He asked as Eunchae sighed.
“How are we the ones accusing you when your team’s ball is enough to prove our point?” She said, taking the ball from Danielle’s hold.
“It came flying into our set pieces. Everyone in our school knows about the rules with your team’s ball, which is only reserved for tournament and practice services. Nothing else.” She explained. She wasn’t wrong about that. Definitely not. But still, the basketball team did nothing.
“If you guys don’t want to answer truthfully, then that’s fine. Keep whatever reputation you have to uphold, I guess. Stay away from the drama club room, or we will inform the principal.” Juyeon said, glaring into K’s eyes.
K felt furious. He had a history of bad anger management, and his teammates knew. He lurched at the group of students, but Sohee put an arm in front of him, halting his movements. K looked at Sohee as he shook his head.
“Let them be.” He mumbled as the group of students walked away, dropping the ball on the ground and leaving it to dribble as it rolled toward the two boys.
The changing room doors opened, revealing a confused Jay.
“What was all that commotion?” He asked the boys, taking in the scene before him. All the boys turned around to stare at their captain, including K, who was still mad.
He stormed off into the changing room, pushing past Jay, who blocked the entrance slightly.
“What’s up with him?” He asked, pointing behind him with his thumb.
“The drama club accused us of ruining their set pieces and trying to sabotage their play all because of our missing basketball. I don’t even know how it ended up in the halls in the first place.” Sohee explained while walking over to pick up the ball.
“That’s weird…” Jay mumbled, running his fingers through his hair.
“Whatever, let’s continue with the practice.” He changed the topic as everyone went back to what they were doing.
“Jay, what are you doing?” Eric asked as Jay’s attention shifted away from the poster from earlier.
“What? Oh, nothing…” He mumbled, trying to play it off yet failed completely.
Jay looked around, registering that Kazuha had left to put up more posters around their school hallways a while ago and it was only the three of them together.
“Aren’t you coming?” K asked, leaving Jay unsure of what he was referring to.
“Yeah, of course.” He said, hoping it was the right answer.
“Sweet, let’s go!” Eric cheered as the two walked ahead with Jay trailing behind.
Jay didn’t know if he should regret agreeing or be glad that he agreed. He had no clue where they were and was even more confused once he realized they were standing in front of the doors to the drama club room.
“What are we doing here?” Jay asked nervously.
“You weren’t listening were you…” Eric said with a sigh.
“We’re here to get revenge.” He explained as Jay’s eyes widened.
“Don’t worry, it won’t be bad. Just a little warning.” He teased and reached for the doorknob.
“I’m aware of our so-called hatred for their club but isn’t this too much? I mean, what if we get caught? We can’t be benched for our upcoming game. Plus, the season’s almost done. We can’t risk any silly behaviour.” Jay sternly said as he held onto Eric’s arm.
“You’re worrying too much. There’s no way Coach would bench any of us, we have to be the starters no matter what.” He reassured Jay and removed his hand from his arm.
“Follow through with the plan. If we get caught, one of us goes and tries to drive the person out of the room. I’d say, Eric, you’re a good sweet talker.” K said as Eric nodded.
“Alright…” Jay mumbled, still nervous. He didn’t want to bother the club anymore. Plus, what if this ruined his chances of ever joining one of their plays?
Auditions were in less than a week, he couldn’t blow them now.
They checked the halls before opening the door silently. The coast was clear, it was nearing the end of lunch anyway. Usually, nobody’s in the clubrooms during lunchtime. After a few weeks of observing, it was something Jay realized. He wouldn’t get caught signing up at this rate.
They walked into the club room, closing the door behind them. “What should we take? A camera?” K asked while holding one of their cameras in his hands. He examined the other options, including their lens as well.
“I doubt they’d care, it’s a drama club, not a photography club,” Eric said while approaching their other belongings. Jay’s grip tightened on the coat in his hands and gulped. Although he was sure they wouldn’t get caught, he was still nervous about it.
What if it really did happen? Then what?
“A play script sounds better. I heard they’re handwritten too, then proofread to make more copies.” Eric said with a smirk.
“The Wizard of Oz…what a silly name,” Eric said while thumbing the stapled stack of papers he held.
“I doubt they printed any of this. It looks freshly written.” He said and looked at Jay and K.
“Yeah—” K silenced himself at the sound of footsteps.
They quickly looked around the room, trying to find a place to hide. Eric passed K the script as he quietly walked towards the door. K pulled Jay into a nearby room that stored some of their smaller set pieces, shutting it slowly.
“Shh,” K whispered to Jay as his harsh breathing grew quiet. There was a silence between them as they tried listening to what was happening on the other side of the door.
“Hello?” A voice called, catching their attention. Jay’s brows furrowed as he tried to pinpoint whom the voice belonged to.
“Oh, hi.” Eric turned around, smiling at the person.
“Y/N, I was wondering about something, so I decided to wait for one of you to return.” He lied.
“It’s their club leader,” K whispered to Jay as he nodded. Why did their name sound so familiar if that was their club leader whom he never met?
“What is it?” You asked as Eric tried to think of an excuse.
“I know I’m on the basketball team and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in drama.” He said, trying to stall more time.
“Here, why don’t we walk outside and talk?” Eric suggested. “I’m feeling a little cramped in here due to the amount of items your club has…” He said while looking around the room.
“Okay…” You said as he smiled and led you two out of the clubroom.
Once the door shut, Jay and K let out a heavy sigh. They opened the storage room door and exited.
“It’s like 50°C in there!” K exclaimed while wiping the sweat that dribbled down his face.
“I know,” Jay mumbled in agreement while trying to catch his breath.
“I’m surprised he managed to convince her to leave. I told you he’s a sweet talker.” K said as the two left the clubroom in silence.
They walked away from the doors as if they weren’t just in there as K held the script under his arm.
“Hopefully, we can last a few days.” He said as they approached his locker. He unlocked his locker as Jay examined the empty halls.
“Wait…” Jay mumbled while pulling out his phone immediately.
“K, we’re late.” He said and looked at the boy in front of him.
“Shit,” K muttered, placing the script in his locker hastily.
“Go, I’ll catch up later. Make a believable excuse for Mrs. Jang. I’m sure she’ll believe you out of all her students.”
Jay nodded and hurried to their English class. It’s true that he’s one of Mrs. Jang’s favourite students and was rarely ever late to class. Of course, she’d believe anything he’d say.
ACT TWO.
P.E. has always been one of Jay’s favourite classes. It was almost like a break from his other boring classes. He loved it and also loved being active.
The voices that cheered his name throughout the gym sounded like distant cries. His only focus was the ball that bounced in front of him and those he was opposing. He caught the ball in his hands as he searched around the gymnasium for his teammate.
“Chenle!” Jay called out, alerting the dark-haired boy. He passed the ball to Chenle who stood only a few meters away from him and ran closer to the net.
“He’s quite good,” your classmate whispered to her friend.
“Who? Chenle?” The friend whispered back with raised brows.
“No, silly! I’m talking about Jay." Her chin rested in her palm as she watched Jay with narrowed eyes.
“It’s not like it’s the first time you’re seeing him play… But I agree, no wonder the team made him their captain.”
You looked away from the two classmates, who continued to converse with each other. The floor everyone sat on was pretty uncomfortable. If it were the bleachers, that would be way better.
It was well-known how serious Jay became once he was on the court with an orange ball in his hands. He was way different from his normal calm aura.
Your eyes trailed over Jay’s figure; his eyes were focused on the ball and the court, sweat droplets visible on his body as his blue hair strands stuck to his damped forehead, and he was breathing heavily. Even with how far you were seated, you could still see quite a lot.
But not the ball that headed your way.
“Look out!” The voices of the boys on the court yelled in unison, scattering all your old thoughts and replacing them with new ones. You prepared yourself to be hit since there was no other spot for you to move, but instead, nothing came your way aside from the tall figure that overshadowed yours.
“Watch your surroundings, if I wasn’t able to catch that you would’ve gotten—hurt…” His harsh tone changed into a shocked one as his voice lowered in volume. His eyes were stuck on you, and he wouldn’t move, despite the number of times his teammates called his name.
“Y/N, are you okay?” Your friend from beside you called out.
“I’m fine,” you reassured her as she glared at the boy in front of you two.
“We get it, you guys hate the drama club but that doesn’t mean you have to injure their club leader too.” She said as both you and Jay stayed silent.
“Jay, dude? We need the ball, focus!” Sangyeon shouted from across the gym but Jay didn’t move.
“Thank you.” You muttered.
“Right, no problem.” He responded awkwardly as his hand hit the basketball again.
He ran back to the court, throwing the ball into play. “My fault, whose ball is it?” He questioned while jogging into place.
“It was ours, idiot!” Sohee exclaimed while chasing after the ball.
“Why’d you even throw it here? There’s nobody there!” He said, standing at the other end of the court.
Jay apologized with an embarrassed smile. “Oh, sorry. That was my fault!”
“Jeez, what’s up with him now?” Sohee mumbled as he picked up the basketball, passing it towards their other teammate, Taehyun.
Instead of focusing on the ball and the match in front of him, his thoughts were clouded with you. So, that’s where he’s heard your name, in his P.E. class.
The only thing is, how come he’s never noticed someone as pretty as you?
Waking up on weekdays felt natural to Jay. It meant he would go through his same old everyday routine; wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast with his family, and then go to school.
But today was different.
His alarm rang like usual, he got out of bed, proceeded with his morning routine, and even made himself a quick breakfast. It was something he did every day, but as said before, today was different.
You wouldn’t leave his mind and it was bothering him.
He ran his fingers through his blue strands as he walked down the halls of Decelis. They had an upcoming game, he couldn’t let you distract him. His schedule for today was busier than usual; he had double basketball practice, a test in English, and a test review first period. It was terrible.
He mentally prepared himself for whatever he was about to go through, hoping that’ll all be over soon.
“Hey,” Jay’s friend greeted.
“Hey, Younghoon.” He’d greet back as Younghoon moved beside him.
“Woah, you look exhausted… Did you sleep at all last night?” Younghoon said, worry laced in his voice.
“I’m fine, I just didn’t get enough as usual,” Jay explained, which wasn’t a lie.
He was bothered by the same constant dream—which was more of a nightmare, to him at least—his arms around you as you stared up at him with eyes filled with adoration. If this wasn’t him going crazy then what was?
“I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep for a bit after the test review in Chem today.”
Jay at his words and nodded with a smile. “Hopefully.” He said, a yawn completing his sentence. He’d stretch out his arms as the two walked to Jay’s locker in a comfortable silence.
His eyes glanced at the freshly taped-up poster that advertised the drama club’s new play. That wasn’t there previously.
“Gross, now they’re using our belongings as canvas space?” A familiar voice said while reaching out for the taped-up paper.
Jay looked behind the door of his locker, eyes slightly widening at the sight before him. K was ripping their poster off of Jay’s locker.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Jay began but was interrupted by another voice who finished his sentence for him. The three boys turned their attention toward the girl before them.
“Great,” K muttered. The drama club’s leader was practically everywhere. He couldn’t get away with anything.
You’d approach K, grabbing the now crumpled-up piece of paper in his hand with an unsatisfied look. “Why are you wrecking the properties of others?” You said, earning a scoff from K.
“Why are you ‘claiming’ the properties of others by taping up useless posters?” He retorted with a raised brow as you furrowed yours.
“Fine then.” You’d say as you moved to the nearest trash can, throwing out the balled-up poster.
“If you don’t want us to put things on your lockers, maybe invest in some name tags. Nobody would want to waste their time and remember every irrelevant member of the basketball team’s locker number anyway.” You walked away from the three boys, leaving Jay and Younghoon stunned. Although Jay was supposed to be offended by your words, he was impressed.
K gritted his teeth in annoyance, knowing he couldn’t do anything to you. He looked at Jay with narrowed eyes. “She’s really annoying.” He muttered in pure annoyance as Jay shut his locker.
As much as he wanted to tell K that he was in the wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Instead, he looked at the time on his watch and then back at the friends beside him. “Period one starts in 5 minutes. We should get going.” He’d suggest as the two boys nodded in agreement. All Jay had to do was get through his first two periods and then he could rest during lunch practice.
That’s all he had to do.
Yet that didn’t explain the thrilled feeling he was currently experiencing in his seat. Chemistry never had him feeling thrilled—and never will.
“I repeat,” the student’s voice on the PA system said, catching Jay’s attention.
“Auditions for Decelis’ drama club’s The Wizard of Oz play will begin in a week! Please, sign up on the signup sheet near the school’s entrance.” She’d continue.
“For more information, please ask the drama club members if needed!” The mic was handed over to someone else, causing quite a commotion over the PA system.
“You heard them, sign up now before it’s too late!” Another student said before beginning their own set of announcements.
“Eunchae has a real warming voice.” One of Jay’s classmates complimented her.
“I agree. I understand why she’s always on the PA system.” Another said.
The rest of their conversation went through one of Jay’s ears and out the other. He was too distracted in trying to think of ways to sign up for their auditions secretly. He’d never done this before and never planned on doing so, but it was their last year of high school. He needed to have the so-called high school experience.
He already had enough things to worry about. He still had time to continue this after his whole day of school. Delaying his plan-making wouldn’t hurt.
But they sure did become more difficult. Jay cautiously approached the signup sheet that was located near the school’s entrance, acting as casually as possible. He had only 10 minutes to figure out something before he had to be at the gymnasium for practice.
There was a whole crowd that surrounded the signup sheet which made his attempt to approach impossible. He sighed, trying to peek over the crowd of students who rushed to write their names down on the sheet of paper.
“Hey, Jay!” Ricky exclaimed while swinging an arm over his team captain.
“Hey.” He said, startled by his sudden appearance. Ricky looked ahead of him, grimacing at the sight.
“There’s no way this many people actually like drama… It’s so boring! I hated that class last year.” He whispered.
“Anyways, practice begins in five. How come you’re not early like always?” He’d ask, catching Jay off guard.
5 minutes of him struggling had already gone by within a blink of an eye. “Oh, uh, I was trying but the crowd blocked off my shortcut.” Jay lied, mentally scolding himself for how bad it was.
“No worries, I got you covered.” Ricky winked and clicked his tongue while pointing a finger gun at Jay with his free hand.
The two began to walk towards the gymnasium together as Jay felt his soul leaving his body. He definitely wasn’t going to succeed with signing up today. But he had a week to do so, eventually, he should succeed, right?
Maybe?
“Alright, gather around!” Their coach said while clapping his hands together. The 10 sweaty boys made their way towards their coach, all breathing heavily.
“I know you’re tired, but let’s do a quick practice match.” He suggested, earning disappointed sighs from every single one of them.
“Hey, hey. It’ll be beneficial. Your game is in 2 days, don’t forget.” He said, reminding them all. They nodded and proceeded to split themselves into two teams. Both teams sent their tallest members on both sides to the center for the tip–off.
“First team to score 10 wins.” Said their coach. He’d blow his whistle, throwing the ball up in the air as both team members rushed up to grab it, but eventually, the red team had the ball in possession.
“It’s okay, you’ll get it next time!” Jay reassured Ricky as he jogged back out in the open.
The ball dribbling echoed through the quiet gymnasium that only picked up on the sounds of their shoes squeaking against the polished floors and whistle-blowing.
“Get open!” Heeseung said to his team members as they spread out across the court.
He searched for an open teammate, sending the ball straight to Mark’s hands. He’d take this opportunity to dribble the ball, trying to get free from Ricky’s defence but kept failing. His eyes shifted to K’s free figure as he attempted a bouncing ball pass to only be blocked by Ricky.
Ricky caught the ball once Mark threw it to the ground and began to dribble it once more while sprinting to the opposing team’s key.
“Nice one!” Their coach cheered as Ricky passed the ball to Jake immediately who took the opportunity to shoot a 2-pointer, making it in, flawlessly.
Jake smiled in satisfaction while high-fiving his team members.
“Keep it up, Ricky. That was a good steal.” Heeseung said.
“Woah! Isn’t this cross-teaming?” Jisung was quick to address it in a teasing manner as they all laughed and waved it off.
