Don't Panic

Tumblr of the fanfic writer also known as tzzzz (look me up on AO3 and LJ). If you ship the following, you will probably like it here: Stiles/Derek, most Teen Wolf pairings, supernatural stuff, with minor Cas/Dean and Dean/Benny, Thor/Loki, Steve/Tony, Tony/Bruce, McShep, Cam/John, Erik/Charles, Sherlock/John in a totally asexual (unless it's alpha/omega) way, and the more than occasional Arrested Development reference. What you are not likely to find here: rps, links to stuff about actors or photos of actors, explicit art, irrational hatred.

[tzzzztz]

Hey everyone,

So you might not have noticed, but I haven’t been on tumblr much recently.  I’ve been getting busier in my real life and now that Teen Wolf seems to be completely imploding, I don’t really have a fandom to play in.  

I’m still in, but I’m focused primarily on writing.

Please keep following me for updates on what’s going on with my fics, but I’m probably not going to be reblogging anything.  And, who knows, I might return if another fandom catches my interest enough for me to blog about it.

My action plan in order of priority is:

Finish ‘Little Girls in Pretty Boxes’ (Derek/Jennifer, Prequel to ‘In Treatment’)

Finish ‘In Treatment’ (Sterek, only 5 chapters left, with a plan!)

Chapter 2 of ‘Found Objects’ (1 chapter left)

See if I can polish any of the half finished snippets I have hanging around my drive into acceptable standalone fics (including: SGA Jurassic Park AU, SGA/Leverage fusion, SG John/Cam cult AU, SGA sequel to ‘Dave’s Story’, SGA Dollhouse AU, Sterek Brooklyn Nine-Nine fusion, Sterek college AU, Stucky Fairy Tale AU, Scerek fic, random 14 page sterek fic that I don’t know what it’s about, stony fic in which Tony’s adult son does not like his new muscle-bound boytoy, some sterek mpreg ideas)

Finish ‘Simple Truths’

Finish ‘Coyote Courts the Moon.’

Finish ‘Steve Rogers Vs. The World.’

Sequels to ‘The Last Days of Magic and Glory’

Hopefully something new will catch my eye.

[tzzzztz]

Just so I’m clear, we’re all no longer watching Teen Wolf, right?

[tzzzztz]

I've been doing some more writing research and also watching Black-ish

Now google thinks I am an African American pregnant woman who has a child with autism and shops for sex toys.

[catbuddy-deactivated20161201]

[tzzzztz]

Just posted another chapter of In Treatment!

If you're interested in a different take on the A/B/O 'verse, with Stiles as an alpha heat therapist and Derek as his client, please take a look!

(Though if you're following my blog and aren't into such things, I wonder a little how you found your way here).

[fictionalwaltz]

[marsvioletsixtyfour]

KATHARINE HEPBURN AS PEGGY CARTER

[lemonsharks]

I HAVE A POWERFUL NEED

[dreverybodyilovedies]

I SCROLLED FURIOUSLY THROUGH THIS POST MUMBLING TO MYSELF “if Katherine Hepburn isn’t Peggy I’m gonna punch a bro” AND SHE IS BRAVO ALL THE CASTING POINTS FOR YOU.

But seriously all the casting is perfect. Peck for Sousa, ERROL FLYNN FOR HOWARD OH MY GOSH YES. Bacall for Dottie oh my GOSH!

[sailingtolarryville]

i’m team “i don’t care who the fuck tops as long as the fanfic is good”

who’s with me 

[tzzzztz]

Remind me again why can't I put 'writes novel length gay erotica loved by thousands of people' on my resume?

[tzzzztz]

Why bother to elevate the discussion?

I got another comment on 'In Treatment' from a person who feels offended by one of my character's decisions to identify as NOT the same as the reader.

This time, instead of Stiles questioning his homosexuality, it was about Stiles calling Derek out on the difference between being asexual and just being so traumatized that he's scared of sex.  

Personally, I don't think those categories are mutually exclusive, but I think Derek, in particular, is better helped by not being allowed to hide behind the asexual label as a way to shield himself from healing from his trauma.  Both Stiles and Derek treat asexuality as a valid orientation and Stiles is very aware of how dangerous his words are.  

I understand why people are upset to a certain degree: they see buzzwords that pertain to them and get a little over-excited.  Then they're upset when those characters are treated realistically instead of glorified, heroicized version of a particular marginalized identity.

But what nobody seems to really understand is that I don't make these choices lightly.  I certainly don't make them because I hate asexual people or because I'm homophobic.  I make them because they feel true to me.  They are things I've experienced or seen others experience.

There's enough feminist subtext going on in 'In Treatment.'  I don't need to turn it into a perfect world where everything is politically correct and nobody says or does anything offensive.  The whole point of the story is that it's about fucked up people making messy decisions and learning to live with them anyway.  The entire central theme of the fic is that you don't have to be perfect to be deserving of love ... you just have to be In Treatment (working on it).

'In Treatment' is ultimately a kind of 'coming of age' story.  It isn't for the people who are staunchly gay and want to see the main characters take down all the homophobic puppet villains the story sets up.  It isn't about asexuals finding glorious sexless love.  I love those stories, too, but I wrote 'In Treatment' for people like myself - the in-between people who are wandering around between the labels, confused and hurt by the rejections and the pressure to conform to whatever identity they are closest to.  

