Untitled @uhhhhhscience - Tumblr Blog

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Of the many marvels a lifetime offers, this experience was truly my favorite so far.

depth-overdistance-everytime

Drugs Under The Microscope

batou

we, the uglies, deserve love too

kibumkim

i got a rare condition

i got a glass dick and paper balls

every time i jump my dick just shatters and my nuts turn into origami paper cranes and fly away

crazymuff1n-deactivated20230428

and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly

uhhhhhscience

this has such a strong reverse Jared, nineteen vibe

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

I’m an extremely friendly extrovert who never goes outside or returns text

not-by-your-side-1

….thats an introvert

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

that explains some things

teaboot

The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS

teaboot

1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.

2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.

3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.

4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again

5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out

6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead

7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard

8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.

9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals

10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks

11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped

12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home

13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.

14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near

15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again

16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds

teaboot

Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking

teaboot

I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else

lord-kitschener

Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me

artaeum

the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it

instructionsfordancing

not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion

lord-kitschener

This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs

catsuggest

wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!

goldenmeme

My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.

Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it.

leeferal

My cats are indoor cats. Being indoor cats, they can’t go outside to hunt for food (mice, rats, birds, etc) to gift to my sister and I.

But they know that the kitchen has food. They know where the easily accessible cat food is. And obviously my sister and I are just Really Big Stupid Hairless cats.

So if my sister and I go without leaving our rooms for too long? My cats will sit outside our doors and scream for our attention, lead us to their food bowls, and then only stop the screaming and leading once they see us sit down at the table and eat something. Because they think we’re hungry.

akuyaku-reijou

Your cats are the sweetest beings on the Earth, it makes my heart warm knowing that they exist. They love you very much and they care so much, they want you healthy and happy and will make sure you don’t neglect yourself and oh god they are so perfect. Real pure love exists, I am happy to be alive today.

writerlyn

When I’m sick, usually with a migraine, my big cat likes to sit at my pillow and cry for someone to help me.

greelin

time sure does fly when you're

when you

greelin

you just

gnatsattack

Why study for exams when you can deduce the answers based on context clues from other questions and then use those answers to provide you with even more context clues for even more questions in an hour-long stress-fueled Professor Layton-esque logic puzzle extravaganza of future-hinging doom.

i-am-a-fish

gays, lend me your strength

equinox-autumn

I shall give you my soul, and you will be the most powerful gay to ever gay.

i-am-a-fish

thank you so much.

lesbians, lend me your strength

kandikarkat

I give you my heart, so you can have the power of all the lesbians and be even more gay than before

i-am-a-fish

I am forever in your debt.

aces, lend me your strength

andr0id-16

I give you my essence, so that why you possess the power of gay as well as having not just one, but many aces of power up your sleeve.

i-am-a-fish

I owe you my life.

transgender and nonbinary folks, lend me your strength

kingasgore-moved-deactivated201

i give you my tiddies because i dont fuckign want them

i-am-a-fish

I could never thank you enough.

bi and pan peeps, lend me your strength

asskylosaurus

Gun

i-am-a-fish

I am eternally grateful.

now, all remaining LGBT+ members, please collectively lend me your strength

doctor-basil-puntastic

You have our combined strengths and powers. Ascend as a God for there can no longer be forces against us. We are billions as one.

i-am-a-fish

I truly thank you all, from the bottom of my heart thank you.

now,

i-am-a-fish

(yall really liked this post so 🧡)

valtsv

just undiagnosed myself with stupid. i know everything now.

just-shower-thoughts

Candles are how we keep fire as a pet

lollytea

i like how writing realistic worlds and characters is so important for so many writers to the point where they agonize over it. meanwhile lemony snicket was just like “death to reality. im gonna write this whole ass series and with god as my witness, absolutely fucking NOBODY is gonna act like a person.”