“Okay, 2 points for the blue team! Red team, inbound.” Their coach instructed as they all followed through. They got into their positions, Jay guarding Heeseung, Eric guarding K, Jake guarding Jisung, and Ricky guarding Mark. Sohee stood outside of the out-of-bounds line while figuring out the many outcomes if he inbounded the basketball to a certain team member.
Eventually, the whistle blew as he threw it to Mark who managed to get free from Ricky’s guarding this time. He dribbled the ball to the other side of the court, stopping when needed. He then proceeded to turn without moving his pivot foot in an attempt to see who was free and who wasn’t.
His plan didn’t go as well as he’d thought it would due to the difference in their heights, causing him to sigh in frustration.
“Dude, I can’t see anything. You’re too tall.” He mumbled, making Ricky chuckle at his sudden confession.
“I get that a lot, actually,” Ricky said back as Mark rolled his eyes and passed the ball to his nearest teammate, Heeseung, who managed to run up towards him, leaving Jay behind.
Jay followed through and immediately began guarding Heeseung, there was no way he’d let his opponents get a point like that.
His eyes focused on the ball in Heeseung’s hand, watching its every movement. It kept a constant routine; dribble, hit Heeseung’s hand, and dribble again.
Jay then looked up at Heeseung, making eye contact with him. Heeseung looked away in search of his teammates as Jay followed his eyes. He’d grit his teeth in frustration, realizing that none of his team members were able to get free.
So, instead of passing the ball around, he went in. He’d dribble the ball while sprinting toward the opposing team’s net, performing a layup shot as Jay jumped up in hopes of blocking him and did so with force.
The ball goes dashing down to the ground, alerting the others who rushed to the ball. Ricky caught the ball, running his fastest to the opposite side of the court while Sohee chased after him. The two rose to the top of the net as Ricky reached up to tip the ball into the net but was abruptly interrupted by the sudden stinging of his wrist.
The whistle blew, gaining their attention as the two landed back onto the court, the ball dribbling away from them.
“Sohee, try to avoid fouling, okay?” Their coach said as Sohee nodded. They were all exhausted, breathing heavily as sweat droplets dribbled down their temples. 3 more points were needed.
Only three and the blue team would win. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?
Gladly, it wasn’t. The boys sighed out of exhaustion while taking their seats on the benches of their changing room.
“Nice play, guys. I’m sure we’ll do even better when we’re on the actual court.” Jay reassured them as they all smiled.
He got up from the bench and headed towards his assigned locker. He was ready to go home, especially after his long day of school. In a hurry, he removed the towel that rested around his neck, followed by his sweat-drenched t-shirt.
He then picked up the towel, dapping away at the sweat droplets that trickled from his jawline to his neck and around his collarbone, releasing a relaxed sigh.
“Yo, Jay,” called Mark as Jay looked over at the said boy.
“Hm?” He hummed, looking away afterwards.
“Are you free after school tomorrow?” Mark asked.
“I believe so. Why?” Jay replied while rummaging through his backpack for his necessities.
“I was wondering if you wanted to study together, then go out and play some video games. It's been a while since we last did so.” Mark explained while putting on his shoes.
"Sure, why not—”
“Which one of you did it?"
ACT THREE.
The sudden commotion made all their heads turn to its location. Most of them sighed and rolled their eyes at the sight as Jay stayed quiet. What was going on?
“Don’t you just love barging into our own private spaces?" K teased, approaching the doorway while buttoning up the last few buttons of his undershirt.
“I wonder if you guys also rehearse these moments in your drama meetings,” he started.
“Well, I mean, you are the club’s leader, right? I’m sure you’d know.” He said, but you remained silent and furious.
You never understand why your club members hated the basketball team in the first place. Yes, they were quite rowdy, but the same day your set pieces were broken, they lost their basketball. Which truly meant they couldn’t have been the cause of the incident, right?
Of course, that's what you believed, but the more you searched for the script for your club’s play, the more you doubted yourself. You felt enraged. There wasn’t anyone else who’d try to sabotage your club except for the basketball team. So you went to ask them for yourself.
You were already in a bad mood and didn’t want to put up with any of K’s antics, but he wasn’t helping. You didn’t care that you were currently facing a group of boys; some were shirtless while others sat on the benches, switching shoes or calming themselves down.
“What is it now?” K asked, resting on a row of lockers.
“Our script for our play is missing. Which one of you took it?” You’d ask again as Jay’s eyes slightly widened.
“Why would we take your club’s script? We have better things to focus on.” K said while crossing his arms.
He was a good liar—quite amazing, actually. Jay was surprised that K was able to lie easily without hesitating when it came to you. Maybe that was Jay’s own problem…
Eric minded his own business and continued to pack things into his backpack. He knew he’d slip up if he were to join in the argument, blowing their cover away.
Jay grabbed his tank top, slipping it on before his undershirt in an attempt to distract himself and drown out the conversation nearby. He gulped nervously and slipped his arms through the designated holes of his undershirt, glancing over at the two who argued.
“Once again, we didn’t steal anything. You guys are always accusing us of this.” K sighed, looking over at Jay, who looked away immediately.
“Right, Jay? We didn’t take anything.” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen.
He looked over at the two, making eye contact with you, then K. He signalled a look to Jay, hoping he understood its meaning. Jay was good at lying and could lie without hesitation, but how come he couldn’t do it with you?
“Yeah, we didn’t.” He managed to let out after hesitating many times before. Normally, after he told a lie, he didn’t feel any sort of way. He always found them as a way to save himself in certain situations, but he felt tremendously guilty telling a lie to you.
The two of you only exchanged a few words and a few moments of eye contact with each other, yet he felt like he was committing a crime. It was weird and confusing to him, at least.
“See, even proof from our captain. If that’s all you need, please shoo—or whatever you drama freaks say during your plays.” K said while pushing himself off the lockers and heading towards his backpack. You looked around the changing room, making eye contact with Jay once more, before leaving, still as enraged as when you first arrived.
Once you were out of the gymnasium, Jay rushed over to K with no hesitation.
“Dude? You know you took the script, so why did you lie?” He asked as K looked up at him.
“What do you mean, I took the script? You were with Eric and I, so it wasn’t only my doing.” He said back, making Jay frustrated.
He was so frustrated over nothing.
The other boys in the changing room turned their heads to look at where the voices were coming from.
“I tried to say no, but you guys made me go either way. I knew we’d get caught, yet you both insisted on doing so.” Jay’s words caused K’s eyebrows to rise slightly.
“Why the fuck are you so mad? You’re acting as if this is anything new. Plus, I’m not even the only one who lied, you did too.” He said, still confused as to why Jay was so mad, but began getting a little irritated at Jay’s sudden anger.
“Because you made me! Why would you put me in a spot like that in the first place? Like you said before, it wasn’t just me who was with you. Eric was there too, and still, you only called on me?” Jay asked while pointing at Eric and then at K.
K furrowed his brows. Jay was practically arguing with him for no reason, and it wasn’t making K feel any calmer.
“Bro, did someone piss in your cereal this morning or something? Why are you so mad over a simple incident that happens almost all the time?" K asked, as mad as Jay.
K stared into Jay’s eyes as he remained silent. Ricky took out an earbud, looking up at the sight of his team captain and one of their star players staring at each other in rage. He looked around the room, noticing that nobody said anything as all eyes were on the two from earlier.
“Woah, Jay, what’s up with you today?” Ricky asked while walking over to the two arguing boys. Jay was never one to pick arguments with friends, teammates, opponents, teachers, you name it. So, seeing this was not a regular sight.
Jay ignored Ricky, walked back to his locker to grab his belongings, and left the changing room while pushing past Ricky and K.
“What’s up with him? It’s almost like he’s against us and stands with the drama club.” K said while calming down.
“I doubt it,” Sohee said while tying his laces.
“It probably was pent-up stress from everything he had going on today. His schedule was pretty packed, so…” Heeseung added as the other boys nodded in agreement.
“Probably,” K said under his breath.
Even Jay hoped that was the reason. Ever since he laid eyes on you, he’s seen you practically everywhere; in the halls, the school’s garden, his dreams at night, during the day, and much more. At this rate, he couldn’t escape you at all.
As he made his way to the school entrance, the signup sheet caught his attention. School was out, and there was no one but his team members and you in the school. It wouldn’t hurt to at least attempt signing up before it was too late, right?
He approached the sign-up sheet while looking around the empty halls for any bystanders. There were already names written down on the sheet, and space was almost gone. He picked up the pen, going in to write his name in a tiny font, but was then startled by a distressed scream.
The scream didn’t scare Jay. What scared Jay was the fact that he was almost caught. He backed away from the signup sheet and looked down the hallway, revealing an angry you in the process. You looked up from your shoes, making eye contact with him as you glared.
He looked away, unsure of what to do or say, and speed-walked out of the school doors. There was no way their club leader, who was already mad enough, was going to catch Jay doing the unthinkable.
You rolled your eyes and made your way back to the clubroom to clean up the mess you made in search of the script. What were you going to tell your club members? You were supposed to proofread it today. Everything was planned, but the script suddenly missing ruined it all.
You’d sigh while running your fingers through your hair in frustration. Maybe you misplaced it somewhere, and maybe the basketball team was just misunderstood. It couldn’t be that hard to find.
You pulled out your phone and opened your reminders app. “Make an announcement about the missing script,” you mumbled as you typed away at your phone’s keyboard. You turned off your phone, slipping it back into your blazer’s pocket.
Hopefully, you can sleep this stress away.
Jay woke up in a sweat. His heart was racing as ragged breaths exited his lips. He sat up in an attempt to calm his breathing and racing heart. He’d glance at the bright light his phone emitted due to a new notification. The clock read 6:02 AM, way earlier than he normally wakes up.
He rubbed his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep after that ‘dream’ of his. He got out of bed, slipped into his slippers, and approached the door to his bathroom. It was still quite dark outside, which felt off.
Normally, Jay would be awake by 7:40 AM, around the time the sun would rise. He also rarely had nightmares, but last night was weird. He doesn’t know why he even considered this a nightmare. You two weren’t even close, yet seeing you fall for someone else scared him.
He felt jealous even when he had no reason to feel so. The bathroom light was brighter than usual, causing his eyes to have a harder time adjusting to the sudden brightness. He squinted while looking at himself in the mirror.
He sure looked like a mess.
He picked up his toothbrush, followed by his toothpaste, and squeezed a bit onto the rough bristles. He’d place his toothbrush in his mouth with a sigh as he continued to stare at himself through the mirror.
What has gotten into him? Even throughout his crushes at the start of his high school years, he didn’t feel like this at all. He’s only laid eyes on you a few times and barely exchanged words with you to be able to develop a crush. So, what were all these dreams—and nightmares—all about? He spat into the sink, staring at the running faucet as his grip tightened on the edge of the sink.
Maybe shooting some hoops would get his mind off of this, which explains why he was at school an hour earlier than usual.
He slipped off his backpack, placed it beside the net pole, and went to crack open a window to get rid of the humid feeling. He then grabbed the nearest basketball in the process. He made his way towards the free-throw line, dribbling the basketball on his way there.
Once he arrived, he spun the ball in his hands to get a better grip and focused his attention on the net before him. He positioned his arms, getting comfortable with the ball and the distance between him and the basketball hoop.
Suddenly, as he let the ball slip from his fingertips, his thoughts became filled with you. The sound of the basketball ricocheting off of the net’s rim brought him back to reality. For some reason, he couldn’t escape you.
Luckily, the ball made its way back to Jay’s feet, making his job way easier. He picked up the ball, discarding the thoughts from earlier as he prepared to shoot again. This time, he dribbled the ball a few times before letting it slip from his grip.
He watched as the ball bounced off the backboard and back into his hands. Usually, he doesn’t miss his shots like this, even if his mind is filled with many distracting things. Immediately after catching the ball, he let it loose again, missing completely.
Again, he immediately shot the ball after picking it up, but of course, he missed. And again, and again, and again, and again… He even tried doing different types of shots; a layup, a three-pointer, another free throw, a 1-pointer, and missed every single one of them.
He paused, holding the ball in his hands. He was exhausted. Panting from all the previous shots he attempted to only end up missing every 14 throws. He took a seat, sighing in disappointment. He was frustrated, very frustrated.
He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time in the process. Only 20 minutes had gone by since he first arrived at the school’s gym meaning he had another 40 minutes to pass.
Well, that would be hard. He might as well try practicing again.
In all honesty, you didn’t mean to arrive at school this early. You woke up, panicking. Your alarm didn’t go off, and the clock on your wall read 8:05 AM. You were late—very late.
Or so you thought.
Once you hopped onto the bus, wondering if it could drive any faster, you pulled out your phone, checking the time once more, only to be disappointed.
It was 7:20 AM, not 8:20 AM. Screw you for not checking your phone when you first woke up.
You sighed and facepalmed in an attempt to contain your frustration. As the bus pulled up to your stop, you mentally scolded yourself while walking off, after thanking the bus driver, of course. In your defence, you were too busy worrying about the missing script for your club, distracting yourself from taking care of your own mind.
The more you thought about the script incident, the more you began to feel bad for your outburst on the basketball team. Your grip tightened on the straps of your backpack as you walked down the school’s halls in silence.
You had no clue where your feet were taking you, but with every step, you finally reached the gym doors. You hesitated. What if they weren’t in there? There could be a possibility that they had a morning practice, but there was a high chance they wouldn’t want to see you even more after yesterday’s incident.
You were ready to walk away, but your feet weren’t. You looked down at your shoes, waiting for one of them to take the first steps, because, for some reason, you couldn’t do it on your own. The sound of a basketball bouncing off the polished wooden floors echoed on your side of the door. You looked over at the blue doors in silence, debating if you should take the chance.
Suddenly, one thing happened and then another, leaving your mind confused. Your mind had no time to register what was happening, leaving your body to move on its own.
The sound of the basketball bouncing off the gym floor came to a stop as you realized what had just happened; you opened the doors to the gym without your knowledge.
You stared at the person who stood in the middle of the court, trying to pinpoint who it was. It was dark in the gymnasium, the only light being the rising sun that slightly seeped through the blocked windows.
ACT FOUR.
Jay looked at the entrance, just as confused as they were. He had no clue who was standing at the entrance and couldn’t see much due to the limited access to lighting.
“I…” You mumbled, removing your hand from the doorknob immediately.
“I, um, I’m sorry if I interrupted something.” You said, looking away.
“No, it’s fine…” Jay replied, clearly out of breath.
You looked back, genuinely curious to find out who it was and why they were alone, unaware that you were approaching the court. Their voice sounded familiar to you. It was as if you heard it quite a lot throughout an average school day.
“Did you need something?” Jay asked, dribbling the ball as they got closer to him.
“Not really,” you said as you began to walk around the court, trying your best to avoid the person before you.
He repositioned the ball in his hold, throwing it into the hoop once more.
“You seem like you do,” Jay said, causing their brows to furrow.
“How? You can’t even see me.” You joked, earning a small laugh from them.
“You know what I meant,” Jay replied, holding a smile while making his way to the rolling basketball. You two became silent; the only sound that filled the gymnasium was their shoes rubbing against the floor with the bouncing basketball noises to back it up.
You fiddled with your fingers as you watched their silhouette run up to the net, letting the ball roll off their fingers as it found its way into the hoop. Although you couldn’t see much, you were still impressed. The sunlight that seeped through the blinds shined on their features, flashing the vibrant blue hair colour and their fit build.
From this observation, you couldn’t hold back the question that slipped through your lips, “Do you play basketball?” You asked as they stopped moving.
“Yeah, I came early to shoot some hoops. I had to get my mind off of things.” Jay replied, dribbling the ball as he approached the three-point line.
He was satisfied with the shot he just took—he finally made it in. After the last 30 minutes he was there for, he finally got one of his many shots in. He smiled as he looked up from the line and turned around.
He faced the net, positioning the ball in his hands, hoping that whatever miracle happened a moment ago would happen again.
You watched from the bleachers, taking in every detail of their movements; they bent their knees and moved their arms as well as the ball in the process, eyes were focused on the net’s backboard, arms pulled back slightly, and suddenly, the ball was in the air.
The ball successfully went inside the hoop another time, and you began to clap in excitement. They turned around with what you hoped was a smile (and was) as you returned it. A sudden breeze from the slightly cracked opened window blew the blinds around, revealing the sunlight that was previously seeping through them as it shined on both of you.