I think that theme carries through to the subject of homosexuality and asexuality and the elephant in the room that we don't like to talk about.  These identity categories are not fixed.  They are a product of identity politics as much as they are an "objective" fact.  You can't de-gay somebody, but somebody who identifies as gay could fall for a member of the opposite sex.  You can't force someone who is asexual to suddenly love/want sex all the time, but someone who identifies as asexual can find a source of sexual desire/become sexual. 

Ultimately, an identity category is only worth what it means to the person who choses it.  It is as much a right of people to reject a category as it is to identify a certain way.

P.S.  The next chapter is in beta.  Please be patient, it'll come out soon!

[tzzzztz]

Dear Internet, Criticism Is Not a Terminal Illness

As a writer I welcome criticism even if I sometimes react to it tastelessly.  Sometimes I write a longwinded response trying to justify myself.  Sometimes I get insulted by a needless personal attack.  Other times I feel like an ass for writing what I did.

But that's okay.  It's part of life.  I'll be a little upset for a while.  I might even throw an bit of a tantrum.  But in the long run, I'm still here.  I'm not in physical pain.  In fact, I'm better for having had the criticism.  I'm a better writer, a more mindful citizen, and I'm more aware of others and that the universe does not revolve around me.

So it perplexes me a bit when I joke in a self-deprecating way or when I bitch about some asshole flaming me and people act as though someone set my pet on fire. 

I always appreciate praise and I always appreciate support, but your condolences are not necessary.  To be honest, I'd rather have truly constructive criticism.

[how-delightfully-utter]

[agent--natasha]

[tzzzztz]

gif source

[tzzzztz]

Apologies, Reassurances

Hi everyone who has been following 'In Treatment,'

I just wanted to apologize that I have been tardy in updating.  I have perhaps bitten off a little more than I can chew in real life recently, but I want to reassure all of you that the story is still very much on my mind and that I hope to have the next chapter out sometime during or before the first week of February.  

If you are dying for an 'In Treatment' fix, one of my betas, ficcindylan has worked a neat mention of it into hir fic: How the Hale Pack Got It's Grove Back.  One of my other lovely betas is also hopefully hard at work writing a fic that thematically I know you will all love (and also some steter ... probably just to torture me).  

Love you guys and sorry again for the wait.

[tzzzztz]

Who would ever think that the way *tumblr* works would spoil me?

Except it's really nice to be able to follow and be followed separately.

[tzzzztz]

NEW DISCLAIMER?

Considering putting this on my stories:

I believe that triggers are real.

I have the utmost compassion for the suffering of those who have them.

My sincerest wish for these people is that my work provides them access to deal with their triggers as much or as little as they would like to.

However, people who read stories in order to find a safe, pain-free fantasy are not my target audience.  I do not guarantee that you will feel good after reading, nor that I have warned for all upsetting material (though I try my best).

What I hope you will like about my work is that it is personal, genuine, down-to-Earth, and emotionally realistic.  The things that make it so also make it morally grey, bittersweet, potentially painful, and divisive.  I believe I write with a unique sense of humorous optimism born of pragmatism.  The triumphs may not be epic, predictable, or morally righteous, but I think that makes them more satisfying.

I believe my writing is worth the risk to your heart, but if you don't, please don't read it.  

[amorremanet]

[tzzzztz]

Wolves and Rec (4.04 Pawnee Rangers).

[tzzzztz]

In fanfic (or in general), does everyone need a character arc?

Classical story writing wisdom says you do.  However, I find that I use more characters in fanfic than I would in an original story, because I don't have to worry about physical descriptions or the readers remembering people's names.  For me, that means I tend to use more brief appearances of familiar faces for purposes that could have been (less realistically) condensed into a single character.  That's a lot of arcs.

Also, it doesn't seem to be the fandom convention to really even give the protagonists an arc sometimes.  I mean, there's the arc of them getting together, but oftentimes the 'obstacles' are external factors and not really the character's own development.

On one hand, I think that the term Mary Sue does have quite a lot of misogynist underpinnings, but on the other hand, the issue with such characters, especially when they are an author's canon self-insert darling, is that they are so hyper-competent that they require no arc.  Sadly this is sometimes quite hard to spot until midway through a fic that is otherwise competently written.  It is certainly the thing that prompts me to most often rage quit.  And yet, these fics are often overwhelmingly popular.  Much more popular than what I write.

In fact, I get quite a bit of flack for doing the pre-character-arc 'needs improvement' stage when a character is someone's darling.  I also anticipate some flack from not making the strides towards perfection large enough over the course of the fic.  I feel the pressure to make the character into a hero who is definitely morally beyond reproach, with everyone else being an instrumentality of that. 

Then there's also the fact that side characters (especially in real life) don't often have an arc.  They sometimes enter at one point to provoke or to be a model of good/bad behavior.  I hate this, but I know I am sometimes guilty of not seeing the development of those around me (or even expecting it).

In Hollywood, the 'even character gets their moment of triumph' endings are actually a contrived clusterfuck that I now cringe to see.  Especially the 'supportings hook up at the end because reasons' romcom trope.  Sometimes the wizard doesn't hand out hearts and courage to all the girls and boys.

This has been an aimless musing.  Opinions?