the weirdest bug @ultimatelifethreat - Tumblr Blog

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anne-jordan

I'm a Batlantern shipper to my core, but I hate when in fanfictions with this pairing I see the "Hal Jordan would be terrified of the Batkids, they would scare him so bad ahaha" trope.

Scared? Hal Jordan? Hal "middle child of three boys raised by a single mother" Jordan? The man that has such a difficult relationship with his family that he has been blamed for the death of his mother by his older brother? That has been having screaming matches with his siblings so loud they could destroy walls? And that's all without mentioning the Green Lantern gig and all that came with it. Yeah no, Hal will not be intimidated by emo kids with daddy issues.

He will not "try to impress them" and convince them that he's good for their father. He's stepping into the manor, looking them in the eye one by one and going: "supper time spanky".

He's the dad that stepped up, but also, he will be unhinged. A kid goes to him saying "he called me an asshole!" and he responds with "So? tell him that at least your asshole isn't in constant danger of carrying an STD because of irresponsible use".

He will buy everyone food if they are hungry, but he'll also fight ferociously for the last pizza slice in the box. He's not above biting either.

Two of the kids are fighting? he offers himself as referee so they don't end up killing eachother and lets them fight it out, Jessica Jordan style.

He doesn't mind being stalked, he has nothing to hide. But also, he likes to use the ring to become invisible and then slowly float behind whoever is following him and whisper "booo" in their ears. He has made more than one batkid jump from a ledge with that one.

He's also not above using his green lantern powers on them, the kids will be put in air jail if the situation calls for it.

Also, he has a thick as fuck skin when it comes to cruelty. He has heard so many degrading things coming his way, for his life decisions, for his queerness, for the mistakes he has made and the lives he has let slip between his fingers, he can take anything. Let the kids throw their very worst at him and see how he tanks it, stares at them till they are hollowed out of their anger and then go "did it help? screaming it out? does it make you feel better, hurting someone else just like you hurt? Did inflicting pain on someone else suddenly made yours go away?". Argument ended instantly.

The Batkids would learn to both love him and fear him in equal measure.