“I’m sorry.” You blurted after realizing who you were speaking to. The leader of the basketball team—the main reason you came here.
The ball rolled to his feet as he stared back at you with wide eyes.
“What?” He asked, confused.
“I’m sorry. That’s what I originally came here for—to apologize.” You explained. You looked around and then checked the time on your phone.
“I have to go prepare for the club today, but I’m sorry for yesterday’s outburst.” You said, grabbing your stuff to leave.
Jay stood in silence, the ball still at his feet, and you were now gone. He was unsure as to what you were apologizing for but didn’t ask many questions. Yesterday’s outburst… That was all he needed to know.
He picked up the basketball, threw it into the hoop, and of course, it didn’t go in.
Why?
Because you still haven’t left his mind.
ACT FIVE.
Jay stared at the locker before him. It read the number 734.
K’s locker.
He gulped nervously, wondering if he’d regret doing this later.
If he got caught, would that continue to ruin the relationship between him and his teammates, or would doing this be beneficial and help him get into The Wizard of Oz?
Maybe the first option.
He looked around the empty halls, double-checking that he was alone. He gripped the hall pass in his left hand as he reached out for the lock with his right. He had to hurry. The excuse of ‘using the bathroom’ wouldn’t work for long until others started to think he had the runs.
Honestly, he didn’t know why he cared so much about your club. Yes, he liked drama, but he never cared for the club, mainly before he found out about their club leader—you.
Jay turned the wheel on the lock, following the same pattern K executed when unlocking his locker; pass 0 three times, then turn the wheel to your first number, 16. Spin counter-clockwise, passing the previous number twice, and arrive at your next number, 34. Lastly, turn the wheel to your final number, 4, and yank on the lock with the hope that you made no mistakes.
The code had all even numbers, and as weird as it was, the code suited K very well. On the court, he was very persistent and strategic, his plans always included all the teammates since all the roles evened out perfectly.
Jay opened the locker, scanning the hallways once more before reaching for in what he came here for, the play script. He shut the locker, and a loud slam echoed through the empty hallways, startling Jay at the same time.
Either he was just really nervous or the locker was truly loud.
He held the script close to his chest, letting his feet take him wherever. His plan only focused on retrieving the script, not what came after. Suddenly, he stood in front of the Drama clubroom, a wave of nostalgia washing over him.
He crouched down, unsure of what he should do next. Should he slip the script from underneath or between the cracks of the door? Jay looked at the thickness of the script and shook his head. There was no way it’d fit in between.
So, he went with plan A, slipping it from underneath the door. He used his index fingers to slip the script in slowly, hoping it wouldn’t disturb anyone on the other side—not that he wanted anyone there. He’d hate that.
He was so focused on being quiet that he didn’t take note of the footsteps behind him.
“Park Jongseong.” The voice was deep and very familiar. A hall monitor—Seungcheol. He was the only person who called Jay by his government name, the one on his student files. Jay froze in panic and slowly turned around.
“Hey…” He greeted, cautiously. Luckily for him, Seungcheol stood quite far from his spot on the ground. Jay rose, hiding the script behind him.
“What are you doing out of class?” He asked, searching his hidden hands for a hall pass.
“I was excused,” Jay began but paused.
“For?” Seungcheol asked, but Jay remained silent. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water, as he thought of his next words. He couldn’t lie and say he was excused to use the bathroom, right? How would that explain why he was currently standing in front of the Drama clubroom anyway?
He stared at Seungcheol as Seungcheol stared back. “Jongseong, what are you doing out of class?” He asked once again, but Jay still didn’t have an answer. How could he lie in a situation like this?
Yes, he was good at lying, but not under pressure.
In silence, Jay’s eyes shifted over to a spot behind Seungcheol.
“What is that?” He asked with genuinely concerned eyes. Seungcheol turned around, worried, while Jay took it as a sign to proceed with his plan.
He let go of the script, letting it fall to the floor and kicked it with his heel, causing it to slide under the door completely from the impact. Perfect.
“What are we looking at?” Seungcheol asked, turning around to face Jay who smiled at him.
“Ah, I must’ve been mistaken.” He apologized, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly.
“I’m sorry.” He added, completing the apology. “I should head back to class now, shouldn’t I?” Jay said to a confused Seungcheol.
“See you later.” Jay waved goodbye, walking past the hall monitor and in the opposite direction his class was located.
Seungcheol was suspicious of him, but there wasn’t much he could do. He was aware of Jay’s reputation as the boys’ basketball team leader. But he was also aware of the rivalry between the team and the Drama club.
Maybe he shouldn’t question much of it, right?
Seungcheol sighed and rubbed at his temples in an attempt to soothe away these useless thoughts, which, spoiler alert, did work.
Jay quickly turned into a random corridor in the hallway he walked in, exhaling a heavy breath. One he held in and wasn’t aware of. His hand rested on the wall beside him as his eyes closed. Why was he nervous? He never was when lying.
It was scary knowing how much of an effect you had on him.
“Excuse me.” A voice called. He opened one of his eyes, glancing at the figure before him, and flinched once he recognized them. He straightened up immediately and cleared his throat. He stared into their eyes as they stared back into his eyes in silence.
“You’re in my way…” You said, hoping that would help his clueless self.
“Oh, right.” He blurted and moved out of your way. Before leaving, you gave him an awkward smile, still not over this morning’s incident.
Both of you weren’t. It wasn’t something to worry about too, but for some reason, you both did. It was weird.
Jay’s thoughts were clouded with the conversations from this morning. If only he had known you were the one talking to him, just maybe he would’ve purposely tried harder on his shots. And if you were lucky enough, you could’ve seen his trick shots. But instead, he held back. It was only a warmup, after all.
“Jay,” you called, making his stomach twist and turn. Why did your voice saying his name have such an effect on him? He had no clue either.
“Jay.” You called again, turning around to stare at him.
Either he was dreaming or going crazy, there was no way you’d say his name a second time while staring into his eyes. What was going to happen next? Perhaps something more?
“Could you let go?” You asked, shaking your hand to avert his attention from the movement.
“Oh,” Jay whispered.
Oh.
Jay let go of your hand, looking away while doing so. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. He glanced at you for a split moment, catching the same awkward smile you sent him before.
Great, he embarrassed himself badly.
You walked away, continuing your route from before, leaving Jay behind. Once you were out of his sight, he gripped at his scalp, pulling at his blue strands. Why did he do that? He had no clue. He wasn’t even aware of his sudden action.
Was it because of his so-called nightmare from last night? None of this made sense.
Especially the way Jay’s heart raced while butterflies danced in his stomach.
What the hell was happening to him?
“Is he okay?” Sohee asked from the other side of the court.
“I have no clue,” Mark replied, staring at their team captain alongside Sohee.
“Our game is tomorrow, how the hell is he going to play in this condition?” K exclaimed to the two boys.
“Hey, Jay!” K shouted, heading the boy's way. Mark and Sohee’s eyes widened at the sight, already imagining what would go down.
The two argued only a day ago and never made up—or at least that’s what their teammates thought—this would only escalate to something worse than the locker room incident.
Mark and Sohee ran after K in hopes of stopping him, but instead, K pushed them off of him. They failed miserably.
Jay looked up at K in silence. His fingers pinched at the palm of his right hand out of habit. His mind was elsewhere, not focused on the practice he attended.
He missed all his practice shots and game shots, constantly fouled, and played terribly overall. It was hard to watch.
“What’s wrong with you today—fuck that, what’s wrong with you lately?” K asked, staring down at Jay.
“What are you on about?” Jay asked cluelessly.
He knew exactly what K was referring to. But he couldn’t answer because he had no clue himself. His mind was so full of you that he couldn’t even comprehend what their coach was explaining today.
“What am I on about? Dude, you’re missing all your shots, fouling us like crazy, and even tripping over the ball! This is basketball, not soccer!” K explained, his anger slowly getting to him. He was frustrated.
Very frustrated.
“I don’t know either,” Jay said. He wasn’t lying, it was the full truth.
“Well, figure it out and straighten up. Our game is tomorrow, we can’t lose the second last game of the season.” K warned in a stern tone. It was almost as if he was the team leader instead of Jay.
“I’ll try,” Jay mumbled, turning away to the locker room. “You’ll try?” K asked, even more frustrated at his response.
“How are you going to try on the court if you can’t even try at practice?!” K exclaimed.
“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out,” Jay said with a sigh. He was tired, so tired. He went through enough today, and dealing with K’s frustration wasn’t on his to-do list.
He walked away, making his way to the locker room. K’s footsteps approached him from behind. They were harsh and loud. Every single one almost sounded like a full stop in a sentence.
“Hey!” K shouted, forcefully turning Jay around by his shoulder. They stared into each other’s eyes, K searching Jay’s for whatever he yearned for while Jay just stared.
He wasn’t looking for anything, all of K’s emotions were prominent on their own; anger, frustration, and a hint of sadness.
“You’ve been acting weird lately. First, you get all defensive about the script stealing, then you get all mad that we lied to Y/N about stealing the script.” K paused.
“Are you betraying us right now?” He asked, causing Jay’s brows to furrow. At this point, all eyes were on them. Their coach went to grab some cleaning supplies for the basketballs from his office but hasn’t returned since. He always misses arguments.
“Betraying you?” Jay was confused. “What does any of that have to do with me ‘betraying’ you guys?” Jay asked the boy in front of him.
“Why do you care for the Drama club so much? You’re aware of our hatred for them, aren’t you?” K’s words hit like an arrow.
“Jay, be honest, have you ever hated them?” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen. It was obvious he stiffened, even K noticed it. K scoffed at the sight, looking away for a moment.
“You can’t be serious. Those stuck-up brats blamed us for something we didn’t even do, yet you’re fine with them?” K said, and Jay opened his mouth to reply but was silenced by K’s voice.
"Kazuha, that annoying little girl and Y/N’s snotty little attitude—”
“Her attitude isn’t snotty.” Jay sternly interrupted K’s sentence.
“Why should you care if it is or not? She and her minions know how to do nothing but accuse and insult.” K insulted, rolling his eyes at the memories.
“They’re terrible people, especially Jungwon and Y/N—”
Jay’s hand bunched up K’s collar, silencing him immediately. K was shocked by Jay’s sudden movements but regained his composure soon after.
The two stared into each other’s eyes again, Jay’s showcasing his anger as K’s did the same. Eric rushed over before things could escalate, forcing Jay’s hand off of K’s collar.
“You need to chill out. Honestly, I don’t know what has gotten into you or what you’re going through right now, but please, talk it out with someone. Or even better, talk it out with us.” Eric suggested, but Jay ignored him and walked off into the locker room as K fixed his top.
K’s eyes narrowed while his brows furrowed. He hated the look in Jay’s eyes just now. It was something he had never seen before.
Truly, what the hell was wrong with him? Jay still couldn’t answer.
ACT SIX.
The sound of the tap water running echoed throughout Jay’s washroom. He stood there in silence, watching how it pooled up in the sink and then disappeared as his grip tightened on the ledge.
“Mom says if you’re going to use the water, use it. It’s been running for the last 20 minutes. It can’t possibly take you that long to wash up.” A knock and a voice emitted from the doorway, causing Jay to look over, revealing the sight of his younger sister, Songyee.
“Okay,” Jay said, turning off the tap water as Songyee left. He grabbed a towel nearby to dry his drenched face, water droplets dripping down from his chin and onto the marble counters.
The footsteps on the staircase caught his attention as he looked over at the door once more. “Songyee!” He exclaimed, calling her back to the washroom. She sighed and made her way over, resting on the doorframe once she arrived.
“What?” She asked, waiting for Jay to speak.
“Would you do something your friends wouldn’t be happy with?” He asked, hoping she would give a proper answer, but instead, her brows furrowed. She relaxed after a few moments of silence and crossed her arms.
“Depends,” she said, her words slipping out as a sigh. Jay looked at her, confused, waiting for her to elaborate.
Depends? That was not what he wanted to hear.
“I would, of course, tell them. They should be mad after you tell them, instead of them being mad after finding out you kept it a secret.” She emphasized, causing Jay to pause his movements.
He brought the towel away from his face and stared at himself in the mirror. His sister’s words replayed in his head, with a bigger emphasis on the word secret. He was good at keeping secrets. Maybe that was a problem.
“Songyee,” he started as she hummed in response.
“What if I quit the team?” He asked, his words startling her.
“Are you crazy?! Jongseong, this is literally an opportunity for your scholarship. It’s an easier way out than Mom and Dad paying for your tuition fee.” She shouted while Jay hung up the towel again, slightly tensing at the use of his government name.
“There’s two more games and the season’s done. All you have to do is win them both. Why are you thinking about this? What has gotten into you?” She asked, genuinely concerned.
“I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know!” He said in a harsh tone. Songyee was taken aback by his sudden harsh tone. What did she say to trigger something within him?
“Everyone keeps asking me the same question. How am I supposed to answer if I don’t know myself?” He asked with the same harsh tone, looking straight at her.
His eyes stared into her wide ones as he came back to his senses. He cursed under his breath, looking away.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He added, running his fingers through his blue strands.
“It’s okay,” Songyee whispered. “Sleep well, okay? Whatever you’re stressing over, don’t think about it too much. Take my advice when you can.” She said, followed by a quiet goodnight, and left the doorway.
Jay was tired. He was tired of how he reacted to K’s words, your presence, and his sister’s question. He had a game tomorrow, that’s truly all he had to focus on.
The second last game of the season. All he had to do was quickly sign up for the play and rush over to the gymnasium to prepare for his game.
Easy, right?
He turned off the bathroom light and headed to his room. He could finalize his plan in the morning because he was too tired to think logically right now. He turned off the lights in his bedroom and made his way to his bed.
His eyes fell shut as he drifted off to dreamland. Hopefully, he can have a good rest.
His alarm woke him up, the bright light read 6:45 AM. He rubbed his eyes while turning it off. You could say he had a somewhat good sleep.
The whole time, while Jay got ready, he recited his plan; arrive at school on time, during lunch he’ll sign up for the play and take note of the audition day, then head to his basketball match after school. Those were only the main points of his day, even if attending class was always included in his plans, it was never mentioned.
He got off the bus after thanking the driver and walked towards the entrance of Decelis.
If he was being honest, there was a slight awkward tension between him and Songyee during breakfast, but he didn’t pay much attention to it as she did the same, focusing on eating their meal.
He adjusted the straps of his backpack, blending in with the many other students who walked into the school. His eyes glanced at the pillar the audition sheet hung on, smiling. His plan would definitely work.
He’d look back in front of him, pausing abruptly. “Oh, sorry,” he apologized at the sudden collision.
“It’s okay,” you replied, causing Jay’s eyes to widen.
“Also, I apologize to your team once again. We found the play script, I guess someone returned it.” You said, smiling at the memory.
“Other than that, good luck on your game today.” Your smile grew as you waved at him and walked away.
To be honest, his heart was racing. He had no clue why. You were just doing the bare minimum, yet he was going crazy. He shook his head, inhaling and exhaling to calm his racing heart.
In the process, he looked down the crowded halls, making eye contact with a familiar boy, K. Usually, they’d be alongside him while walking down the hallways, but their group chat was quiet all evening and morning. They couldn’t plan their daily meetup in this condition.
K rested his back on his locker with his backpack swung over one shoulder—his signature look. Eric’s lips moved while staring at K. He was most likely rambling about an incident in the video game he played the night before. It was something he did often. The morning wouldn’t feel complete if he didn’t.
K rolled his eyes, scoffing, once Jay looked over at the two.
“Let’s go,” K said as Eric nodded, confused, but didn’t think much about it. He continued rambling about the video game as they made their way to class.
Jay sighed, regretting yesterday’s argument. It was obvious K was still mad at him for it. Was Jay really betraying his teammates over a play? He had no clue.
He shrugged it off, making his way to his first-period class that he shared with the two boys. English. Good luck to him, for sure.
Throughout all of his morning classes, Jay anxiously bounced his leg. He was impatient, wanting lunch to arrive faster.
English was quite awkward, mainly due to the seating plans; K sat behind Jay, who sat in the middle, and Eric sat in front of him. It was something they begged their teacher to do so they could talk whenever, but today wasn’t the case.
Eric even got up from his seat, sitting beside K, to chat with him and him alone. There were even moments when K would call Eric’s name from behind Jay, causing them to talk with Jay sitting in the middle.
It was very awkward, but he managed to deal with it for a whole hour and 15 minutes.
He waited until the end of lunch so the hallways could clear up a bit more before cautiously making his way to the signup sheet. He threw on his hood from the hoodie under his blazer, tying the strings to shield his blue hair.
Nobody could notice him at this rate.
He slowly reached out for the pen that hung on a thread, ready to write his name as small as possible in the corner.
“Jay?” Someone called from behind him as he stiffened. Their voice sounded too familiar.
Fuck. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did they even recognize him with his hood like this?
“Oh, it is you.” Their voice said, their head peeking around his shoulder. Jay looked away, quickly dropping his hand to his side.
“What are you doing here?” They asked, but Jay stayed silent. What the hell was he supposed to say?
“I was just wondering who signed up…” He whispered, still loud enough for them to hear.
“Why? Doesn’t your team hate us?” They asked.
Us?
“Don’t tell me they sent you here to scribble all over the names or something.” Their tone was quite harsh as Jay shook his head. He turned his head to look at the person beside him, regretting his choice immediately.
It was you. No wonder your voice sounded familiar to him.
“Then what are you doing here?” You asked.
“I said I was just wondering who signed up.”
You hummed in response, reaching out your arms to the list of names. Jay backed up slightly, giving you more space.
“Wait, how did you even know it was me?” He asked, words coming out of his mouth without him knowing.
“Your blazer has your initials on it on the back... The whole basketball team has that feature, did you forget?” You said while skimming through the list of names.
Right, he did. He removed his hood, embarrassed.
The disguise was useless. She still could’ve thought he was Jisung, but that wouldn’t have worked. They purposely made Jay’s blazer read ‘PJY’ so they could tell each other apart.
Jay sighed, ruffling his messy hair with his hand. The bell went, catching both of your attention.
“Oh. I gotta go.” You said, waving goodbye at him as he did the same. He walked away from the pillar, heading to his next class.
His plan failed, but there was still another chance after school. Yes, it’ll mess up the plan he made this morning, but it should work.
Hopefully.
It was 2:45 PM. Jay was finally excused from class for his game in the gymnasium, but that’s not where he headed. He rushed over to the pillar upfront, hoping that the signup sheet was still there. It should be.
He watched you place it back before leaving, right? Or was that a hallucination? He couldn’t remember.
Once he arrived, his questions were answered. It was definitely a hallucination because the list of names wasn’t there.
Shit, what should he do? Either he headed to the gymnasium for his warmup and was on time, or he rushed over to the auditorium with the hope he could still participate.
Of course, he went with the second option. The school’s gymnasium was the last place he wanted to be. He rushed over to the auditorium, his duffel bag moving with his rushed footsteps. He pushed open the doors, walking through the hallway.
It was quiet. Too quiet. How late was he?
He caught his breath, scanning the auditorium for any signs.
“What are you doing here?” Jay turned around at the sound of a voice. Nakamura Kazuha, but this time she was disgusted.
“Are you here to sabotage our auditions now? Too bad, you’re too late.” She said, her words hitting Jay like a bullet.
Does he know how that feels? Nope, but it was a good word to use.
“Leave him alone, Zuha.” Another voice spoke, causing the two to face the entrance as you walked in.
“What are you doing here?” You asked Jay in a much nicer tone, a smile making its way to your face.
His face felt warm as the butterflies in his stomach moved to the beat of his heart—fast.
“Are you here to audition?” You asked as Kazuha’s eyes widened.
“Don’t you dare say yes, you fool—"
“Zuha.” You sternly called her name, silencing her.
“Well,” Jay started. This was his only chance, he couldn’t miss out on it. If he chickened out on admitting his true feelings once again, he knew he would regret it the moment he went home.
You never know what could happen after he admitted his true emotions. The words that were normally caught in his throat making it almost impossible to breathe finally escaped his lips.
"Yeah," Jay said, straightening up.
The heavy weight on his shoulders was lifted as Kazuha’s eyes widened, and yours did too, but you regained your composure quickly.
“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. But auditions are over.” You explained, searching Jay’s eyes for any change in emotion.
Was he being genuine, or was this a dare from his teammates?
“Oh,” Jay mumbled.
Great. His plan was ruined, and he was going to be late for his game.
Was God ever on his side at this point?
He gave the two girls a slight smile, saying his goodbyes.
"Good luck on your game,” you whispered, and he nodded. He left the auditorium, checking his watch while doing so.
It was 2:55 PM. Their game started at 3:00 PM. His teammates would definitely be mad at him. He rushed over to the gymnasium, out of breath once again. He was lucky the auditorium and gymnasium were near each other, leaving him with 3 minutes to change.
He didn’t even get to warm up.
He rushed into the locker room, being met with his angered teammates, especially K.
“Where were you? Weren’t you excused at 2:45 PM? Why didn’t you come here like everyone else?” K asked, following Jay to his locker.
“I’m sorry,” Jay apologized, placing his duffel bag on the bench in front of his locker. He removed his shirt, throwing it into his locker while rummaging around in his bag for his uniform.
“The fuck is an apology going to do? There’s 2 minutes left until our game starts. Hell, it would’ve been worse if everyone had to wait even longer for you.” K said as Jay slipped on his jersey.
Luckily for him, he wore his shorts underneath his uniform pants, slipping them off in haste.
“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? Stop complaining,” Jay replied, annoyed at K’s words.
“You’re a terrible leader.” K spat, walking out of the locker room and pushing past the teammates who blocked the doorway, leaving the awkward and intense atmosphere behind.
He made his way to the team’s bench, taking his seat immediately.
“Is Jay here?” Their coach asked K.
“That asshole excuse of a leader? Yeah, he is.” K insulted, eyes still on the court.
“Watch your mouth.” Their coach warned as K rolled his eyes.
Right now, he didn’t care how harsh his words might’ve been. It felt like Jay was neglecting the team even while being their leader. He should be someone the team could rely on, and he was. But recently, he wasn’t. The team was all over the place, it was obvious they weren’t ready for today’s game.
The rest of the team members made their way out of the locker room, joining K on the bench.
“Starters for today’s match are K, Jay, Heeseung, Mark, and Eric.” Their coach explained, flipping through the sheets in his hand.
“You all know your positions, right?”
The group of boys nodded, some stretching in the process.
“Okay, go out there. Play hard.” He said with a smile.
The five boys made their way onto the court, taking their places, with K in the center like always.
“Focus,” K said to everyone, turning his head to Jay, who stood beside him.
“Especially you.” He said, glaring at him.
That was Jay’s line. He usually told the team to focus, then turned his head at one of their teammates, saying those exact words in a teasing manner. But the only difference with K’s words was that he wasn’t teasing Jay.
He was being serious.
As much as Jay wanted to respond to his words, he kept quiet, looking away from K.
“One member from each time, please step forward for tip-off.” One of the referees said, holding a ball with his unstretched arm in the middle of the court. K made his way to the center, meeting the opposing team member who was sent for tip-off as well.
They both glared at each other, getting into their defensive positions. The referee stretched his arm up, catching K and the opponent’s attention as they both looked up. He blew his whistle, throwing up the ball as the two boys jumped up towards it.
K tipped it over towards his teammates as Mark went after the ball. He dribbled, scoping the scenery while his guard made his way over. He’d pass the ball over to Heeseung, who ran across the court to the opposing team’s net.
Heeseung paused after catching the ball, shooting it into the net, and of course, he made it in, erupting cheers from the crowd.
2 down, and many more to go.
ACT SEVEN.
It’s honestly been a while since the match started. Decelis was doing great at the beginning until Jay touched the ball.
As much as it hurt to admit, he was ruining the momentum of the team. He fumbled with his dribbles, making it easier to steal the ball from him, missed his shots terribly, and even threw the ball at the referee.
He was embarrassing himself so badly.
The whistle blew, catching the players' attention. Jay was out of breath, using the bottom of his jersey to dab at the sweat line on his forehead.
“Time,” their coach said, calling the boys over.
“Dude, can you focus?” K said, walking beside Jay.
“I’m focusing,” Jay replied, lying straight through his teeth.
He’s been seeing you too much lately. You two were on proper terms to at least talk with each other, but that was worse for Jay.
Whatever he was feeling only got worse.
“You and I both know you’re not,” K said as they reached the team bench. Jay picked up a clean, folded towel, using it to dab at the rest of his sweat.
“What’s up with you and the Drama club leader?” K asked, wanting an answer.
“Nothing is going on between us,” Jay said, hesitating for a few moments.
“Yeah right,” K scoffed, looking away.
“Stop arguing.” Their coach said as the two stopped talking.
“Jay, I don't think you’re in a good condition to play.” He said, gaining Jay’s attention.
Those on the bench and those around him knew what was coming next, yet they were still shocked. They couldn’t believe their team leader and one of their star players were about to go through this.
“I’m sitting you out for the rest of the match.” He said, causing Jay’s eyes to widen.
“What?” He asked, confused. Genuinely confused.
“You’re messing up the team’s chemistry. We can’t have that happening right now.” Their coach explained and turned to call over the referee.
He explained to the referee that he was subbing out #1, Jay, for #19, Jisung. Switching out one PJ for another PJ.
What a classic move.
If the school’s newspaper club saw this, he only wondered what their headline would be; Decelis boys basketball team leader Park Jay, who’s also known as one of their star players, was benched during the second last game of the season?
He’d take that to his grave.
Jay took his seat on the bench in shame. This may be for the better. Who knows? Hell, he did.
Watching the team play without him was something he hated. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were doing way better with Jisung.
There was no awkward tension between the members, they all got along while smiling if someone stole some points and comforting each other if one of them made a mistake.
Just by the looks of it, this was definitely for the better. Maybe he was right. Maybe the team is better without him.
They don’t need a silly little captain like him to lead them around to do well, it was obvious they were good on their own.
What if his thought from last night was more than a thought? What if it was the truth? Should he really quit the team for the better? They probably all hated him at this point, especially K.
Someone who used to always be by his side hated the thought of having to stand in the same room as him—Jay’s words, not K’s.
His eyes became a light shade of red, he wanted to cry. Could he cry? Of course not, that was too embarrassing, especially with how many people were near him at the moment.
However, he did it. Warm tears fell onto his hand, which rested on his knee. He was good at holding them in for the whole week, so why did he fail to do so just now?
How come something so stupid like this happened to be what triggered his tears? Why didn’t any of the arguments with K do anything either?
It was so obvious that he had no clue. He had too many questions to find answers to, yet he couldn’t.
He couldn’t do anything recently, it was terrible. He couldn’t play basketball properly, he couldn’t sign up for the play, he couldn’t express his feelings, he couldn’t hang out with those he loved most, and he couldn’t understand why he cared so much for you.
He couldn’t understand why you were always on his mind 24/7. He couldn’t understand why his heart raced while the butterflies in his stomach swayed at the sound of your name.
Nothing made sense to him, and he hated that. He raised his hand, wiping at the tears before they became too much for him.
Jay sat at the edge of the team bench, far away from his teammates. Did he even have the right to call them teammates in the first place? Did they see him as a teammate?
He felt as though he didn’t deserve to be in the same room as them at all. He was a terrible person. Someone who was afraid to admit a stupid secret to his friends because he was afraid they’d turn their backs on him.
If he told them at the start that he didn’t hate the Drama Club and actually found them cool, then he wouldn’t have been here. It was his fault for worrying about what people would think of him.
It was his biggest flaw.
He wiped at his tears, now using the towel from earlier, hoping it was enough, and luckily, it was. The thing is, was he really crying over the incident with the team, or was he crying over you?
He still had no clue.
ACT EIGHT.
After yesterday’s game, Jay went straight into the locker room to grab his stuff and leave. He didn’t stay for the celebration portion nor did he congratulate the team.
He just left.
Even during P.E. class, Jay didn’t talk to Sohee. He felt like he had no right to, even if Sohee didn’t hate him. He still felt guilty. They almost lost the first quarter because of him.
Once he arrived in P.E. class, their teacher announced that they would be going on a hike for marks—something about getting a chance to boost your grade if you were failing.
He had a 97 in this class, what was the point of him participating? He shrugged it off, deciding it would be a good way to ease his mind for a bit.
A great distraction.
As he climbed the hill, he thought to himself. Did he really change like everyone said he did? Was he a terrible leader? Did he still have his normal calm aura? Was he still serious when he was on the court? Did he possibly fall in love with you? Were you the cause of his problems?
He exhaled and continued his walk up the hill, wondering if he’d ever find an answer.
“Jay!”
He turned around to the sound of his name, revealing the crowd before him. All his classmates, including Sohee, stood in a circle as their teacher faced Jay’s way.
He motioned for Jay to come over, and he did. His eyes widened at the scene, worry washing over him almost immediately.
“You’re passing the class the most. So, don’t worry about this mark. But, can you take her to a nearby bench?” His teacher asked, signalling at your injured figure.
Jay looked down at you as you looked up, making eye contact with him. Your hands gripped onto your ankle, questioning why it hurt so much.
“Okay.” That was all Jay said before walking through the crowd and crouching down in front of you.
He wondered if he truly had the highest grade in his class. So many other students could’ve done his job, but his teacher picked him.
He was thankful that he did. It gives him more of an excuse to be close to you.
In silence, you got on his back, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck. He stood up, pushing you up to adjust your position on his back.
“Alright, thank you, Jay.” His teacher said as Jay smiled.
“Everyone else, let’s continue.” Their teacher led the other students to the route.
Jay watched them all walk past, making eye contact with Sohee, Jay’s smile faltering. Sohee looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. Sohee looked away, jogging after the group of students, as Jay sighed.
He pushed the scene back in his mind, proceeding with his more important task, bringing you to a nearby bench.
He followed his class, hoping one was ahead because he didn’t want to go downhill.
“You can grip tighter, you know?” He said, hinting at your loose arms.
“I don’t want to choke you or anything.” You replied, refusing to do so.
“You won’t though, don’t worry.” He said while stepping over a tree branch. Is this how you injured yourself?
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
You followed through with his request, tightening your arms a bit more around his neck. You were quite embarrassed to be in a position like this one, hiding your face in his neck.
For some reason, you suddenly forgot about the aching pain in your ankle. All you cared about was the warmth of Jay’s back, how he delicately held onto your legs and the strong but easing scent of his detergent and cologne.
Due to how close you two are currently, you prayed that he couldn’t hear your racing heart. It raced just like that time you saw him in the gymnasium.
You weren’t sure what caught your attention—his blue hair or the way his eyes glistened in the distance due to the sunrise.
Or was the first time you felt this way when you met him on the first day of school in sophomore year? You doubt he would remember your first interaction with each other—just a quick collision that caused you to drop your belongings.
He was with his teammates, K and Eric who sent you glares, but was still nice enough to help you pick up the fallen items. It was the bare minimum, so how come you felt that way?
“We’re here,” Jay said, bringing you out of your thoughts. He turned around, crouching down in front of the bench. You took it as a sign to slip off his back, taking a seat on the wooden park bench behind you.
“What happened?” Jay asked, wondering how you injured yourself. You looked down at him, grip tightening on the edge of the bench. After a questionable amount of silence went by, he looked up at you, questioning your silence.
“Oh,” you said.
“I rolled my ankle on a root in the ground. I couldn’t walk afterwards because it hurt so bad, but I didn’t know why.” You explained, hoping it was enough.
He tapped on your shoe, silently asking for consent as you nodded. He looked back down at your shoe, removing it gently.
“Either you sprained your ankle or you just needed a break.” He said as he put your shoe to the side. He took your covered foot into his hold, slowly moving it around.
“Does this hurt?”
“No.”
“That’s good.” He said, chuckling softly with a smile. Once again, butterflies spawned in your stomach, your face became warm, and your heart began to race.
You could listen to him laugh and watch him smile for days.
“Jay,” you called as he hummed in response. You hesitated to ask your question. He looked up, questioning your silence.
“What’s wrong?” He asked with worried eyes.
“Do you really want to audition? It wasn’t a dare from your teammates, right?” You asked, staring straight into his eyes, searching them for any emotions they might’ve held. Jay’s movements paused on your foot as he stared back at you in silence.
“I do,” Jay began.
“I really do, seriously.” He said, looking back down at your foot.
“I just, can’t bring myself to do so…you know, my team hates you guys and your club hates us. It’ll feel like I’m betraying my team and our bond is already as broken as it is…” He explained, still softly toying with your foot.
You were distracted by his words, unprepared for the sudden shock of pain, causing you to wince quite loudly. Jay abruptly stopped his movements, looking straight at you with worried eyes.
“Did that hurt? I’m sorry.” He said worriedly, removing his hands from your foot and you raised your hand, waving it off immediately.
“It wasn’t your fault. I was just unprepared, sorry.” You apologized in an attempt to calm him down.
“But, what do you mean your bond is already broken as it is?” You quoted him, hoping it wasn’t invading his privacy.
“Oh,” he whispered, placing his hands back on your foot. He didn’t know how he should explain it, a lot happened anyway.
“Well, K and I have been arguing a lot recently… I also feel really guilty about making them almost lose the first quarter of yesterday’s game.” He explained, looking at the dirt on the ground.
“I even thought about leaving the team at some point. Everything is too much for me to handle right now. My mind isn’t in its right state, you know?” He said with a soft chuckle and smile.
You were very much aware of how serious this conversation was, truly. But, god you couldn’t stop looking at the way his dimple appeared once he smiled, the way his soft and gentle hands held your foot as if it was a piece of glass that would break at any sudden movements, the way he softly chuckled, and the sincerity behind all his words.
You knew exactly what he was talking about, you’ve been there before too. Losing a play’s script was something that you feared most. It would prove how irresponsible you were as the club leader—a title you thought you didn’t deserve in that moment.
You were thrilled after finding it once again but still worried for a moment like that to repeat. You had to be prepared, you couldn’t let your guard down.
“Me too.” You said, biting your bottom lip in hesitation. Should you be admitting to one of your most embarrassing flaws right now? Not to mention it was to someone you only spoke with recently.
It was weird.
You felt oddly close to Jay. Even if you had a few—many accidental encounters with each other, they only proceeded to build a bond you didn’t know you two had. You hoped he felt the same.
“I’ve second-guessed myself being the club leader many times. Whenever I was stressed about something and couldn’t get the club’s tasks done on time, couldn’t keep the smiles on my club members bright, and when I lost the play’s script.” You explained, causing Jay to stiffen.
It was almost like hearing the words ‘play’s script’ could flip off a switch in his body, making him malfunction. He knew he wasn’t fully in the wrong for that situation but still felt guilty.
“It was something I feared most. I hate making mistakes and losing the only copy of the play’s script made me realize how unorganized I can be. It was my fault, really, I should’ve kept it somewhere I would remember.” You elaborated.
He nodded, tight-lipped and stiffer than ever. Of course, eventually, he would have to come clean. He didn’t know how you would react to the news though, not wanting to ruin whatever bond you two had built so far. Maybe it was better this way. He was good at keeping secrets anyway, right?
“I think you should be good for a bit. Try and see if you can walk on it now.” He said while slowly slipping on your shoe.
“If it still hurts, don’t worry, I can carry you down the whole way.” He reassured you as you nodded.
Hey, if this was his only chance to be this close to you, of course, he was going to take it and use it to his extent.
Surely, you might’ve been on the same page as him, staggering over your feet after rising from your seat on the bench. Your ankle was perfectly fine, but your heart wasn’t. You didn’t want this moment to end. It was obvious you wouldn’t get another chance like this one, so, why not put up a lie to keep it going?
“I don’t think I can…” You winced, putting your acting skills to use. You weren’t the Drama Club leader for nothing. You ‘attempted’ another step, stumbling over your feet once again. Jay was quick to grab you by your arm before you had the chance to ‘fall’.
“That’s okay,” he said, secretly cheering internally. He guided you back to the bench, letting you take a seat before crouching in front of you, silently signalling for you to hop on. You bit back your smile, also cheering internally.
You were very glad that your acting worked.
You got onto his back, wrapping your arms around him the same as before. The warmth of his back engulfed your slightly cold figure as the comforting tang of detergent and his cologne filled your nostrils. You smiled, placing your chin on Jay’s shoulder. You wanted this moment to last forever and he did too.
“Hey,” you said, gaining his attention. He hummed in response, too focused on climbing the hill to catch up to the rest of your classmates.
“You said you wanted to audition, right? I don’t think you’ll be able to get a major role since it’s quite late. But, I’m sure you can become a substitute in case someone can't make it.” You explained, hoping it wasn’t too much information for him to comprehend.
He nodded, unsure of what you really said. All he could focus on was the bumpy trail ahead of him and how close your voice was to his ear. He felt his face warm up as he cleared his throat, trying to forget about the feeling.
“If you want, we could—I mean, I could help you rehearse before the final play?” You asked. An odd silence fell between you two as you bit your bottom lips out of embarrassment. You weren’t sure whether or not that was the right move.
“Sure,” he began, catching your attention.
“I’d like that.” He smiled as you smiled, fighting back the sigh of relief.
You were glad you didn’t make things awkward between you two. Jay pushed you up, adjusting his hold on you, and continuing the walk in a comfortable silence, both of your hearts beating in sync.
ACT NINE.
Jay constantly stared at his phone all practice. He had given you his number the other day, just so you two could plan out a meetup, but you haven’t texted him at all. He thought maybe you were busy or you were too nervous to do so.
This wouldn’t be the first time he had been told he was unapproachable.
Due to his calm yet serious demeanour, there were many incidents where people told him they were too scared to talk to him—his blue hair did not make it any better—even during class. Many students were afraid to be paired up with him, unaware of how sweet of a person he really was. Once they got to know him better, they stopped fearing him, but that didn’t go for students who hadn’t gotten to know him.
He sighed deeply and grabbed his packed duffle bag. It would be best to leave it alone for now. Maybe yesterday’s interaction was a fluke. He couldn’t get his hopes up in case you never texted.
“Jay,” Sohee called. Jay looked over at the boy who leaned against the pole of a net. He motioned for him to come over as Jay followed through.
“What’s up with you and Y/N?” He asked, crossing his arms in the process.
What did he mean? Nothing was up, judging by how you weren’t texting him like you said you would.
“Nothing, why?” Jay replied, more disappointed than ever. He didn’t want to say those words but had no choice.
“It’s just, that you two were all buddy-buddy with each other for the rest of P.E. class,” Sohee explained. Jay’s mouth opened and closed a few times. No response. It was true that you were pretty close yesterday, but today? Not much.
“Ah, I was just worried, that’s all…” Jay said, regretting his words right after. He was supposed to be nonchalant about it. He couldn’t let his teammates know anything about his little ‘thing’ for you.
Was it even a ‘little thing’ at this point? He didn’t know himself.
“What about her asking about an audition?” Sohee asked, causing Jay to freeze. His arm dropped to his side, grip loosening on his phone but not enough for it to fall out completely.
What did Sohee mean? Did he overhear them? Jay tried so hard to keep this a secret but was still caught in the end.
“Don’t tell me…” Sohee paused. “You were thinking of signing up weren’t you?” He asked still Jay remained silent.
He couldn’t blow his cover. Especially after all how much he tried to keep it a secret, from you, his teammates, your club members. Everyone.
“So, it is true! No wonder you’ve been acting so out of place lately.” Sohee said, pushing himself off the pole as realization hit him. Jay looked around, hoping nobody overheard whatever he was saying.
Luckily, there wasn’t anyone around—or so he thought there wasn’t.
K emerged from the storage room, making his way over to the two boys. Jay looked over, eyes slightly widening. K was the last person that Jay wanted to overhear this conversation.
“You’ve been ditching us, giving us cold shoulders, and everything for that club of freaks?” K asked, baffled.
“Fair play, leader. So much for being there for us 24/7.” He said, rolling his eyes and scoffing.
Jay gulped. Although he was mad, he was unsure of what right words to use at this moment.
“They aren’t that bad,” Jay said, hoping those words were okay.
“Yeah, because they’re terrible! Did they brainwash you or something?” K’s eyes narrowed. Jay couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want things to get physical, but they could’ve.
“See, this is why I didn’t tell you guys anything. Of course, I felt terrible for taking an interest in it. I didn’t want to ‘betray’ you guys, and K only made those thoughts worse.” Jay blamed, staring at K whose jaw dropped while he pointed at himself in disbelief.
“Me?” K asked, walking towards Jay.
“I’m the one who made your thoughts worse? I was just telling you the truth and how I felt about everything.” He admitted, but his words meant nothing to Jay.
“Exactly why I couldn’t tell you guys anything, especially you, K. I’m aware I haven’t been in the right state of mind, but do I know why? Not at all.” Jay said, adjusting his backpack.
“Nothing is making sense to me anymore, do I know why? Nope. I’m just as confused as you two.” Jay’s tone was quite harsh and irritating. He was frustrated and annoyed at what K had to say, causing his own words to flow out with no hesitation.
“Whatever. Go ahead, spread the word for all I care.” Jay said with an eye roll that was mainly directed at K.
K swore he felt his eye twitch as Jay turned around, walking away. How could he end his sentence that way?
“K, loosen up,” Sohee said, placing his hand on his shoulder.
“If Jay wants to do something he can, you don’t have any say in it. You have to calm down, you’re so controlling over him. No wonder he couldn’t tell us about it.” Sohee ranted and K stood still.
He was shocked that even Sohee took Jay’s side. Of course, they were all mad at him and how he distanced himself away from the team, especially K.
Still, was he really in the wrong? K sighed, letting out a deep breath he didn’t know he had in him.
Jay walked through the school’s courtyard, eyes focused on his phone. There was still no message or call from you. Normally, you were everywhere around the school. He always managed to run into you, but today, you were nowhere to be found.
He had no clue where to look either.
He sighed, looking up from his phone, eyes meeting a sight he didn’t expect—your back facing him. He put his phone into his pocket, jogging towards you. He couldn’t lose you. It took him almost the whole day to find you anyway.
“Y/N.” Jay called, hand reaching out to yours. You stiffened at the familiar voice, pausing in your tracks. The soft gentle hold on your hand made you turn around, being met with a face you didn’t want to see.
Well, you would’ve if you didn’t find out about the news earlier.
“Finally, I found you. Is the plan from yesterday still up?” He asked, a slight smile making its way to his features. You couldn’t fall for it, especially with the way his dimple slowly appeared, you couldn’t fall for it.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, brows furrowing. You stared at Jay’s face, he seemed worried. As if he had a reason to be, he was the cause of it all. You reached for the hand that held onto yours, removing it yourself, making his furrowed brows deepen.
You turned away, taking your leave in his silence. As you walked away, the distance between you and Jay didn’t change. His constant footsteps that increased in sound as he chased after you was all that you needed to stop.
“What?” You asked, abruptly stopping and turning around, causing him to stumble over his feet.
“What do you mean, what? What’s wrong with you?” He asked, confused. Why were you suddenly giving him attitude after ignoring his concerns and leaving him hanging? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
You stayed silent. As much as you didn’t want to face him right now, he wasn’t giving you a choice not to. So, you might as well pop the question.
“Did you really do it?”
ACT TEN.
Jay’s pencil tapped against the surface of his desk as he stared out the window. He sneezed, attracting all the attention to him.
“Bless you,” Mrs. Jang said as he sent her a sheepish smile. He whispered a soft thanks before returning his attention to the notes in front of him. He couldn’t come down with a cold, not before the team’s next game. The sudden downpour yesterday must’ve caused his little sneeze attacks. Although it was a bad rainstorm, it wasn’t as bad as his argument with you.
“Did you do it?” You asked, grip tightening on the straps of your backpack.
“Do what?” He asked, becoming more confused. You bit your bottom lips, hesitating. You didn’t want to believe whatever you were told before, but it would still be best to hear it directly from him.
“Did you take the play’s script?” You asked, looking at your shoes and then at him. He stiffened at the question. This wasn’t the first time it happened. He also stiffened during the time you mentioned your fear of losing the play script on the park bench.
The sun that shined on the two of you before, disappeared behind dark grey clouds. It was almost as if this conversation took place in a play due to the perfect timing of the rain. Jay’s eyes were wide. The thing he was afraid of most happened. He knew he should’ve told you sooner.
“So, you did? Wow—”
“I didn’t.” He interrupted you, his words coming out so suddenly. “Well, I was there, but I tried to stop them.” He explained, brows raising slightly.
“You were still part of it,” you started, brows furrowing. “Weren’t you?” You asked as he gulped.
“What’s next? Did you purposely get close to me with the hope that I wouldn’t find out about this? And if I did, did you think I would have mercy on you?” You asked, hurt at the thought.
“To be honest, I trusted you and told you about how I would feel if the play’s script ever went missing, yet you didn’t bother to speak up during that moment.” You explained, now looking at him. His mouth opened and closed constantly, but nothing came out.
“Y/N,” Jay called, softly. It was almost like he was trying to swoon you over instead of addressing your accusations. If the situation was different, it might’ve worked.
“Listen, I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t.” He said, searching your eyes for any change of emotion.
“Why didn’t you?” You asked, raising a brow at him.
“Because I didn’t want you to hate me.” Jay began.
“Plus, I already felt bad enough when you told me about the fear and stuff, I didn’t want to make anything worse.”
“You didn’t want me to hate you?” You asked, scoffing.
“You made me doubt myself as a leader for a moment, Jay. As childish as it might be, losing the script made me feel terrible. And you knew about it but didn’t bother to tell me? Do you know what spot you put yourself in?” You ranted, leaving Jay no time to answer any questions.
“Y/N,” Jay paused. He didn’t know if the words he would say next would make matters worse or better.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. Truly, I never really cared about the Drama club or took in my team’s hatred for them. They were just… there. But once you came along, I swear my life did a whole 180.” He said, hands clenching into fists at his sides.
“Do you want me to pity you?” You asked and he shook his head fervently.
“Of course not. I’m just saying you’re always on my mind for whatever reason and I can’t even function because of that. As we grew ‘closer’ I always wanted to admit that incident, but I knew what the possible outcomes were. I never felt this way about anything, but ruining whatever we had between us made me feel as if the world was ending.” He continued as you listened.
“So, instead of speaking up. I returned the script in silence. Remember the day we ran into each other in the corridor? Yeah, I was running from Seungcheol. I know that was the wrong move and I should’ve told you instead of keeping quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” As Jay finished his sentence, droplets of rain began falling down from the grey clouds.
You stayed quiet, remembering back to the time you ran into Jay in the corridor. The way he held your hand made your heart race. You couldn’t bear with the increase in speed, so, you asked him to let go.
You knew if he didn’t, your face would’ve definitely changed shades, making your supposed crush on him quite obvious.
“Still not a smart choice.” You said before walking away as the rain became more heavier. Jay stood there in silence, staring at your back, his blue strands sticking onto his skin.
He breathed in and out, eyes slowly opening and closing as he watched you leave. He couldn’t do anything about this. It was as if everything he took an interest in or did, ruined the relationships between him and those he was close to, including you and his teammates.
You held your hand up to your chest, unsure if the racing in your heart was caused by Jay’s words or how fast you walked down the steps. You were mad at him, that was for sure, but he seemed genuine with his words and due to being the weak person you were, you would be lying if you said you didn’t fall for him even more.
Jay stood up, eyes wide, and his hands on his desk. Once again, all the attention was on him, including their teacher’s. His chair scraping on the floor was definitely the cause of that.
“Are you okay, Jay?” Mrs. Jang asked, catching him off guard.
“Huh? Oh, yeah…” He mumbled while taking his seat.
He couldn’t believe he uttered those words yesterday. He practically confessed to you and you made no reaction. Great, he embarrassed himself. Why was he so in love with you to the point where he couldn’t function straight?
“Jay,” a voice called gaining his attention. He looked up, noticing the many students who packed up their belongings and the two boys in front of him.
“Are you coming?” Eric asked, gesturing behind him with his thumb. Jay raised a brow at him, genuinely confused as to what he meant.
“...For lunch? We always eat together on the day of our games. Remember?” He elaborated, causing Jay to ‘ah’ in realization. It would be a lie if said he didn’t forget about today’s game. It was the last one of the season. He couldn’t play as sloppily as before.
He began to pack up his belongings, glancing at the two boys while doing so.
K stood beside Eric, a scowl present on his features. Clearly, he was forced to face him. The intense tension engulfed Jay as he cleared his throat, hoping it would clear the tension too. Sadly, it didn’t, but it did gain Eric’s attention.
“You’re done?” He asked and Jay nodded while swinging his backpack over a shoulder.
“Do you think Coach will let you play today?” Eric asked Jay as the three walked down the halls.
“Probably not. But, we will have to see.” Jay said with his words coming out as a sigh. K tensed beside him, quieter than ever. Usually, he would chat with them, but it was too awkward to do so.
Did he feel awkward because of yesterday’s chat? What if Jay and Sohee’s words really got to him?
“K!” Eric shouted, startling K out of his thoughts. K turned around, noticing he missed the whole entrance to the cafeteria due to his distracted thoughts.
“My bad,” he mumbled, making his way back to the two boys and then into the cafeteria without giving them another glance. Eric and Jay looked at each other and then shrugged, but before walking in, Jay spoke up.
“Wait,” he began, causing Eric to pause. “I thought you hated me? Why are you talking to me as if nothing happened?” He asked.
“Not sure, but I never hated you. Yeah, there was a moment of disappointment, but we can’t decide your choices.” Eric flashed Jay a smile before walking into the cafeteria and making his way to the team’s table. The one Jay picked out back in freshman year. Although most were mad at him, at least they didn’t switch tables.
Jay caught up with Eric as they both took their seats at the filled table. The mood wasn’t as bad as Jay intended it to be. At practice, it was awkward and heavy, but right now, it was light and comforting. Truly, he missed days like these and his best friends, especially K.
But clearly, it would take at least 1 light-year to build their previous bond again.
“So, Jay,” Sohee called, causing Jay’s eyes to shift over to the male. Jay wasn’t even aware that he was staring at K who sat opposite Jay at the table. Sohee took a bite of his food before continuing his sentence.
“Did things escalate with Y/N?” He asked. Jay’s gaze briefly shifted over to K, his tensing figure not going unnoticed by the blue-haired boy. “What do you mean?” Jay asked, his eyes now on Sohee.
“I heard she found out about the script issue…” He explained as everyone at the table looked at the two, excluding K.
“Shit, really?” Mark asked while stabbing his fork into today’s meal—pork chops. Sohee nodded at Mark’s question as K abruptly stood up, silencing Jay before he had the chance to reply. He grabbed his belongings and his untouched tray of food.
“I’m not hungry. See you guys at the game.” He said before leaving them behind. Jay watched as K walked away, not sparing a glance at the team as he exited the cafeteria.
“Ignore him. He’s been like that ever since we all found out about you and Y/N.” Heeseung reassured Jay, causing him to look back in front of him. Jay nodded, smiling awkwardly before taking another bite of his bowl of rice.
The atmosphere became quite awkward as Jay tried to avoid the question as much as possible by staying silent. It worked but ruined the comforting mood that was present earlier.
He wondered if you were still mad at him. Of course, he messed up, but he tried to stop them and still returned the script in the end. Although it took him a week to do so, he understood he should’ve confronted you about it once you two became close.
But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He hated confrontation.
His last period wasn’t anything fun. It was just as boring as his other classes. Many classmates wished him good luck on his game while teachers excused him from their homework assignments.
“Land a big one on them!” Mr. Lee exclaimed as Jay laughed awkwardly. He left his classroom at the same time as before—2:45 PM—and made his way to his locker. He promised his teammates he wouldn’t be late this time. There was nothing to distract him from doing so too. You were absent today.
Or so he thought.
Right when he shut his locker, he saw your figure a few meters away from his. His eyes widened as you rummaged through your locker. If that was your locker, how come he’s never seen you there?
“Y/N?” Jay called, biting his lip right after. He didn’t mean for it to slip out.
You froze at the voice, pausing your movements as well. You then hurriedly grabbed your books and shut your locker while swiftly slipping on your lock before rushing away. You were avoiding him for a reason, so, why did you see him in the most unnecessary spot possible?
“Wait!” Jay exclaimed, jogging after you. You must be a fool if you thought you could escape an athlete like him. You stopped running and turned around, exhausted while Jay looked as if he didn’t move an inch.
Wow, he was lucky.
“What?” You asked in a bitter tone. Jay looked at his phone, the clock reading 2:47 PM.
“I have three minutes to do this, so please don’t interrupt me” He pleaded as you stared at him. Although you showcased that you were unamused, you secretly were.
“I’m sorry.” Jay began with a sigh.
“I understand what I’ve done wrong. Even if I tried to stop them and returned the script, it can’t excuse my mistake, okay? I’m sorry if you felt as if I was taking advantage of you. I swear I wasn’t.” He explained as every word that escaped his mouth lingered with sympathy.
“I believe you’re an amazing leader and that you should never doubt yourself, especially over a mistake like that one. It happens to the best of us.”
“Don’t forgive me, it’s fine. We can restart whenever you’re ready.” He finished off with a slight smile, checking his phone once more. There was only a minute left to hear your response.
“So, what do you say?” He asked, a little panicky. You sighed while shaking your head.
“You make it really hard to stay mad at you, you know? Why do your words have to be so heartfelt and picked out oh so carefully?” You said as a smile made its way to his face again.
“I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold that mistake against you. One more mistake and whatever this is will end.” You warned while motioning between you both. He nodded and chuckled.
You were well aware of his feelings for you. Yesterday’s argument was enough to confirm that he supposedly felt the same way you did. The only difference was, he didn’t know you felt the same way. Hopefully, he could find out before another mistake was made.
“You’re going to be late, go to your match. You need to at least warm up.” You ushered him down the hallway towards the gymnasium and waved him goodbye as he did the same.
Now that everything was cleared up between you two, he would definitely do better in this match.
ACT ELEVEN.
“Starters for today, Ricky, Mark, Sohee, Jisung, and Jake.” Their coach said, causing the team to gasp.
“What about K, Jay, and Eric?” Asked Jisung. He looked at the three who sat on the bench quieter than ever. This was the first time their coach had ever done this, of course, everyone was shocked.
“You guys will be fine. Today’s team isn’t that difficult, so let’s preserve their energy until it is needed.” He explained while marking something off on his clipboard.
“Jay, are you in proper condition to play today?” He asked while making his way over to the boy. Jay looked up from his shoes and nodded at their coach's words. Their coach smiled, checking something off once again.
“Perfect,” he began.
“Okay, go out there and play well.” He said to the teammates who were said to play first. They followed through with his instructions and made their way to the court. Although there wasn’t any backup with their three-star players, they still had hope they could win.
Chemistry was all their team needed to win. So, K and Jay better make up before they had to step foot on the court.
Jay held out his fist that hid a wrapped-up peppermint in front of K’s view. K looked up from the ground at Jay’s hand and then his eyes shifted over to Jay who sat beside him. Jay opened his hand, revealing the peppermint to K.
“What?” K asked, staring at the sweet confused. Jay ushered him to take it as he followed through.
“Good, now eat it,” Jay ordered as K’s brows furrowed. “Did you poison it or something? I wouldn’t be shocked if you did, I’ve been an ass lately.” K said while hesitating to unravel the sweet.
Jay chuckled while looking at the players on the court getting into position. “At least you’re self-aware, but I have been one too. Still, I wouldn’t poison anything.” He said, rubbing his hands together.
“Listen, when we go on the court, we need to at least work together,” Jay explained, gaining K’s attention.
“Just because we had multiple arguments and not the best friendship lately doesn’t mean we can let our team lose, and that doesn’t mean I fully forgive you.”
“I would take your advice for yourself if I were you,” K said, referring to the last time Jay played on the court. Jay sent him a glare.
“I’m in a good mood right now, do not blow it,” Jay warned while pointing at him which only made K burst out laughing.
“Anyways, I wouldn’t dare to let our team lose. Glad, you’re finally acting like the team’s captain.” K teased as Jay softly punched him in the gut. K winced in pain as Jay playfully rolled his eyes and continued watching the game.
Jisung had the ball, tossing it up in the air as it made its way into the net. An easy 3-pointer only a minute into the game was all they needed to kickstart their desire to win.
Perfect.
Eventually, Jay, K, and Eric were subbed in for the last two quarters. The new lineup included the three boys and Mark who seemed to be in great shape even after 24 minutes of playing.
His stamina was insane.
“Focus,” Jay said from his spot in the key, turning his head to Mark across from him.
“Don’t beat yourself up if you’re tired. Just ask Coach to sub you off, okay?” He reassured the boy as Mark nodded.
The referee blew his whistle, passing the ball to the opposing team’s side. It was their ball when the second quarter ended anyway.
Decelis’ boys were now spaced out on the court, guarding their opponents. The points were at a good distance with Jay’s team being at 36 and the other team being at 24. Still, there was no knowing when they’d catch up.
It could happen at any time.
The referee blew his whistle again as the opposing team inbounded their ball. Mark failed to block his opponent as they ran down the court to their goal, it was obvious he was soon going to reach his limit.
Mark’s opponent passed the ball toward the player K was guarding—a rookie mistake. Never pass the ball if K was around.
With that said, K caught the ball, shocking the opponent behind him. He dribbled the ball, dashing to the other side of the court as his teammates followed behind him.
He paused at the three-point line, looking around for an open teammate. Mark was busy trying to get free from his defender and Jay did the same.
Eric sprinted towards K’s spot with his blocker trailing behind him. Once Eric was practically beside K, they did a quick handoff, leaving Eric with no other option but to dribble toward the net and perform a neat lay-up.
“Nice!” K exclaimed, high-fiving Eric as they both jogged towards the half point of the court. The boys were all beaming with satisfaction as all of their eyes held an intense desire to win.
A few points into the third quarter, Mark asked their coach to sub him out for Heeseung. It was obvious how exhausted he was, but nobody blamed him.
He played amazingly anyway.
The current score read 54-40. Clearly, they were catching up, but Decelis was still far ahead.
“I can’t believe you managed to convince me to come watch,” Kazuha said with her arm interlocked with yours as you guys walked through the bleachers.
“It’ll be fun. Maybe you’ll learn not to hate them as much.” You explained as you both took a seat in front.
“I hate being surrounded by basketball fans. They’re all sweaty and smelly, especially that one.” Kazuha said while pointing at K. You swatted at her hand, forcing her to lower it from the impact as K sent you guys a glare. Kazuha raised her fist and mouthed a curse word at his angry face as you laughed.
Was she really loud or was his hearing just really good?
Your eyes attentively watched Jay who wiped at the sweat that dribbled down his jawline. The gaze he held was the same gaze from the day you two finally spoke after two years. You will never forget that P.E. class.
He was very different than how he was off the court. Off the court, he’s a cold guy who is really clumsy while on the court, he seems unapproachable. It would be like having a death wish if you wanted to talk to him.
“Y/N,” Kazuha started while watching your eyes beam at the sight of Jay playing.
“You like him, don’t you?”
“What?” You asked, chuckling nervously.
“Do you like their team captain? You won’t take your eyes off of him even while talking to me.” Kazuha explained as you turned to look at her.
“Here, I’m looking.” You said as she smirked and pointed at you. “You’re blushing. You do like him!” She exclaimed as your eyes widened. You covered your cheeks with your hands while swatting at her teasing finger.
“Enough!” You whisper-shouted not wanting to attract any more attention to you two, but failed. Jay’s eyes were already on you as a silly smile made its way to his face.
The sight he saw answered all his questions. It was an obvious one, yet he denied it continuously. There was only one reason why you were always on his mind.
He was definitely in love with you.
The next day, the game was all everyone spoke about. The winning shot performed by K and Jay would definitely go down in Decelis's history. Jay threw the ball into the air as K came out of nowhere, dunking it into the hoop, the buzzer going off right after.
Everyone including their opposing team was shocked. No wonder they were part of the ‘star-players lineup’.
Slowly, K and Jay’s friendship began to be restored. Even if they were becoming friends again, the incidents from before weren’t forgotten, and K was very aware of that. It’ll take quite a while to make up for the things he has said and done.
“Wow, they weren’t playing,” Eric joked while eyeing K’s decorated locker.
“Ours must be worse…” Eric mumbled internally filled with excitement. He wondered what his locker looked like.
“They got you too,” K said pointing at Jay’s locker down the hall, “And Jisung.” K chuckled.
Their school must love them a lot to take time out of their day to decorate. It did make sense to do so, they won the whole season.
Eric boasted about a game he played when they got home yesterday. Even after the exhausting match, he still had enough energy to check out his favourite game’s new update.
To Jay, it felt nice to be included in things like this again. There were no more nasty glares being sent his way as he watched from afar. Things were slowly starting to go back to normal.
“Jay, your phone’s ringing,” Eric said, pausing his conversation topic. Jay looked at the boy confused then down at his vibrating pocket.
He removed his phone from his pocket, eyeing the contact name with wide eyes. “I’ll be back,” Jay said before walking away from his friends and picking up the phone.
He stood in front of his locker, leaning against the decorations.
“Hey.” Jay greeted, waiting for a response back. He slowly became anxious at the quietness. Did you
“Hey.” You greeted on the other line, causing Jay’s heart to flutter. He mentally cursed at his heart, hoping the beating would slow, but it didn’t.
“So… I was wondering if that deal was still up?”
“Yeah, of course,” he said, “I mean, as long as you’re free!” Jay exclaimed. He didn’t want his words to sound forceful.
You smiled at his words, writing down some words in your notebook. “Anything is fine with me. I’m free tomorrow… How about 12 PM?” You asked while clicking your pen shut.
It was a Saturday after all. What plans did Jay really have on a Saturday?
He hummed in agreement, turning around to unlock his locker with a smile. K and Eric grimaced at the sight as K shut his locker closed.
“Who has him smiling like a dork…?” K asked, brows furrowing. He’s never seen their captain like this before.
“I wonder…” Eric muttered, mirroring the exact expression as K.
They both paused, looking over at each other with slightly wide eyes, “Y/N.”
ACT TWELVE.
Jay rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet anxiously. The clock read 11:55 AM, 5 minutes before the two were supposed to meet. He was a punctual person, of course, he wasn’t early on purpose…
“Jay!” Your voice brought him out of his thoughts as his eyes looked in your direction quickly. You were smiling at him.
At him.
“Wow, you look happy.” He teased while making his way towards you. You were smiling from ear to ear because you were finally able to hang out with him, of course, you were happy.
“I received great news.” You cheered, clasping your hands together. He stared at you a slight smile on his own features with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his sweater as he teasingly raised a brow.
“Which is?” He asked.
“I was chosen to be this year’s valedictorian!” You said, your smile growing even more. Jay’s eyes widened in shock.
That was truly great news.
“Really? That’s great, Y/N.” He smiled with that dimple you hated oh so much showing. You hated how it made your face warm and butterflies in your stomach swarm.
But wait… Valedictorian?
“Wait, graduation is in a month, right?” He asked, the thought of this being his final year completely forgotten. You nodded at his question, confused yourself.
“Did you forget?”
“...Yeah.” He mumbled in embarrassment. You laughed at his sheepishness, waving your hand in the air.
“That’s fine. It happens, honestly. Anyway, our play is in a week. Everyone has been practicing like crazy, I don’t think anyone won’t be able to make it, but we can still practice if you want.” You said, playing with the felt of your clothes.
Jay nodded. Anything was fine with him. Although he really wanted to participate in your club’s play previously, due to all the commotion that happened within these two months, he wasn’t sure if he felt the same way.
He was still glad he met you at least.
You two strolled through the garden you suggested as the meeting place. This was a good way to clear your mind and prepare yourselves for the script reading.
The garden was a very pretty sight. You pulled out your phone, positioning your camera in front of any pretty flower you crouched before.
“It’s pretty, right?” You asked, eyeing the pink flower in front of you.
A Hibiscus.
“Yes, it’s very pretty,” Jay replied, crouching behind you, “Just like you.” He whispered, startling you.
Immediately, you turned around, flinching and falling backwards due to how close he was. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you back up before you could fall into the field of flowers.
You both stared into each other’s eyes as the wind rustled through the pedals on every flower in the field. You cleared your throat as Jay’s arm unravelled from your waist, but you caught your balance before you could fall over.
“My bad, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized while standing up. You shook your head, trying to shake away the butterflies as well.
“It’s okay.” You muttered, eyes going back to your phone. The photo you took by accident was blurry and was most likely taken when you were falling. You couldn’t recognize anything aside from the vibrant pink blur.
You swiped backwards, satisfied with this photo instead. It showed the flowers, picking up the different shades of pink and the fading droplets of water. Jay looked around in an attempt to distract himself from the encounter from earlier.
It was a mistake, he swore it was, yet part of him wanted it to happen again.
“Do you want to get something to eat? I’m pretty sure there’s a cafe nearby. We can read over the script there.” You suggested, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Ah, sure, why not.” He said, giving you an awkward smile. You stood up, dusting off your pants as Jay did the same. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets and followed you out of the field of flowers.
The walkout was silent. A little too silent for Jay’s liking.
“To be honest,” he started, gaining your attention. You hummed in response, eyes examining any flowers in your sight.
“You’re as beautiful as an orange flower,” he said, “If you were in a garden, I would definitely choose you first.”
You laughed at his words, thinking they were silly even if they made you flustered.
“I’m serious.”
You paused and turned around to face him, causing him to stop in his tracks.
“Why an orange flower? What about blue flowers?” You asked, genuinely curious. Was orange his favourite colour or something? If it was… wouldn’t he have dyed his hair orange instead of blue?
“Because,” he began, “It’s scientifically proven that orange is an eye-catching colour. To prove my point, you caught my eye that same day in P.E. class.”
Your eyes slightly widened at his sudden confession, but you then regained your composure. A sly smile made its way onto your features as you looked at Jay with narrowed eyes.
“Are you confessing to me again?” You asked and he nodded. Without hesitation, he nodded.
“You didn’t say anything to the first one…” He explained as you shook your head. It’s not that you didn’t say anything. You just didn’t know how to formulate words at that exact moment. You grabbed his hand, interlocking it with yours and dragged him towards the entrance at a faster pace.
“Let’s make a deal.” You said once you reached the arched entry. “Can you wait an extra month?” You asked as his brows furrowed.
“A month? What for?” He asked, leaving your question unanswered.
“Yes or no?” You asked, this time leaving his question unanswered.
Jay hesitated. He didn’t want to choose the wrong answer. This only reminded him of the time K and Eric dragged him to the club room—the start of everything. Back then, he regretted agreeing with the boys and he worried if that would happen with you. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to take a risk, right?
“Yes.” He said as you smiled in return.
“Good.”
ACT THIRTEEN.
The final month of being a senior went by faster than Jay expected. Ever since that day you and Jay hung out, you never brought up your question. He still had no clue what you meant by waiting a month, but he did it anyway.
There were many moments where he uttered the words ‘I love you’ or complimented you numerous times. He didn’t have anything to hide anymore, right? You knew he loved you and he made sure you did almost every single day.
That didn’t mean you said the three words back to him. You never did. Although it bothered him a little bit and caused him to doubt if what he was doing was right, you always managed to make him fall head over heels for you all over again.
Here he was, standing on stage with his coach and principal who presented him with the scholarship he waited his whole life for. He didn’t start playing basketball at the age of 7 for nothing.
As he listened to the principal speak, he was reminded of his freshman days. It felt like he was filling out that scholarship form just yesterday. It was still shocking that this was his last day in Decelis.
“Thank you,” he said while bowing and smiling at his principal as he took the envelope in hand. He then turned to look at his coach who seemed more emotional than ever, leaving Jay baffled.
“Shouldn’t I be the emotional one?” Jay asked while walking off the stage with his coach.
“There’s just something in my eye.” He said.
What a lie. Nobody would believe that one.
Jay scoffed and shook his head as he made his way back to his seat. He was congratulated by a few classmates on his way there, stopping a few times to high-five some of them. There was a bright smile on his face, feeling satisfied that he finally accomplished his dream.
Younghoon gave Jay a proud pat on the back from his seat behind Jay, feeling like a proud dad. It was something he always did when he felt proud of Jay.
“Now, please welcome this year’s valedictorian, L/N Y/N.” The school’s principal announced through the mic as you rose from your seat, making your way to the stage.
As you walked past Jay’s seat, you glanced over at him flashing him a smile as he did the same.
You adjusted the mic, levelling it to your desire, and turning it on in the process. You flipped through the script on the podium, finding your speech that you’ve practiced a ton of times.
“Good evening, staff, my fellow seniors, and most importantly, family members.” You began, gripping the sides of the podium as a smile made its way to your face.
“I’m L/N Y/N, your valedictorian for this ceremony. First, I want to start by congratulating this year’s graduating class. Time flew by faster than we all expected, right? To me, it still feels like I was preparing for my first day as a freshman in Decelis just yesterday, worrying about what I should wear even if this is a uniform school.” You joked, making a few students hum in agreement and laugh at your words as Jay watched with an adoring smile.
“I know how much it may hurt to say goodbye to those you adored, but take this as an opportunity to branch out and explore new things. I had an amazing time with this school’s Drama Club and enjoyed being the leader. It taught me a lot more than I intended to learn.” You said, gaze shifting to Jay.
“It taught me how fun taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone can be. How fun exploring the personalities of others can be even while going against the established yet unconfirmed rule that says you must hate each other.”
It was obvious that you were referring to the Drama club and Basketball team rivalry and the unsaid person was obviously Jay. Who else broke that unconfirmed rule with you?
“The events that occurred this year really brought me an enjoyable and exciting final year of high school, so I’m very grateful for it.” You finished off your speech with a closing sentence that thanked everyone for coming and wished all the graduating students the best of luck for their future.
Soon after your speech, all students received their diplomas and medals, meaning they were no longer high school students.
You and Jay were no longer the leaders of the Drama club and Basketball team or classmates from P.E. class.
“You were great.” Jay complimented you after finding you in the school’s courtyard. You turned around, smiling at his words.
“Congrats on the scholarship!” You cheered, a smile appearing on his face. Before he could reply, you were already dragging him by the hand through the crowds of people, and running towards the steps you guys last argued on.
“What are we doing here?” He asked, looking around, noticing how nobody was there. They were all taking pictures to reminisce about the moment a few years later.
“So—”
He was silenced by the sudden kiss planted on his cheek, causing him to look at you faster than ever. His eyes were wide open and his mouth was slightly agape at the sudden movement. You looked into his wide eyes with your curious ones.
“What was that about?” He asked in utter shock.
“I love you,” you confessed, his wide eyes becoming even wider. He blinked continuously, thinking this was all a dream.
“What?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.
“Am I going crazy, or did you really say I love you?” He asked as your eyes widened.
“You must be going crazy. I said no such thing.” You lied, putting on your best poker face. Your hand removed his cap, feeling his forehead temperature to complete the act.
“Your temperature is fine though… Did you not sleep enough?” You asked, concerned. You loved being able to pull these types of tricks on him. His reactions were always cute to you.
“I’m kidding, I did.” You said, smiling. You couldn’t keep up the lie anymore, especially with this way his brows furrowed in disappointment.
“It has been a month. I waited it out until today. I didn’t want to interrupt our studies if we ever started anything, you know,” you said while letting go of his hand, “And it would’ve been a mistake if I didn’t confess the same place you first did.” You said while looking around the area you stood in.
It really was your last time walking down these steps.
Out of nowhere, your face was cupped by slightly rough hands that brought warmth to your cheek, turning your head to face Jay’s direction. You had no time to register anything, his soft lips on yours.
Although you weren’t prepared, you still sunk into the kiss, but Jay pulled away before anything could escalate. His hands still cupped your face as you both looked into each other’s eyes, ‘sneaking’ small glances at each other’s lips.
“I love you too.” He said, his words filled with genuine adoration.
“Cool,” you muttered in disappointment. It was too short for your liking. Jay was shocked, wondering why you didn’t say it back. He waited so long just for you to say it once?
“I love you too, okay? Stop overthinking it.” You said, playfully rolling your eyes. His facial expression made it quite obvious as to what he was thinking.
“Now, come here.” You said, pulling him into another kiss while dropping his cap on the concrete ground beside him. Luckily, this one lasted much longer than before.
Even if he didn’t participate in anything related to the Drama club, he still got himself involved with one of their members, right?
ORDER — Working on Christmas day was not something Jungwon wanted to do. Nobody came to the cafe in the first place, so what was he supposed to do for the next 8 hours? Stock up? Fool around? Or perhaps fall in love with a new customer?
PAIRING — barista!jungwon x fem!reader (ft. enhypen, anton from riize, yeonjun from txt, ningning from æspa, and chaeryeong from itzy)
GENRE(S) — mini smau + written, college au, nonidol au, strangers to lovers, love at first sight, barista au, romance, slight angst, and crack.
WARNING(S) — profanity, they’re losers, bullying between friends, joking threats, mentions of food, mentions of being sick (niki), they fall in love within a week, kissing, y/n doesn’t have an assigned faceclaim, and heeseung being jealous most of the time.
SCHEDULE — completed! began: december 24th 2023 — ended: jan 4th 2024.
NOTE — just found out i’m working on christmas and could possibly get an 8 hr shift Abt to suffer so enjoy this instead!!!!! jungwon and i are One.
I read through your post and I hope you're doing better now, you deserve all the good things the world has to offer<3 I almost completely stopped being active on Tumblr after you deactivated, just coming back every now and then to see if you or my other moot who deactivated aswell had returned😭 October November and December were hard on me too and I truthfully don't know how I got through it but knowing we both were able to come out of it together is a comforting thought:)
Don't feel pressured to write unless you want to. We missed your presence🫶
Here's little tyun for you!!
Hope 2024 treats us better:))
(oh also today is my birthday and your post made me infinitely happier🩷🎀)
SAAAAAAAAAGE MY DEAR I MISSED YOU TOO!!!!☹️☹️☹️💓💖💘💞💖💓 i'm doing better for now and i'm trying to think that things will continue to improve, just like you i genuinely don't know how i managed to get through those exact same months🥹🥹 but i think we both deserve a pat on the back!!!! cheers!!!!! i'm proud of us!!!!!🫂🫂🩷 knowing that we both managed to get through our hardships is indeed a comforting thought, i think it serves as proof that we're both stronger than we might have thought
i hope you're also doing much better now, sending you sooo much love as well as a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY :DDD💘💞💖💓💘💘💖 i've been a bit busy so i really hope i'm not too late answering this!!!!! i wish i could have had something new prepared for this special occasion but may i perhaps still delight you with this txt date uquiz i made some time ago?? i made it after i deactivated sooo it's the first time i'm dropping the link here😳 i hope you'll enjoy it!!<33
also thank you for the little tyun that's one of my all time favorite pictures of him😔😔💞 may 2024 be a good one!! :D
Very proud of us indeed heehehe!! Also thank you for the birthday wish!! I had a pretty uneventful day other than the family dinner I went to but it was nice:)
And unrelated but beomgyu opened his personal Instagram account!! And I'm absolutely 100% sure he did it for me😍 I love my boyfriend🤭🤭 (the delusions have gotten so much worse)
Also I got Soobin on your quiz... That was so on brand with my current soobrangdan phase😭SOOOOOBBBBAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN🙏🙏🙏🙏 I love Soobin. SOOBIN. AAAAAAAAAAH. Soobie 😚 okay I will stfu now🤭🫶
i don’t really know how to start this, at first i prepared a pretty long text because i wanted to explain why exactly i deactivated and what has been happening, but in the end i chose to scrap that and not get into in detail because it’s all related to my personal life and it's probably better to just keep that private, plus it’s some pretty heavy stuff as well, and i don't want to load that onto you. so this has kind of turned into a ramble instead amdbjdn
truth is that i have been struggling, a lot. october was one of the worst months mentally for me, which is when i chose to deactivate. at some point i did start slowly feeling better and i wanted to come back on here earlier than this but then things got worse🙂 like so much fucking worse😭😭 it’s still hard to believe and it still hurts and i almost can’t stop thinking about it, but looking back, i’m at least glad about getting through things the way i did- because i feel like the me one year ago would have acted and handled those situations so differently, or maybe i would have barely been able to handle them at all.
in the midst of it all, i started to lose my passion for writing. writing stopped being a form of escapism or a way for me to use my creativity. it just felt like a burden. whenever i wanted to write and opened up a doc i just felt paralyzed only by looking at it. i couldn’t get anything out, nothing for days on end. i felt like i was losing myself, in multiple aspects, not just writing, and the disappointment that overcame me only added more and more to my stress.
and i’m not going to lie, i’m still struggling a lot to write again :’) but i do want to give it another try. maybe it’s the fact that i first started out last year in december that is kinda making my heart tingle for it again andbjsns this period of time feels nostalgic:(
however, due to personal reasons (not regarding anyone on here, just to make that clear) i’d feel much safer and much more at ease to continue with a different username, i hope you guys can understand. i do feel very attached to my previous one but i really want to be able to post comfortably.
i do kind of regret deleting my other blog because of all the memories i’ve lost, but at the same time i’m also happy i did it because in a way it allowed me to fully choose to work things out and focus on myself without feeling burdened or rushed.
i don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to post something new. i’ve been working on multiple things at once but the progress has been quite slow ambdkdn but at least it’s something!!!! so it might take a long time, it might also not. i don’t know, i’m just gonna let things be and let them happen whenever they happen. maybe you guys can also tell me some of the fics i should repost?? i won’t do them all at once cause they were quite a lot and that would clog up the tags anbdjdnd + i also need to proofread them again cause most of the time i’d do that directly on tumblr before posting🥲
soooo yeah. if you’ve read through this whole post, i really appreciate it!! :(<33 i’m happy to return on here while being in a better state, and if there’s anybody who would like to talk, do feel free to send me a message or an ask!! i’m still at home on winter break, but i will go on a trip pretty soon😔✊🏻 just so you know in case i might be slow with posting/replying!!
i hope 2024 will treat both me and you well. i hope it can be a year of growth and love, a year where we can freely let go and start anew. in a world where you constantly get beat down for everything i still want to choose to be gentle, sensitive, and soft. i love you guys!!!! :(💞💓💖💘💞💓💞
synopsis: when you embarrass yourself in front of not only everyone in the candy aisle at your local convenience store, but also the cutest boy you’ve ever seen, you can only hope that you’ll never see him again. but fate, it would seem, has other plans…
pairing: soobin x fem!reader
warnings for this chapter: cursing, awkward situations, soobin being a whole-ass mess
NOTE: this wasn’t supposed to be released until monday but you guys (and me) just got an unwanted sneak-peak at part 9 and i feel kinda bad so….here we are.
previous | next
#05 - STRANGER DANGER
taglist: @atinyyylove @envy-brr @xoxojayd3n @abdiitcryy @90s-belladonna @kingkaithekiwi @btxtreads @shuichi-sama @hobistigma @00-baejin-05 @enhafaiiry @creamkwan @dear-dreamie @igyus @jkebabayy97 @yoonsupremacy @coolcloudpsychichumanoid @snowfalltxt @gyuza (pls send an ask if you’d like to be added!) bolded @‘s couldn’t be tagged
genre: childhood friends/idiots to lovers, fluff, angst
wc: 10.5k
synopsis: spending valentine’s day with your best friend had become a sort of tradition for you two ever since you were seven years old. despite the twists and turns in your friendship as both of you grew up, the one thing that never changed was the box of candy hearts that he placed in your hands every year.
warnings: mentions of underage drinking, communication problems
note: happy valentine’s day! i am in love with one (1) man
masterlist
wednesday, february 14th; age 7
why your teacher was so insistent on making a bunch of second graders celebrate valentine’s day was beyond what your seven year-old mind could comprehend.
pairing - band member! choi beomgyu x volleyball player! reader
childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn
back to my navi ☆
summary - you've been friends with beomgyu ever since kindergarten, the two of you have been attached to each other by the hip, everyone thinks that you're dating but youre not. maybe there are hidden feelings you two hide between each other? maybe you two secretly fawn over each other when the other isnt look
features - all txt members, yunjin and chaewon from lsfm, minji, haerin and hanni from nwjns (hanni is used as inspo on how the reader looks like in the story 😓😓)
warnings - curse words, mentions of injuries?, mentions of kms and kys, just very painful mutual pinning 😓 reader depicted to be fem!!
NOTE : this is like my first time writing and writing a smau SO PLEASE DONT HAVE MUCH EXPECTATIONS 😢😢 ALSO THE CHAPTERS MAY GET A LIL BIT REPETITIVE.. ! the plot gets messy and it's rlly cliche... thanks for understanding 🙏🙏🔥
synopsis -> two total opposites but still somehow finding a connection with one another
-> sporty! taehyun x school pres! reader
-> opposites attract, mutual pinning, slowburn.
-> note! mostly written only some smau parts, baller tyun.
you were the school's president, he was the basketball team's captain. you liked rnb music, he liked rap and hiphop. you enjoyed peaceful and quiet areas, he enjoyed going out to parties with his friends. you had outstanding grades, and was in the top class, while he had mediocre grades, and was in the bottom class. so when you admitted to your friend, chaewon, that you had a slight infactuation with him, her jaw dropped immediately.
"YOU WHAT????" she shouted, slamming the table while standing up, her jaw dropped. literally. you quickly placed a finger on your lips, shushing her, begging for her to sit down before she draws anymore unwanted attention to you two.
"it's just an admiration chae, i don't like him fully." you lied to her, with a nervous grin on your face. chaewon clicked her tongue, "you've said this before when we were younger! and you ended up liking the guy." you didn't know what to say, it was slightly true, but you didn't want to like him. you two were the total opposites, how would he ever like you. chaewon noticed your silence, deciding to interrupt your train of thought.
"do you even talk to him." chaewon questioned. you nodded your head slowly, you and taehyun have never had an actual conversation before, only some hi's and bye's in the hallway, and discussions about the funds for the basketball team.
"we talk? kind of.. we say hi and bye to each other, and talk about fundings, i dont know. but he's an interesting person." you sheepishly replied, not making any eye contact to chaewon. chaewon sighed loudly, signalling how done she is with you. you chuckled nervously.
"i'll try striking a conversation with him next time. trust me." you reassured her, convincing her that you would do something about it. she eyed you suspiciously, nodding slowly. you shoved your food in your mouth, acknowledging chaewon's intense gaze at you.
"yn!" a voice suddenly called out for you. turning around you see taehyun with his group of friends, they were smirking at him, with a knowing look on their faces. you tilted your head in confusion, your eyes kept glancing back at chaewon, signalling to her that you needed help. you were clueless on what to do.
"talk to him! it's a literal heaven sent chance." she whispered-shouted while leaning her body towards you. you quickly finished your food, still chewing it as you made your way towards taehyun.
"yea?" you asked, slightly muffled by the amount of food in your mouth. taehyun's hands felt clammy, which was slightly unusual, he just wanted to know if the funds for the next basketball competition went through or not.
"so, have the funds for the upcoming competition went through the principal? our coach needs to know by today." taehyun urged, you swallowed your food and nodded your head quickly, "mhm it went through already! good luck for the competition!" you exclaimed with a bright smile on your face, patting his firm shoulder, turning around back to chaewon who was wiggling her eyebrows, wanting to know how it went. you shook your head, taking your seat next to her.
"he makes me so nervous, i can't even hold a proper conversation with him." you sighed, laying your head on the table. chaewon rubbed your shoulder in encouragement, "maybe he's feeling the same, did you see how he was looking at you? man, if only i had someone look at me like that." your head immediately jolt up from the table, you weren't sulking anymore.
"HUH in what way." you shook chaewon, desperate fot an answer, she grabbed onto your arms to prevent you from shaking her any further, "i can tell, i just know." she smirked, her finger poking your cheek teasingly as you pouted in disappointment. suddenly the bell rang, signalling to everyone that break was over and lessons were about to begin. you bidded goodbye to chaewon before scurrying off to your classroom. taehyun watched from afar as you ran into the classroom, his eyes focused purely on you while you apologise to your classmate who you accidentally bumped into. unknowing to him, his lips slowly turned upwards, unconsciously smiling at your every move.
the teacher soon entered the classroom, causing the noise in the class to die down, chairs scraping on the floor as everyone stood up to greet the teacher. the second half of the school day begun, your eyes were already on the verge of closing, geography classes were extremely boring to you, dozing off every now and then before actually falling asleep. geography class passed by almost immediately since you were dead asleep, you woke up to a few pieces of paper on your table, you scanned through them, realising that they were the notes from the class. on the last piece of paper, the initials K.TH were scribbled messily at the bottom, with a small note off at the side, 'can we be friends? :) my number is ##' you turned around to the back of the class, just to find taehyun with his head down on his table, probably taking a short nap before the next teacher arrives. you catch yourself smiling at the paper, quickly slapping yourself to snap out of it. your hand reached from under your desk to get your phone in order to add taehyun's number into your contact list.
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
"yn! are you on the way to the meeting? our teacher is looking for you." chaewon shouted into your ear, you pulled your phone away from your eardrum, trying to spare them some mercy.
"yea, i had to talk to my chemistry teacher about something sorry-" you voice was cut off by suddenly bumping into someone. you paused to look up at the person who was infront of you. kang taehyun was standing there, looking down at you with his big, round eyes staring at you. you bowed and apologised, you could hear chaewon's voice shouting for you to answer. you quickened your pace, placing your phone back to your ear to reply to chaewon. taehyun wanted to speak with you, but you left too quickly, he watched as your figure slowly fading smaller and smaller. he bit his innercheek in irritation, grabbing his bag to make his way to the court.
"you finally came, we are 1/4 through the things we have to go through." the teacher explained, you took your seat beside chaewon as you ran through the already explained documents yourself. the entire student council meeting was tiring, and exhausting, especially for you. the teacher made you do most of the work, while rest had basically half of the workload you had. even if everyone was completed with coming up with the plans for the upcoming school festival, you still needed to sort them out and contact vendors, you basically needed to do everything to ensure that the festival would go smoothly. after what seemed like forever, the meeting was over, you looked at the sky, noticing that it was overcast. just your luck, you left your umbrella at home, now your bag was going to get wet under the rain.
"chaewon, you have an umbrella right? can you send me home?" you asked chaewon while you file up the papers into your file.
"ehh, sorry yn, i have dinner with my family after this, my relatives are coming over." chaewon informed you with an apologetic look, you let out an 'oh' sound without realising, but still waved chaewon goodbye. you walked towards the main gate, the heavy rain hitting the road, splashing onto your legs from time to time, the petrichor scent of the rain engulfing your sense of smell. you stood by the sheltered gate, hoping that the heavy shower will soon be lighter.
with your headphones covering your ears, your favourite tunes playing, tuning out the loud sounds of the rain hitting the ground, occassionally you'd look up to see if the rain had subsided. soon you heard loud voices echoing through the school, you turned around to see a group of basketball men coming towards your direction, you literally prayed for your life, hoping that they wouldn't shout directly beside you. as they approached closer, you increased the volume of your headphones, trying to cancel out the loud, obnoxious voices.
"isn't that yn? why's she still here." jay nudged taehyun as he moved his head to take a closer look. he was worried, shouldn't you be home by now?
"i think she doesn't have an umbrella to go home. taehyun, you like her right? use this chance to send her back." jake grinned with a teasing glint in his eyes. taehyun cussed at him while he laughed, asking the rest of the team to walk faster. you scrolled through your messages, replying them at the same time until you heard a quiet voice call out for you. you looked up in confusion, just to see taehyun holding onto his umbrella, his lips mouthing to you something. you paused your music, removing your headphones, letting them hang around your neck.
"it's really late, the rain doesn't seem like it'll stop. i'll send you home." taehyun offered, you were about to reject his kind gesture, but you noticed his desperate eyes, basically telling you to allow him to walk you home.
"alright.." you accepted, taehyun smiled, opening his umbrella. it was awfully silent, you felt super awkward. despite it being chilly, your face was warm, your hands were sweaty, everytime your hands brush against one another from time to time, you feel yourself internally scream. taehyun on the other hand, made sure that you would be completely dry, even if half of his body in soaked, he doesn't care. as long as you are dry and well, that's all that matters.
"thanks for the geography notes, i was really tired today, so the notes really helped." you choked out a sentence, trying to lift up the mood. taehyun smiled to himself, proud that he was able to help you in a small way, "you're welcome, it's nothing much though, so it's ok."
"oh right, the competition you're having, is it before or after the school festival?" you suddenly questioned, taehyun was taken aback, since when were you interested in basketball? "a week after, why'd you ask?" you were silent, you didn't know what to say, because you wanted to go to his game but you didn't want to tell him now. you were now tongue tied, trying to form your words, taehyun chuckled at your attempt to reply him, he could tell that you wanted to watch his games.
"you should come watch it, we're really good. especially me." he giggled, praising himself. you glared at him when he made that horrible compliment about himself.
"wait my house is just there, i'll run there." you suddenly exclaimed, taehyun was about to protest on how you were going to get wet but by the time he could say anything, you were gone, running in the rain towards your house. taehyun sighed, suddenly feeling a vibration in his pocket, realising that it's from an unknown number, he tapped on the contact, his ears immediately warming up
### : hey!! it's yn :)
### : thanks for sending me home, i'll treat you something one day or do anything you want me to do
### : get home safe
tyun ^..^ : hey yn, it's fine. remember to shower quickly, i dont want you sick.
ynn ♡ : aww, i will! i'll text you later.
taehyun's felt his stomach do sommersaults, he was so giddy. you literally said that you were going to text him later, was he crazy? did he read that right? he kept looking at your contact, making him bump into a street lamp on accident.
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
after weeks, you and taehyun have been getting closer, he'd always find an opportunity to send you home, even if he needed to rush home immediately after. everyone in school caught on with how close the two of you were, the school's president with the famous captain of the school's basketball team. everyone found it slightly odd how you two would even click, you had a good girl aura around you while taehyun had a slight bad boy vibe, not as bad as the rest of his basketball team, but about there.
"yn, over here." a voice called out for you, you turned around to see taehyun's head peaking out of the classroom, his hands directing you to go to where he was. you spun around, telling your friend group to wait for you in the cafeteria, apologising to them as they proudly pushed you towards taehyun's direction. you brisked up your pace, finally entering the classroom. you saw him sitting at his usual seat, his hands fiddling around with something.
"what is it tae?" you asked, pulling a seat next to taehyun. his hands immediately coming to a halt when you tried to peak over his shoulder to see whay he was doing.
"since, the festival is tomorrow, i want to have matching bracelets with you.. if it's ok with you." taehyun locked eyes with you, and felt his brain malfunction due to how close you two were, he was completely smitten to you. when you nodded your head, in agreement to his request. taehyun beamed brightly, pulling out the bracelets he was hiding under his table. you stared at it in awe, it was a matching gwen stacy and miles morales bracelet with a heart pendent attached to one side of the bracelet. the heart pendent was magnetic and could attach itself onto taehyun's matching heart pendent to create a full heart. the colours of the bracelet complimented your personalities as well, which was really cute. you could tell that taehyun put a lot of thought into it.
"it's really cute, i love it." you thanked, still admiring the bracelet. taehyun smiled softly at your actions, he found you adorable, no wonder he was so attracted to you.
"can you stay here with me till break is over, i'm too tired to ball in the court right now." taehyun pleaded, his head rested on your shoulder, taking in your scent while your hands lingered around his muscular arms, humming in response. soon enough, taehyun lifted his head up, looking into your eyes before turning to the side to grab something from his bag.
"wear this for the competition next week, you can keep it afterwards." staring at you with slight puppy eyes, wanting you to accept his jersey. that was his dream, his girl wearing his jersey to his competition or just in general. you took his jersey in hesitation, glancing at him, trying to make sure that he wasn't lying to you.
"i'll wear it for you." you grinned at him, taehyun felt his heart melt at your pretty smile, lord he was so drawn to you, he'd actually worship the ground you walk on. you're literally his ideal girl, smart, kind to everyone despite the circumstances, paitient, bubbly, just the perfect girl for him in conclusion.
"oh, the bell, i'll go back to my seat. i'll text you later." you patted taehyun's shoulder, placing the seat you took back to its original position before returning to your own seat, folding taehyun's jersey neatly to keep in your bag. the both of you continued on with your days as if you two didn't interacted alone in the classroom earlier.
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
beeep
the referee blew the whistle, signalling the entire court that the match has offically started. the crowd of spectators, splited evenly with supporters from both schools, cheered for the school they were rooting for. your school had formed a chant for the boys, led by a group of boys who were also close friends with taehyun, everyone followed their lead, shouting their lungs out in unison. you and your friends joined in for the thrill of it, screaming as loud as you possibly could.
"taehyun's quite good, right yn?" yujin whispered shouted into your ear, loud enough for you to hear. you gasped, smacking her shoulders to shut up as she laughed loudly at your reaction. you watched as taehyun shoots the ball into the hoop and scoring with ease, his teammates running up to him, giving him a quick hi five before continuing on with the match.
the match was intense, points scored from each school one after another, it seemed like it was going to be a tie. however, down to the last ten minutes, the court quietened down, everyone watching the match intently, the shoes of the boys squeeking as they tried taking the ball away from the opposing team's grasp. you felt your heart beating in anticipation, you wanted your school to win so badly, you wanted to see taehyun and his team happy.
suddenly, taehyun ran towards the group and hit the ball out of the opposing team's hands, giving your school a chance to attack. taehyun hastily dribbled the ball towards the other end of the court, his teammates trailing behind him, shouting his name to just shoot. taehyun gulped anxiously, one slip up and everything will be ruined. he positioned himself perfectly, tossing the ball up, towards the basketball hoop. the ball circled around the rim, making everyone in the court stare at it in anticipation, your school praying and hoping that it'll go in while the opposing school supports prayed that it rebounded.
after what seemed like an eternity, the ball miraculously went through the hoop, as the referee blowed the final whistle, ending the match. the whole crowd cheered in pure glee, some even jumping off the standees, and over the barricades to run towards the boys to congratualate them. you ran forward towards the barricades, trying to spot taehyun. you saw as he was surrounded by his friends and team, getting jumped on for making such a clean winning shot for the school. you giggled to yourself at the scene unfolding infront of you, not realising that the two of you just made eye contact. his friend whispering into his ear, making his flustered. taehyun shrugged his friend, who was basically climbing on taehyun like a koala, off his shoulder to walk towards you.
"congrats tae!" you smiled at him, proud of his accomplishment. taehyun gave you a wink, "told you i'd do well." you glared at him, your jaw dropping at what he said.
"i'm leaving bye." you coldly said as a joke. taehyun chuckled, pulling back to the barricades, your faces only inches apart, your breathing hitched when you felt taehyun's hot breath on your skin. you wished you could hug him right now, but the only obstacle blocking the both of you from doing so was the flimsy metal barricade.
"can i?" taehyun asked suddenly, his eyes staring into yours fondly. you nod your head, feeling flustered already. in a second, his lips were already on yours, it was quick yet enjoyable. your face flushed, the boys in the background screaming and slapping each other, cheering for taehyun. you buried your face in taehyun's shoulder out of embarrassment. taehyun turned around to quickly flip them off before tilting your head up to look at him.
"i'll bring you out after this." taehyun informed you as you nodded your head, waving a quick bye to him before running out of the court to find your friends who were probably too tired to wait for you in the court. you were so giggly and bubbly as you started smacking your friends while telling them everything that just occurred.
being able to have the opportunity to be one of the exchange students in arcadia academy especially at this year’s annual sports event and districts has it’s great perks and benefits for y/n until she spilt coffee on the soccer captain’s new soccer shoes.
MAIN LOBBY
profiles one | profiles two
1. Welcome | EXTRA
2. Bad impression
3. Ratio
4. Calm down
5. Thinking 5/2. One condition
6. First advice
7. Teach the basics
8. Grudge
9. Denial
10. Oh shit
11. Practice reasons
12. Hello Kitty
13. Worth
14. Your what
15. Go
16. Lost contact
17. Ankle
18. Closure
19. Hatred
20. Take it 20/2. You did it?
21. Curse
22. Lucky Charm
23. Insane
24. Befriend
25. Deja Vu
26. Bad idea
27. Gift giving is his love language???
published : april 29,2022
ended :
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